Chapter 7
She was there, crumpled on the floor like a rag doll. She had one arm over the white, porcelain toilet and the other under her head. Her body was tightly wrapped into a ball on the cold tile floor. She had only one slipper on her left foot. The other slipper was laying on the complete other side of the bathroom as if she had thrown it. Her hair, which had at one time been thick and full, was thinning more than Josh had remembered, and was matted to her face with sweat.
"Oh Andy," he whispered under his breath.
She looked up at him from the floor, noticing his presence for the first time. Her eyes were barely opened, but he could see the fury in them.
"Get out!" She yelled with as much muster as she could. She sat herself up with some difficulty, using the toilet as her crutch.
"Let me help you," he said, taking a step closer to her.
"Josh!" She yelled as more of a warning than anything else. He took another step closer towards her.
Out of sheer desperation, she reached for the slipper on her foot and threw it at him. It fell at his feet, not really hitting him. Josh never took his eyes off of her. He knew full well that she was a good shot. She had proven it many times before when she had thrown various objects at him. But she was too weak to even throw a slipper at him.
As she opened her mouth to speak, she felt the familiar feeling entering her stomach. She turned back to the toilet and vomited.
Without even thinking, Josh got down on his knees and was at her side in an instant. He gathered her hair in his hand and pulled it back away from her face. Her skin was hot to the touch. With his free hand, he rubbed her back, hoping to offer her some comfort.
They sat there for a moment like that, with Andy's head buried in the toilet, trying hard to stop throwing up long enough so that she could yell at him to leave her alone.
"Do you want…I mean, should I get a doctor?" Josh asked, not sure what she should do.
Not having the energy to speak, Andy shook her head. She threw up again and then picked her head up. Josh quickly grabbed a few paper towels from a nearby dispenser and held them out to her. She wiped her mouth and then threw them in the toilet. She flushed the toilet and fell back to lean against the sink. Josh stayed where he was, again not sure of what to do.
"Go home, Josh," she stated softly after a minute of complete silence.
"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her.
"I don't want you here," she told him even though she knew it wasn't true. She wanted him to be there with her more than anything. She needed him to be there with her, but she also knew that that was selfish.
"Well…you don't have a say in the matter," Josh stuttered.
She glared at him with her classic Andy glare and Josh realized that no matter how weak she was, she was still Andy.
"Oh no, not again," she leaned over the toilet once more and began to cough violently. There was nothing left in her system to throw up, but it didn't stop the sensation from going away. Josh again held her hair back and just waited for the feeling to pass.
When her stomach had calmed enough that it didn't feel like she was being torn in five different directions, she again fell against the sink, trying to catch her breath. Remembering what his mom had always done for him when he wasn't feeling well, Josh reached for a wash cloth on top of the sink and drenched it with water. He rang out the excess and then folded the small towel. As Andy closed her eyes, he placed the towel against her head and held it there.
"You don't have to be here," she said with her eyes still closed.
"I want to be here," he replied, holding the cloth against her forehead.
She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was being entirely sincere, but that didn't mean she was going to be okay with the fact that he was there.
"Nobody wants to be in a room with a girl who can't stop throwing up."
"It's our thing, remember?"
"Watching me throw up is our thing?"
"No, unconventionality is our thing."
She smirked, unable to muster a complete smile.
"Yeah, well as unconventional as we may be, for our next date, I don't want to be looking into a toilet."
This time they both smiled.
"Come on," he said, taking the towel off her head, "let me help you into bed."
"No, I…I think I'll just stay here for awhile," she mumbled, beginning to lie down on the floor. "I rather like the scenery."
Again, she began put her arm under her head to comfort her. As she laid down, Josh scooted closer to her. He sat down with his legs stretched straight out, leaning against the sink next to her. He put his arms around her and lifted her slightly so that her head was on his lap. She closed her eyes and reached for his hand. They linked fingers, and, for the first time, Andy didn't feel sick.
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She woke up, not with the usual awful feeling she felt after spending hours throwing up, but with the strange feeling of happiness. The nausea was, at least for the time being, all but gone from her stomach.
"Hey," he said.
She opened her eyes and looked up. And then she remembered. Josh had found her hovering over the toilet puking her guts out and he had stayed. He hadn't run away like she thought he would, or like she wanted him to. He had stayed and held her hair back and placed the cool cloth over her head. He had stayed as she fell to the floor exhausted. He had stayed with her as she slept…on him.
She couldn't remember how she had gotten into the position she was in, but, looking up, directly into his eyes, she didn't care. She had never before noticed just how amazing his eyes were. She felt like she could get lost in them forever.
Her head was resting on his lap. One of his hands was tangled in her hair and the other was still holding her hand.
"Hi," she replied sheepishly.
"Feeling better?" He asked, wishing that he could just sit there forever. Sure, his legs were starting to fall asleep and he could feel a cramp beginning to form in his lower back, but he didn't care. He never knew there could be such joy in watching someone sleep.
"Yeah," she answered.
She began to sit up slowly. Reluctantly, Josh took his hand from her hair and helped her to sit up. He scrambled got to his feet and then pulled her to hers.
"Thanks," she said as her head began to pound. Dealing with the nausea of chemo was one thing, but dealing with the headaches that came after was almost unbearable.
"How long was I asleep?" She questioned, trying to ignore the pain. Josh had already seen her at her worse, but he had no idea what was in store for the rest of the night and Andy was not about to let him see it.
"A few hours," he answered, noticing the change in her face. When she woke up she looked…happy, but seeing her now, she looked like she was in anguish.
Feeling herself getting woozy, Andy took a step towards the sink and leaned on it.
"Thanks for…staying with me," she said in more of a whisper.
"I would never complain about having a girl in my lap, you know that."
He smiled at his own joke, but she had no response, not even a sarcastic comeback about him being a disgrace to the human race.
He put his hand on her arm.
"Come on," he said. "Let's get you to bed."
"I'm fine," she assured him, trying to pull her arm from his grip, but she was unsuccessful.
"Andy…"
"Look, I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor."
"Maybe not, but you do need me to be your friend."
"I can get to bed fine by myself."
She let go of the sink and took a step forward. She could feel her legs giving way beneath her, but she didn't fall. Before she knew it, his arm was around her waist, supporting her and they were slowly making their way to the bed. He could tell that the pain in her head was getting worse as she began to rub her temples.
As they reached her bedside, she collapsed, covering her head with her hands and arms. Josh lifted her legs slightly so they were completely on the bed, instead of hanging off the side. He pulled the blanket that was crumpled up at the bottom of the bed, up and over her body.
"Josh, please just go home," she whimpered.
Josh shook his head even though she was turned away from him and couldn't see him.
"I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to do this alone, Andy." Josh said quietly. "I won't let you do it alone."
"Josh please…go." She could feel the pain getting worse. In her heart all she wanted was for him to stay, but her mind told her something different.
"Why won't you let me help you?"
A tear rolled down her cheek, not from the pain she was feeling in her head, but from the pain she felt in her heart. She could deal with having cancer. She could deal with the fact that she might die. But she couldn't deal with the feelings she was having for him. She couldn't deal with the fact that, after she had finally found a person who understood her, she was going to have to leave them. And she couldn't deal with the fact that he was going to have to suffer with her through all of it. She didn't want to see him hurt and the only thing to keep him from getting hurt was to push him away.
"I don't…I don't want you to see me like this," Andy stuttered, her voice muffled.
"All I see is the strong, sarcastic, G-force loving…beautiful girl I know," Josh replied.
His words hit her. She stopped concentrating on the pain and thought completely about what he had said. He thought she was beautiful. She had never worried about her looks before or considered herself to be beautiful, especially now that she was pale and balding, but he had said it and for whatever reason, she truly believed it.
"Josh…" she muttered, not knowing what else to say.
"I'm not going anywhere," he insisted.
He could hear her sigh and he knew that he had won for at least the time being. He dragged his usual blue chair next to her bed and sat down.
"Josh?" She asked quietly after a few minutes of silence in which he thought she had fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"One…two…three…I like you, too."
Josh smiled as she rolled over to face him. Despite the pain, she had a smile on her face, too. Josh leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek. He reached for her hand.
"Will you stay with me?"
Josh didn't respond. He simply climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around her. She immediately placed her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. He kissed her on the forehead and realized that he had found the answer he so needed to hear.
Author's Note:
I absolutely LOVED writing this chapter and I hope you loved reading. Thanks so much to everyone who's been reading this fic and a special thanks to everyone who has commented! Stay tuned for more!
