Thank you all for reviewing! And, a slight warning- it's beginning to look as if I'm going to have to self-study an AP course AGAIN this year- AP Calc BC. So I will have less time for writing, but I'm still working on this, and it's going to stay as my first priority until it's complete. Enjoy!
Holly walked slowly across Fowl Estate, her hands in her pockets, her gaze scanning the field for any sign of humans. It was the fifth day since Artemis's death, and travel to the surface had finally been restored, if only for LEP officers to perform the Ritual or to attempt retrievals at fairies captured by humans. Artemis's lawyer had only made it up here earlier through a bribe and a favor.
She was here under the premise that she was performing the Ritual when, in reality, she was here to speak with Butler. She wanted to see how the man was doing, though she suspected it wasn't well. She felt awful and she knew that Artemis wasn't really dead… she couldn't image how Butler was handling the situation.
Holly caught sight of a human exiting Fowl Manor. From this distance, all she could tell was that it was a human female, so she began to shield and continued her trek to the mansion. Under normal circumstances, she should shield and either hide or take a different path that didn't take her so close to a human- but she just didn't care today. If a human saw her, so what? She had more important things on her mind.
As she got closer to the manor, however, she recognized the woman slowly making her way across the field. It was Artemis's mother.
Holly was on the verge of allowing herself to become visible, then stopped. She could already hear the hatred and accusation in Angeline Fowl's voice. Your fault, Holly, your fault! It was your eye that killed him! Your negligence! Your incompetence! You let him go in there alone and kill himself! How could you?
So she remained invisible. Holly simply walked towards the manor, masquerading as nothing but a blurry patch of air, the guilt turning her stomach into a hard knot that hurt so much she could barely breathe. It was almost funny; one would think, after almost a week of this unbearable guilt, that things would get easier. But they weren't. Everything was only getting worse.
Angeline suddenly stopped walking, her brown eyes narrowing as she stared right at Holly. Holly fidgeted, biting her lip and hoping his mother would simply think it was nothing and continue walking. What I would give for one of Foaly's special suits right now.
A moment passed in silence, Angeline still staring at her in suspicion, then the human smiled bitterly and shook her head. "I know you're there, fairy. Stop shielding."
Holly waited a moment longer, then sighed and gave up. She stopped vibrating and appeared in the visible spectrum, her eyes clouded with shame. "Sorry, Mrs. Fowl. It's just me."
"Holly." Angeline's voice was hoarse and cracked, the sound that bespoke of a grief-stricken mother, one who had just lost everything. Holly lowered her eyes, waiting for the accusation that she had let her son die.
Instead, there was nothing but kindness.
"I've been expecting you. I know you and… and him are close. I…" Angeline became choked with emotion and tried to continue, but her face crumpled with a sob and she shook her head, unable to speak.
Holly averted her gaze, allowing her a moment to regain her composure. "I'm sorry. About everything. Artemis, he… he didn't deserve this."
His mother nodded in agreement, clasping her hands behind her back, her gaze still downcast. Holly saw a tear trickle down her cheek and the truth nearly burst from her right then and there. She wanted to look up at the distraught human and tell her that Artemis was alive. She wanted to tell her that, in just six months, Artemis would be back and better than ever; that Artemis would never give up this easily.
Instead, an image of his dead, staring eyes flashed in her mind, choking the words down her throat. Science be dammed, Holly couldn't say that she honestly believed without a doubt that his plan would work. Foaly had told her himself that nothing was certain; in all likelihood, Artemis would be gone long before they got the clone to the surface. She couldn't open her mouth and give his mother hope when she, herself, still half-believed that he was dead and wasn't coming back.
"Holly… I think that you should know that we're having his… his… his f-funeral in two days. I… if you want to come, you're more than… more than welcome to." Tears rolled down Angeline's cheeks and Holly stared up at her in sadness, her own mismatched eyes glistening. "I think he would want you to be there. He spoke so highly of you, Holly. He really cared about you."
Holly nearly broke. Her eyes filled with water and several tears spilled over as she shook, her heart nearly shattering. "Of course I'll be there. Just tell me when and where."
Angeline raised a shaking hand and pointed to a low hill that Holly recognized. It was often the background of the video calls between her and Artemis, ones that they had used to have at least once every week when they spoke about anything and everything. She missed them.
"There," Angeline said. "Butler said he spent a lot of his time there… it's in two days at noon. It'll just be the family and Butler and Juliet, so you won't have to shield. I'll make up something to tell his father."
"I'll be there," Holly promised. "Again, I'm very sorry. I should have been there to stop this from happening."
Angeline shook her head. "No. Don't say that. Artemis always gets his way, no matter what. This isn't anybody's fault but that insane pixie's."
Holly shrugged weakly, unable to speak. It was strange- she was nearly twice as old as Angeline Fowl, and yet, standing here, she suddenly felt like a ten year old again, apologizing to her mother for calling her out of her meeting and not being able to heal her broken wrist herself. Her mother had healed her wrist and told her that it wasn't her fault and that it was okay.
Except now, there was more than a broken wrist that she couldn't heal, the tragedy far more horrifying than a stinging pain that could be taken care of by a few sparks. Even if Artemis, by some miracle, did come back to life, it would never erase all the suffering his family was going through. Even if she spoke up now and told Angeline that there was still a chance of her son returning, the truth of the matter was that Artemis was dead. She had killed him through her own negligence and her fairy eye. No words would erase that.
"Mrs. Fowl, I actually came here to speak with Butler. My world is just as destroyed as yours, and he has friends underground that I'm sure he'll be glad to know survived."
"Of course," Angeline murmured, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand. "He's at his dojo. He's been there for two days and won't speak with anyone, not even his own sister... he's refusing to believe that Artemis is de... gone. Go ahead and speak with him if you want."
Holly nodded, beginning to shield once more. Angeline blinked once and the fairy was gone, replaced by a slight blur and nothing more. Shaking her head, the human smiled sadly and started on her way again, then jumped when a voice issued out of the nothingness. "Mrs. Fowl, your son was the most amazing man I have ever known." Several short, hitching breaths. "I'm sorry." And then the blur disappeared.
Holly walked around the corner, managing to stifle her sobs until she was well out of earshot. Then she sagged against the house, violent, powerful cries erupting from her. She became visible once more, lacking even the small amount of control and strength it took to shield.
It was all too much. How on earth was she supposed to handle this for six whole months when she couldn't even handle it for a week? "Gods forbid Artemis doesn't pull this off," she whispered between cries. "I won't be anything then."
The last four years of her life- gods, it seemed like such a small period of time- had changed her so much. An outside observer would say Artemis was the one who had changed, but everyone involved had as well. Holly had never before trusted someone as implicitly as she had Artemis, and certainly not a human. She'd formed friendships with people, of course, but never been as close to someone as she was now. As she was with him. It didn't seem like they should make a good pair; a human child with a heart as cold and unyielding as ice and the fairy captain he'd kidnapped. But somewhere along the road they had become friends, and now Holly found that she couldn't live without him.
Everything was so inherently different now. What was she going to do if Artemis's plan didn't work? Just go back underground and work to rebuild the Haven like she had never met him? She couldn't. He was always a part of me, she thought, touching her human eye. They had traveled through time together, Holly bringing him back from the brink of death time and time again and Artemis helping her to save her people and his. In the weeks after returning from Hybras, they had been the only one the other could talk to of how the world had turned by three years without them. How, to everyone else, Holly and Artemis had been friends for seven years instead of four.
"I told him I'd return the favor one day," Holly mumbled, thinking back to their short 'time' spent in Limbo. She'd died and he had brought her back to life. Well, now she was returning the favor- she just had to hold on to the hope that this clone would work. She couldn't handle the idea of Artemis being lost forever. So many years, lost, years that he could've lived and cherished…
Shaking it off, Holly forced herself to her feet and silenced her emotions. Artemis wasn't dead yet, and she wasn't going to think like that until he was.
She began to shield once more, vanishing and walking on down the path. Thankfully, she ran into no other humans, so she was able to calm herself down. It didn't help that she knew she would have to appear as a grieving friend to Butler, a grieving friend who believed there was no chance of Artemis ever coming back.
Holly walked along the path, invisible, taking her time getting to Butler's dojo. She looked around the ruins of Fowl Manor and shook her head. The place looked like a war zone. Even though five days had passed, the entire estate was still a wreck- not that that surprised her. Without technology, they had no means of cleaning the estate, and with a dead son, she doubted his parents even had the motivation to.
Being here was painful… almost too painful. It was full of too many memories of Artemis, and the fact that it was possible that that was all she could ever have of him now- memories- made it hurt even worse. "Gods, please, Artemis. Don't you dare let go."
When Holly finally stepped inside Butler's dojo, she was still invisible. Nevertheless, Butler twitched as soon as she entered, opening his eyes and raising his head to stare right at her. Over the years, he had seen fairies shield many times and recognized the signs immediately.
"Holly? Is that you?"
Holly slipped into the visible realm as a way of answering, walking closer to him. "Gods, Butler," she whispered. "You look awful."
It was true. He was slumped over, head resting on his hands, dark circles under his eyes and a purple bruise on his head, permanently rid of hair, courtesy of Opal. It looked like all the energy had been sucked out of him, leaving nothing behind but the broken, empty shell of a man. She could see the guilt in his eyes, the same guilt that weighed just as heavily- if not more- on her.
Butler gave her a slight nod. "I know. So do you, Holly."
Holly walked forward and sat down next to him, drawing her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on them. "Mrs. Fowl said I could find you back here. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to talk with you until now- there was no network and travel to the surface was suspended until today. But, I just thought that you should know that our friends underground are all alive."
He let out a deep sigh, still without looking at her, and smiled without real happiness. "Good. I'm glad."
There was an awkward silence, Holly not knowing what to say and Butler not seeming interested in saying anything more. Finally, Holly stood on her tiptoes, trying to get a good look at the bruise on his head, but he was still taller than her, even sitting down. "That bruise looks awful," she said finally. "I can give you a little magic. Fix you right up."
"Don't. It looks worse than it is. Keep your magic. I'm sure there are others who need it more than me."
"Butler…" Holly trailed off, shaking her head uncertainly. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to-"
"What's his plan, Holly?" Butler turned to look at her for the first time since she'd arrived, his gaze urgent and piercing into hers. He flinched when he met her eyes, just like all of Artemis's friends did when they looked at her now and saw him looking back. "What's Artemis's plan? I know he has a backup plan."
Holly shook her head, beginning to pace around the dojo. Butler was more intuitive than a lot of people gave him credit for and wasn't likely to believe anything that she said, but she couldn't tell him Artemis's back up plan. These next six months were going to be unbearable for her; she wouldn't make them unbearable for him, too. It would be better for Butler to believe that there was no back up plan, not until this clone was ready.
"Butler, look at me. There is no back up plan. There is no anything. You saw him. He's gone."
Butler glared at her. In his eyes, she saw nothing but stubborn denial. "How can you give up on him so easily?" he accused. "He's never given up on you! You know that Artemis wouldn't just walk in there without a way out! He always has a back up plan! And, yes, I speak in the present tense because he. Is. Alive."
Holly shook her head back and forth, fighting the urge to tell the truth, struggling not to tell him that she would never give up on Artemis; what kind of a fool did he take her for? But she couldn't say anything; she had to remain silent, keeping her expression blank. It would take more than she had for her to put up the show of someone whose friend was gone, gone for good, so she simply stood there like a statue, letting Butler get out his emotions.
"Artemis is alive, Holly, and I know he has a some sort of plan. I don't know why you're refusing to admit it and I don't care what you say, Artemis is alive, and I'm not going to give up on him."
Holly was straining to shout, 'Neither am I!,' but couldn't. She couldn't tell him the truth. At a loss for what to say, finally, she settled for what Foaly had told her in Police Plaza, before they knew Artemis's plan. "Butler, our friend is gone. Maybe we need to let him go."
Butler's response was exactly like hers had been. He pushed her away, his glare growing even darker, his massive hands forming fists. "Let him go, Holly? He didn't let go of me when I was shot by Jon Spiro's men. I'm only alive because of him. I will never let him go, and you shouldn't either."
Holly lowered her head, biting down so hard on her lip that a drop of blood appeared, only to to be sucked back in by a spark of magic. The two remained silent for several minutes, Holly trying to think of what to say before realizing that nothing she said would help him. No words could ease this pain. She finally walked up to him, raising a hand to heal the bruise on his head.
"Butler, will you let me heal you?" The bodyguard made no response, so she rested her hand tenderly on his head and whispered, "Heal." A few sparks rushed from her to him, the discoloration slowly fading away into skin. She wished she could heal his emotional pain that easily, too, but would have to settle for this. Forcing herself to smile and lie through her teeth once again, Holly turned and walked towards the door before looking over her shoulder at him.
"Butler, I have to get back underground. Things are still very busy and I… well, you don't care about that. I'm coming back in two days for his funeral."
"You know, his parents couldn't stop crying when they saw the body," he said abruptly.
Holly stopped herself from shielding, walking back from the doorway to stand in front of him. Butler wasn't looking at her, his eyes focused at some distant point over her shoulder.
"They couldn't believe what was happening. They couldn't believe he was gone. When I... when I took him back to the house... Beckett kept asking why he wouldn't wake up. Myles understood what was happening, though... I don't think he's said a word since. His mother hasn't stopped crying and his father, he just sits in Artemis's study." When Butler looked back at Holly, his eyes were red. "That's how I know he isn't dead, Holly. Artemis would never leave them... leave us behind like this. Before he met you, he would have come back for himself, because he was afraid of death ever since his father disappeared and wouldn't let it happen to him. But now..." Butler shook his head unhappily, his eyes glazing over as moisture appeared in their dark depths. "You brought back his family, Holly. You were his first friend. You have no idea what you did for him. After everything we've been through together... he'd never leave us behind like this. I know he wouldn't."
Butler's speech had left her too choked up to say a single word. He was right. Artemis would never leave them behind like this. You see, Arty, she thought, you see why you have to hold on? You see why you have to come back? I won't let you die on us. I will not let you die.
Holly faded into invisibility so he wouldn't see her start to cry. She didn't think she could say anything, not without her breaking down and telling him everything, so she said nothing. She just turned and ran out of his dojo, feeling even worse than before.
Not at all eager to return to the smoky underground realm filled with death and despair, Holly took her time walking through Fowl Estate. She allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts, ruminating on her guilt and sorrow and pain until the sight in front of her stopped her in her tracks.
About twenty feet away from her was the tower of the Berserker Gate. Where Artemis had lost his life… and now she knew that his ghost could be hovering around here just waiting for a clone to bring him back.
Suddenly, the urge to run forward and speak with him was nearly unbearable. She paused, looking around urgently, and when she saw there were no humans in sight, she dropped her shield. This was more important than some silly quarrel between humans and fairies, but she didn't want to be seen and interrogated by his father.
Holly hesitantly stepped forward onto the grassy hill. It was odd that it looked untouched, after everything that had happened on it such a short while ago.
She looked around, searching for Artemis's ghost. There was no sign of anything unusual- even though she really wasn't sure what she was looking for. What, was she going to turn around and see a transparent Artemis floating behind her?
The only difference between now and when she had last stood here was the absence of Artemis's body. Butler had carried it inside after his parents had finally returned home and saw his body. That was good, she supposed, because she never wanted to have to look at his dead body again.
Holly cleared her throat, taking another step forward to stand where he had collapsed. "Artemis," she finally murmured, turning in a slow circle, searching, searching, searching for any sign of her friend. "Artemis, it's me. Holly. I don't know if you can hear me… Foaly says you probably can't… but I wanted you to know that we're trying. We followed your trail and understand what you want us to do. Foaly's working on that clone. You just need to hang on for a little while longer. Six months, that's all. You can't give up on us, Artemis."
Sitting cross-legged in the dirt, Holly gazed forlornly at the ground, struggling to find the right words to say. This was almost like speaking with Nopal. She wanted to be reassuring and comforting and promise that everything was going to be okay, but how could she be sure he was even listening? How could she be sure he was even aware of anything going on in this world?
In the end, she decided it didn't matter. What harm could it do? If her being here helped Artemis, then good, if it didn't change anything, well, at least she didn't hurt anyone.
"Artemis, your family is devastated. When they saw you lying there, they couldn't stop crying. Beckett keeps asking why you won't wake up and Myles is practically catatonic. When I told Foaly what happened, I wasn't there, but I bet he almost started crying himself. Butler's refusing to speak with anyone, not even his own sister, and is adamant that you're alive, yet he doesn't even know about the clone… you've got so many people you left behind who care about you, Artemis. You've got to hang on; just give us enough time to get your clone ready. We're working as fast as we can. Don't leave us."
She paused, folding her hands and struggling to think of something to say to make Artemis understand how he just couldn't give up. She wanted to make him realize how much he was already missed and how much she was counting on him to come back. Before she knew it, the words were spilling out of her mouth, confessing things she didn't even know she felt.
"Arty, when I kissed you last year- well, I'm sure you'd prefer to think of it as nine years ago- and then found out the truth, I was hurt and just speaking rashly. I want you to know that I don't mean any of the things I said or called you- I was practically a teenager, I wasn't thinking straight, and... I'm really sorry. It seems so stupid, now that I think back on it. If you hang on, I promise that I'll kiss you again."
Holly laughed bitterly and looked up at the sky. "Oh, who am I kidding? Trying to entice Artemis Fowl to do anything with a kiss? I should know that will never work… I just want you back, Artemis. I hope you can hear me. I'm sure you'd think this is pretty stupid… talking to empty air in hope that a ghost will hear me… well, sorry, Artemis, but I don't care if you think it's stupid. Just please, please hang on. Not just for me. For all of us. There are so many people that you've left behind who care about you. I know that you don't think you're worthy of all this love and affection from your friends and family, but let me tell you something; you are, Artemis. You are worth it. And you better hold on and come back to us."
A warm breeze started up, ruffling her hair. It blew harder and Holly raised her head hopefully. "Artemis?" she asked, the word almost like a prayer. "Is that you?"
The wind blew even harder and she started to smile. "Artemis!" she called, jumping to her feet and whirling around, overjoyed, before the wind began to die down, eventually leaving nothing but silence and stillness in its wake. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, practically falling back into a sitting position, tracing meaningless patterns in the dirt. "Never mind," she whispered in Gnomish.
Holly remained there for a while, too miserable to say anything else. Finally, she had regained enough control of her emotions to whisper, "I'm sorry. I don't even know what I was expecting." Holly slowly raised her head, only to see Artemis's father approaching from a ways off. He could already see her; shielding would do nothing but arouse his suspicions. Standing quickly, she shook out her hair over her ears and closed her eyes. "Artemis, your father is coming. I have to go. I… just…"
Holly struggled for words as emotion overcame her. She hadn't wanted the end to this one-sided conversation to come so quickly and suddenly. She swallowed a sob and forced out, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened like this. I just wanted you to know that we're trying. Don't you dare give up on us, Artemis."
She spun on her heel and walked away, rubbing away the one tear that was trickling down her cheek. She wanted to stay for longer; it was painful but oddly cathartic to speak with Artemis like that, whether he could actually hear her or not. There were so many conversations she had never had with him and kept replaying that entire night in her mind. Surely, there must have been something she could have done to stop this from happening!
"Excuse me?"
Holly turned around, shifting self-consciously when she saw Artemis's father standing behind her. She wished for a hat to cover her ears and sunglasses for her mismatched eyes. "Yes?" she asked, trying to remain calm. He had more important things to worry about than her.
The man blinked, staring into her eyes, stunned. Holly resisted the urge to cover her human eye with her hand and stood there innocently, hoping that he wouldn't realize he was staring right at his dead son's eye. She didn't want to use the mesmer on him, but would if she had to.
Shaking his head, he rubbed his eyes and apologized. "Sorry. It's just… you remind me of someone."
Sighing in relief, she shrugged and smiled up at him. "It's okay. Can I help you?"
"I saw you, standing over where my… my son died. Did you know him? I don't remember seeing you around here before."
Holly hesitated. It would be easiest to lie and get out of here right now, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. The man's son was dead and he deserved to know the truth about how it happened. Even if she couldn't tell him what really happened, she wasn't going to be yet another person lying to him. "I'm not very noticeable. Most people don't see me. To answer your question, yes, I did know him. We were… very close."
"What's your name?"
"Holly."
He nodded, turning away from her to stare at the hill where Artemis had died. Holly remained silent. She could sense his grief and wanted to tell him that she was working to bring his son back to life, but had to heed Foaly's warning. If she told him the truth and they failed…
"Well, Holly. How did you know he was… we haven't told anyone yet. It only just happened, and…"
Holly saw his stoic expression crumple in sorrow and lowered her gaze, giving him a moment to regain his composure. "How I found out isn't important, Mr. Fowl. I… I… I just came to pay my respects. I'll miss him."
His father nodded without saying anything; Holly could tell he was near tears himself. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at him with her mismatched eyes, forcing herself to smile. "You should be proud of him. Your son was a wonderful young man." Then she turned and began to walk away, fighting back the tears burning in her eyes. When she heard him began to walk away as well, she glanced over her shoulder, then decided she had one more thing to say.
"I'm so sorry that I couldn't save him."
"What are you-"
Mr. Fowl stared at the empty field behind him in confusion. Where the girl had been, there was nothing but a slightly blurry patch of air. "Hello?" he asked. Nothing but silence answered him. Shaking his head, he turned back around and started off in the other direction, wondering if he had simply imagined the mysterious girl.
