"Ho. Ho. Ho." Hagrid said lamely.
"That's better." eMu sniffed. "Sort of. Okay, so you got shitfaced and forgot how to do the spirit thing?" Hagrid nodded, and then fell over from the excessive movement. eMu slapped a hand to her forehead. "Chikin! Send Hagrid and Loosh to Christmas day so they can sing!"
"Why are you always yelling at me?" Chikin asked as she jumped out of the portal.
"You were in another dimension! I wanted you to hear me. Anyway, port them." eMu ordered.
"Why does Hagrid look sleepy? Does he need to take a nap?" Chikin asked.
"I refuse to sing, I don't know the music." Lucius stated firmly. eMu handed him sheet music. "Damn."
Chikin opened another portal and Hagrid, James and Sirius stepped through. Lucius stood against the wall defiantly. "I'm not going."
"Don't make me use these." Chikin said menacingly, brandishing the bag of jelly beans. Lucius audibly gulped, then stepped through the portal.
"Am I insubstantial again?" Lucius asked.
"Yep. Yer insubstantial alrigh'. Cuz tha's what yer…are…er…" Hagrid slurred. He was leaning heavily on both James and Sirius, who were trying to keep him from pitching over too far to one side.
"He's breaking my ribs!" James hissed.
"My spleen!" Sirius exclaimed in agony.
"S'in the singing uvva street corner choir!" Hagrid bellowed, very off key. "S'going home an' getting warm by the fire…"
"We really can't have him singing this song like this." Sirius muttered to James.
"It's a crime against nature." James agreed. He leaned Hagrid against the wall with much effort and forced him to down a sober-me-up potion.
"Where am I?" Hagrid asked stupidly. "Malfoy! What are you doing here?"
Lucius ground his teeth together.
"Hagrid…remember that job you took on?" James asked.
"You're dead!"
"Yes. Yes I am Hagrid and so is Sirius. Sing the song already." James requested.
Sirius seemed to be aiming his wand at Hagrid while James was distracting him. A beam of light hit Hagrid, and he went from being confused to cheerful in a microsecond. He let out a bark of jolly laughter and began singing.
"It's in the singing of a street corner choir, it's going home and getting warm by the fire. It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas!"
A few peasants joined in on the next bit. "A cup of kindness that we share with another. A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother. In all the places you find love it feels like Christmas."
Back to Hagrid, who was now hugging James and Sirius, their faces turning red. "It is the season of the heart, a special kind of caring…the ways of love made clear!"
James and Sirius joined in, sounding breathless while their ribs cracked in beat with the music. "It is…the season of the spirit (crack) the message if we hear it (Groan) is make it last all year!"
"Aw, I love you guys!" Hagrid exclaimed, finally letting go of them. They dropped onto the ground and writhed together.
"I'm so glad I am dead right now." Sirius hissed.
"He broke my glasses." James lamented.
Discovering his new spirit abilities, Hagrid shrank down to the size of the mice and danced with them in their hole.
The mother mouse sang. "It's in the giving of a gift to another. A pair of mittens that were made by your mother…"
"It's all the ways that we show love that feels like Christmas." Hagrid sang with the mice. Then Professor Trelawney caught sight of them.
"I'm ready for you mice of the devil!" She held up a can of RAID with a cross on it.
"AH!!!" The mice scampered away from the blessed poison.
Hagrid jumped out of the hole and danced his way over to the horses outside the Hogsmeade branch of Azkaban. Sirius began hissing at the building and throwing rocks.
"When did that get built?" James asked.
"A part of childhood we'll always remember. It is the summer of the soul in December!" The horses sang cheerfully, while galloping happily.
Inside the building, a prisoner went from begging on his knees to an angry looking Dementor, to the two of thing singing happily and hugging In a fraction of a second. This time James had the wand.
"Yes when you do your best for love, it feels like Christmas!"
"That Dementor has one helluva singing voice." James noted.
"Yup. Ours didn't sing." Sirius said bitterly.
Hagrid gathered the townspeople in the centre of the square. They all began dancing a ridiculously well choreographed number at random.
"it IS THE SEASON OF THE HEART, A SPECIAL KIND OF CARING, THE WAYS OF LOVE MADE CLEAR! And it is the season of the spirit, the message if we hear it is make it last all year! It's in the singing of a street corner choir. It's going home and getting warm by the fire. It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas. It's true wherever you find love…It feels like Christmas. It feels like Christmas. It feels like Christmas."
Hagrid let out some more jolly laughter.
"You didn't sing." Sirius pointed out to Lucius.
"And you didn't dance." James pointed out.
Lucius shrugged, then walked over to Hagrid. "Let's get this over with. Where to?"
"Well, we're supposed ta see yer family Malfoy. Le's see what yer boy's up to eh?" Hagrid asked. The scene changed to a dilapidated mansion. Lucius' eyebrow snapped up.
"What? What is this? Shouldn't he be at the manor?!" Lucius exclaimed. "What kind of crap is this?!"
"Watch, he's havin' a good time. You raised a good kid." Hagrid complemented.
"No! I have failed! He's not mine, Narcissa must have slept around!"
And then Draco entered the living room, looking exactly like Lucius only littler, and happier, and a much more decent person. And with better hair.
"What kind of crap is that?" Lucius demanded. "I give him all that gel so my hair will reign supreme! Delete that!"
"No." eMu said, jumping in from nowhere. "He gets to have gel-free hair on Christmas."
"Damn you woman!" Lucius bellowed, shaking his fist. EMu stuck her tongue out and then departed.
"Wait a minute…" Lucius murmured as recognition hit him. "This is Grimmauld Place. Narcissa's aunt lived here…what the fuck?"
Hagrid shrugged. "It's Order Headquarters now. Oops. Shouldn'tve told ya that. Well it don' matter anyway, we're moving in a week. Shouldn'tve told yeh that too."
"Don't worry, I've already forgotten." Lucius said, with an evil smile.
"Tha's very nice of you Malfoy." Hagrid said cheerfully.
The order of the Phoenix was gathered in the living room with pie and cake and other food. The newer members of the Order were sitting to the side, Clara, Cerasi, Draven and Draco.
"He is so grounded." Lucius growled. "He's going to the basement."
Draco flinched. "Is it cold in here?" He asked.
"No, I'm fine." Clara answered. "Hey, let's play a game."
"What sort of game?" Cleo asked.
"Let's play name that bastard." Clara suggested.
"ooo…I like this one!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I don't." James said bitterly, recalling in Hogwarts days when they'd played that game with Lily and Cleo and he'd been the bastard.
"How do you play? I've never heard of it." Draco asked.
"It's simple. Someone thinks of a bastard, and then we ask them yes or no questions until someone guesses who the bastard is." Remus explained. And then jumped. "I think I need to see a doctor."
"Again with the sexual harassment." James muttered, shaking his head.
"It's fun, do you want to try?" Sirius offered, waving his hands towards Remus' arse. James politely declined.
"I've got a bastard in mind." Draco offered.
"Alright. Let's see…is it male or female?" Clara asked.
"Male." Draco answered.
"It's me." Lucius said dryly.
"Don't be so egotistical." Hagrid said.
"It's going to be me."
Draco held his hands up to his hairline and created widows peaks.
"Okay, so it is you." Hagrid conceded.
"Can we go somewhere else yet?" Lucius asked.
"No, they have to finish playing the game. Look Malfoy, they're comparing you to that bloke who broke into the orphanage and ate all them babies."
"I would never do something that disgusting. They'd have to be properly marinated." Lucius exclaimed indignantly.
"He's making a joke, right?" James asked hopefully. "We're rubbing off on him…it's working, right?"
"I wouldn't be so sure Prongs." Sirius said. "He looks like a baby eater."
"Why, it's Ebeneezer Scrooge! I mean…Lucius. Scooge. Whatever." Clara said, blushing.
"Told you." Lucius said.
"That's better." eMu sniffed. "Sort of. Okay, so you got shitfaced and forgot how to do the spirit thing?" Hagrid nodded, and then fell over from the excessive movement. eMu slapped a hand to her forehead. "Chikin! Send Hagrid and Loosh to Christmas day so they can sing!"
"Why are you always yelling at me?" Chikin asked as she jumped out of the portal.
"You were in another dimension! I wanted you to hear me. Anyway, port them." eMu ordered.
"Why does Hagrid look sleepy? Does he need to take a nap?" Chikin asked.
"I refuse to sing, I don't know the music." Lucius stated firmly. eMu handed him sheet music. "Damn."
Chikin opened another portal and Hagrid, James and Sirius stepped through. Lucius stood against the wall defiantly. "I'm not going."
"Don't make me use these." Chikin said menacingly, brandishing the bag of jelly beans. Lucius audibly gulped, then stepped through the portal.
"Am I insubstantial again?" Lucius asked.
"Yep. Yer insubstantial alrigh'. Cuz tha's what yer…are…er…" Hagrid slurred. He was leaning heavily on both James and Sirius, who were trying to keep him from pitching over too far to one side.
"He's breaking my ribs!" James hissed.
"My spleen!" Sirius exclaimed in agony.
"S'in the singing uvva street corner choir!" Hagrid bellowed, very off key. "S'going home an' getting warm by the fire…"
"We really can't have him singing this song like this." Sirius muttered to James.
"It's a crime against nature." James agreed. He leaned Hagrid against the wall with much effort and forced him to down a sober-me-up potion.
"Where am I?" Hagrid asked stupidly. "Malfoy! What are you doing here?"
Lucius ground his teeth together.
"Hagrid…remember that job you took on?" James asked.
"You're dead!"
"Yes. Yes I am Hagrid and so is Sirius. Sing the song already." James requested.
Sirius seemed to be aiming his wand at Hagrid while James was distracting him. A beam of light hit Hagrid, and he went from being confused to cheerful in a microsecond. He let out a bark of jolly laughter and began singing.
"It's in the singing of a street corner choir, it's going home and getting warm by the fire. It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas!"
A few peasants joined in on the next bit. "A cup of kindness that we share with another. A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother. In all the places you find love it feels like Christmas."
Back to Hagrid, who was now hugging James and Sirius, their faces turning red. "It is the season of the heart, a special kind of caring…the ways of love made clear!"
James and Sirius joined in, sounding breathless while their ribs cracked in beat with the music. "It is…the season of the spirit (crack) the message if we hear it (Groan) is make it last all year!"
"Aw, I love you guys!" Hagrid exclaimed, finally letting go of them. They dropped onto the ground and writhed together.
"I'm so glad I am dead right now." Sirius hissed.
"He broke my glasses." James lamented.
Discovering his new spirit abilities, Hagrid shrank down to the size of the mice and danced with them in their hole.
The mother mouse sang. "It's in the giving of a gift to another. A pair of mittens that were made by your mother…"
"It's all the ways that we show love that feels like Christmas." Hagrid sang with the mice. Then Professor Trelawney caught sight of them.
"I'm ready for you mice of the devil!" She held up a can of RAID with a cross on it.
"AH!!!" The mice scampered away from the blessed poison.
Hagrid jumped out of the hole and danced his way over to the horses outside the Hogsmeade branch of Azkaban. Sirius began hissing at the building and throwing rocks.
"When did that get built?" James asked.
"A part of childhood we'll always remember. It is the summer of the soul in December!" The horses sang cheerfully, while galloping happily.
Inside the building, a prisoner went from begging on his knees to an angry looking Dementor, to the two of thing singing happily and hugging In a fraction of a second. This time James had the wand.
"Yes when you do your best for love, it feels like Christmas!"
"That Dementor has one helluva singing voice." James noted.
"Yup. Ours didn't sing." Sirius said bitterly.
Hagrid gathered the townspeople in the centre of the square. They all began dancing a ridiculously well choreographed number at random.
"it IS THE SEASON OF THE HEART, A SPECIAL KIND OF CARING, THE WAYS OF LOVE MADE CLEAR! And it is the season of the spirit, the message if we hear it is make it last all year! It's in the singing of a street corner choir. It's going home and getting warm by the fire. It's true wherever you find love it feels like Christmas. It's true wherever you find love…It feels like Christmas. It feels like Christmas. It feels like Christmas."
Hagrid let out some more jolly laughter.
"You didn't sing." Sirius pointed out to Lucius.
"And you didn't dance." James pointed out.
Lucius shrugged, then walked over to Hagrid. "Let's get this over with. Where to?"
"Well, we're supposed ta see yer family Malfoy. Le's see what yer boy's up to eh?" Hagrid asked. The scene changed to a dilapidated mansion. Lucius' eyebrow snapped up.
"What? What is this? Shouldn't he be at the manor?!" Lucius exclaimed. "What kind of crap is this?!"
"Watch, he's havin' a good time. You raised a good kid." Hagrid complemented.
"No! I have failed! He's not mine, Narcissa must have slept around!"
And then Draco entered the living room, looking exactly like Lucius only littler, and happier, and a much more decent person. And with better hair.
"What kind of crap is that?" Lucius demanded. "I give him all that gel so my hair will reign supreme! Delete that!"
"No." eMu said, jumping in from nowhere. "He gets to have gel-free hair on Christmas."
"Damn you woman!" Lucius bellowed, shaking his fist. EMu stuck her tongue out and then departed.
"Wait a minute…" Lucius murmured as recognition hit him. "This is Grimmauld Place. Narcissa's aunt lived here…what the fuck?"
Hagrid shrugged. "It's Order Headquarters now. Oops. Shouldn'tve told ya that. Well it don' matter anyway, we're moving in a week. Shouldn'tve told yeh that too."
"Don't worry, I've already forgotten." Lucius said, with an evil smile.
"Tha's very nice of you Malfoy." Hagrid said cheerfully.
The order of the Phoenix was gathered in the living room with pie and cake and other food. The newer members of the Order were sitting to the side, Clara, Cerasi, Draven and Draco.
"He is so grounded." Lucius growled. "He's going to the basement."
Draco flinched. "Is it cold in here?" He asked.
"No, I'm fine." Clara answered. "Hey, let's play a game."
"What sort of game?" Cleo asked.
"Let's play name that bastard." Clara suggested.
"ooo…I like this one!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I don't." James said bitterly, recalling in Hogwarts days when they'd played that game with Lily and Cleo and he'd been the bastard.
"How do you play? I've never heard of it." Draco asked.
"It's simple. Someone thinks of a bastard, and then we ask them yes or no questions until someone guesses who the bastard is." Remus explained. And then jumped. "I think I need to see a doctor."
"Again with the sexual harassment." James muttered, shaking his head.
"It's fun, do you want to try?" Sirius offered, waving his hands towards Remus' arse. James politely declined.
"I've got a bastard in mind." Draco offered.
"Alright. Let's see…is it male or female?" Clara asked.
"Male." Draco answered.
"It's me." Lucius said dryly.
"Don't be so egotistical." Hagrid said.
"It's going to be me."
Draco held his hands up to his hairline and created widows peaks.
"Okay, so it is you." Hagrid conceded.
"Can we go somewhere else yet?" Lucius asked.
"No, they have to finish playing the game. Look Malfoy, they're comparing you to that bloke who broke into the orphanage and ate all them babies."
"I would never do something that disgusting. They'd have to be properly marinated." Lucius exclaimed indignantly.
"He's making a joke, right?" James asked hopefully. "We're rubbing off on him…it's working, right?"
"I wouldn't be so sure Prongs." Sirius said. "He looks like a baby eater."
"Why, it's Ebeneezer Scrooge! I mean…Lucius. Scooge. Whatever." Clara said, blushing.
"Told you." Lucius said.
