7. Rooted Denial

Navigating through the halls in a hurry was more difficult than he originally anticipated. They found Tek at the center console confused but on high alert. She had also gotten Halber's message and was prepping a blaster holstered to her ribs. Rey seethed at his shoulder, but he could sense no betrayal in Tek's aura. She was equally upset with the situation if not more so, furious with both the brewing conflict and with Hux's disregard of impending danger. That sparked another wave of loathing in Ren's gut and he drilled his nails into his palms, wincing at his inadequate effort to control his temper.

"We need to make it to the roof," Tek muttered as they progressed up and out of the basement. "No one's noticed Major Halber but they'll know the girl. We might have managed better without taking her."

Ren shot Tek a look, patience beyond tested. "She is the one who found what we're looking for. I don't want to hear another word on the matter."

Stopping at the ground floor, he reached out to see the state of possible danger around the building, unsure of numbers or plans or anything that would be of use. He felt like a blind bird attempting to take flight. The Force-sensitive was close and the signature did not match a member of his estranged family. He felt uneasy, but it was nothing compared to the conflict erupting on Rey's face. She seemed about ready to bolt away in the opposite direction and disappear into the madness of the city, lost to both sides.

"Tek, take Rey up and head to the ship immediately. No detours, nothing, just go."

"What about you, sir?"

"I need to get Halber out safely or he'll be a liability."

They split, Kylo Ren all but running through the front doors, Tek and Rey quickly ascending to the upper heights of the building. All they had to do was not cause a disruption and they had a clear shot at escape. He had the data tape, Tek had Rey—all the precious cargo would be moved independently.

Major Halber was standing under an awning of a shop three blocks from the Institute, the shade making dark his already tanned skin. He took a moment to recognize Ren, eyes flickering from a datapad.

"Forgive me, sir, but it's hard to know you without the mask."

"It serves its purpose well in that regard." Ren fiddled mindlessly with some of the equipment on his belt, antsy and unprepared. Without his lightsaber, he had to rely on combat gloves and a blaster, with neither of which he was familiar. He desperately did not want to engage in a fight. "Do you know what's going on?"

"They're here for a purchase and are unaware of our assignment. Three of them walked by clueless of my presence a few minutes ago."

He nodded and began to head for the ship, Halber following. They were too far away for his liking. Stealth was not one of his strong suits and wandering around in the open, though disguised, ramped up his nerves more than he cared to admit.

"One of them is a Force user," he said slowly as they turned a corner deeper into the heart of an open-air market. Powders and produce were on display in stalls and baskets, jewelry and all manner of exotic products littering the sides of the wide street. Vendors were yelling in multiple languages, children and animals darting in and out of legs, laughing and screaming. The commotion was deafening.

"Have they noticed you?"

Glancing around, Ren tried to pinpoint the signature's location. It was fleeting far ahead, twisting through the market and into the alleyways beside the trading hub. "No."

"And the women are elsewhere?"

"On the roofs."

Halber turned his head to the skyline, squinting in the midday sun. Specks to the right of the bazaar scrambled over the break between two tall white buildings. One figure leapt gracefully across, landing gently and aptly. The other fell to her knees before rising and continuing the retreat. They were headed straight towards the Force signature, Rey's own presence thick and black from where Halber and he stood. Detection was inevitable.

"They're going to get caught," Ren muttered, quickening his pace.

"Pardon, sir?"

"They're headed straight towards the Force-user and the girl leaks power. She won't go unnoticed, not unless whomever the Resistance brought is a blunted idiot."

He watched Halber's hand twitch to his blaster. "Do you want me to go on ahead?"

"Straight to the ship, do not engage in conflict."

Ducking onto a cross street, Ren broke into a run, adrenaline sick and heavy in his chest. He threw a warning at Rey, but her mind seemed cold and blank, his plea ricocheting in empty space. He had to make it to her before their cover was blown, before anything could blow up, or go sour, or—

Or before this could happen.

Coming into another alleyway, Kylo Ren locked eyes with a figure from a long-gone past. His deeply buried memories of this man had been positive until Jakku. It had been years since he'd exposed his face, there was no way he'd recognize him now…

Poe Dameron shrugged, smirking darkly, his face devilish as always. The sun glinted brightly off the blaster on his hip. "Just like old times, right Ben?"

He saw red.


Rey was rushing across hot bricks and rickety shingles, feet unsteady on the shoddy buildings and unsuitable roofs. Tek was somewhere behind her, the Hapan half-breed trying her best to keep up. Just thinking about that woman made Rey unreasonably furious, her mind drifting to lance hatred in her direction. Why had she gotten stuck up here with her? What was Ren doing that prevented him from being the one up here with her instead of Tek? She at least trusted him. This woman? Not so much.

Clearing a wide gap, Rey skidded on her soles, the balls of her feet bruising from the hard impact. They were still several blocks away, unable to descend and continue through the streets. She waited another moment for Tek to catch up before bolting off again, not listening to the calls for her to slow down.

Another roof leaped and Rey stopped to catch her breath, Tek three buildings behind. Looking down at the city, she took note of how crowded and loud it was, different but the same as Niima. She recognized a few tongues being spoken. The words were garbled this high in the air, but the inflections and tones remained. In a strange way, she felt a little homesick. She quickly pushed the feeling aside, not having time for miles of sand and heat.

She was tickled by the Force from somewhere below her perch. The signature was nothing like Ren's rippling mass of toxic void; instead it was light and peaceful, almost blue in color. That was so odd, she hadn't heard of other Force users before, didn't think they existed anymore.

But she knew those dark eyes. They looked up at her, the Light drifting up and around from the road below. Her chest took a blow when her brain decided to comprehend, shoving reality in her face with a harsh slap.

Her body felt nimble again, but a sickness rolled in her stomach, painful and determined to clench around her and never leave. The Light kissed her cheek and threaded itself through her hair, realizing, realizing. The Darkness had lied—it couldn't save others, it couldn't save her or her friends or anyone else. Because there he was, breathing, no more than twenty feet from her touch.

Legs shaking, Rey held Finn's stare, joints coiled and ready to fly from the roof and to her friend's side. Back where she belonged, where she was supposed to stay. The Force urged her, pressing at her knees, her back. Her ticket out of this hellish nightmare Kylo Ren had fabricated for her was standing there, and he saw her. He knew her. She knew him—not well, but well enough for her eyes to water and her heart to ache. Finn was alive, and he was here, able to take her home—

An animalistic howl broke through her head with a shattering sound, deep and wounded. Her shoulder was on fire and blood was collecting in her stomach, metallic and heavy. A wave of pain fired sharply across her temples and Rey almost lost her footing, dizzy and sick with foreign ailments. Kylo Ren had been gravely injured.

Without thinking, Rey was off at a breakneck pace, vaulting over rooftops and in the direction of the bubbling mass of fury and agony. Her mind screamed to turn back, forget the beast and let him bleed out, return to Finn and get off this planet and away from the First Order. But her legs didn't change course, didn't slow. He was hurt—he needed her.

She stopped atop the building that touched the alley where the monster was brawling, his bared teeth white and sharp. He froze a blaster bolt in the air and sent it hurtling towards his adversary, a man Rey knew by name but only vaguely by face, never having met in person. Kylo missed—he was too frenzied to be fighting well. She could see the blood from here, how it seeped from his shoulder and down his lame arm, muscles not working properly.

He was a wild animal cooped up in a cage, fear and ferocity weapons in his limited arsenal. She had to do something.

No, leave him, a small voice said. He deserves more than this.

But he had protected her, though his motives had been awful. He never let her come to harm and she wasn't going to let him succumb to the starfighter pilot and the approaching Resistance—

They were close.

Rey jumped from the roof, landing hard on the stone street. With a tremendous effort, she threw Kylo's opponent down the alley with a Force push. Grabbing his good arm, she hauled the injured knight forward and fled, brain blank of everything but getting him away.

He was so kriffing heavy.

"Your legs work, can't you move any faster?" Rey shouted, pulling him around a corner.

"You try running top speed after getting shot," he growled.

"Where's Halber?"

"Hopefully to the ship. I see you've ditched Tek."

"She's too slow and you called for me."

Rey felt him tighten. "I couldn't reach you."

Almost to the hanger, she could see the yacht's lights that dotted her sides, engines warming up and takeoff procedures in progress. Jekka Tek reappeared, climbing easily down a gutter and landing ahead of Rey, eyes widening as she approached with their wounded leader.

Kylo shook her off and barked at Halber over his comlink before ascending the gangway, boots tracking blood up the silver metal. He threw off Tek when she tried to assist him. Good.

Things calmed down when they were in hyperspace, but only slightly. Kylo was looking worse, his face pale and eyes dulled of their earlier wild hunger. The shoulder injury was more severe than she originally felt—it was two bolt wounds: one at the front of his deltoid and the other under his clavicle, inches from his heart—and she had a hunch he was hiding further damage from her nosy senses.

"We have seven hours before we're back to the Finalizer. You can't go that long without letting me do something for you."

He was sitting on the floor in the small crew quarters, head back against the wall. The formerly vicious beast looked positively dreadful. "I can and I will. You don't know the first thing about healing."

"Then get up here and teach me."

He opened his eyes, their color murky and brown. "I sometimes have a weak stomach when I'm hurt and I don't think I can stand again without vomiting. What happened with the Resistance?"

Rey crossed her arms. "We'll talk about it when you're not verging on the edge of unconsciousness."

"Can you help me up then since you're so determined?"

"No chance in Chaos; you weigh more than a krayt dragon."

With a glare, he rose to his feet, steady for all of a half-minute before curling onto the open cot, legs too long to fit comfortably. His brow was soaked in sweat. Pitiful beast.

"Do not pity me, Rey."

"Sorry. How am I doing this?"

He looked pained, aware his fate semi-rested in her inexperienced hands. Rolling onto his back, he lifted his good hand and pointed to his shredded shoulder and chest. "You need to do exactly as I say with no questions asked. If I tell you to do it, you do it. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Get the fabric scissors from the med kit and cut off the sleeve here. No, here, right at the stitching." He winced as she removed the damaged cloth, fibers stuck loosely to his open wounds. His arm was more muscled than she had been expecting, tight coils of sinew pulsing under his fair skin. "Press your hands to either side of the opening but do not touch it or I will kick you."

"You don't have the energy—"

"I fought you after getting drilled in the side with a bowcaster." He grit his teeth as her hands made contact. "Meditate on the area, think about the exact tissues you'll be rebuilding. There's no bone damage so this won't be too hard."

Rey closed her eyes and focused, clearing her head of all else.

In her mind she saw his wounds healed, a small white scar on his skin where her inexperience shone through. His irises were a brilliant brown, a perfect shade of milk-sweet caf, and they looked down at her with the affection of a friend, his smile teasing. This was a relationship they did not share and the absurdity broke her concentration.

His eyes were wine-dark and wild when she came back to her senses. His flesh between her hands was sealed, a small slit of skin shiny and taut. He let out a pent-up breath and groaned, eyes rolling back in his head.

Rey pulled her hands away. "Kylo?"

"I forgot how this felt." His voice was nothing short of a moan of pleasure and the sound made Rey feel flushed and uncomfortable.

"Excuse me?"

Eyes open, he looked drown in a blissful haze. "You're not dark, are you? The dark doesn't do this."

She was lost on what this was.

"Didn't I do this to you twice? It's like a dose of narcotics."

"I'm afraid I don't know what those are."

"They…" His voice trailed off as he got more delirious. "Make you feel good when you're in pain. Drugs, most times in the form of a gas. What happened when I healed you?"

"It stung a little and then I was fine."

His gaze was laden with a clouded lust and his eyes trailed across her slowly, making her shiver. "You're not dark at all."

Well…no. Not since…not since she saw Finn breathing and alive. She had been racked hard at that image, Light flooding her senses and filling her soul. Not fully, however. Blackness clung to her like thick tar on wool. And while she felt goodness again, she wasn't…light. Not really.

"Are you…mad with me for it?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. Intrigued, not mad."

She continued to sit beside him as he curled up again, pleasurably sick with the Light side's healing. Kylo looked more like a gentle creature than a savage monster when he was sleeping. She had never seen him peacefully resting, she realized, having only glimpsed at him when she was first roused on the Finalizer. He was frequently there right before she woke up, but he didn't open himself to such vulnerability.

She pushed his fringe from his face when he was drifting out of consciousness to feel for a fever. His hair was much softer than she anticipated, even when it was soaked with sweat.

"There's a seed," he mumbled after she touched him, his eyes still shut and his voice light. "I kept the ground so infertile, so leeched of nutrients that it couldn't grow, couldn't germinate. But it's planted now, planted deep. Its roots ache."

She had no clue what he was talking about. A seed? He would say nothing better than garbled word salad, but she prodded him anyway. "Why do they ache?"

His brow furled in his half-consciousness. "Because I want it so badly to flower, but it shouldn't." Nuzzling into a pillow, he fell deeply into his dream.

Rey waited until she was certain he was completely out before leaving the quarters, making her careful way to the cockpit. Best to let him sleep off his feverishness. Tek and Halber were adjusting flight levels and course, having hastily plotted their return before they warped. Halber seemed calm but Tek was overwhelmed, multitasking a mission report and a destination estimate.

Jekka turned when Rey entered, concern showing across her features. "How is he doing?"

"He'll be fine." She let her hand fall to the back of Tek's chair. "I want to apologize for leaving you earlier."

Tek's brow lined. "You're a strange character, aren't you? Always flipping between placid and hostile. I've never seen anyone defy Kylo Ren before and get away with it."

She reddened, extremely embarrassed. She wasn't sure if she were being chastised or complimented. Tek's face was peculiar and beautiful in her half-Hapan blood. Rey got lost trying to read her eyes, struck by the allure of their color.

"I should have caught up," Tek said, returning to her calculations. "And I should have paid better attention to the layout of the archives. Get some rest, you look exhausted."

Nodding, Rey left the cabin, a hollow feeling sticking to the walls of her stomach. Tek had let a small wisp of jealousy leak from her stoic aura and it made her feel worse about her unfounded hatred. Jekka Tek was a gorgeous creature, intelligent and adept, holding high trust and position in the First Order. She was better than Rey in almost every way—of what could she possibly feel jealous?

Her feet took her back to Kylo who was still passed out on white sheets, his expression soft, almost childish. With a sigh, she took an extra pillow from the linen closet and propped it against the bed. She sat on the floor with her knees to her chest and her arms crossed, deciding to watch over him until he woke. Suffering from the deadly combination of tiredness and boredom, she quickly fell asleep.


Kylo Ren sat on the steps of a long-burned temple, a location he did not recognize as belonging to his memories. The night was dark but the city below glowed with activity, speeders darting and zooming in the airspace. It had been over a week since the Jedi visited him and he was less than surprised to see the man beside him, his dark brown robes spilling like water down the stone steps.

"This was such a special place to me years ago," the Jedi muttered, eyes drinking in the surroundings. It was his memory from which this was born, peaceful and large with life. He turned slightly to Ren. "Have you figured me out yet?"

He knew no Jedi. "No."

"You have time, but you see only what you want."

"What do you mean?"

The Jedi smiled. "So much has already changed, but you push it away from your sight. You know who I am, but you cannot see that you know."

Ren said nothing, gaze fixed out onto the nightlife.

"When we last spoke, I told you we had a bet about you, about what you'd ultimately choose. With this new development, I think I may have to change my prediction."

What new development?

"It's not the direction I would go in retrospect, but I know why you've made your choice. I made it too, long ago."

"I don't understand."

"Give it some time, I'm sure you'll have a better idea when you see me next."

"When will that be?"

The Jedi began to fade. "When you figure out who I am."

The dream morphed with his guest's departure, dropping him in a barren field, stars and night reaching down to touch the horizons. He walked to the edges of the land, searching for something he knew in his core. In the center of a mound was a small green thing poking up from rocky soil. He bent to touch its leaves, feeling life and comfort drifting lazily out from all its cells. In its presence, the dull loneliness in his chest began to whither away. The conditions for the plant were poor, but if he watered it enough—cared for it well—it would bloom. He could see the flower in his imagination, the stalk tall and its petals a beautiful mosaic of pink and white. Dew gleamed on its delicate face as it caught a single ray of sun.

Ren was groggy when his senses returned, vision dim and head pounding. The scent of the flower wafted in the air and he found it remained as he woke up fully, its source the earth-brown hair by his nose. Rey looked incredibly uncomfortable curled up like a pittin against the bedframe. A warm light flickered from her, wrapping itself gently around his fingers. Snoke's spell had broken and she was…she wasn't back to normal. A splinter of dark was spiked somewhere inside, but she wasn't affected by it, not now. He let her light soothe him for a few minutes, an unfamiliar peace settling in his bones. The temptation to give in was almost insurmountable, his body practically crying at him to let go, let it swallow him down into its soft hold. But he restrained with a tremendous effort and sat up.

He crouched beside her and took her tiny frame gingerly into his arms, his bad shoulder protesting the movement. She was so small. Rey stirred, his nerves tingling as she shifted against his chest. Quickly, carefully, he laid her down on the bed, sending her a powerful Force suggestion to continue her slumber. He waited a breathless moment, watching her face relax before retreating from the room, ignoring the fire climbing steadily up the back of his neck.


Rey woke from soundless dreams into the smell of cedar and fir. The floor beneath her was soft and it took the wrapping of her fingers into bed sheets to realize she had been moved from her cold position on the ground.

Kylo sat on the floor across the room in his normal clothing, long legs crossed awkwardly over one another, hands busy with a datapad. His lips were quirked in frustration and he seemed to have a pair of spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

"You need glasses?"

He looked up at the sound of her voice, his eyes dark and turbid. "I do not. The coding for this report requires special lenses to read."

Rey stretched and sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Level-headed." He went back to his pad.

"Have I been asleep long?"

"A few hours. We are two away from our destination."

"Is there a reason you're on the floor?"

"Not a particular one, no."

He wouldn't glance back at her again, his tone cold and posture rigid. Annoyed at his dismissal, Rey reached out to his side of the link only to find great walls towering stories above her, their bricks black and impregnable. A repulsing force kept her from getting close to the blockade, his defenses more fortified than before.

"I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to pry into my head."

She folded her arms. "But we're linked together. I thought that was the whole point of a Force bond."

"We're connected by accident. If I don't want you snooping around, you will not be snooping around."

"Are you angry with me because the Light came back?"

That got his attention. Kylo tore away from his work to match her gaze. His eyes were hard and cold, limbal rings red around black caf irises. "Why didn't you leave with the traitor?" He hissed the last word, his temper nicking her arms.

"I…" Rey stared at her feet. "You were wounded and I acted, I didn't think."

He snorted. "Sane people don't sacrifice their freedom for a monster."

Hurt and anger punched her square in the chest. Did he not understand her tenacity to save those who needed her? Whether he thought so or not, he called for her, and she did not take her loyalties lightly. "Then you've either driven me insane or you're not a monster."

The black waves of his temper ebbed and settled around him, shrinking when he looked away from her. "Do you regret not fleeing when you could?" he asked, his voice low and solemn.

"I don't know." She was pacified by his sudden somberness and lay back down on the bed, pulling her knees into her chest. "Maybe a little, maybe a lot, maybe not at all."

She daresay she preferred Kylo's amity to his animosity and would rather have him as a bizarre ally than face him as an enemy. His raw power was still staggeringly enormous compared to hers and she would like to avoid going against it in battle.

He nodded, the tide of his irritability settling into a calm, gentle flow.

"When you were all silly on the healing," she started, yawning, "You said something about a seed before drifting to sleep. What was that about?"

Kylo stiffened noticeably but avoided her eyes. "I'm sure it wasn't important." He raised his hand and pulled quickly across her mind, drawing her deeply into a Force-suggested sleep.

A low sigh escaped his lungs when she fell unconscious. Rising to his feet, he left to walk around the ship in an effort to keep his heart from hammering a hole in his ribs. He'd never been sick like this before and, while it made the back of his neck tingle and his stomach flutter pleasantly, he wanted it to disappear whence it came. Whatever it was, it ached worse in her presence than when he was alone. Perhaps it would have been better if she'd left him for her friends, then maybe he wouldn't feel so ill. But the thought of her far away made the feeling worsen, so he descended to a small meditation chamber to clear his mind of this nonsense. A nagging thought settled into his head, chiding him for his idiocy. It's not nonsense, and you know it.


En route to D'Qar, Finn couldn't sit still in the copilot's chair. He had been fidgeting since they left Condular with their haul, but it had nothing to do with the mission itself. Poe seemed equally shaken, but he was hiding it well, eyes never leaving the dials and monitors for longer than a minute.

"She was right there," Finn said quietly.

"I know."

"We could have rescued her."

"I know."

"But then she…"

"Then she ran back to help the man who is no longer Ben, I know."

"Why, though?"

"Manipulation, fear, genuine want. I don't know, Finn, I'm not the one with the magic powers."

"They're not magic," he huffed. Having Force abilities had so far been nothing but a huge disappointment. He hadn't sensed Kylo Ren's signature on the planet, nor Rey's. He couldn't reach Rey, or even let her know he was there. All he did was watch as she bolted away to aid of the great big monster in black. "You don't think she has some kind of affection for him, do you?"

Poe whipped around from the viewport. "Of all the absurd reasons you could come up with, you choose to voice the most surreal of them all." He shook his head and scoffed. "Affection for what Ben's become, Force give me strength. In the very least, now you have a conspiracy theory to give to the General."

General Leia would fly off the wall. "I am not going to suggest that to her."

"She'll want to hear that we saw him, though. That much we should tell."

Finn nodded. "I'll mention it to Master Luke as well."


A/N: Thus begins his many-chapters-long unrequited heartache that he'll try to convince himself is just a stomach bug. Poor beast. Ren doesn't know what a crush feels like though he admitted to having one on Phasma long ago. Maybe having a crush on Phasma was just fearing her slightly less than usual...

So the summary of developments this chapter are: Finn is a Force user, Poe grew up with Ben, Luke is back, Rey isn't dark but she isn't light, and Kylo Ren is a cryptic jerk who refuses to see what's in front of him if he doesn't like it. I think that's all the important bits.