Welcome to chapter seven of Please Stop Talking.

This chapter features Kurt and Burt. It is entirely crack, be warned.

Also, I heavily abuse the caps-lock button.

Basically, Kurt's been Trick Or Treating, and he's… let's just say a little hyper.

Chapter Seven: Candyman

"Everybody dance now! Bum. Bum bum bum bum."

"Kurt, be quiet."

"You can't control me, father!"

"As long as you live with me, yeah. Yeah, I can."

"And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moooon!"

"What did that kid feed you before he dropped you home?"

"Sherbert. Halloween candy. Twizzlers AND Redvines- I'm living large! I LOVE ALLEN'S LOLLIPOPS! DO DO DO DO DO! THEY MAKE MY HEART GO GIDDYUP!"

"Yeah, now, see, when I agreed to let you go Trick or Treating with Blaine, I assumed that meant you'd spend all day getting your costumes ready, door-knock for about ten minutes, get bored, and then giving the candy to Finn. I thought you were too health conscious to gorge yourself into a sugar-rush?"

"Blaine convinced me to live a little! Which means you were wrong about me! You were wrong, daddy! Wrong, wrong, wrong! And how many times will it taaaaake! For you to Get It Riiiiigggghhtt?"

"Oh for the love of- You must have eaten your body weight in candy to get this hyper."

"Sweet. Sugar. Candyman!"

"Kurt! Pay attention!"

"You would not believe your eeeeyyyes! If ten million firefliieeeees! Lit up the world as I fell asleeeeep!"

"What has that even got to do with the conversation?"

"Sorry, you were talking? I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!"

"Yes, Kurt. Oh, never mind. I just wanna know how long this is gonna last. I wanna record it when you come down from your high and crash completely."

"I shall never come down from this brilliance! I AM THE BANANA KING! I GOT A POCKET, GOT A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE! I GOT A LOVE AND I KNOW THAT IT'S ALL MINE. WOAH-OAH."

"Kurt, stop pole dancing with the lamp."

"I SHALL NEVER CONFORM TO YOUR 'SQUARE' RULES, MAN. NEVER. I AM STRONG! STRONG! I AM INVINCIBLE! INVINCIBLE! I AM WOMAAAAAN!"

"You're just getting ridiculous, now."

"This whole CLASS is ridiculous."

"…What?"

"I SAID NOTHING. STOP LOOKING AT ME. I SAID STOP. I DON'T NEED A MAN TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD!"

"I sincerely hope so."

"CUZ I AM BEAUTIFUL. IN EVERY SINGLE WAY. I SAID STOP LOOKING AT ME."

"Kurt, please stop crying."

"Kurt?"

"…Kurt?"

"Daddy, I don't feel so good."

"Here we go…"

If you can name every song used in this chapter, I'll give you… something.

Something really cool.

Yeah.