Chapter 7
Contagious Evil
I couldn't believe what I'd done. The crime I'd committed; so terrible, I was no better than a Death Eater myself. I knew I would care later, but even then I still didn't give a damn. I didn't mind how wrongfully perfect it felt being forced into something with Barty Crouch Jr- how precisely maddening the sensation was. I could literally feel my mind twisting with darkness, the corruption spreading like poison until it was the poison that I became myself.
I do daresay; let it not be unmentioned, that I indeed do have a very deep, dark corrupted evil that dwells somewhere deep down within my mind. Yes, someplace inside of me there is a reckless, heartless, cruel, insane beast. The idea of it is so inhuman, yet; oddly perfectly human. Every existing person has a darkness within, do they not? I had learned that the hard way- and I'd learned not to trust mankind for that reason. Men are folly, fickle, deceitful, heartless, angry, hateful, selfish creatures. I hated being human- but I couldn't help that. And even I had demons inside.
There were times when a certain bitterness overcame my normal self. I noticed this most happened when I was hurting emotionally; to a point of which my spite and hurt spilled over into hate upon all who had hurt me. It had happened before, and I'd hurt people terribly due to this "demon" I had living inside of me. It was strange, knowing how my anger could turn me into that. Still, it was even stranger knowing that sometimes I didn't want to be… better.
Sometimes, I wanted to watch the world burn like I had for so long. I wanted someone to hurt so deeply and agonizingly like the way I hurt. The idea was sickening, but it was my humane aspect that I couldn't seem to quell.
When it comes to mankind, the notion of "insanity" is more appealing to us that we like to admit.
Things that are brutal, savage, sickening, maddening… horrifying. We like them.
But still, I was such a hypocrite. I would dwell hatefully for hours upon mankind for how evil I knew they all were; how heartlessly they had hurt me in my past. Still- that is another story entirely, and let it not be mentioned, my insignificant battle with agony. Yet here was I bathing in my own maliciousness as if I were sprawled out upon hills of gold.
But I had to remember; the reason why I was still…. Somewhat sane. Even through all these years something had kept me rooted to the idea of goodness. Otherwise, I would've gone off with my parents and finally become a Death Eater. No, I had to remember… There was a certain goodness inside of me that stopped me from doing that. As out of control as my inner madness got, something kept me wholesome.
Still, that part of me had been momentarily chased away as I had my way with Barty Crouch Jr. I was enjoying myself in a "guilt-ridden pleasure" sort of way, my disgusting human desires being shamelessly quenched at last by the wet kissing that still went on.
I was being firm, and steady; my previous hurt and vulnerable state being forgotten as the pain bubbled and festered into something much more harmful. Desire tainted with malice.
I was angry as I remembered what he'd said before this had all happened.
"You… Deserve… It."
And I had.
I simply didn't care, though.
Screw it. Screw it all, I'm going to Hogwarts in the morning and I'm taking what I want before I leave. I'll leave it all behind like it never happened and run from it like the coward I am. But still, it doesn't matter; does it. What the heck and why the HELL not.
I craved that toxic kiss; that tantalizing touch. So I seized it, and ravished this man like a ravenous animal.
I wasn't surprised when he returned the indulgence, of course. At that time we had been both equally insane. I knew that he knew it, too. He was a bad person.
And he knew I knew that, as well.
Still, it was satisfying in an emotional way as well. The idea of accepting this in one another. The thought of acknowledging the evilness we both held and accepting that it was both there inside of us. Even, if; in such a case, I was not entirely corrupt.
Still, I knew this had to end at some point. A brief notion from my "good conscience" told me that my greedy self had had enough.
Like my inner angel and devil were bickering.
"Stop it, you evil thing. You've had enough!"
"Oh, but I'm not even near satisfied…"
"No! You are DONE!"
"No…. I don't think I am… I will take what I want. Because I want it."
"STOP!"
I pulled away in an instant, my lips pulling harshly against Barty's in my retreat as I immediately began panting heavily. He didn't make any move to bring me back, and simply sat limply with his back against the thick tree trunk. His eyes looked distant and moony, but still clouded over with their normal sense of wide-eyed madness. His lips; red with the sudden rush of blood that had moved to them, were curling in an undeniable, relishing smirk of a smile. His breathing was rapid and intense, chest rising and falling beneath me. I realized I had been clutching the opening of his blazer so tightly that my knuckles had turned white, and I let go with stiff fingers.
"Knew… You wanted…. This."
He managed to breathe between hurried inhales and exhales.
I glared, still catching my breath myself as I looked him over. His hair; once plastered back, and been strewn about into a wild mess- and I could even tell were my hands had tangled themselves within the dark honey brown mess. His cheeks were flushed and then again his skin looked slightly pale, his thin, pointed features standing out vividly even in the dark. He still looked as terribly, poisonously attractive as always.
I was somewhat surprised when Barty's head suddenly fell forward loosely, and he rested his face in the crook between my neck and shoulder. I sighed, a bit of a heartfelt motherly affection springing up inside of me at the feeling. I couldn't help it…. I was a girl.
"I want to say sorry but I'm not going to." He finally said, and I made a face of exasperation at that.
Men.
Purposefully saying that to convey to me that he wanted to apologize, all the while blatantly stating that he refuses to out of pride. So confusing.
"I hate you."
He gave a small mocking snort at that, and I bristled with anger again.
"You certainly fail at expressing that properly, then. Because what you just did says otherwise." He was chuckling now, in a bit of a frightening way. But still, I wasn't fazed.
Even though he had a point.
God dammit, I hated it when he had a point.
"Well…" He said, and I felt his lips graze my skin as he spoke from where his head lay peacefully.
"Are you alright?"
I grimaced, and yet again made another face (that he couldn't see…)
"Seriously? You're asking me this now?! I'd appreciate it a hell of a lot more next time before you attack me."
Still, I was surprised when he asked that question. I didn't think for a second that he actually cared about my own wellbeing; that he only regarded his own personal needs and wants.
"I didn't attack you. If I'd attacked you, you'd be dead."
"Um, you forced me to kiss you and held me up against a tree. Last I checked, that is a classified form of attack."
"I'm a Death Eater. That's what I do.
"That is literally the most pitiful excuse I've ever heard."
Another dark chuckle of his.
"I'm a Death Eater, Jazlynn. I'm a bad person. It is in my nature. Of course this was going to happen. Of course I was going to corrupt you. I'm clever, dear. I'm sad to say; I cannot stop myself. It was simply meant to happen like this. There was no stopping it. I wanted something, and when a man like myself wants something, he will get it."
I simply gave a disapproving grumble like this, but despite the noise; it did make sense. He was right, in a way. He was a Death Eater, and what else could I expect? Did I really even for a second expect a Death Eater to respect my personal space and shove aside his own desires? Of course not.
"I'm a bad person, too." I said, and I tilted my head a little in remorse as I realized that.
"No, you're not." He said, immediately.
"You're not a bad person until you can admit it and feel no shame. You're not a bad person until you've destroyed a human, and it brought joy. Not when you still feel remorse at the idea of it. Not when you still care about others. You are not a bad person… Until you become like me."
I heaved a sigh of both sadness and relief. It was satisfying to hear it from someone who knew what it truly meant to be evil, despite how insane that sounded.
Being hurt had once burdened me with that hatred and spite that I had thought was evilness. But it had also granted me a gift. A gift of realization. A gift that endowed me with the ability to truly sense and feel emotions. Deep, pure, unwavering feelings. In that sense I knew I cared for people more than others. It was strange to say; knowing that not long ago I had once said that I "sometimes cared not for those I hurt."
But I did, honestly. When the rage ebbed away, the spite lowered, and the hatred disappeared; my hurt and remorse only deepened in regret for whom I'd ever hurt.
Barty was right, then. I wasn't evil.
"Thanks, Barty…" I muttered. And I gave another sigh.
I started a little when he had suddenly, yet gently pulled his head away from my shoulder to look at me. There was a hint of a smile on his face, and it shot a sensation of warmth through me at such a rare sight.
However, I jumped in terror as the dangerous man suddenly whipped out his wand, and with a swift motion he moved fluently. I closed my eyes instinctively and shielded my face before I could see what he was doing, but then I heard his voice echo through the air in that strange Scottish brogue.
"Accio, rose." He called, and my curiosity instantly took over as I opened my eyes to see what he was doing.
His wand was pointed into the air, towards the house- and I watched as a small, unidentifiable object glided through the air towards the commanding point of his wand. He caught it with a liquid smooth flourish of his hand, and I strained to see in the dark what it was.
"Here you are, my dear."
He handed me the soft object he was holding, and upon further inspection I realized what it was.
"The rose you gave to me…" I said in wonder, turning it over in my hand and stroking the velvety petals that still somehow hadn't died.
"I left it out on the rock near the pond."
"Yes. I want you to take it with you."
"….Why?" I asked, a hint of skepticism in my tone.
He sighed impatiently, and then gave a shrug. I simply rolled my eyes and nodded reluctantly, before finally getting up from Barty's lap and tucking it delicately into my owl's cage.
"Can you keep that safe for me, Melrose?" I asked, and the owl twittered happily in response.
"Thank you, good girl."
I turned once more to face Barty, and he was standing by now- approaching absent-mindedly as I rubbed my eyes tiredly.
He smirked, and lifted an eyebrow.
"Well, looks like you'll be starting off your year on lack of sleep thanks to me. Your welcome."
"Thanks." I said sarcastically.
He grinned.
"Now take your rose and get your ass outa here before you make any more stupid decisions."
"Thanks… Again…" But a smile was on my face now, and I took hold of my stuff; ready to set off in departure.
I got one last look at him, before I left. Him, and his velvety soft voice as he whispered dangerously to me.
"See you next year, my love."
And I knew that those words, and that image would forever be branded within my memory. Tattooed to the bottom of my eyelids, and every time I blinked; it would be a flashback.
"I sure damn well hope not. You do funny things to my brain."
And with that, I was off.
It had been a struggle finding means of transportation with all of my things, but soon enough I'd come across the Night Bus which had stopped abruptly in my path.
"How Convenient." I had said.
Despite the discomfort of the journey- and the wobbling sensation that came with physical queasiness; (it took an entire hour for the effects to subside entirely) I was pleased to escape from Barty Crouch Jr after all. Not in the same way as I had once hoped, though- and my attitude had shifted drastically towards him just before I had gone. It was a strange sensation, and it only made my drip all the more dizzy as I tried to figure it out on my way to the train station. To my surprise however, I didn't feel the regret and misery I thought I'd be experiencing by now after such a violent, almost traumatizing event. It was like it hadn't even happened though, after the resolve that had occurred.
I was somehow spared of the consequences my poor choices made. Still, I eventually finalized a decision that it was time to move on.
It's time to let go of him, now. He doesn't exist anymore in your world… He never did. You are past him now, and you are at Hogwarts. You are to focus on more important things, now- and get over the insignificance confusion that one summer brought.
That had been a good plan, and it had worked effectively- as I made my way eagerly towards platform 9 and ¾'s. I urged myself to move faster in my approach as I spotted that infamous wall that led to the Hogwarts Express, and my legs began to throb as I pushed them past what they were capable of.
In my giddiness, I had run straight into the wall- before I'd resurfaced in an entirely different world.
Literally.
All around me were magic-folk, the trollies and bags of Hogwarts children skidding and sliding against the ground as they hurried about busily. There were the reassuring parents standing above the first years, whispering words of comfort to their frightened child as they were about to embark on their greatest journey yet.
The familiarity, and safety that washed over me the moment I stepped into this world was such a relief I nearly cried. I soaked in the sensation of this wondrous world, and basked in the glorious feeling for a moment. Once I was content at last, I made efforts towards sorting things out on the train. And, easily soon enough- my things had been stored away, with the exception of my owl; who had comfortably perched herself on my shoulder while still stubbornly clutching Barty's rose in her talon.
Barty's rose….
No. Stop. He doesn't exist.
"C'mon, Melrose… Just let go of it… Honestly, I told you to take care of it then, but this is now; and I'm telling you to let go."
Melrose only replied with a brisk, firm expression of determination- and I was briefly reminded of the Gryffindor's head house teacher; Professor McGonagall.
"Fine, keep it- you stubborn thing…" I grumbled, and the bird sang happily once more in rejoice at my comfirmation.
I decided to ignore that- and instead focused on locating my friends.
Now, quite honestly- my whole social life was quite complicated. It was a major pain to be friends with two groups that sincerely hated each other with every fiber of their being, and it was an even worse pain when you had to deal with each side being pissed when you "hung out" with the other.
It was a childish situation that had existed since Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy laid eyes on one another.
It had taken me a few years to earn the trust of the Gryffindor's, and I didn't blame them honestly; knowing that their experience with Slytherins in general justified it. But once they'd discovered I was not just your ordinary Slytherin; and that I was a human being with caring conscious feelings for other people; I was happily accepted into their realm.
I liked Harry Potter's little trio- with Ron Weasley and Hermoine Granger. They each had their quirks that I enjoyed- and the entertainment of watching the three interact together in such a strangely "fateful" way. They complimented one another amazingly, and it was appalling to watch.
I liked Harry most of all, and I saw a lot of myself in him. He gave off that aura of "heroism," in everything he did and said. We had our differences, of course- but by the end of our third year (and I'd accidently involved myself in the mystery of Serious Black; discovering his identity along with the trio-) we got along like best friends. I was glad to have earned his trust, and he was a loyal, noble friend that I enjoyed at my side.
Then, there was Ron and Hermione. Complete opposites, but nonetheless all the better when together. I liked Ron for his humor and the amusement he provided. There was never a dull moment in my life when Ron Weasley was present. As for Hermione, her maturity and intelligence was something that I valued greatly.
I shared similar traits of hers, and I had a feeling she held a related high regard for me. I was similarly smart, sensible, and matured myself.
As much as I liked the golden trio, I also often found myself hanging around the Weasley twins, Fred and George. Sometimes, accompanied by Lee Jordan.
The hobby of "troublemaking" was something I'd developed over the years, thanks to the influence of the two mischievous tricksters- and I was just as tricky as the both of them now.
However- nobody could compare to my one closest friend. Not a single Potter, Weasley, or Granger could replace Draco Malfoy. And honestly, despite that he would rather die than admit it- I was almost certain he felt the same way.
Draco Malfoy was not a nice kid, obviously. And I knew that. Still, I had adapted to it and learned how to coexist with his rudeness towards my other friends. I had learned how to cope with supporting both without offending the other, and it was a skill that had proved most valuable.
Even so, I sometimes thought I was a bit of a positive foil to Draco. When I was around, he was less spiteful and rude. Less likely to call out a mean name or accuse Potter of anything. Even Potter himself had admitted that seemed to be true- and it made me feel good knowing I at least I mattered enough to Draco that he would (mostly) take to passiveness when I was around both groups.
Still, there were those moments he just had to say something- and even then I was still peacemaker.
Luckily, however- I didn't have to deal with that now, as I spotted a sleek soft head of platinum blonde hair from within a compartment. Grinning like a dork, I immediately headed for it and swung open the door dramatically- not failing to grab Draco's immediate attention.
"Sit down, you idiot." He said, but he was grinning as well. I chuckled at that, and my grin widened into a beam as I spotted my gorgeous Russian Blue sitting proudly next to Malfoy.
"Saphira!" I cried, rushing forth to scoop my blue cat into my arms.
She mewed joyously and gazed up at me with her big blue lapis lazuli colored eyes- her ears twitching excitedly.
With my cat in my arms, and my owl now perched pleasantly up on the headboard of my seat (still clutching the stupid rose)
I settled down happily directly across from Malfoy.
My happiness wasn't even spoiled by the presence of Pansy Parkinson, Crab, and Goyle- honestly. I disliked the three of them (especially the two boys) and it was no secret that Pansy Parkinson despised me. I was competition in her eyes; an opposing female in her quest to gain Draco's affections. But even so, Draco wasn't interested in anything more than a relationship of "settle friends" with the pug-faced girl.
Still, it seemed that a silent agreement to set these things aside for now hung in the air- as if a signed contract was dangling in our compartment window as a reminder. As I pictured this in my mind, the perky little lady with the candy trolley wheeled by- uncountable assortments of goodies and treats with their tempting delicious exteriors appearing in the window while she asked politely.
"Anything from the trolley?"
She sounded a lot less enthusiastic than usual, and I assumed it hadn't been that great of a sales day for her.
"We'll take… One of everything!"
I said, a wide grin on my face. I was a sweet tooth and I didn't even care much to hide it at all. Candy was fun, and so was eating it. Especially when it was magic candy.
"Oh, but I'll have two of the chocolate frogs, and with that three boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans."
Her face almost instantly lightened at that, and it took almost an entire ten minutes for the sorting, paying, and finalizing to carry out.
"Allow me," said Draco smugly as I was asked to pay.
He held forth his riches openly- obviously flaunting his riches for everyone to see as the lady took them from him happily.
"You rich snob." I said, but I was laughing as I passed out the candy to everyone and began eating.
It was tradition every year that we all eat so much candy we get sick. And that had started on our first year- our first trip, and our first taste of trolley candy. It was strange, how the familiar candy somehow seemed to taste ten times better when it had come straight off the trolley.
In this sense, I would never lose my childishness for love of candy.
"Can you believe this is our last year on this train? At this school? Eating this candy… From this trolley?"
I remarked, my mouth full of chocolate frog.
"Oh, save the sob stories for the last day…" Draco said, rolling his eyes sarcastically. "There will be plenty of tearful goodbyes then. And then there will be me, flipping off the castle as I say good riddance!"
I sighed at him, and frowned- but this was no less than normal.
He was grinning expectantly, waiting for me to reply and start our usual playful bickering- but I honestly didn't feel in the mood right now.
My sarcasm had been sucked dry of me, thanks to Barty Crouch Jr.
My eyes widened, and I reminded myself within my own thoughts-
NO! He doesn't exist!
"I'll be right back…" Said Crab, rising suddenly while Goyle followed. I assumed they'd gone off with Blaze or something- and I decided my slight curiosity towards their departure wasn't worth investigation.
Pansy herself had (annoyingly) scooped up some of the candy Draco had paid for and left, her face stuffed with sweets as she turned towards the same direction as the two others.
"What are they up to?" I asked, quircking an eyebrow as Draco and I watched her go.
"I don't know, wanna find out?"
"Not really."
Draco sighed dramatically once more, and then stood.
"I'm gonna go check up on them, then." He said. "You can wait here if you want, and be your ridiculously boring self."
Another shot, and again he waited for a reply.
"Alright."
Rolling his eyes, he left- and embarked on his journey in following Pansy's trail.
Once I was sure he was gone, I let a mischievous grin cross my features, and I to left the compartment. I stuffed my pockets with the rest of the candy in the compartment and took my owl and cat with me to the front of the train, in search of a few people in particular.
"Harry? Ron….? Hermione?" I called quietly- and just then I spotted the redhead, brunette, and brown haired girl sitting tightly in a group within the same compartment. A wide grin spread across my face and I knocked on their window- unable to contain my excitement.
"Jazzy!" Cried Ron joyously, and he skipped up to get the door for me.
"Ron! Harry! Hermione!" I smiled and leapt about the small space, digging into my pockets for my candy and tossing it into the air like rain.
"Look what I've brought! Candyy!"
Laughing like an idiot, I watched the three smile and laugh along with me, scrambling for their favorite bits of candy as they caught sight of them in their descent to the ground.
"Oh! Chocolate Frogs!" Said Ron, lurching for one as it tumbled into the side of my seat.
"I could swear you all haven't changed a single bit since our first year," Hermione chided amusedly; and I smiled.
"Psh, what? Me, a pureblood maniac Slytherin, associate myself with inferior creatures such as yourselves since my first year? Impecable!" I cried out, in a such a loud, dramatic, animated way; it was more than obvious that I was making fun of myself along with my fellow Slytherin friends.
The three burst out laughing, and Harry straightened his glasses just before they tumbled to the ground in his spazzes.
"Hey, you sound a like someone I know, huh!" Said Ron, still chuckling.
"Yea, unfortunately." Chimed in Harry.
I smiled, and laughed along with my friends.
I thought to myself then, as I gazed at them all happily.
I was going to ensure this last year would be the best one yet.
