In this chapter I'm going to start the explanation as to why Alexis left California. Its been forever since I've written so this one might be a little rough. Thanks for all that are still reading!
Flashback
That summer opened my eyes to the life of the club. I don't know what had terrified me more, the truth, or the fact that they hid it so well from the people that surrounded them.
Jax and Opie started prospecting for SAMCRO. They had been destined to wear the patch, whether they had wanted it or not.
First run of the summer was a children's blood drive. The idea seemed sweet to me, manly bikers riding up and down the coast, getting people involved.
Donna and I showed up at the club to see them off, they were only going to be gone for the weekend, but the weekend seemed like an eternity.
When we got there Jax and Opie were loading the van. 'Bitch work' as Jax had referred to it. This was part of the process though, he understood that. When they saw us walking up, they quickly closed the doors to the van. Neither Donna or I thinking anything of it.
"I'm going to miss you like crazy." I said with a pouty face, the one I knew he couldn't resist.
"I know babe, but it's only going to be a couple days. I'll be back before you know it." He said placing a kiss on my forehead. "I bet you'll have a really good welcome home gift to give me." He said winking.
"You'd be so lucky." I said jokingly.
The club members started up their bikes, it was time for them to head out. Jax and Opie said their goodbyes to Donna and I. They climbed in, driving away, waving as they left the lot.
Donna and I spent the next couple days helping at the garage. Anything Gemma needed we did. Most of the day was spent serving the hang-arounds drinks and meals. We hadn't minded though, we just wanted to stay busy. By Sunday morning, Donna and I had been worried. We weren't used to the lack of contact from the guys. Their phones had been off the entire time, but that hadn't stopped either one of us from checking our phones every five minutes.
As we were serving lunch to the guys in the garage, groups of people had started showing up. They were setting up for the welcome home party for the guys. Out of all the things SAMCRO was known for, throwing parties was number one.
The next couple hours had flown by, getting ready for the night to come. We barely noticed the cheering we had heard coming from the parking lot. Donna and I looked at each other, quickly dropping everything we were doing.
First the members that were riding bikes pulled in, followed by the van that Opie and Jax had been driving. They parked and emerged from the van. They looked exhausted, emotionless almost. They didn't even glance our direction before heading into the clubhouse.
Before we could follow them, Gemma stopped us.
"You comfort them, love them, but never ask questions." she said, looking between Donna and I.
As Gemma walked away, Donna and I exchanged looks. She knew something that we didn't, the reason for the way the guys had been acting.
Without saying anything, Donna walked to Opie's room. She didn't seem as concerned with what Gemma had said. As I stood by myself at the door to the clubhouse, I realized, this was his life. If I wanted Jax, I had to accept the life, whatever that life was, and that meant not asking questions.
I walked into the clubhouse, grabbed a beer from the bar, and headed to Jax's room. I entered, his clothes that he was wearing were thrown on the floor. The water was going in the shower, he was washing away whatever had happened the last few days. I began picking up his clothes, placing them in a pile. Something fell from the handful I had grabbed, making a loud thud when it hit the floor, whatever it was, was heavy. Looking down, seeing what had fallen. It was a handgun. What could he possibly need a gun for on a blood drive. Was this what Gemma had been talking about? I would do as she said, I would not ask questions. Putting the pile of clothes back on the floor, covering the gun.
I stripped down, climbing in the shower behind Jax. I would comfort him, in any way possible, in the best way that I knew how.
After that day I tried to push the thoughts and questions that came up about the club, out of my mind. Every time Jax went on a run, he armed himself with more weapons. Guns, knives, and even went as far as bulletproof vests. When he would come back, he seemed worn, troubled almost. No matter what, I reminded myself of Gemma's warning. Always smiling when he came and went.
Something about this run was different. The air surrounding the club was thick and unsettling. The run was only supposed to go through the night. I had never seen SAMCRO this way. As they were about leave, Jax held my hand tightly.
"Lex, you know I care about you, right? He said kissing my hand.
"Of course I do! I'll see you tomorrow. Its just one night." Trying to reassure whatever he had been feeling.
"I know, I just don't want to go without you knowing how much you mean to me." Looking down at his feet.
"Hey," I said, reaching to his face, tilting his chin up so he was looking at me. "you'll come home to me, I know it." It sounded as though I was trying to convincing myself just as much as I was trying to convince him.
"God I love you, you amaze me." he said. As soon as the words left his mouth,I smiled. "What are you smiling about?"
"That's just the first time you said that to me. I love you too." I said.
"Time to head out Jax, say your goodbyes" Clay yelled to him.
He grabbed my face the way he always did, pulling me in, kissing me deeply. It was different this time, like this was going to be the last time. I didn't like this feeling. I couldn't imagine him not coming back to me.
"I love you." He said walking away, not wanting to let go of my hand.
He came back and gave me one last kiss, then turned around, getting into the van.
I waved to him, his only return was a slight smile. I instantly felt like something was wrong.
Gemma walked towards me, obviously noticing the look on my face. I was worried, and this time I couldn't hide it from anyone.
She pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back, she started walking me back to the clubhouse. We sat at a table, calling over a crow eater for a couple beers. She took one for herself and slide the other one towards me.
"How do you do it Gemma?" I said, breaking the silence first. How could she possibly be so calm and collected.
"What do you mean honey?" She said, taking a swig of her beer.
"This time was different, he was acting as though he won't be coming back," I said, putting my head in my hands. "I know I shouldn't be asking questions, and I normally wouldn't."
"You've been strong, you've lasted longer than I ever thought you would," she said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it before she continued "but this life, it isn't for you."
I looked up immediately, thinking I hadn't heard her correctly. She took a drag and another swig of her beer. "You heard me right. Finish your beer and I'll have one of the prospects get you home." She stood from the table, leaning forward to kiss me on the forehead. "It was nice meeting you sweetheart." She walked away, leaving me to my thoughts and a hole in my chest.
Looks like I would be the one who wouldn't be returning tomorrow.
