I tried my best to enjoy myself that night.
Laughed at Al and Will, danced with Christina and Tris.
We had been there for 2 hours now.
I had a brief run in with Eric while we were there. I had stopped at the drink table to get myself a water and he was standing there with some girl I'd never met, his arm wrapped around her waist. I hid how devastated that sight actually made me feel. Of course he had a girlfriend. Why had I assumed otherwise? He seemed to tense as he saw me approach.
I wasn't sure what to say, I'd never seen him at one of these social gatherings before. He'd always been my 'leader.'
"Hi sir." I smiled stiffly not wanting to come across rude.
"Initiate." He nodded in return. We dropped into an uncomfortable silence for a bit before he cleared his throat, "Thirsty?"
"Yeah." I nodded awkwardly picking up one of the cups.
"Hi." The girl next to him introduced herself. "I'm Tanya. Erics girlfriend." She batted her lashes, her voice was sweet but her eyes were cold. I didn't understand what her problem was.
Erics face showed annoyance but he didn't say anything.
"Parks! Get over here already!" Tris called from the dance floor. Thank god. Perfect timing.
"Kay well.. I better get going." I held my cup up and walked away. "It was nice meeting you Tanya."
"Are you alright?" Peter asked walking over to me some time later.
"I'm fine." I smiled at him best I could.
"You're lying." He frowned. I looked up at him for a moment. Fuck. This whole time I spent my efforts convincing Tris I was fine, making sure whenever she looked over I had a smile on my face, making sure that she never suspected a thing; I never realised anyone else was watching.
"It's fine Peter." I tried to smile more believingly but he remained unconvinced. I looked down. Well what was the point in lying? He already knew I wasn't fine. When I looked up at him I finally whispered, "I'm just...I'm so tired Peter."
He didn't say anything, just gave a small nod, he offered his hand for me to take.
"Let's go."
"No I can't leave. No one can know."
He looked annoyed by the response then said, "Well it's obvious you can barely stand, barely keep your eyes open. So what do you want me to do?"
I just shrugged my shoulders.
"Come with me." He shook his hand again waiting impatiently for me to take it.
"But-"
"Trust me Chace."
He pulled me up from my seat and took me to the dance floor. A slow song was playing so he wrapped my arms around his neck and we swayed together. He rested my head in the crook of his neck.
"Let me take your weight." Peter whispered into my ear. I did what he said. His hands were wrapped tightly around my waist and he was basically holding me up. I closed my eyes. This was nice.
We continued moving like that for a while before he finally broke away, grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the corridor.
"Peter I said I can't go!" I yelled annoyed. "Everyone will know it's because I-"
"No people will think we left to have some fun of our own." He spoke over his shoulders. "C'mon Chace, I asked you to trust me."
Oh.
"You mean people will really think we're going to…you know?"
"What else could it possibly means when a man whisks out a woman he's had his body pressed against for the last half an hour?" My face reddened at the question and he looked taken aback by my expression.
"Gee Chase. I didn't realise you were such a stiff." He laughed, "You always come across so.. street."
"Is street your way of saying slut?" I narrowed my eyes.
"No it's my way of saying well lived." He chuckled. Good save.
"You know people are gonna start thinking we're together again right?"
"Let them." He shrugged.
A few weeks back the other initiates had started making passing comments about Peter and me. We'd assumed they were just poking fun, until Tris had bought it up.
It was in the afternoon when I was laying on the grass outside, my eyes were closed and Peter was hand feeding me chips because I was too lazy to do it myself.
"Umm.. Are you two.. ya know?" She questioned. I cracked an eye open to look at her. Was she serious?
Chrstina, Will and Al had looked over for confirmation too.
"Are we what?" I asked slowly.
"Together." She replied after some hesitation.
I sat up. Peter and I both looked at each other for a second before breaking down in laughter.
"Me and him?" I choked out. "I would rather shave off all my hair and learn to tap dance then be his girlfriend."
"No no." Peter interrupted "I would rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire then be her boyfriend."
'No I have a better one." I laughed out. "I would rather –"
"Okay I get it!" Tris snapped.
Peter and I were quiet before breaking into laughter again.
Peter had become an amazing friend of mine. But that was all we were.
When we got back to our quarters, I sat on my bed and did nothing but think. Peter was lying there too.
It was a good plan. Lord knows it was the dauntless way to sleep around, no one would actually be surprised.
I thought the night of the party turned out to be an overall success.
Too bad I didn't realise Eric had watched the incident between Peter and I from afar and his eyes remained narrow the whole time.
The next day I was paired up with Tris in the ring.
The fight didn't go well. Not for me anyway. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her. I'd been paired with both WiIl and Al at some point in our training and came out of it victorious but frustratingly enough, my instincts to protect Tris kept over-riding my instincts to hurt her.
Everyone gathered to watch the fight. Some cheering for me, some for Tris.
Will and Christina cheered encouragingly for the both of us.
"Go hard guys! " Christina called.
The fight didn't last long. Eric ended up cutting it short.
"Enough!" He barked. Tris and I stopped to look at him.
"This is pathetic. You're in a fight and you're holding back punches? Nothing will be gained from that. You're not helping her and you're not helping yourself." He glared at me.
"I wa-"
"Get out of the ring."
When Tris approached me after training I thought she would be mad, instead she smiled.
"I'm sorry about holding back." I apologised before she could say anything.
"Parks. I don't mind."
"How can you not mind? I went easy on you and everyone saw it. I made you look weak, like you couldn't handle it. Aren't you angry?"
"Of course not!" Tris cried in disbelief. "I know how hard it was for you in that ring. I know you tried your best, but you've always protected me. How could I expect you to go hard on me? It's not in your nature."
More days passed.
More lack of sleep.
I was starting to lose patience with everyone, starting to snap at my friends.
These simulations were driving me crazy
Jayda and I got into a fight that day. I was so sick of her. Sick of the fact she had no problem with the sims, sick of the fact that she could still joke with her friends when I felt miserable. But most of all I was sick of watching her flirt with Eric.
"What's your problem?" She glared at me after we were sparring and I deliberately swung too high getting her in the face.
"My problem?" I scoffed. "Please I don't have a problem.
"Uh I think you do." She glowered. "Ever since Sims started you've been a bitch to me."
"Oh get over yourself." I snapped. "I couldn't care less about you let alone go out of my way to be a bitch."
"Seriously?" She laughed incrediously. "You've never spoken a bad word about anyone before but with me, those words just come spewing out. What did I do?" She shouted.
"Are we going to train or just talk about my supposed slight against you?"
"You're a bitch." She spat finally coming at me. This wasn't a spar session. This was an all out cat fight. There were fists and cries and kicks and elbows. I had her pinned and fuck if I was letting her go. I slammed my fist into her repeatedly. I couldn't even aim properly, I was just hitting wherever I could. Arms reached out and pulled me off her.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Eric demanded. He sounded pissed.
Four had a hold of Jayda who was still trying to wriggle free.
"She started it! She's a complete psycho!" Jayda cried her tears mixing with the blood dripping down her face.
"Shut the fuck up!" I shouted trying to grab at her again. "I did not start it!" Erics grip didn't let up.
"Cool it!" He growled.
"But she's lyi-"
"I don't give a fuck who started it!" He shut me down. "I'm fucking ending it. Jade, wait over there. You can explain first." When I went to open my mouth he interrupted, "Chace. Get out. You can explain your side when you've calmed down. Right now you need to walk it off." He snarled.
"Me?" I asked incrediously. "Why me? She-"
"Walk. It. Off."
Fucking typical. I got into a fight with her over Eric and here he was taking her side. Why do I even fucking bother? He doesn't give a shit about me.
"You know what? Believe her." I swallowed. "I don't give a fuck anymore."
Chace was lying there. I ran to grab her but when I turned her over, it was to find a rotting corpses. The eyes were Chace's but nothing else was recognisable, her body filled with knifes like she was a giant pin cushion. I screamed stepping back only to trip over another body behind me.
Oh. My. God. Tris?
"Help me!" She cried out. She was bleeding through her clothes, I tried to rip them off her, tried to find a wound but there was no wound. I couldn't staunch the blood flow of an injury that wasn't there. "Parks you promised." She cried out. "You promised you'd protect me."
"I'm so sorry!" Tears were falling freely from my eyes. "I don't know what to do!"
"This is your fault." Chace's voice came from behind me. "You did this. You're responsible for her death just as you were responsible for mine."
"No!" I turned to face Chace now. "Chacey please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"
"You hurt everyone." Her voice began changing, her face morphing with it.
"You'll be the death of them all."
I tried to close my eyes from what was happening but when I opened them I was surrounded by dead bodies. Christina. Will. Al. Peter. Four. Oh my god Eric.
"You're to blame." A voice came from beside me. I turned toward the sound and saw myself.
"No." I shook my head. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"But it did."
I shook my head. Wake up! I screamed at myself. I couldn't handle this.
"And there is nothing you can do to stop it."
Get me out of here! There was too much pain. Too much hurt. I didn't want to listen to her words but they were too loud and clear even with my hands covering my ears.
Please help me. I can't stay here.
"You are all alone."
I couldn't escape. I couldn't fight my way free.
I was surrounded by black. Complete and utter darkness.
No sound, no smell. Nothing…
It wasn't even darkness I was seeing though, was it? It was emptiness. I saw nothing, I felt nothing. I wasn't even standing, I was just floating in this void of nothingness.
From the outside I didn't realise what was actually going on.
I wasn't aware Sonya had hit the emergency button on the computer.
Didn't hear the doors slam open and Eric, Four and Carlos charge in. Didn't feel the chair recline or hear the increasing beat of the heart rate monitor and I definitely didn't hear it when the line crashed as my heart stopped.
