*Disclaimer* I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or JKR's work.
A/N. Thank you so much for the reviews!
RScoripia, RiaRoo400 and Geekybynature I surely appreciate the constant reviews and I'm so glad you caught on to the assignment. That will be coming up soon ;)
Updated 8/23
It was my birthday, so between all the birthday festivities, I didn't have time to write.
Dear whomever is worthy of reading this.
It's been a week since studying with Malfoy. It's nice to have a study partner and not someone who is constantly trying to copy my work. He's becoming a sort of friend, though I'm sure he won't admit it. I think Estella planned this. I'm tempted to ask her today, however I'm sure she won't be all that pleased to find out I haven't stopped taking the Dreamless Sleep Potion.
With the Room of Requirement fixed, at least we have somewhere to go where we can get away. I guess the warning Professor McGonagall gave the first day has gone on deaf ears. Over the last few days I've had multiple people requesting signatures on photos, the daily prophet and anything else they can get their hands on with my face on it. The chocolate frogs cards will be a nightmare when they come out.
We had potions again today and I fully expected to start the wolfsbane potion since we didn't last week. Again we didn't. It seems Professor Slughorn and Fleur are having an indifference. I've tried convincing Ginny to speak with her but she's being a stubborn witch. Says if she loves her brother she'll knock it off.
Well I best get to lunch before Ginny comes knocking.
Quidditch tryouts were the discussion of lunch again. With tryouts being on Friday everyone was buzzing that there will be something fun to pass their time. So far the Gryffindor team consisted of Ginny as captain and chaser, Demelza Robbins as a second chaser, Ritchie Cootie and Jimmy Peakes as Beaters. Which means the Gryffindor team needed one chaser, one keeper and of course a good seeker since Harry hadn't returned. Ginny would also need reserves, just in case. Hermione wished she was even slightly interested in Quidditch or flying a broom. She also wondered if Malfoy would rejoin the Slytherin Quidditch team.
Glancing in his direction she saw him sweating profusely. His eyes were glazed over, then he got up and stormed out. Excusing herself from the table she shot up and walked briskly after him. Malfoy was nowhere in sight when she entered the hallway. Walking towards the dungeons she heard from heavy crashing from a nearby classroom. Rushing over she saw Malfoy sitting on the floor with his head in his knees and arms around the back of his neck, trying to breathe; the room an utter disarray. Slowly walking in, he didn't hear her when she kneeled in front of him. Placing her hands on the top side of his knees to announce her presence, Malfoy flinched. They sat there quiet for a few minutes while he tried to control his breathing. Hermione started rubbing her hands up and down his arms slowly trying to get him to relax. It was close to an hour before his breathing started to level, when she spoke.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." He growled.
"Clearly." She retorted continuing her rubbing. He hadn't moved away and it was effectively relaxing her as well. "What caused your panic attack?"
"Like I'd tell you." Lifting his head for the first time, he cracked his neck. Glared at her, got up pushing her back slightly, and walked out leaving Hermione kneeling where she was. Sighing, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the different parts of the mess before the room looked as it had before his attack on it. As she finished a blast of light blinded her sight momentarily.
"Merlin! Stop!" Hermione yelled at a second year who had snapped her picture. This particular student had been following her around for days taking pictures every time she had done something using magic; which was quite often. Pushing past him, she left the classroom to go to her appointment with Estella.
Throughout the meeting, Estella asked how her homework assignment with Mr. Malfoy was coming along. She told her about their study dates, his panic attack, and the kisses on the forehead. She then mustered up her Gryffindor courage and asked if she had a plan. Estella admitted she was hoping her and Mr. Malfoy would be able to confide in each other as they can relate better to each other than with her. She explained to Hermione that she can give them the tools to help them but it was up to them to conquer them, though doing it with a friend can be bring the best results. Nodding she believed this to be true as she, Harry and Ron had always confided in each other, especially out in the woods.
Estella then brought up the dreaded question she had been waiting for. Had she not taken the potion for one night. It had been a week since Estella asked her to do it, so she should have had at least one day. Hermione knew she had to eventually, but even watching Malfoy today scared her. She didn't want to relive her nightmares, see Bellatrix's face, see Dolohov's face, or even Voldemort's. She wanted to sleep like a normal person.
Their meeting ended and Hermione walked around aimlessly. Out of habit she found herself up on the seventh floor. Malfoy wasn't there waiting for her. She sat down on the floor and brought out a book, not wanting to enter until he was there with her. Ginny came by shortly after dinner seeing Hermione on the floor. She told her Malfoy hadn't been at the Great Hall either. This made Hermione uneasy. Walking Ginny to the common room, she went into her trunk and pulled out the Marauder's Map Harry had given her before he left for training. She didn't think she'd ever need to use it, but took it for his piece of mind as he had developed an unhealthy obsession with it over the years at Hogwarts.
"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." More like he's up to no good, she thought as she tapped the map with her wand. Looking in all the usual places, she didn't see him on the seventh floor, the Great Hall, not that she expected him at either location, the dungeons, which surprised her, or the hospital wing. So where was he hiding? She looked over every inch of the map until she found him. As it was approaching curfew she scooped up an extra cloak for the cold and the invisibility cloak. "Mischief Managed."
Nearing the Black Lake she could see the moon dancing on it. It was a beautiful sight. She spotted Malfoy hidden beneath a tree, his eyes closed as the back of his head leaned on it. She took him in. Sadness and exhaustion plastered on his face. Thinking back to what Estella said she knew she needed to make a better effort of being his friend, not just get to know him. In the week they've spent studying she knew many of his studying quirks, his smugness of how smart he is, challenging her. She may have been the brightest witch of her day, but she'd be extremely daft if she denied he was the smartest wizard of their day. Taking a deep breath she sat beside him.
"How'd you find me?" Malfoy whispered after opening one eye to see who had approached him and closed it again.
"I came looking for you since you didn't show up tonight." she replied with a concerned tone in her voice.
Sighing, "I'm not going to want to go up there and study every night Granger. I needed space."
"We don't have to study every night Malfoy. I'm happy just getting away and reading." He chuckled at her at what she could only assume was because she was predictable. "Why didn't you show up Malfoy?"
He didn't answer. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder waiting for him to pull away, which didn't happen. "You can talk to me you know?"
"We're not friends."
"But we could be."
"I'm not friends with mudbloods." He tried to say while sneering but flinched at his own words.
She felt it. She felt his flinch at the word. Trying to hold back a smile she scooted just a bit closer. The possibility for friendship within reach. He couldn't use the word without being affected by it which was a huge step from where he used to be. Hermione should have been offended as he hadn't called her mudblood in quite a while, but she wasn't. He told her it'd take time and she also knew this was his way of trying to keep her out. She heard him sigh.
Looking towards him she rested her chin on his shoulder, "Malfoy, what triggered your panic attack?"
"You're not going to let this go are you?"
"Not as long as you're destroying classrooms and walking out leaving me to clean up your mess." She stated matter-of-factly.
Tittering, "Yea I made a right mess didn't I?" He sighed again, "It's hard Granger. No one, except Goyle who has pretty much become a recluse, knows what happened to us. Knows the nightmares. Part of me wishes I never went to see Estella so I could still take a dreamless sleep potion. Goyle isn't brilliant like you are to brew his own, so he gets sent a half a vial a day so he doesn't get dependant on it."
"I can see the problem, I'm very dependant on it. He wasn't branded though right?"
"No, but he'd seen enough. His father was a Death Eater after all. It was expected he would be."
"Why did you take the mark? You're clearly not evil or you wouldn't be sitting here talking to me so casually."
"I thought I was. I'm not ready to talk about that yet though. Even to Estella. She has her assumptions.-"
"Well I think we all do." Grabbing his face in her hands, "Malfoy, please tell me what happened today. I want to help you."
He looked into her eyes, pleading for his trust, pleading to help him. Taking a deep breath and exhaling he looked back towards the lake, breaking her eye contact, "We were eating, Goyle and I, keeping to ourselves. Everyone was talking about Quidditch and Urquhart asked if I was going to try out for Seeker, since I was the best. A few of the people who were going to try out said they wouldn't if I was on the team. Vaisey and Urquhart tried to defend me, but some fifth year sent a stinging hex to my arm." He flipped his arm over looking at his sleeve that was currently hiding the Dark Mark.
"So when you felt the stinging hex, it felt like he was calling you."
He nodded, "And I panicked. I tried to keep it together, for a few minutes at least, so they didn't think it affected me. Told them I'd be at tryouts and walked out."
"Oh, Malfoy, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be Granger. Don't pity me. I did horrible things. I watched horrible things happen."
"But that doesn't mean you should have been attacked at school. That makes them no better."
"I shouldn't have come back."
"Why did you?"
"Do you have a need to get into everyone else's lives?"
"No. I'm just trying to understand 's what you do for friends, whether you believe it or not. I believe that we are becoming friends."
"Why are you trying so hard?"
"To be honest? I had no intentions of trying. Estella thinks it will be good for us to get to know one another, potentially becoming friends. While I thought she was utterly mad, Ginny encouraged me to go along with it. I enjoy your company whilst studying, so you can't be all that bad. I won't deny part of me thinks you're the same old Malfoy I started school with, but even I can admit you've changed Malfoy. For the better."
Nodding he didn't say anything else. They sat there looking at the lake, watching the night creatures jump in and out of the water making the moon ripple throughout. They heard a howl in the distance giving Hermione goosebumps as it sounded similar to Lupin. Thinking she was cold Malfoy grabbed her extra cloak and put in on her as a blanket which covered part of him as well since she hadn't moved from how close she was. A tear silently fell from her eye as she thought about her third year. She thought of Lupin, Tonks and little Teddy. She thought about Andromeda and Teddy Sr. She looked over at Malfoy wondering if he knew about his cousin or had ever talked to his aunt.
"I can literally hear you thinking." Malfoy said as he continued to stare at the Black Lake. "We should probably head up to the castle. It's just about curfew." Getting up he extended his hand out to her, lifting her off the ground. Putting the cloak around her shoulders, he turned and starting walking at a leisurely pace so she could keep up. "So what's going on in that big brain of yours?"
"I've already done plenty of talking. Now it's your turn to answer one of my questions."
Gasping putting his hand over his heart, he jokingly said, "A moment where Hermione Granger doesn't want to hear her own voice. Well I'll be damned." Snickering while she rolled his eyes, he gave in and thought hard, "The only one I'm willing to answer right now is that I came back for a second chance. A chance to show everyone that I had defected, albeit to late, but I did nonetheless. That I belong here as much as the next guy." Stopping suddenly he reached out to grab Hermione's arm before she kept walking then looked her directly in the eyes, "You and perhaps your best friend are the only two giving me that chance at the moment."
"Everyone deserves a second chance." Squeezing his hand, she turned and made her way into the castle with him at her heels. Waving as she left in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.
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Friday morning had arrived and the entire Great Hall was excitingly eating breakfast to head out to the Quidditch Pitch. Hermione had promised both Ginny and Malfoy she'd walk with them as they headed out early to be there before the other students came to try out. As they were approaching, Hermione let out a squeal as she recognized the person they were getting closer too. Running with Ginny straight into the arms of Harry Potter who almost toppled over hugging them both. Malfoy traipsing along behind them.
"What are you doing here?" Ginny exclaimed, excited her boyfriend was there.
"I wouldn't miss my girlfriend's first chance at being captain, so I came to watch the tryouts. I also came for my best friends birthday tomorrow." He suddenly noticed the tall Slytherin. Giving a slight nod, "Malfoy." Malfoy nodded back and walked to where he'd wait for Slytherin tryouts to begin. Harry turned toward them, lowering his voice asked, "Why exactly was Malfoy walking you down here?"
"I told you in my letters. Malfoy and I have been working together a lot. I told him I'd come down to support him. Hoping that would allow the other students to know that I, as one of the Golden Trio, have accepted him, and will hopefully aid in leaving him alone."
Not wanting to press the matter, Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and put an arm around Hermione's shoulder as they walked towards the broom shed. After giving Ginny a deep passionate kiss, Hermione pulled him into the stands to watch with her. Harry and Hermione jumped and shouted as Ginny arrived on the pitch and watched carefully as her current teammates tried to best the potential players. After Gryffindor had finished, Ginny joined them to go over notes with Harry on who best to choose. Hermione waited for Malfoy to come out, cheering when he did. Malfoy smirked at her and sat up straighter on his broom, as if giving him the confidence boost he needed. Eyeing Hermione suspiciously, Harry put a hand on her arm.
"Just how close have you gotten Hermione?" He asked curiously.
Looking at him with a guilty expression, she wasn't sure how much information she could share with Harry that she had already shared with Ginny. She of course hadn't told anyone about the lake.
"I told you in my last letter, we've sort of become friends. We take all the same classes, we study together, -"
"They don't hang out outside the Room of Requirement much because neither of them get any peace. He gets called Death Eater often and Hermione deals with the paparazzi of students. It's getting to the point where I'm about to join her if someone else comes up and asks me where she is or what it's like dating the chosen one." Ginny interrupted without looking up from the notes.
"You hang out with him by yourself?" Harry tried to say calmly as he refrained from shouting.
Looking uneasy Hermione stared from Harry to Ginny and back up to Malfoy. She wasn't sure if he'd ever understand how she felt, as she barely understood it herself. Estella asked her to get to know him as her homework. It was homework. Of course she would do it. Now she felt herself longing to get to know him. Find out why he is the way he is. She wasn't sure how she'd overcome her own obstacles, but as she had found out this summer he may very well be the key to helping her, and she didn't want to let that go all at the expense of her very best friend.
"Yes Harry. He's been a perfect gentleman and very helpful while we study. I've told you this now twice in less than five minutes. I told him I'd come down to support him while he tried out for Seeker. He's had it worse than I have so far this year, and I hope this will help people realize he's not his father."
"You're right Hermione. He's a right git and he called you Mudblood more often than I can count. Just because we cleared him at trials doesn't mean he's still not an awful person with a purist propaganda."
Sighing, Hermione knew Harry wouldn't be easily swayed, so she'd have to show him how he really can be. That might serve just as difficult of a task as Malfoy wasn't going to just suddenly be nice to Harry. Smiling she said, "Why don't you both come to the Room of Requirement tonight. We'll get an early start on my birthday." She then turned her attention back to Malfoy as he caught the snitch for the third time. Making eye contact with Hermione, Malfoy flashed her a cocky smile. She smiled back putting two thumbs up. She could feel Harry staring at her but didn't dare look.
After tryouts were over, the captains had the weekend to go over their notes and choose their players by Sunday evening. Ginny and Malfoy had gone to their respective dorms to shower while Harry and Hermione sat in the Gryffindor Common Room talking about his Auror training. He and Ron had learned very quickly and were progressing fast through the program. They had expected that after their adventures with Voldemort. Once Ginny had finished and was dressed they went through the portrait towards the Room of Requirement. As they were arriving, they saw Malfoy and Goyle coming from the other direction. After everyone had exchanged pleasantries Hermione asked Harry if he'd like to do the honors of getting the room ready.
After careful thinking he walked once, twice, and a third time before the door revealed itself. Hermione looked over at Malfoy who for a split second looked sad. She could only assume because the room would still not let Malfoy in after over two weeks. They all entered the room. Inside the sky was filled with stars, there was a nice roaring fire in the corner, three single chairs and a love seat presumably for Harry and Ginny. There was a stocked bar on the other side of the fire. A banner strewn across the room that read 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE'.
Hermione smiled and hugged Harry, thanking him. They all walked over to the bar while Draco grabbed a few bottles of firewhiskey and five glasses, pouring each of them an ample amount.
Harry held his glass high, "To Hermione on your nineteenth birthday. The last year of your teens, and hopefully the last of your wild and crazy adventures. To good fortune, love and many years of happiness ahead of you. Cheers," tipping his glass forward to clink glasses with the other four students as the rest all wished Hermione a Happy Birthday.
At first the night started out awkward, but after a bottle of firewhiskey had been vanquished quickly between them, they were able to loosen up. Ginny had been the one to initiate a game of Truth or Dare.
"Aren't we a bit old for this?", whined Harry, knowing all too well how Ginny was after a bit to drink.
"Rubbish! I'll go first.. Hermione, Truth or dare?" She chose truth. "Hermione, you are no fun. Okay. Truth. Who here has the nicest butt?"
"Well that's easy. You of course." Hermione said winking at Ginny who laughed. "Okay, my turn. Goyle, truth or dare?" He chose truth as well. Ginny sighed. "Okay, Why did you come here tonight?"
Clearing his throat, Goyle sat up a bit in his chair, "Boredom really, but after Malfoy showed me the box you gave him, I wanted to come back for closure, and to thank you and Harry for saving me."
"Hey! I did the heavy lifting!" Malfoy interjected.
"Yeah, yeah, thank your arse too" Goyle laughed rolling his eyes. "Alright, Potter, truth or dare?" Harry chose truth which received another sigh from Ginny. "Hmm, alright, have you ever had feelings for Granger?"
"No. She's very much my sister. There may have been a time back in first year that I'm not recalling, but I've always treated her like my sister, even when Ron pissed her off our first year. My heart has always been for the girl on my left."
Both of the girls 'aww'ed before Harry spoke. "Malfoy, truth or dare?" Malfoy hesitated. Looking over at Hermione, she smiled. He chose dare. "Pity, I had a good truth. I dare you to paint Gryffindor colors on your face." Paints appeared and Malfoy grabbed them and painted his face.
"Ok Weaslette, Truth or dare?" She chose dare. "I dare you to snog one person in this room that isn't Harry."
Ginny started walking towards Malfoy whose eyes widened with fear, she turned suddenly and started snogging Hermione much to Hermione's surprise. All three of the boys stared in shock as she pulled away.
"You never specified if it had to be male or female Malfoy. She was best option. Now everyone, a round of shots!" They each did three shots before resuming again. "Ok, Harry, truth or dare?" Harry chose dare. "I dare you to take one person in this room for seven minutes of heaven."
"Well if that's all the time I have tonight, I better make it worth it." He laughed as he grabbed her hand and ran to the closet that had suddenly appeared.
Hermione cast a silencing charm, "They can be a bit loud.", she said as they all laughed.
"Granger, think you can make a loo appear?" Goyle asked. Suddenly one appeared.
"So, were you going to tell me it was your birthday tomorrow?" Malfoy inquired.
"Well, no, I didn't think it was important. Ginny and I just had plans to go to Hogsmeade and get a drink. Why does it matter?"
"My upbringing dictates I should buy you a gift."
"Please don't, I don't need anything. After my parents, well, you know, I just don't really want to celebrate my birthday this year. I'm sure Harry is here just to make sure I'm alright." Malfoy nodded.
Ginny and Harry came out of the closet right as Goyle came back from the loo.
"Ok, my turn. Hermione, truth or dare?" She chose truth, again. "Do you have feelings for Malfoy, more precisely, DRACO Malfoy?"
Hermione glared at Harry then looked at Malfoy who avoided her gaze, to Goyle who suddenly seemed very interested, to Ginny who had a smirk on her face telling her she should have picked dare. Taking in a deep breath. She answered this question like she would any other.
"While I find Malfoy reasonably attractive, I do not feel I have any feelings for him other than friendship at this time, nor do I think I could have any such romantic feelings, given our past. I could not deny there may be a lust there driven by our sexual hormones because of our age and his handsome appeal. But actual feelings, if any were to be had, are purely just physical." Harry did not seem pleased with this answer, but Hermione continued on. "Malfoy, truth or dare?" He chose truth this time. "Why did you become a Death Eater?"
Hermione had never seen such pain in his eyes. She almost felt guilty asking the question, but it slipped out. Damn alcohol. He'd run, never look back and it's her fault. Damn her and the alcohol. Waiting, she inhaled deeply, hoping he might not run. Goyle patted his back and nodded his head at him. Looking down, Draco put his head into hands.
"The Dark Lord threatened my mother. My father was already in Azkaban and there was no one to protect her. I had to be the one to save her. So I did what any kid living in a house with a psychopath. I took the mark. I don't regret it. My mother is still alive today because of an action I took. I'll never regret that." He stood up and walked to the stocked up bar, filled up his glass and drank it quickly wincing at the burn as it glided down his throat. Malfoy then filled it again, this time only chugging half, again wincing at the burn.
Feeling the heaviness of the atmosphere, Ginny got up, stretched and yawned pretending to be tired. She dragged Harry with her and bid everyone a good night. Goyle took off shortly after leaving Hermione and Malfoy alone. Looking at his watch, the time was approaching midnight.
"I'm truly sorry Malfoy, it just slipped out. You shouldn't have answered that and just told me to sod off. That was not something you should have had to say in front of my friends. I'm deeply, deeply sorry." Hermione said on the verge of tears. She put one hand on his lower back and the other on his arm as she came and stood by him. They stayed like this for quite a while until he looked at his watch again. One minute to midnight.
Turning he looked at Hermione who had placed her head on his shoulder, his shirt now wet from her silent tears. Looking her in the eyes, he realized she was right. Her eyes were filled with sadness and loneliness and in that moment, he knew what she felt before.
"Granger, I won't have time to get you a present, but I do want to be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday. This doesn't change anything later, this is just my gift to you. I promised I would let you know if I wanted to kiss you, and Granger I'm going to do just that right now."
He placed his hands on her waist as the look of shock replaced the sadness in her eyes. He pulled her closer to him, barely touching their bodies together. He could feel her breasts ever so slightly as her chest rose and fell from her quick breaths. Tilting his head to the side, he brought his hands up to Hermione's face. Pulling her lips excruciatingly close to his as her arms came up to his waist. She could feel his warm breath on her lips, smell his cedar musk cologne, and she couldn't close her eyes to shy away from him. She looked in his eyes and saw the same sadness she had seen the week prior. She blinked once before a set of lips came crashing into hers. She parted her lips granting him entry before he had to chance to ask for permission. He darted his tongue into her mouth, wrestling the previous master of the threshold.
Bringing one hand around the back of her head he pulled her in closer for a more passionate kiss. She hadn't moved.
When he pulled away, he looked back at her eyes and whispered, "Happy Birthday Granger.", before he turned and left the Room of Requirement.
