"YOu FEEL LIKE AN ARMY. HELL. YOu *ARE* AN ARMY.

AND EVEN THOuGH. AN ARMY IS AGAINST YOu. THE FORCES ARE EQuAL. AND THE FIGHT IS BOuND TO BE "EPIC".

[S] FIGHT: GO ON.

NORMALLY. THIS WOuLD BE A PAGE. WITH SOuND. TO MAKE THE FIGHT. EVEN MORE INTENSE. AND EPIC.

BuT INSTEAD. THE uNIMPORTANT BLuE MALE. RuINS EVERYTHING. BY SHOuTING AT ME. SO I'VE BEEN FORCED. TO CuT SOuND OFF.

INSTEAD. LET'S TALK ABOuT PAGES WITH SOuND. IN MORE DETAIL.

ORIGINALLY. THE PuRPOSE OF PAGES WITH SOuND. WAS TO SHOW OFF. "HEY LOOK. THIS "COMIC" HAS SOuND IN IT. THAT MAKES IT SuPER COOL, RIGHT?" NO. IT JuST MAKES IT. NOT A COMIC ANYMORE.

THEN. SOuND WAS REPuRPOSED. TO ADD ATMOSPHERE. AS HERE. AND MAKE THE FIGHTS MORE EPIC. AND DISCOVERIES MORE SHOCKING. AND THOSE THINGS. uNFORTuNATELY. ATMOSPHERE KEPT ESCALATING. AND AS THE STORY GREW IN LENGTH. SOuND MEANT LESS AND LESS. AND WASN'T uSED IN PLACES WHERE IT SHOuLD HAVE BEEN. BECAuSE OF THE SO-CALLED "ABRIDGEMENT".

SO FINALLY. THE THIRD PuRPOSE OF SOuND. WAS TO ANNOY PEOPLE. THAT'S RIGHT. COMPuTER GuY PLAYED A SONG ON ME. INSISTING THAT I CAN'T KEEP DOWN THE CLOWN. SO I SHuT THE SOuND OFF. AND TO THIS DAY IT REMAINS OFF.

OH. AND NOTICE THE LINK ABOVE? SAYING "DuMB NOISE." THAT'S A FOuRTH PuRPOSE OF SOuND. TO MAKE MONEY. PACKAGE SONGS THAT WERE uSED AS SOuND. AND THOSE THAT WEREN'T. AND SELL THEM. SAYING "OH, LOOK, HERE ARE THE SONGS THAT WERE uSED." WHILE FORGETTING. THAT THERE WERE ALSO SONGS THAT WEREN'T uSED. WHICH MAKES THE ENTIRE COMPOuND WORTHLESS. WORTHLESS, I SAY.

ALRIGHT. BY THIS TIME. ALPHA MALE SuRELY MuST BE DONE.

ME: OBSERVE ALPHA MALE.

NOPE. THAT MEANS MORE TALKING.

ABOuT THINGS LIKE COMMANDS. NOTICE HOW THESE COMMANDS ARE GIVEN TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. ORIGINAL MALE. ALPHA MALE. ALPHASPRITE. ME. EVEN THINGS THAT AREN'T ALIVE. LIKE THE FIGHT. IT'S ALMOST AS IF. I COULD TYPE ANYTHING. LIKE " SGADHJDASLSHDH: SKDGSFHSALFHDLS". AND THAT WOuLD PARSE. AS A LEGITIMATE COMMAND. IN FACT. LET'S DO EXACTLY THAT.

ONLY AFTER ALPHA MALE IS DONE FIGHTING THOuGH.

ME: OBSERVE ALPHA MALE.

THIS TIME. THE ALPHA MALE. IS DONE.

AS WELL AS THAT. NOW ONLY TWO TRuSTY BITCHES REMAIN. DON'T WORRY. I BE PASSING OuT BITCHES. LIKE HuMAN CHEAP CIGARS.

AS WELL AS THAT OTHER THAT. THE uNIMPORTANT BLuE MALE. HAS FINALLY VANISHED. FROM MY PLANE OF EXISTENCE. SO THAT'S AN IMPROVEMENT.

ALSO NOTICE. HOW THE COMMAND IS EXACTLY THE SAME. "ME: OBSERVE ALPHA MALE." YET THE RESuLT IS RADICALLY DIFFERENT.

ALRIGHT. HERE COMES NOTHING.

SGADHJDASLSHDH: SKDGSFHSALFHDLS.

IT APPEARS. THAT HOMOSuCK IS PARSING THE COMMAND.

ME: WAIT.

WHILE WAITING. YOu. (THAT IS ME.) PICK uP THE MANGA BOOK. HOPEFuLLY. YOu CAN EMuLATE ITS STYLE. FOR THE NEXT uPDATES. TO SHOW OFF.

ME: READ.

WAIT. IT APPEARS. HOMOSuCK IS REACTING.

ME: OBSERVE.

"HOMOSuCK HAS CRASHED."

HuH.

WELL. THAT MEANS END OF ACT 3. AND END OF MY STORY'S "TEMPORARY INFLuENCE". NOW FAREWELL. AND MAY YOu NOT BE KILLED. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE STORY. AS YOu READ. THROuGH THIS HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE INTERMISSION.

tumut

[S] ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3"

"Well, looks like your story is over. But before that, discussion. What does everyone think about this really groundbreaking act?" Hussie asked. He needed the most recently finished act to burrow deeply into his readers' minds, so that they could remember it and pass it on to the rest of Tumblr.

"i think i want to sleep." John was the first to respond.

"yeah / youd better have not swiped us from the middle of the night..." Jade continued.

"WELP. HuSSIE OFFICIALLY MAKES NEGATIVE SENSE."

"Don't diss my brand of logic so quickly." Hussie snapped.

"I think Rose's mother is one wonderful person!" John's grandmother said.

"I can see." Hussie laughed weirdly. He had known that Jane and Roxy were definitely a couple, but to see one of them as a young adult and the other as someone who has seen both world wars and still have them get along was a bit weird.

"So? Anyone? Did it suck? Did it rule?" Hussie asked once again, only to see that some people had actually fallen asleep.

"SEE. HOMOSuCK IS SO BORING. EVEN THROuGH MY WONDERFuL GIFT OF SATIRE. THAT YOu PuT PEOPLE TO SLEEP."

"And you will wake them up by shouting."

"dude / were napping / please be silent" Dave briefly awoke from his sleep, only to become unresponsive again. Hussie and Caliborn thus went to the hallway, where they would be more distant from everyone, while the other nine slowly, one by one, fell asleep.

"So. You're the only one left here awake."

"I THINK. THAT IN SOME PARTS IT WAS COOL. BuT I WOuLD NEVER TAKE ON HOMOSuCK. ALL BY MYSELF."

"Mm-hmm. Though, note that now Homestuck is finished, and you and your friends won't be getting any more adventures."

"FOR THE BETTER. NOW. IF YOU EXCUSE ME. I ALSO WANT TO HUMAN SLEEP. BUT NOT WITH IDIOTS."

"It's okay." Hussie lied. It was not at all okay. His house wasn't designed to hold eleven people at all. The best Hussie could do is lay down Caliborn at the hallway and give him winter clothes for cover.

Once he was sure everyone else was asleep, Hussie floated onto the roof of his house and took a look at the nightly ocean. Seeing as the cruise ship market had exploded, finding a cruise ship wouldn't be that difficult.

What would definitely not pass, though, is the other people seeing a floating house.

Hussie was now alone with his thoughts. Since his sleep schedule was never that good at all, he didn't feel sleepy, and instead thought about just about anything he could. His guests. The update. His friends who remained on the land at TopatoCo and What Pumpkin. The global Homestuck community.

And, be it through luck, Dante Basco called Hussie. In California, where Basco lived, it wasn't nearly as late, so it wasn't for him to be up at this time. "Hussie. You won't believe what."

"Yes, Dante?"

"Today is the day. Today I finally read the last update of Homestuck."

"The last update... that is so wrong. I haven't even published it yet. I am still reading it with my troupe."

"Nooooo. The one with the Condesce shouting at some people."

"Oh, the one before the Gigapause started. That takes me so far back. Anyway. Keep being awesome, and remember I'll always be there for you, even though it might appear that I'm laughing at you behind your back. Cheers and bye."

"Goodbye."

Basco thus hung up, leaving Hussie, again, all alone. He thus finally descended to his bedroom, undressed and lay down in bed, hoping to fall asleep soon.


Fake update count: 37