I set down my phone and decided not to answer his text. My mouth became dry as I thought about our close encounter this morning and how much I had been thinking about his eyes all day.

Why did Macy really bug me so much? I couldn't really be jealous, could I?

I sat down slowly on the couch, bringing my hands to rest my head that had suddenly become much heavier on them. Cameron had plagued my thoughts all day. And I wanted Macy gone so I could have all his attention to myself.

….Did I have a crush on him?

I'm nineteen years old, I shouldn't have crushes. I shouldn't get jealous. I should be mature enough to recognize my own feelings.. and yet, it had only just become clear to me.

I like Cameron. As more than a best friend. I wanted to be with him.

But I couldn't do that to him. To us. He'd be disgusted. I'd have to move out. It would change everything. He'd never want to see me again.

I needed something to drink. Something hard. I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, opening it easily. I hated not being of age in the states, in Ireland, I had been legal for a year and my parents had allowed me to drink for a long time before that.

I chugged it down and cracked another, slurping it down shockingly easy. I was slammed with a buzz and smiled. I needed to forget, just lose myself in something to make me forget about my feelings.

I called Lindsay, without a thought: "Lindsay. Come over."

Of course, she arrived promptly ten minutes later, every hair in place looking as gorgeous as ever. I pulled her into a passionate kiss as soon as she arrived.

I didn't get it, I was attracted to her. Physically speaking. But I wanted to be kissing Cameron, not her. I wanted to run through Cameron's messy blond hair rather than her perfectly curled brown locks, as I was doing.

It was so confusing and the beer didn't help. I told her to go to my bedroom and she complied, with a sly smile on her face. She was so innocent.. but then not at the same time.

I smiled as she dissapeared into my room, and grabbed another two beer from the fridge and brought them into my room. Drinking half of one on the way in.

"You're drinking?" She asked, a little surprised.

"Yah, why?" I said defensively, as I drank the rest of my beer back.

"Well, do you really want to do this then?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you even mean?" I responded, shaking my head in confusion.

All these questions were making my head hurt. I just wanted quiet so I leaned down on the bed and began to kiss her again. At first she seemed to like it so I pressed a little harder.

She began to make muffled sounds of protest, but I was finally becoming distracted. Everything was becoming a blur, so I ignored her, letting my hands roam wherever I felt.

I tasted blood as she screamed, pushing me off of her.

"What the hell, Damian? You bit me!" She cried, eyes full of tears.

The front door clicked open and I heard the muffled voices of Macy and Cameron entering the apartment. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that Cameron was finally back home.

"I'm.. I'm sorry." I murmured, not looking at her, distracted by Cameron. I just couldn't seem to escape it.

"No, you're not. You don't even care." Lindsay accused, grabbing her bag and throwing open my bedroom door.

"Sorry." I repeated, getting up to follow her out. A wave of guilt washed over me as I realized in selfishly trying to forget my true feelings, I had hurt Lindsay both physically and emotionally.

As she stormed out of the apartment, I tried calling after her but she completely ignored me. But the worst part is when I looked over at Macy and Cameron, their eyes full of shock.

"What happened?" Macy asked, cautiously.

"Nothing." I said, biting my lip, holding back my tears. It almost worked until I looked into Cameron's eyes, and then I lost it.

I had to get away, so I ran into my room and locked the door, knowing Cameron would try to find out what was wrong.

As I predicted, a knock sounded on my door as I began to chug back my fourth beer.

"Damian?" Cameron's voice inquired. "Can I come in?"

"No." I said, firmly.

"Well, whatever happened. You know you can talk to me about it. So.. whenever you're ready. I'm here for you." He explained, genuinely.

I started to cry harder and I muffled it by putting my face down into the pillow.

When he realized I wouldn't respond, he said, "Goodnight, Damian. Whatever it is, it'll turn out ok. I promise."

And as much as I wanted to believe him, I doubted that I would ever be ok again.