[Richard McGuiness] "Okay Scott, I shall speak for most of our viewing audience, but what THE FUCK just happened?!"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Isn't it obvious? Dion is qolly-bolly with Paula. Naughty little boy…"
[Richard McGuiness] "Holy crap, what does that even mean?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Well ya see…"
[Richard McGuiness] "You know what; I honestly don't want to know. So is this the next chapter?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I think so."
[Richard McGuiness] "Good. Now first We need to discuss something."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Don't do something stupid Rich."
[Richard McGuiness] "Okay, this is for the audience. We have literally gotten, in the four days we've been up on the air, 230 views from 74 different visitors."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "That's pretty impressive, considering the usual views these stories get."
"Yeah, but not a single damn review yet! I mean, seriously?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Rich, the numbers do speak for themselves."
[Richard McGuiness] "True dat, but I like feedback, and so does that coke-guzzling douchebucket we call a producer."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I guess you're right. Reviews are extremely appreciated, and hey, drop a few questions or comments in with them. We'd gladly answer any fan mail."
[Richard McGuiness] "But let me answer a question right now. Yes, Scott is completely and utterly fucking flaming."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "It's more pansexual..."
[Richard McGuiness] "Moving on!"
The four Vault Hunters, two of them new, walked through Machina Medical with weapons drawn, all of them ready to fight. There wasn't any of the former animosity now that they were in combat, replaced with a cold efficiency that would've frightened any who passed.
"So what do you do Paula?" inquired Dion trying to make small talk.
"Oh, what do you have in mind Dion?" she asked sensually.
"Shit, I think my nose just burst an artery," muttered Alan wiping the blood from his face.
"I didn't mean it like that. What did you do before you were a Vault Hunter?"
"Oh, I was an artist."
"Interesting," noted Saprus calmly.
"What kind of art?"
"Explosions," she said smiling. "I am the Mad Artist after all. Best in the galaxy. Give me a detonator and I'll give you something to put in your museums."
"Ugh, art," spat Alan. "Attraction decreased to Level 37."
"Uncultured brute," murmured Paula. "I'm top-notch at what I do."
"Never saw the fucking point of doing shit like art. I'm a working man."
She snarled. "Art is work, you limp-brained monkey. What happened to kissing my feet like you did last night?"
"I just found out you do art. Not really my cup of tea."
Paula shrugged. "Whatever."
She then dramatically draped her arms around Dion's shoulders, nuzzling her head next to his. "Do you like art Dion? I really hope you do."
"Get off me," he said hastily. "We're on a battlefield."
"Oh please. The only ones here are you, me, and this stupid conscience you have built up."
She rubbed the straps of his suit on his shoulders teasingly. "Now if only your stupid conscience would just hurry up and die so we'd be all alone."
"Standing here awkwardly," murmured Alan.
"Get over it. It happens a lot," commented Saprus.
Dion brushed her aside. "I'm trying not to get shot. And I'm not interested."
"Oh, then what are you interested in Dion?"
He snarled. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it?"
"Will you shut up and concentrate!? We're going to get killed at this rate!"
Paula smiled. "Fine. I'll concede."
They stopped at an intersection, glancing around in all four directions. The city was like a maze, all the streets looking near identical to the others. It was disorienting to say the least.
"Where would the head guy be?" asked Saprus.
"Well he usually stayed in this huge building near the center of town," stated Alan trying to remember the show from last year. "If my compass is correct then he should be…I have no fucking idea."
The infected sighed. "Useless."
"Hey, they changed it since last year! It wasn't this goddamn dark or constricting last year."
He stopped talking because he had just gotten fly-tackled by a humanoid robot painted tangerine orange. It wasn't the fact that it was orange that shut him up; it was more along the lines that the robot probably cracked a few of his ribs when he tackled him. It looked like it had an immense TV for a skull, unfortunately not displaying anything but static. Its body was extremely thin with only the hands and feet being cartoonish large, as if it had been exaggerated by some mad artist.
"And I don't remember the robots being this color!" roared the priest throwing the robot off him. Drawing his bayonets, he slashed at it in a backwards grip. Kicking it into a dumpster, he stabbed it in the head and ended its life.
Trashed +100
Headshot +50
Beatdown +50
Total +200
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Nice work Alan!"
[Richard McGuiness] "I've seen better."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Oh please, try to be encouraging. That was his first kill. It'll get more interesting eventually."
Alan grinned, spinning his blades in his hands. "Sick. Not bad considering how I was taken by surprise."
"Uh, what was that point thing?" inquired Dion.
"The more interesting the kills are, the more points you get," explained the priest glancing in the direction the robot had come from. "Points buy guns and loot. Ammo and med supplies are still in cash, but everything else is Carnival Points."
Dion looked to the side and saw more robots charging towards them. "I think I like this game."
He raised his shotgun and fired, tearing through the crowd. Running forward, he grabbed a robot by the arm and threw him into the wall. Planting his gun on its back, he blasted the thing clean through the wall with the sheer force.
Splatterhouse +100
Spinal Tap +50
Total +150
"Cool!" exclaimed the Titan excitedly, ideas already forming in his head.
Saprus unhooked his left gauntlet and fired a bolt of Plaque IX, eating through the robot's circuits. Coiling his fist, he smashed it in the side of the head and rammed it into a door. Drawing it out, he kicked it into its friends with a grenade lodged in its chest. They detonated, taking two other robots with it.
Diseased +50 (Unique Kill)
Ding Dong +100
Grenade Belt +50
Bang Gang +50
Bang Gang +50
Bang Gang +50
Total +350
"Most enjoyable," commented the infected chuckling. It was actually kinda fun if you let yourself slide into it.
Paula reached to her SDU and extracted a large explosive rifle. Placing it on her hip, she began releasing miniature grenades rapidly.
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Boom +50
Total +450
"Bang!" yelled the artist with mad eyes, her face contorted into a huge grin as the shrapnel and heat flew around her.
"I'm kinda scared of her now," muttered Dion.
"Same," agreed Alan staring at her wide-eyed.
They walked out into the street and found that they had found a main avenue for travel. Or it would be if it wasn't full of hostile robots trying to kill them. Along the street was tons of debris just ready to be used for skillful killing, some of which didn't make much sense.
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I gotta question, why did we never repair those open electrical outlets?"
[Richard McGuiness] "Are you a city engineer?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Well, no…"
[Richard McGuiness] "Then shut the FUCK up! Those guys worked hard to create an optimum killing environment for our contestants and they don't need your stupid feedback."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Jackass…"
Alan ran forward and slashed a robot twice in the arms, severing both of them. Kicking the robot in the chest, he propelled it into a large pit in the street. The android landed and was immediately fried by the open electrical circuits, its body jittering from the intense shock.
One Arm Jack +50
One Arm Jack +50
Neural Shock +100
Total +200
"Rise and shine jitterbug!" yelled the priest running further into the street.
Saprus glanced up and saw a large billboard hanging rather precariously on the edge of a building. Raising his gun, he fired and dislodged the sign. It smashed into a group of robots, their metal bodies offering no defense against the immense sign.
Smart Advertising +100
Smart Advertising +100
Smart Advertising +100
Total +300
"Wow. They really thought of everything," murmured the infected continuing his assault.
Dion raised his fist and smashed it into a car, propelling it forward with the force of, well, an airborne car. It rammed into a robot and pinned it to the floor, the weight of it keeping the android from rising. The Titan grabbed a grenade and lodged it into the remains of the car. It detonated quickly, the robot dying alongside it.
Ford FU50 +100
Mined over Matter +50
Total +150
"Whoa! You can't have this amount of fun on most planets by law!" yelled Dion grinning from ear to ear.
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "And that's the beauty of the Carnival of Carnage! Because legal repercussions would take far too long for us to sort out, so we just got rid of them!"
[Richard McGuiness] "Amen to dat man. A guy tried to sue me once because I killed him a few times in the tournament."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Did ya spawn-camp?"
[Richard McGuiness] "No, not at all!"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Well as long as it wasn't spawn-camping, the contract covers any and all murders."
[Richard McGuiness] "Yeah, my lawyer said the same thing."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "My lawyer tends to say things like: 'You have to tell people when you move into the neighborhood' or 'Rape is a very serious crime' and 'Those schoolchildren are going to need a ton of counseling now'. Not that big of a deal since I never listen, but still."
[Richard McGuiness] "You really are a sick fuck, you know that?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Oh really? What does your lawyer say a lot?"
[Richard McGuiness] "Stuff like 'That blood is never going to come off my briefcase' or 'Alcoholism destroys families' or 'It's called football, not soccer'. I killed him on the last one."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Just because he liked soccer?"
[Richard McGuiness] "No, because he wanted me to call it football. You a fucking idiot?"
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "I think you misunderstand something. You killed lawyer over a sport that has a rather ambiguous name. That's not very intellectual."
[Richard McGuiness] "I'm gonna kill you over using those stupid smart-guy words at this rate."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Okay, shutting up now."
