Before we continue, I'd like to tell you a few things about Slipspace.

Slipspace is a rather confusing place. Rumors abound that a hybrid civilization consisting of a mix of ancient arthropod mushrooms exists there, but records of such a civilization have been lost, and the only ship thought to have come into contact with it came back with a large cargo-hold of cinnamon buns and pony femurs, even though the pilots left with a cargo consisting of Slipspace drives and spare parts.

Many years before I was born, a famous Builder scientist by the name of Builds Tons of Stuff (his family was rather extensive and his parents were tired of naming kids by the time he was born) famously slammed his book onto his desk after discovering something new about Slipspace, reportedly uttering the words, "Screw this, I'm done."

This movement, later christened the "Scientific Apathetic Movement" was fueled by new and profoundly weird discoveries, all of which gave a metaphorical middle finger to everything we knew about science. By the time a decade had passed almost 99% of scientists had follows Builds' example and quit their jobs. The 1% who continued researching have reportedly been driven mad and spend their days counting the leaves on cabbages. Some say that the scientists are trying to tell us the answer to the ultimate meaning of life, but most people just think it's just insane people picking at cabbages.

The bottom line is that Slipspace is really freaking weird.

Such it was that upon arrival at Janjur Qom we were upside down, dressed in hula skirts and our mouths were filled to capacity with purple jellybeans.

The Didact spat out the jellybeans. "I hate purple," he remarked calmly before righting himself and striding to the controls of the ship. I wasn't sure whether to spit the jellybeans out or eat them, so I just kind of sat there like a moron.

"What, does this kind of stuff happen often?" Chakas asked.

"More or less," the Didact said. "During the Charum Hakkor campaign one jump in particular turned my entire bridge crew into anthropomorphic cheetahs who spoke only Chinese. We had to release them into the wild."

I spat out the jellybeans. "Did we at least make it to Janjur Qom?" I asked.

"See for yourself," the Didact invited me. I gazed out over the planet. It was plastered with large-scale advertisements for various brands of toothpaste, popcorn chicken, chicken-flavored popcorn and roasted Kig-Yar.

"I will see if my old comrade, the Confirmer, is still in charge of the quarantine. Perhaps he will let us see the San'Shyuum," the Didact said.

"Why are we here again?" Chakas asked. He was ignored.

The Didact turned towards me. "Come with me," he commanded. "We must attend to something before we dock with the Deep Reverence."

"The what?" Chakas asked. He was again ignored.

The Didact led me to a side room. He regarded me curiously for a second, and I did my best to stand as tall as I could in his presence. Finally he spoke.

"Before we proceed to the Deep Reverence, there is something we must do before you can understand completely. The Librarian has plans for you, and I must…"

"Ah," I said, understanding. "I see."

"Right," the Didact said. "It won't be pleasant, but it has to happen."

"No, I understand," I said. I hesitated. "Will it be quick?"

"That depends," the Didact said. "I mean, I've been imprisoned for a thousand years…"

"Ok," I said. "So it'll take a while for it to get going?"

"That's one way to put it, I suppose," the Didact said, cocking his head. "Are you ready?"

"I guess," I sighed, and assumed the proper position on the table. "Just… try not to go in too roughly."

There was a long silence behind me. I turned my head to look at the Didact, who was looking cautiously horrified. "What?" I asked.

The Didact didn't respond for a moment, but eventually he turned his head back up to face me. He swallowed drily.

"Um," was all he could get out.

"What?" I asked nervously. "Is it too small for you?"

The Didact sputtered for a bit. "I, uh," he said. "I wasn't talking about… that. I was talking about doing a brevet mutation. So you can access the Domain. Which will be important later on."

"Oh," I said. "Oh. Ohhhhh."

Needless to say, an awkward silence stretched for a long, long, time.

"Let's just begin the mutation, then," the Didact said. I nodded quickly.

Before we continue, I feel it necessary to explain just what a brevet mutation is, at least as compared to a regular mutation.

Essentially, when a Forerunner gets old enough, rather than explaining to them about the birds and the bees like humans do, Forerunner parents take their child and force their DNA to evolve artificially until they look totally different and are part of a rate. Normal mutations are typically done under the guidance of your family with lots of pie and cake afterwards, but brevet mutations are unprofessional affairs that are usually done by hipsters trying to avoid the "mainstream" regular mutations and freaks looking for a "good time".

Brevet mutations are significantly more dangerous than regular mutations. They require much effort and concentration, and even then can come out very, very wrong. The few people I knew whom had undergone brevet mutations vanished, placed at menial desk jobs to work for the rest of their life. The last I had heard of one of them was a cryptic message sent to me concerning watermelons and how best to obtain sexual pleasure from them.

So it's needless to say that I was rather frightened by this prospect. "The ship is equipped with all you will need," The Didact said. "However, the imprints of your family will not guide you. You will be alone."

I sighed. "When have I not been alone?"

"I have found that there is no virtue in self-pity."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

The Didact sighed. "Ready yourself. This will not be pleasant, but when you are finished you will be able to access the Domain."

"Really, pa? For real and for true?"

"Stop being sarcastic," he snapped at me. "It's starting to annoy me."

"Oh, you're annoyed? Well, let me tell you, buddy-"

The door shut and I was alone.

I can't tell you exactly when the first round of pain began, or how long it lasted. All I remember from that time is a hazy blur of pain and hallucinations of Mickey Mouse giving a lap dance to Donald Duck. My dreams blended into reality and my reality became nightmares. Soon I felt myself even thinking that I might enjoy reading Twilight.

Finally, the world snapped back into focus. The pain lingered, but I felt that I could now function properly once again. The Didact appeared and offered me what seemed to be food.

"What is that?" I asked. The "food" was a collection of grey globules that I couldn't identify, and I had trouble telling if it was a solid or a liquid.

"Food suitable for you after your mutations," he said. "Eat, for we have much to do."

The globules tasted like shit, of course, but I thought I could feel some of my strength returning. Warrior-Servants weren't tied to creature comforts, but goddamn if they weren't efficient.

The Didact returned later to check on my progress. "Be glad," he said. "You aren't turning into a Warrior-Servant."

"What AM I turning into?"

"I have no clue, to be honest. You're starting to look kind of like the Orcs from Lord of the Rings."

"Oh, awesome."

"But, you know, at least you're not… actually, you know what, you're pretty ugly."

I couldn't come up with a reply, and the Didact soon left me to my pain.

By the time he returned, I was growing uglier. My skin was darker and grayer than it had been when I was a Manipular, and my limbs were thicker.

"Make ready. We'll be boarding the Deep Reverence soon." The Didact left, and I hoisted myself, groaning, off of the table.

This, I thought, really sucks.

Gah, I feel like I've ended this too abruptly as well, but I feel like I should post something new before you guys forget this story ever existed.

It HAS been a while, hmm? Silentium came out (ORBINFDJCDJEBJNKNJNJ It's awesome), the school year is almost at an end, and I've reached a new record for my fanfiction procrastinations. I had some cake today to celebrate, but I ended up vomiting in a toilet once I realized that the cake was actually mud one of my angry readers sent me via mail. Thanks guys. You really know how to motivate me.

Cheers, and this time I KNOW it won't take as long as last time to post the new chapter. I hope. Maybe.

Bye.