Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon


Authors Note:

A lot of people are saying the last chapter was confusing; it'll be explained here.

Also, I'm going back to Friday publishing because I'm overwhelmed with the new story prep as well. Still looking for Betas too.

This chapter was late for a couple reasons. 1) I'm still in school. So that takes up a lot of my time. I can't publish from school because the site is blocked. The only time I can write is study halls and I can't finish a chapter in 40 minutes 5 times. Plus every other day I have a 4th period study hall. But I have work for school as well that is my priority with the end of the year coming up. 2) My personal life is hectic. A lot is changing for me. My mom recently got engaged so my family life is all over the place. As of school a recent tragedy occurred and it's been pretty hectic. Plus I'm switching schools soon soooo…

So sorry for the inconvenience! For now on since we are coming so close to the end nothing should happen like this again until it does end. Unless something crazy happens like an accident. God forbid it does. Therefore, until the end. Every Friday will be a chapter! We only have like 2-4 left. So yeah. Back the story my friends. Thanks for understanding.


Matt woke up slowly confused thinking he was dreaming when he was at his mom's house. He sat up looked at the clock, 6:00. Matt sighed waiting to wake up, knowing he had dreams where this never happened. He shook his head stood up and waited for something to happen where he would be snapped back into hell.

He just waited in the hallway. Was this not a dream? He shook his head, of course, it was. He bit his lip, there was only one way to make sure it was, that it was a dream and it was over. Matt walked over to the door, slipped on his shoes and made his way out into the cold night. Why he was doing it he didn't know. It was pointless to think the past 3 years wasn't real.

The blond didn't even notice how long he had been walking. All he knew was he was at his destination. Matt hesitated at the door, why was he hesitating? He knew this was all a dream he was just waiting for something to snap him out of it.

Nobody had a 3-year dream, so why was he letting himself have a small fraction of hope? Things would be over soon anyway, so why couldn't he just wake up!? Sure he wanted that to be a dream, so he could live without that whole thing happening. So TK didn't have to walk around on a demented foot his whole life or experience anything like that had.

Matt gathered his courage and knocked at the door, if his dad or TK or someone answered, it'd be a dream, if they didn't, something else would wake him up. Matt waited for someone to answer, nobody did. He sighed and rattled the handle. It was locked. He rolled his eyes and looked under the mat for a key and found one.

Once he picked it up he pushed the key inside the lock and pushed the door open. He sighed as he made his way in. Alright… Someone come to try and kill me and snap me awake, I'm getting sick of these dreams… Matt was shocked at the apartment.

It looked exactly the same as when he had left, the door was open where Daniel had let him out. The bottles he had knocked off we're still broken on the ground. He looked around memories of the past overflowing.

There were a few spots of blood on the floor from 6 months ago when Sora had gotten hurt. Matt for some reason found to courage to keep walking just wanting the dream to be over. He didn't like how different this one was, he'd usually walk in on everything bring how it was when he fell asleep, but not this time…

"T?" he called hoping he would answer, or his dad would yell at him for causing a ruckus. Matt walked to the balcony door, maybe it was a lock-outside day. Matt jumped when he reached the door. Did I get shorter? Or is everything pea-sized in this dream? Matt opened the balcony door just waiting for something to wake him up.

Stumbling back when he opened the door Matt trapped onto the door frame to steady himself. He started panting, it was just overwhelming that everything was exactly the same! He just wanted to wake up now! Why he was unsure, wouldn't it be better to stay in this world? No, he didn't want to wait he still had a while to go until he was 18, and he just needed to get there!

The balcony had a distinct smell of alcohol and smoke, and there were a few spots of blood marked the floor. Matt shook his head rapidly trying to get the memories to stop coming, unsuccessful Matt left the balcony shut the door and leaned against it panting. Matt slid down the door ignoring his loss in his fight to hold back tears. He buried his head in his arms letting the salt-water sink into his shirt.

Ignoring the fact it was a dream and nothing mattered. Ignoring that if he woke up right now, he'd burst into tears in front of TK, whom he was trying to stay strong for. Even though he'd always reassure him everything would be ok, trying his damndest to believe it himself. How would it look if he woke up crying from a nightmare? Hypocritical.

Crying loudly curled up on the floor. Just wanting everything to want to go back to before. Why did he have to pray for him to go away? Then he did but then he came back, and he can't blame anyone for that because he only ever asked for him to go away, he never said to go away and never return.

"What have I done!?" He cried out to nobody. "What the hell have I done!?" By being selfish he had put everyone he had ever cared about in danger. His mom was dead, and TK was living something worse than Matt. A) because he wasn't used to it B) he couldn't walk like a normal person C) his dad just seemed to hate him more.

He enjoyed reminding him he was at fault for the divorce because they didn't have the time to take care of both kids and make sure they had an even amount of time. So they divorced to prevent that. Hiroaki loved reminding him of that. All of these things happen to innocent people because of him.

Police officers and detectives were said to have looked day and night for them. His father made it a daily thing to read the newspaper to them just to make them feel more guilt-stricken. The school did vigils for them. Worst of all, there were articles of speeches Kari and Tai had done praying for them.

Tai was saying how Matt was his best friend and one of the very few people he could turn to when he really needed to, without a fear of being judged. How Matt was always putting them before himself despite how through all the years Matt needed someone. Sora had a few speeches, however, hers ended half a year after they started. Not because she gave up but because she had become overwhelmed and hung herself in her closet one night. Leaving Matt even more guilt-stricken than before.

Kari had talked about how much of a friend TK had been, and apologizing on how naive she had been for letting him be tormented by Trent and Aiden. Whom he knew still haunted him to this day. Despite what he was going through now. Matt would still have to comfort him when he'd wake up in the middle of the night from a dream of those two. Or when Matt had to comfort him because he'd cry seeing his old scars. The night Hiroaki had read that to them TK had sobbed all night apologizing to Matt for keeping him up but he just couldn't help it.

Those were the times he'd see TK cry. Or the night they had been kidnapped and he just couldn't hold back his mourning for Nancy. It wasn't about what his father had done to him but what he had done. It was then he found out Hiroaki killed her in front of him.

There was only one way to know if this was real or not, he knew it was pointless but he just wanted the tears to end so he could wake up and act like everything was ok. Matt scanned the room despite every moment replaying in his head. Getting up he wiped the tears and walked over to the computer that he knew would be there.

Matt turned it on and waited for the login. A password was needed, Matt shook his head and typed: '123' because his dad was original. When it logged in Matt went to Google, a little surprised it worked because nobody lived in the apartment, then again this was a dream.

He sighed and searched something up.

'Hiroaki Ishida Prison Status'

Despite his shaking, Matt found the courage to press enter. He held his breath while it loaded, and once it did he looked straight at the mug shot and the information under it.

(Forgive me if this isn't how it really works)

Name: Ishida Hiroaki

Height: 5 7' (170 cm)

Crime: Child Abuse

Sentence: To be determined

Trial: March 23, 2002

Status: In prison

Matt let out a sigh of relief, according to this dream he was still locked away, even if it wasn't the truth it was still reassuring. He winced at a pin of guilt that struck over him; he was glad his father was locked away, but he couldn't help but think about all the kids whose fathers were gone as well, yet since he was 7 he was praying for him to go away.

Was it selfish? To wish someone was in prison? Especially when some people wanted someone out of jail. The people framed? Even though Hiroaki was guilty; he felt bad. The blond shook his head, what did it matter? He got out, he was living with him, he was just having some dream that he was taking way too seriously.

Sighing he closed out of the internet browser and shut down the computer. Shaking his head he stood up and walked away. Slowly walking away from everything. Matt paused at the open door and glanced in, why he didn't know. He'd be seeing it soon enough. He sighed and turned his head, catching a glance in the mirror. He looked back and clenched his fists.

Why it came to his surprise that he was in the same clothes as that night he didn't know. He always had dreams of that night and then thinking it was over, just to be reverted back to hell. He closed his eyes shut and shook his head. It was pointless to think it was over, this was fake! Why couldn't he just understand that!? And most of all, why was he yelling at himself!? Was he going insane?

Matt walked to the door and as soon as he shut it he ran home, maybe he'd trip and wake up because of its falling. It's happened before so why can't it happen now? Because that's his luck that's why.

Matt stood at the door of his mom's apartment, pausing. Like everything in this stupid dream, he didn't know why. All he wanted was to wake up before he got that false sense of hope that it was all fake. Even if he knew it was fake, and he didn't want to believe, his stupid mind would make him. Because it'd always be that way. Although he'd kill to see everyone happy again. Even if he was never taken away, and just passing TK in school or his mom on the street, as long as they were smiling a true smile.

He sighed and pushed the door open, waiting for something to happen. Maybe he'd see the dirt from the vase. The broken candle. Walking in just to see a balcony. Just something that would trigger his memory. But it was none of that, Matt walked in just to see nothing; out of the ordinary.

The apartment was the same as when he had left, not 3 years ago but when he had left to see his dad's apartment. It was shocking but not completely, this was a ream so anything could happen. Matt walked into the apartment closing the door and waiting for everything to turn black and he woke up. Why hadn't it happen yet?

He shook his head and walked around the apartment. "Hello?" he called. No answer. Matt just spent his time walking around waiting to wake up. He was in the kitchen when he heard the door rattle. When he saw who it was he just feel down to the floor in tears. The door opened completely with Matt on the floor balling. The door slammed shut and they ran over to him.

"Matt whats wrong?" Nancy asked hugging him. Matt just continued to cry. "If you didn't want to be alone you could have called" she reassured him.

Matt woke up in the closet for the past 3 years at least. Or, was it. Was that a dream or was he living a dream right now? Matt winced. Nancy walked into the kitchen where Matt was sitting. He looked away as she slid some water to him. "Matt," Nancy said sternly. Matt looked away at his arm which was sitting on his lap and pinched his lower arm where his mom couldn't see him do it. He snapped his arm away quickly when it didn't wake him up when it just hurt.

Damnit! He snapped in his mind TK or someone shakes me or something! He sighed. "What's up with you? You're acting more distant than you normally do. Matt looked away in the opposite direction of his mother. "Matt?" he didn't reply. He didn't want to, that'd be giving in and he wasn't going to do that. This stupid dream should stop trying. Unless it's not a dream. He clenched his fists. No! It wasn't real it was a dream! 3 years can't just be a dream!

dreams"What's wrong?" Nancy asked. Matt still didn't answer. Even if he looked plain rude, it's a dream so what does it matter? It doesn't that's all. Why could he never understand that? He had this way too many times to count and yet he never learned! Why was he still dwelling on the past! It's the past! It's over. Being lost in thought really meant what it said. He was so lost he didn't even notice he was crying until he visually saw the tears on his hand.

Crap! He thought since he didn't notice he didn't try and not cry. Nancy put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Unsure of what to do he panicked and stood up and smacked her hand away. Nancy looked at him hurt and Matt just glade back shaking tears streaming down his face. "Leave me alone!" he cried looking at the floor. Nancy opened her mouth to talk but Matt bolted towards the bathroom door. Crying leaning against it, his hand on the doorknob making sure Nancy couldn't open it. He just felt overwhelmed with emotions. Fear, anger, sadness, relief, and for some reason he was a little happy. He shook his head trying his hardest to chase that away. He shouldn't be happy right now!

Nancy knocked at the door "Matt? I didn't mean to offend you if something wrong you can talk to me" Nancy reassured him. She stood by the door defeated knowing there wasn't much she could do. Matt just seemed distant and he wasn't very happy. Whatever had happened while she was gone if anything had, (which clearly something had to but you never know with trauma) and if she didn't know she couldn't help, and Matt didn't seem to want to talk about it so it was pointless to try and convince him otherwise.

There was a long pause of nothing but silence and Matt's uncontrollable sobbing. Nothing seemed to be ok, nothing seemed like it was going to be ok, this dream wasn't ok, and reality definitely wasn't ok. There was nothing going good in his life right now and he wasn't even sure if what he was living was worthy of being called a life.

All he really did was stare at the floor, afraid that if he looked up he'd snap back into reality. Matt refused to look away, the very fact despised him. Despite his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, he wasn't going back, not right now, he just wasn't ready, of course, he never would be ready to face his father. His eyelashes were heavy with tears; his open hand clenched into a shaking fist, his hand on the doorknob so tight that his knuckles were turning a pale white. He was in a desperate battle against everything he had ever endured, the hopelessness of the years before, the guilt TK, Sora, Tai, Mimi, and Kari, the pain of his father's hatred, everything.

Tears traced down his pale cheeks from the lack of sunlight that he had only ever seen through windows. He sobbed, tears streaming from his deep blue eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat, Nancy just staring at the door heartbroken for her teenage son, throughout all of this he did not look away. Not until his sharp raspy and painful sobs caused him to fall to the ground in tears, did he let himself fall.

He didn't wake up, he didn't regret it, he didn't question why he couldn't open his eyes, he just cried. Matt couldn't hear anything besides the painful pounding in his chest. He tried to catch his breath and stood up lingering to the door, he wasn't in control, it was like his body knew something that his mind didn't.

Opening the door Matt looked at his mom tearfully and let out a painful sob and fell into his mother's arms crying even more. Nancy caught him, luckily, and they fell to the floor Matt crying and Nancy saying nothing besides hold him because that's what she always did, because this wasn't a dream. He knew it now. "Hey, whats wrong?" Nancy asked concerned.

"I'm scared" Matt answered tearfully

"Why there's no reason to be, your safe now I promise," Nancy said comforting him "did something happen?"

"I had a dream..." Matt answered, he would have said what it was about but he burst into tears.

"Shhh, its ok, it's not real" Matt cried softly and Nancy stroked his hair "it's not real"

(Can I just point out I said 'dream' 29 times?


*6:00*


TK stared at the floor for the millionth time. That's all he had been doing for the whole day, not much to do when there's nothing to do. He thought to himself. Oh great now I can't even think English. He rolled his eyes dear god help me…

TK looked up as Nancy knocked on the door. "Hey" she greeted warmly. TK greeted her and welcomed her in. Nancy took a seat next to her son in the recovery room. .

"So, hows this" she looked around at the empty room "very quiet room?" she asked trying to lighten the mood. TK shrugged, looking back at the floor.

"As good as an insanely quiet room can get I guess" he replied in an annoyed tone. Nancy could tell something was on his mind but when TK didn't want to talk he wouldn't talk, if he wanted to he would, if he didn't he would not.

"And how good is that?" Nancy asked

"Depends on your definition of good" TK mumbled and winced as he adjusted his injured foot. Moving his hands to cross his arms over his stomach. He sighed and Nancy gave him a concerned look. TK said nothing and silence filled the room. TK would have killed to find the words to get his mom to stop staring at him like that, but he couldn't.

He wasn't sad about what had happened. He wasn't angry about it. TK didn't know how to describe it, like this blank sheet of paper held the word he needed but yet he couldn't pinpoint it. It wasn't loss, fear, envy, or anything. If there was some sort of tank inside your head that had your emotions; and a liquid traced up to them.

Line 1 - Sad

Line 2 - OK

Line 3 - Happy.

Or something like that there wouldn't be anything there because the liquid was little to none. It was a plain glass bottle with gray lines tracing that. A small little drop of it itching to reach the top of ecstaticness. Not the lines in between of worry, jealousy, and anger. Maybe that was his longing to be happy like he had been, maybe it was that he wanted to feel normal, to take back the words of his classmates.

He wanted to be like a broom and take away their words to the island of forgetfulness, sweep away the worries of whomever actually took time to care about his existence. He was sick of being the one who caused other people pain. He heard from Davis that Trent and Aiden had gotten suspended for a couple weeks and that was going on their record. TK, however, didn't want that, he'd rather move on and act like nothing happened. He'd rather go back to the 3 not acknowledging each other.

Everyone was the same. Everyone had insecurities or problems. Everyone had fears sadness or something else. Not everyone feels the same but they've all felt the same feelings at some point. Everyone's wanted to scream 'nothing is okay!' People can walk around this earth each day and pretend that everything is okay all they want.

Why can't everyone admit that we are just hollow paper dolls with a painted on smile and face? Paper dolls that rip easily; but take a little longer to heal yet all you have to do is take the tape and cover it up? Their paper faces revealing no guilt, sadness, emptiness or emotion in general. You can try and hide away behind paper masks that don't look that convincing but nobody took the time to notice. You could take a piece of that paper and make that friend your longing for but the wind comes and steals that away along with the mask. Then you have to work harder to make a new one.

Why can't everyone agree that most of them are a dark void that is never ending? It consumes everything, that tank it the first to go to your left feeling nothing but emptiness. It takes your self-confidence and respect and shatters it when the painful knives of others words embed themselves inside. There's nothing to replace the tank, it takes away normal activities that are normal in human life. Emptiness is so consuming that even thinking of emotion seems like a sunny day printed on history books in the back of the self.

Maybe he'd describe it as emptiness, maybe that's how he felt all the time. He sighed he knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do if he wanted to stop this. "Mom," TK said softly

"What, what's wrong?" Nancy asked concerned, if he said something depressing she was going to flip, how many troubles can a 12-year-old have? She'd still be accepting of the news, she just might not like it.

"I- I um…" TK sighed unsure of what to say. He paused trying to organize the words scattering in his head. "I-I want to get help," he said in a shaky voice. There was a moment of silence and settling. Nancy broke the silence.

"Really?" she asked. TK nodded shyly Nancy sighed with relief (you couldn't tell it was relief though) "Ok" she said "I'm glad" Nancy pulled TK into a huge TK nodded.


*The Next Day*

*3:00*


Nancy parked the car and sighed looking at TK. "Are you sure you want to do this today? You just got out of the hospital if you want to wait" Nancy said her voice trailing off.

"Mom, its fine" TK replied Nancy sighed happily and hugged him.

"I'm so proud of you," Nancy said

"Thanks, mom" TK replied

"I love you"

"I love you too mom" there was a small silence of those two hugging.

"OK you gotta go or your gonna be late," Nancy said TK nodded, they said their goodbyes and TK left the car into the building. Nancy buried her face in her hands letting a few tears fall. When she became a mother she never thought her kids would be going to a therapist or crying because of their father. Did she fail?


*5:00*


Kari sighed as she stared at the door. Davis shook his head and knocked, Kari glared at him. "Really!?" she asked annoyed.

"What you were taking to long" Davis responded rolling his eyes. Kari jumped when the door opened and Davis laughed. Kari growled at him annoyed and her face was flushed.

"Don't laugh at me!" she said embarrassed Davis continued to laugh.

"Um... " Kari and Davis looked at the open door where the voice came from "did I miss something?" TK asked balancing on his crutches.

"Just Kari being Kari" Davis jokes and TK shook his head.

"Do you wanna come in?" he asked and they nodded. TK turned around (slowly because he was on crutches and wasn't used to them) Kari spoke up

"Anyway what happened to you?" she asked

"I'm clumsy" he answered jokingly. Davis shook his head.

"So did you break your ankle?" he asked

"Nope I twisted my ankle, broke my foot, and minorly cracked my tibula" TK answered

"Your tibula…?" Davis asked confused

"His shin you dummy" Kari answered

"Ohhhhhhh! How'd you do that?" Davis asked

"I told you I'm clumsy!" TK said

"He means how you got hurt" Kari interjected

"I feel down the stairs at the school" TK lied

"Well isn't that smart " Davis taughted

"Hey Davis stop that he clearly didn't mean to," Kari said defending TK

"Well yeah he said he was clumsy"

"My point exactly" TK smiled at their absolute ridiculousness and realized he had the weirdest friends. It had only had been a day since his mom had him try and talk to someone (she was quick with it so he couldn't change his mind) but he already felt better.


Authors Note:

Yayyyy I'm back! Woohoo!

So, yeah, this was supposed to be up on Friday but some glitch made it not post and it didn't get my attention until earlier today. My bad