Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.
No copyright infringement is intended.
HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971. They make my writing so much better.
Never Let Go
Chapter Seven
The week following the Fourth of July was one of the hardest I'd ever endured. I knew that I'd have to tell Edward about my decision to leave Forks early, and it wasn't a decision I came to lightly. When I arrived in Forks I never thought that things between Edward and I could get as complicated as they did. I was blissfully ignorant of my feelings toward him and his toward me.
I knew he wanted me to stay in Forks. I wanted to stay for him but I couldn't bring myself to leave my Mom. Why did I have to choose between two of the people I loved the most?
Edward was leaving on Sunday morning for his baseball camp with Jasper and Emmett. I'd told Alice my decision, and she was sad but understood.
"When are you going to tell him?" She asked.
"Thursday. Esme's going to pick me up and we're going to First Beach after Edward's practice."
Alice nodded.
"Call me if you need me … after."
"I will."
"I'm sure it'll be fine, Bella. He'll be hurt, but it's better that you tell him instead of just leaving."
Thursday dawned slowly with the promise of a warm and sunny day. Esme picked me up at a quarter of nine and I grabbed my beach bag and headed out the door.
"I talked to Charlie on Monday." Esme said softly. "Are you sure you want to leave early?"
"Yeah. It's just something I need to do."
"Sweetheart, why do I get the feeling that when you leave this time we're not going to see you again for a while?"
"Esme, don't be silly. I'll be back for Christmas."
We climbed up the bleachers and sat down; watching the boys who had already started practicing.
"You're going to tell him today right?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "I don't have any other choice. I'd rather him be angry now while I'm here than have him angrier when I'm so far away. Does that make sense?"
"Yes, sweetheart, it does."
Edward smiled as he jogged over to where Esme and I were waiting at the edge of the complex.
"Ready for the beach?" Edward asked with a smile.
"Yep."
I carried our blanket and towels while Edward carried Esme's chair and the coolers we'd brought.
Edward and I wandered up the beach a bit from Esme; spreading out our blanket and settling down on the beach.
"You brought sunscreen right?" Edward asked sheepishly.
"Yeah. If I didn't you'd fry," I giggled.
"You're not much better there, Casper."
"Har, har. Shirt off – let me get your back for you."
When we were sufficiently coated in sunscreen, Edward and I walked out toward the water. It was cool but it felt good. The sun was out and it had actually gotten pretty warm. We splashed each other and chased one another up and down the beach. We saw a couple people we knew from school and joined them in playing Frisbee.
As the afternoon wore on, I knew time was running out.
"Wanna walk up to the tide pools?" I asked as I looked up from my book I wasn't paying any attention to.
Edward was lying on his stomach; his head on a folded up towel. He had taken his sunglasses off and his eyes were closed.
"Mmm … sure." He hummed.
With our pinky fingers linked between us, we walked toward the tide pools. The tiny oceans would give me something to focus on while I said the last words that Edward wanted to hear.
"Bella … what's wrong? You've been lost in your own head a lot today. What's going on?"
There was no easy way to say it.
"I'm going back to Las Vegas next week."
"Next week? I thought you weren't going home until the second week in August?"
I couldn't bear to look at him. The sadness in his voice was enough to tell me what his facial expression would be.
"I changed my mind. I'm so sorry, Edward. I really do think it's better this way."
"For who? Me or Charlie? Because he's going to miss out on spending time with you too."
"Dad understands, Edward. He's okay with it. If he wasn't, I wouldn't be leaving."
"So I have two more days with you this summer and that's it?"
"I'll be back for Christmas."
"It's not the same, Bella."
"Edward … please try to understand. This is so hard for me."
Tears bubbled up in my eyes and I fought with everything I had to keep them at bay. I didn't want Edward to see me crying – it would only make me feel worse than I already did. I needed to stay strong for the both of us.
"I know it is, Bella. I'm trying to understand … I am. I just don't get it."
I nodded.
"Will you be okay?"
"I'll have to be. I don't exactly get a choice here, Bella."
I knew what his choice would be. I hated that I couldn't give him what he wanted.
"This isn't exactly easy on me either you know."
"I know, Bella. It's not easy on anyone."
"Are you mad?"
"Yes and no. I want you to stay. I want you to be here when I get home from camp. I want time with you, Bella. But if all I have left with you is two days, I'll be mad after you leave because I'm not going to waste one second."
I sighed.
"Come on, Boo. My mom's probably wondering where we are by now."
My dad had some business to attend to in Portland for a couple days, and Esme said I could stay with them until Sunday. Dad hoped to be back by the time Esme and Carlisle had to leave to take Edward to baseball camp.
Esme told Edward and I about it on our way back to Forks. We'd stop by my house so I could pack a few things to take to the Cullen's and we'd stop by the Mill to see my Dad before he left town.
When we got back to Edward's house, Rocket, his thirteen year old Lab, was waiting for us on the steps. We threw a ball back and forth for a few minutes with Rocket running back and forth between us until Carlisle pulled up in the driveway.
"Hey kids," Carlisle smiled as he greeted us.
"Hey, Dad."
I waved weakly and turned my attention back to Rocket.
Eventually, Esme called us in to get cleaned up before dinner. Edward carried my things up to the guest bedroom for me. He put my bag on the bed and walked out of the room without another word. I showered and dressed quickly, wanting to help Esme in the kitchen somehow. When I came downstairs, she was glad to have the help but the sad look in her eyes wasn't lost on me.
This affects everyone, Bella – floated through my brain on repeat.
Dinner was quiet. Carlisle smiled and asked a few questions but quickly caught on to our moods. Edward and I tried to help clear the table and clean up but Esme wouldn't hear of it. She shooed us out of the kitchen telling us to go watch a movie or something.
"Want to play Mario Kart?" Edward offered.
"Sure."
"We don't have to if you don't want to. We can do something else."
"Edward … I'm happy to hang out and soak up as much time with you as I can. It doesn't matter to me what we do."
Edward sighed and shook his head.
For the next two days, we spent every moment together. After we got over the initial weirdness of what to do and we realized that we both wanted to spend time together – things were much lighter and easier between us.
We played in the pool, relaxed in the hammock and we even played catch in the yard. Saturday night, we took sleeping bags, pillows and snacks out to Edward's tree house. As I settled in, it brought back memories of the first time I left. I hadn't even said goodbye to Edward yet and the pain that gripped my chest was so sharp, I yelped and collapsed into sobs.
"Bella …" Edward whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I hate this feeling – my chest feels tight and it hurts. I didn't expect to feel like this. I haven't been up here since I left the first time," I sobbed.
Edward gasped and held me closer to him.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't even think about that. Please don't cry. We'll go back up to the house."
"No," I sniffled. "It's okay. This tree house just brings back so many memories."
We stayed in the tree house all night. We laughed and I cried a few more times – each time Edward would do something silly to get me to laugh or smile again.
The next morning, we carried all our stuff inside. Esme smiled sadly as we passed the kitchen.
Breakfast was eaten in solemn silence.
"Thank you for breakfast, Esme." I said softly.
"You're very welcome, sweetheart."
I helped Esme clean up after our meal while Edward and Carlisle packed Edward's stuff into the car. The baseball camp was being held in Hoquiam, so Carlisle would take Edward and drop him off. Esme was going to stay with me until my dad came to pick me up.
"Son, we need to get going."
"Can't we wait until Charlie gets back?" Edward asked.
"Honey, you're only prolonging the inevitable." Esme said softly.
She hugged Edward tightly and promised to see him the following weekend for his scrimmage game.
"I love you, sweetheart. Have a good time at camp."
Edward nodded and turned toward me. He linked my pinky with his and led me out toward the car. He leaned back against the car and pulled me to stand between his legs.
"Promise me, Bella. Promise me that you'll still write me every day and that you'll call me as often as you can."
I nodded.
"Promise me that you'll come back again." He said, his voice breaking.
I watched as my best friend fell apart in front of me. Tears streamed down his handsome face and sobs wracked his body.
I threw my arms around his neck and held him to me as tightly as I could.
"I promise," I sobbed.
"Love you, Bella. I need you to come back to me. Promise me … promise me you'll never let go." Edward whispered.
"I won't, Edward. Our friendship means too much to me to let go. I'll come back, I promise. Love you too," I whispered back.
He pulled away and pressed his lips gently to my forehead.
"Have fun at camp. Call me when you get home, okay?"
"I will," he nodded.
I stood in the driveway until I could no longer see the tail lights of Carlisle's car.
"Bella, honey, come inside." Esme pleaded softly. "It's going to rain any minute."
The gloomy weather mirrored my mood. I felt like Eeyore – so sad.
As I turned to go into the house, I saw my Dad's truck coming down the street. I was ready to get out of there.
"You sure you want to go back to Vegas right away, Bella?" Dad asked as we pulled out of the Cullen's driveway.
"No."
I couldn't begin to lie to my dad. He knew me well enough to know when I wasn't being honest with him or myself.
"We can change your flight, Bella. You can go back as originally planned."
"I know. I've already said goodbye to Edward once – I don't want to do it again."
Dad and I spent the next few days together. He took some time off, and we packed our fishing gear, camping stuff and a cooler full of food and took off for a couple days. We fished by day and played Rummy and Yahtzee by firelight at night. It was two of the most relaxing days I'd ever spent.
We came home the afternoon before I was to fly back to Las Vegas. I'd learned that Carlisle and Esme were taking me to the airport because Dad had a meeting he couldn't reschedule. I threw a load of laundry in the wash before putting away the fish we'd caught.
"Thanks for the trip, Dad."
"You're welcome, baby girl. I sure am gonna miss you."
"Dad …" I said, hugging him. "I'm gonna miss you too."
I stared out the window as the car moved toward Seattle. I had a teary goodbye with my dad and as I watched the landscape slip past, I had the sudden desire for the lush greenery to swallow me whole.
"Bella? Bella, sweetheart, we're here." Esme said softly.
I finally looked at her with tears streaming down my face – tears I hadn't realized had fallen.
"Oh, baby girl." Esme pulled me out of the car and into her arms.
I clung desperately to the woman who'd become a second mother to me.
"Bella … we can still change your flight. No one is forcing you to go." Carlisle smiled sadly.
"I know." I sniffled. "But I need to."
I took a tissue from Esme and pulled my backpack over my shoulder. Saying goodbye to Carlisle and Esme was every bit as hard as saying goodbye to my dad and Edward.
I hoped that sunshine and warm weather would be the cure all for my melancholy – but I knew I wouldn't be that lucky.
The heat in Las Vegas is stifling in the summer. There is rarely a day when the thermometer dips below one hundred degrees. Now I'd have heat suffocating me along with my own grief. My mom was waiting for me when I stepped into baggage claim.
"Bella, baby!"
My mom rushed over to me and caught me up in her arms. I hugged her briefly and looked up to see Phil smiling sheepishly at me.
"Hey, Bella."
"Phil … hi."
"Phil's been off for the summer, so he's been here visiting." Mom explained in a rush.
"Cool."
It would have been nice if she'd mentioned that before. I thought she was here all alone and that only fueled my desire to come back.
"I thought maybe we'd go down to Lake Havasu for a few days. I've got a condo down there and a boat and wave runners. What do you say, Bella?"
"Sure, sounds like fun."
Anything to get my mind off of leaving Edward.
My mom had to work over the weekend, but she'd be off for a few days starting on Monday. That left Phil to hang out with me while Mom was working.
Phil was okay. I could tell that he was going a little stir crazy at times. He asked if I liked to cook. I nodded and he told me he loved to cook so we drove to the store and bought a bunch of stuff and spent the evening cooking. We made everything from homemade pasta to dessert – from scratch.
The more time I spent with Phil the more I liked him.
I talked to my dad one evening – it felt good to hear his voice. I really did miss him. I told him that we were going to the lake for a few days that week and asked him if he'd pass the message on to Edward.
"Sure thing, kiddo. I thought maybe he'd have called you by now though."
"That's okay, if I don't hear from him by the time we get back, I'll call him."
"Sounds good, baby girl. You have a good time with your mom and Phil and I'll talk to ya when you get back. I love you."
"Love you too, Daddy."
Phil drove us down to Lake Havasu in his truck. It was a two hour drive from Las Vegas but his truck was so comfortable that I settled in with a book and the time flew by. His condo was right on the water. We unloaded our stuff and Phil showed us around. I got a guest room all to myself but I was anxious to get out on the water.
Phil gave me a crash course – literally – on the wave runners. It took a few tries but I caught on eventually. We spent the afternoon out on the water – Phil and Mom on the boat and me on the wave runner.
We barbequed for dinner and ate out on the deck. After dinner, I decided to go to my room and relax. I bought a new book one day, while Phil and I were shopping and I was eager to read it – to lose myself in the fantasy. I was enjoying my book until I realized that so many of the main male characters traits reminded me of Edward. Green eyes, crooked smile, handsome and sweet. Exactly like my Edward. The very thought of him and I felt like my chest had been cracked wide open and I was powerless to stop the torrent of tears that fell on my pillow.
"Bella?" Sweetie? Is everything okay?" My mom asked as she came in and sat beside me on the bed.
"No," I sobbed.
"Oh, sweetie. Tell me what's wrong."
I told her as much as I could without oversharing. I wanted to keep as much of the stuff between Edward and me private.
"Bella … you love him – at least you think you do. Honey, you're almost fourteen years old. You have plenty of time to fall in and out of love with lots of boys. Don't set your heart on the first boy that flashes you a pretty smile."
"What if I don't want to fall in and out of love with lots of boys? What if I only want one boy?"
"Sweetie, there are lots of fish in the sea. Say Edward's Tuna – something you're used to and very common everywhere. It will never hurt to spread your wings and try something like Mahi Mahi – it's exotic and better for you. Maybe you'll like it better than tuna in the long run."
"Mom, I get what you're trying to say. You think Edward is small town because he lives in Forks and maybe you think that my feelings for him are stronger because I've known him all my life. Yes, he knows me better than anyone else – maybe even you and Dad but that doesn't make him common; it makes him extraordinary. Just because something is different doesn't mean it's better. Have you ever had a relationship with someone that is anything close to what I have with Edward?"
Mom shook her head.
"Bella, you're only a teenager …"
"Don't discount my feelings because of my age, Mom. That's not fair. I may not be an adult but I know how I feel. Does it scare me? Yes, it does, but that doesn't mean it's wrong – it means that I am considering my feelings."
"Sweetie, I just don't want you to get hurt. How can you be so sure Edward feels the same for you that you feel for him? Bella, we've had this conversation before. Boys want more than friendship."
"Yes, Mom and I'm sure you know all about that, right?"
"Isabella Marie!"
I threw my pillow over my head not wanting to continue the conversation any further. Mom had pushed me to my limit for the evening. I was emotionally drained and completely cried out. I was still aching and there wasn't anything I wanted more than to hear Edward's sweet voice.
I pulled my calling card out of my backpack and picked up the phone next to the bed – dialing the numbers carefully. It rang three times before Esme picked up.
"Hi, Esme. It's Bella. Is Edward around?"
"Hi sweetheart! Gosh, Bella, I'm so sorry. Edward's not here. He's in Chicago visiting his grandparents for the rest of the summer. I was sure he'd call you when he got settled in."
"Oh." My heart fell. "He's staying there for the rest of the summer? When did he leave?"
Esme sighed.
"He left on Sunday morning. We went straight to Seattle after his scrimmage game."
Edward left for Chicago the day after he finished camp. That meant he'd planned it and he didn't tell me and he hadn't called me after he arrived there.
Edward was angrier with me for leaving than I'd originally thought.
A/N: Thoughts?
See you next week!
