Chapter Seven
Pip pip, all! A nice long chapter for you, in which we discover Ianto's plan for extricating Jack from Toshiko's clutches, as a reward for being such marvellous readers and reviewers. As always, I adore feedback and hearing what you think of the way the plot is going. 3 Enjoy!
"Jo-ones!" Jack's voice rang through the flat in a sing-song tone. He randomly tinkled at the keys of the piano as he sauntered passed it, his chipper gait miraculously returned since the events of the previous evening.
"No music, indeed" he muttered to himself with a smile, his mood failing to drop into one of horror even as he remembered Toshiko's tone regarding his skill on the ivories.
Ianto stepped into the lounge from the balcony holding an empty coffee cup and the morning paper, freezing when he saw Jack. Embarrassed at being caught looking like something other than the perfect butler, he cleared his throat and smoothed down his waistcoat in a nervous gesture of his.
"Sir, I'm terribly sorry, I was-"
"Having a little break?" Jack teased.
"Well sir, it is…" Ianto checked his pocket watch and raised his eyebrows. "Just before nine AM, sir. I was planning to bring your breakfast to you at ten, as always… did you give me orders to the contrary? It's most unlike me to forget… well… anything sir, I can only profusely apologise-"
Jack's laugh brought his bumbling to a halt.
"Jones, relax" he said, taking pity on the poor flustered man, though working himself up had caused a rather attractive flush to work its way up his throat. "I didn't say to bring my breakfast any earlier, I just… well, it's a beautiful day, and the morning seemed wasted lounging in bed. So I thought I'd get up early for once in my life!"
Ianto continued to stare at him as if waiting as if for a punch line that didn't come.
"Are you quite well, sir?" he asked softly, genuinely wondering whether he should be concerned.
"Yes Jones, I am, and I should be offended that you feel the need to ask simply because I'm awake and coherent at this hour" Jack huffed.
"Forgive me sir, it's a shock to the system" Ianto deadpanned, causing his employer to scowl.
"Well I suggest you quickly overcome this so-called shock and tell me exactly what your plan is to get rid of that vicious little woman I have the misfortune to call my fiancée" Jack said as he adjusted his own tie, "and you can do so while working some coffee magic and scrambling some eggs."
Jack sat at the kitchen table shamelessly watching every move Ianto made and idly speculating on whether he'd ever seen a person move with so much grace. He swept through the room with an intimate knowledge of where absolutely everything was kept, even the things that Jack occasionally moved around in continually failed attempts to wind the other man up. But he appeared to have them internally tagged somehow, proven by the way he seamlessly reached for the ground black pepper in the bread bin, where Jack had previously hidden it.
"You're a marvel, Jones" he said unthinkingly, a sigh of awe creeping into his voice.
"Thank you, sir" Ianto replied mechanically as he carefully spooned the golden mound of egg onto a plate and sprinkled it liberally with Worcestershire sauce.
"No, I mean… you really are. I'm sure everybody tells you and perhaps it loses its meaning, but… to me, you're quite frankly a genius" Jack said, eyeing his breakfast lasciviously as it was laid before him alongside a rich black cup of liquid joy.
"My mother thought so too, sir" Ianto said with a hint of a smile, "but I feel that 'genius' is a hyperbole in this particular instance. I simply know the needs of my master."
"Yes, but you knew my needs before you'd even stepped in the door! Sit with me Jones, you're making me uncomfortable" Jack ordered through a mouthful of soggy toast.
Ianto hesitated a moment, as he always did when Jack asked him to sit closeby – it just wasn't the done thing – but he did as he was told and settled himself opposite, hands awkwardly in his lap as Jack studied him.
"So Jones, tell me this grand plan of yours."
Ianto smiled at him with false innocence. "It's all in hand sir, and probably better that you're unaware of it as it unfolds, for maximum effect."
Jack narrowed suspicious eyes. "What do you mean, 'maximum effect'? Is this going to result in me getting belted across the face?"
"Perhaps sir, but you have to ask yourself; is a right hook from Lady Sato's delicate fist not worth the pain when the alternative a legally binding tie to her?"
Jack nodded fiercely. "Absolutely" he said in a tone that was an octave higher than usual.
"Then trust me, sir" is all that Ianto would say, an unmistakably devious shimmer in his baby blue eyes.
If Jack was feeling particularly melodramatic as he reached the grand entrance of Toshiko's family home, he would tell people that as he ascended the handful of steps into the daunting porch that his life flashed before his eyes. As it transpired, he felt entirely justified in being melodramatic, as he clung to his beautifully arranged bouquet of daffodils as if they were his lifeline.
"Morning!" he grinned cheerfully at the sour-faced butler who opened the door to him. "Jackie Harkness" he clarified, "here to see Tosh."
The butler physically winced at the shortening of his mistress's name and curled his lip in the face of the foolhardy American littering the Sato doorstep.
"Of course, Mr Harkness" he said with no small amount of distaste; "follow me".
Jack trailed behind the grizzled timeworn man, pulling faces at the back of his head to amuse himself as they worked their way through a building (he couldn't think of it as a home) that was easily as intimidating as Toshiko herself. Perhaps that charming trait ran in the family, then…
The butler huffed as Jack collided with the back of him, too busy trying to find the happy place in his mind to watch where he was going.
"Sorry" he offered a boyish smile which was not appreciated.
"You will find Lady Sato in her study, sir" he announced, before glancing down at the flowers in Jack's hand. "Allow me to take those from you sir, I shall find a vase for them in the kitchen…"
Jack clung tightly to the stems. "Err… no, that's quite alright, I think I'll give them to Tosh directly" he explained, remembering what Ianto had told him. The plan relies upon Lady Sato herself receiving the flowers, sir. Do not allow any member of staff to take them away, his valet had said, and that was all the extent of Jack's foresight into the day's events. Jack couldn't possibly fathom what the flowers had to do with anything, unless daffodils were on the very long list of things Toshiko despised.
"Very well, sir" the brusque butler replied, taking one last chance to scan Jack up and down with an expression of profound disapproval before disappearing.
Sticking his tongue out at the retreating form, Jack tapped the door four times and waited.
"Come" Toshiko called from within, and Jack's final thought as he entered the dragon's lair was that Ianto's plan had better be spectacular.
"Toshiko, darling!" Jack grinned a little too widely, sweeping into the woman's vast office with a neat dance step and a bow. Toshiko tore her gaze away from the book she was reading, looked him up and down and raised a single delicate black eyebrow.
"Jack. Yes, of course, wedding arrangements. Come and sit down."
"First, my dear, may I offer you these as a token of my affection?" Jack waved the bouquet in front of her face and she grimaced at them as if they might bite. "Daffofils" he explained, "Welsh national flower, so Jones tells me."
"Yes, I know what they are, Jack" she sighed. "Why didn't you hand them to Frobisher outside?"
"I wanted to give them to you by hand" Jack shrugged, hoping she hadn't noticed the bead of sweat working its way down his right temple.
Toshiko pursed her lips and glanced around the room, her eyes landing upon a full vase in the corner of the room.
"Throw those tulips out of the window" she waved a hand dismissively, "your imbecilic friend Owen Harper sent them to me."
Jack scuttled over and regretfully disposed of the wilting flowers, feeling a pang of guilt as he imagined Knobby picking them out (perhaps quite literally, from somebody's garden) to offer to this ice queen.
"I didn't know you were acquainted with Knobby" he said as he took the vase over to her whilst she began to unwind the yellow crepe paper from the daffodils' stalks.
"Eurgh, the deluded little rodent of a man won't leave me alone" she shuddered, and Jack had to repress a Ianto-esque eye roll. As his attention wavered and he began to scan the room around them, he didn't notice that Toshiko had stopped dead and was staring down at the inner layer of flower wrappings. That was, until a soggy wedge of paper was pressed furiously against his face.
"What… the hell… is the meaning of this?" Toshiko hissed, and as Jack looked down at her he realised that she had turned a worrying shade of cerise. As his eyes adjusted to the slightly blurred words, he could just about make out 'in this section, n and m will only be standing for positive whole numbers…' Jack gawped at her.
"You tore pages out of my book to wrap these hideous weeds!" Toshiko screeched, startling Jack from his trance. Again he looked at the damp paper, noticing the title at the top of every page… The Mathematics of Success.
Clutching the flowers, she effectively beheaded the entire bouquet against the edge of her desk and glared at him with wide eyes and bared teeth.
"Jack Harkness, if you think you now have ANY chance of marrying into my illustrious family after… after THIS!" she waved the papers maniacally in the air, "you're even more senseless than I originally believed!"
Jones, you brilliant, brilliant man Jack thought, before doing something very, very silly – he grinned. And as Toshiko's knuckles collided with his nose, he laughed.
"Ow… OW-OW! Jones! What in hell are you doing to me?"
"Sir, if you'll excuse my impertinence, could you cease this impression of a little girl with a grazed knee?"
"NO, no I will NOT excuse your- OUCH! Damn, shit, ass and fuck!"
Ianto raised his eyebrows in incredulity as he continued to press the tightly-packed gauze package of ice against Jack's nose.
"May I say that swearing doesn't suit you, sir? Perhaps such language is best left to Doctor Harper."
"Jones, I could have brain damage, and my perfect face is RUINED! Exactly how calm do you want me to be?" Jack growled, trying to lean away from the throbbing ache the ice was causing until Ianto forcefully grasped the back of his neck and held him in place.
"As calm as a gentleman who has just successfully freed himself of an unwanted engagement, sir?" Ianto suggested, a smirk playing upon his lips.
"Well…" Jack relented, "I can try. But this hurts like an absolute bitch!"
"I know sir, but keeping still will help" his patient-as-a-saint valet replied. "And by the way, you're in Britain now sir – it's 'arse', not 'ass'."
Jack burst out laughing, the joyous sound only cut off by a fresh wave of pain.
"Swearing suits you, Jones" he chuckled, as the other man removed the ice briefly to mop up what blood remained on his upper lip. "Tell me the truth… do I look like Joseph Merrick?"
It was Ianto's turn to laugh, a true laugh, a loud laugh. He recovered quickly as always, but Jack beamed from the inside out that he'd made such a thing happen.
"Sir, in no way do you look anything like Joseph Merrick, I can assure you. Mr Merrick could only have dreamed of being so handsome" he said, clearing his throat immediately afterwards and reapplying the ice.
Jack fought against the urge to hiss in pain, and stared into his valets eyes, who held his gaze and reflected it with something resembling curiosity.
"What's your name?" Jack finally asked.
"Jones, sir" the other man replied, quickly adding "Ianto Jones", feeling a little foolish for immediately replying with the name Jack already knew. He was too used to it; Jones was who he was in front of his employer. His previous masters had always known his full name from his references, but never asked for or spoke of it.
Jack's gaze softened but his stormy eyes showed no less intensity. "I knew it had to be something unmistakeably Welsh. It's beautiful."
"Thank you sir" Ianto offered a slightly shaky smile and swallowed down the warmth rising in his throat until it dissolved. "Allow me to bring you a brandy, sir. It will help with the pain."
He nodded respectfully and rose from his seat to fetch the decanter and a glass from the dining room. Stilling his actions for a moment in darkened silence, Ianto slowly let out the breath he had been unknowingly holding, while Jack's smile remained steadfast as he waited on the other side of the wall.
