Written by Ksemanr
Characters copyright of their respective owners.
Insert Spam Here Hoe Ho Ho Edition
Director: Cut! Everyone takes a break for Christmas. We'll starting filming again once CT finishes writing his part of the script. The director was a young looking man of Armenian decent, with short dark brown hair, and a goatee and was wearing sunglasses and a red baseball cap. His name was Serj Tankian.
Ksemanr: Holy crap! It's Serj Tankian! Our director is Serj Tankian! Serj Tankian has been directing this fanfic the whole time!
Another man who looked exactly like the director but was wearing glasses walked up to the director.
Director's Assistant Serj: Mr. Director I…
Ksemanr: cutting the director's assistant off What th'?! Two Serj Tankians???
Director's Assistant Serj: completely ignoring Ksemanr …have your coffee.
Director Serj: he takes a sip of the coffee then throws the cup down in a rage I said no milk!!
Director's Assistant Serj: But… it didn't have any milk in it….
Director Serj: I want a new one! And this time once you make it, throw it out for having milk in it and make a new one! With no milk this time!!!
The Director's Assistant Serj stomped off mad, but still went to go get the Director Serj his coffee. The Director Serj then started to look angry.
Director Serj: Where's my pizza?!?! I ordered that pizza hours ago! Where's that pizza?!?
SFX Serj: (a Serj Tankian with a braided goatee and his hair dyed blue) Dude, we don't know where your banana is.
Director Serj: Banana?! BANANA!?!? I ain't talking about no banana! Where's my pizza?!? Where's my pizza and bananas?!?!
SFX Serj: Dude calm down.
Director Serj: Clam down? CALM DOWN?!? I'LL KILL YOU!!!!
SFX Serj: Dude who hired this guy?
Camera Man Serj: (a Serj with long hair) Not me.
Director's Assistant Serj: Not me.
Make-Up Artist Serj: (a Serj with pink hair) Wasn't me either.
SFX Serj: Seriously? Who hired this guy? All he does is yell and eat pizza!
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: (a Serj wearing a Dante's Pizza uniform and eating a pizza that he's holding in his hand) Not me.
Director Serj: Oh there's my pizza. Sorry.
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: still eating the pizza Duuuuuddeeee I'm like so late. I was supposed to be here hours ago. eats another slice Man I'm so late.
Director Serj: What are you doing?
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: What? still eating the pizza
Director Serj: You're eating my pizza!
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: What're you talking about? still shoving pizza into his mouth
Director: Give me my pizza!!
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: Oh yeah! Pizza! Who here ordered a pizza? eats another slice
Director Serj: Me!
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: Dude here's your pizza man. Enjoy. hands Director Serj the pizza box
Director Serj: opens the box What the heck? It's empty!
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: What? No way let me see!! leans over and looks into the empty pizza box How'd that happen?
Director Serj:
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: That'll be $23.00 man.
The Director Serj handed the Pizza Delivery Guy Serj the money and left. Our heroes just stood there utterly confused, except for Jonathan who didn't find anything to be odd.
Jonathan: Aw man, I wanted some of that pizza too!
Ramza: Hey wait a minute! Why did the director randomly describe himself?
CTSucks 007: You're sort of late there buddy. That happened a while back now.
Naya: Yeah not to mention he's gone now and can't answer you.
Ramza: Oh…
Ksemanr: Well anyways, come on guys, it's almost Christmas and we haven't done any of our shopping yet.
Jonathan: Onward to the Mobius Mall!
And so, our heroes ventured forth to the Mobius Mall.
Meanwhile, the cast of Insert Spam Here were preparing for a Christmas Eve party back at the studio. Rikku was assisting Marluxia in decorating the studio. Thanks to Marluxia's great sense of style all of the decorations were pink and covered in flowers. Since Lexaeus never did anything besides stand there anyways, Marluxia thought he would make a good Christmas tree and decorated Lexaeus with various ornaments and put the symbol of Organization XIII on top of his head as a star. Lexaeus was wrapped up in garland with pink Christmas lights through out the garland.
Xaldin was in the kitchen cooking the Christmas dinner for the party. The Quiznos Addicted Robot was helping him, even though all he was doing was making Quiznos the whole time. A beautiful young woman with long blue hair and a strange triangle looking symbol on her forehead walked into the kitchen and saw Xaldin cooking. Her name was Ren.
Ren: Ren-chan help!
Xaldin: No, Ren don't!
Ren ignored Xaldin and dropped a strange looking object into the food. A large explosion then shook the studio building and the door to the kitchen opened. Smoke billowed out of the kitchen and Xaldin walked out burnt and smoking and his eyebrows had been singed off. Rangiku, who was once again drunk, started busting out laughing when she saw Xaldin.
Rangiku: Oh my god! You is look funny Dilan!!!
Xaldin: Shut up Matsumoto….
Xaldin stormed out of the room angrily, stabbing one of the PANP scientists one his way out. Mario came in with a dust mop and swept the scientist's body away.
Mario: Why did I-a-have-ta-be-a the janitor?
Rangiku had been drinking with her usual partners, Izuru and Shuhei, but they had two more drinking buddies now, Vexen and Lunk. Izuru was once again naked and was lying on the ground covered by only a small white loincloth.
Lunk: A horse kicked me once….
Izuru: QHFGHGIjergshpooplesRAWR!!!!
Lunk: …it hurt.
Shuhei: OMG! Izuru! You're naked! Again!
Vexen: I might have a giant head, but I'm not a weirdo! No not a weirdo!
Rangiku: I is not a weirdo! Quit saying that!
Rangiku felt someone tap on her shoulder, which surprised her causing her to jump up from her seat. She turned around to see Toshiro standing behind her.
Rangiku: Oh captain, you startled me! They almost fell out!
Toshiro: What almost fell out?
Rangiku: Why, the twins of course. Who else?
Toshiro: I'm sorry I asked.
Izuru: Я-?ŭๆfdhs╫hsDHB!
Toshiro: No Izuru, I do not want a drink.
Lunk: What was I doing?
Toshiro: I'm just going to go help Cademon and Sephiroth set up the lights for the party.
As Toshiro left the drunkards to go lend Cademon and Sephiroth his assistance, a short man with a black cloak walked up to him and opened his cloak.
The Merchant: Welcome stranger, would you like to buy some rare Christmas chain links? Only 1,875,053,256 pesetas.
Toshiro: Those are just poorly made cardboard links that I could make myself for free. And besides, orange and black are Halloween colors not Christmas colors.
The Merchant: Are you sure stranger? They're ultra rare and they're going fast. If you don't get yours now you'll-
All of a sudden the Merchant fell to the ground and died. Leon Kennedy stood there holding his gun.
Leon: That's for not selling any ammo!
Toshiro: Am I the only one who makes sense around here?
Toshiro walked off annoyed by everyone else's stupidity to go do something constructive to actually help the party.
Our heroes had made it to the Mobius Mall to do their shopping. The mall was packed with last minute shoppers who procrastinated their shopping until now, Christmas Eve.
Jonathan: They should have been smart like us and done their Christmas shopping next week when the stores are more crowded.
CT: Man, look at all the people on this list we have to buy gifts for! Why'd the authors have to put so many random minor characters in this fanfic? Now we have to get gifts for them all!
Naya: Hey! Isn't that Amy over there?
Naya pointed to right in front of them where Amy Rose was standing. Everyone else started looking off far in the distance looking for her.
Ramza: Yeah I think that's her.
Ksemanr: No that's just Big the Cat, that's not her.
Ramza: Darn! I can't help it! All these darn hedgehogs look the same!
Jonathan: Is that her?
CT: No that's just Bill Cosby.
Jonathan: Darn! I can't help it! All these darn hedgehogs look the same!
Naya and Amy:
Amy: I'm right here you idiots.
Ksemanr: Hey look it's Shadow! When did you get here?
Amy: …
Lexaeus: jumps through the window of one of the random stores with decorations still hung on him That's my line!!!!
The police officer then handcuffed Lexaeus and escorted him back to the studio to resume being a Christmas tree. Everyone then chained and tied Lexaeus up so that he wouldn't escape again if someone else said "…".
Naya: So Amy, what're you doing here?
Amy: I'm looking for a present to give to my hero Sonic. He's so dreamy!
CT: How can you like that guy? He acts so un-cool and the things he says sound so gay.
Amy: I know.
Naya: Then why do you like him?
Amy: I dunno ask Sonic Team. They're the ones that said I like him.
Jonathan: Hey, we're doing Christmas shopping too!
Amy: Then why don't I help you guys? It'll be a lot faster that way.
Ksemanr: Shadow's right! With his help it won't take as long!
CT: But there are still a lot of people to shop for! I don't think we can get all the gifts in time even with Shadow's help!
Ramza: How are we ever going to get all this stuff in time?
Naya: Yeah, at this rate it'll take at least 2 minutes to find all this stuff!
Ksemanr: If we each take just part of the list and split up we should be able to get the gifts faster.
Jonathan: Great ideas guys! Man I wish I was dumb like you guys so I could come up with plans too. Hey! I got that from myself when…
Just then the giant spider from chapter 3 fell on top of Jonathan killing him.
Jonathan: Hey! Quit speaking French!
CT: Hey look over there! They have Guitar Hero 3 set up!
Ksemanr: Sweet let's go play it!
And so our heroes were completely distracted from their task of Christmas shopping and stopped to play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock for the Nintendo Wii. Jonathan kept playing "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce on expert so that he would lose horribly. Ramza tried to play "Slow Ride" by Foghat on easy and failed 4 through the song. CT was playing "One" by Metallica on medium and was doing good but started trying to do impossible tricks with the guitar controller causing him to mess up and suck. Naya was playing "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones with the guitar behind her head and walking around the store but doing good. Ksemanr was playing "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse but was using a vacuum cleaner that he got from the store across the hall as a guitar and it was somehow working. Amy was trying to play "The Metal" by Tenacious D but was just hitting the controller repeatedly with her Piko Piko Hammer.
Amy: I think I'm starting to get the hang of this game! is still hitting the controller with her hammer
Jonathan: Wow this song is too easy! They need to make it harder! once again fails the song, only 0 through the song
Ramza: Hey! Let me try playing that song!
Ramza, who sucked the most out of all of them, grabbed Jonathan's controller and started playing "Through the Fire and Flames" on expert. When he was done he handed the controller back to Jonathan. Everyone was shocked when they looked at the screen to find Ramza had gotten 100.
CT: Wait a minute; what did we come here to do?
Naya: We came to shop for Christmas presents remember?
CT: Oh yeah!
Jonathan: Don't worry we still have plenty of time! There's still a whole hour before the party starts!
Everyone but Jonathan: WHAT? Only an hour?!? We have to hurry.
And so our heroes each grabbed their part of the list and went their separate way to do their shopping.
Zexion was sitting alone in the corner of the studio with a planning book making plans for the party and making sure everything got taken care of. As he was working, the leader of the Organization, Xemnas, came up and sat down next to him.
Xemnas: You know Zexion, the spirit of Christmas comes from the heart, which is made up of the light of the courage when it mingles with the darkness of one's heart in the nothingness of light and darkness and courage and light and darkness and twilight and darkness and stuff.
Zexion: You know what? I don't care. If you weren't the superior I would kill you right now.
Xemnas: How can you kill me? For I am a nobody, and thus I am nothing and don't truly exist and you can't kill something that doesn't exist in the first place because I am nothing because I lost my heart when I fell into the darkness and the light of the courage of the heart was consumed by the darkness and became nothingness with the light and the darkness and the hearts of light and darkness and courage and stuff.
Zexion: Please, just shut up.
Just then Xaldin ran past Zexion and Xemnas, being chased by Marluxia. Marluxia jumped towards Xaldin and hug-tackled him to the ground and was now on top of him.
Xaldin: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Marluxia: But I can make you pretty again!!
Xaldin: NOOOO!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!
Marluxia held Xaldin down and he proceeded to draw Xaldin's eyebrows back on, and she did it quite poorly in pink marker. He then got up off of Xaldin and she skipped away singing "I'm a Barbie girl". Xaldin stood up and had crooked pink markings where his eyebrows once were. Marluxia had also put several pink flowers in Xaldin's hair and put lipstick on him.
Xaldin: DARN IT MARLY! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!
Xaldin ran away chasing after Marluxia, who was skipping and throwing pink flower petals everywhere as he/she ran. Suddenly another large explosion was head from the kitchen and the door fell off its hinges. Cademon quickly ran into the kitchen to see what had happened this time. When he got in there he found Ren, just standing there looking innocent and a rice cooker that had been blown to pieces.
Cademon: What happened?
Ren: Ren-chan make rice!
Cademon: Then what caused the explosion?
Ren: Ren-chan don't know. Ren-chan just add gasoline for flavor then it went boom for no reason.
The Unknown Organization member snuck into the kitchen during the confusion dropped a dead squirrel into the fruit punch, hoping that someone would end up drinking it during the party. He then snuck back out and acted suspiciously like he had just done something horrible and didn't want anyone to know about it.
Xigbar: Hey Unknown, what's up dude!
Unknown: What? No I haven't seen any dead squirrels anywhere. I have no clue what you're talking about! WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST BELIEVE I'M INNOCENT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!?!?!
Xigbar: What are you talking about dude? I never called you Pickle.
Xigbar gave Unknown a weird look then walked away when Yachiru, a small girl with pink hair riding on the back of Kenpachi Zaraki, a large yet skinny man with an eye patch and spiked hair, spotted him.
Yachiru: Look Kenny! That guy with the ponytail and the eye patch is trying to steal your style!
Kenpachi: You right Yachiru. Maybe he's also using the eye patch to seal his power like me. He's got to be strong!
Kenpachi walked over to Xigbar, towering over him. A large grin appeared on his face as he drew his sword.
Kenpachi: You thought you could just walk around and steal my look? You sure got guts little man. Prepare to fight me!
Kenpachi swung his sword down at Xigbar, but the nobody was able to teleport out of the way in time. The ground where Kenpachi had struck was now broken into pieces from the force of his swing. Xigbar's ray guns appeared in his hands as he shot at Kenpachi. The beam just bounced harmlessly off of Zaraki's chest. Xigbar started to run away from the man in fright, and Kenny chased after him recklessly swinging his sword everywhere. The PANP scientist that Xaldin had stabbed had just returned from the hospital, but as soon as he walked through the door Kenpachi's sword hit him cutting him down. Mario came back out with the dust mop and once again swept the body away.
Mario: I really hate-a-this-a-job.
Our heroes had decided to meet back up at the fountain in the middle of the mall when they were all done with their part of the shopping. Jonathan was walking casually down an isle in one of the stores of the mall. Jonathan's idea of "walking casually" though was doing the moonwalk. As he was moonwalking down the isle, he tripped over someone and was flung down the isle for obvious reason. He looked up to see who he had tripped on. It was a tired looking young man, with long, messy black hair. He was wearing an employee's uniform and his nametag read "Eraldo Coil". Jonathan reappeared next to Eraldo Coil and handed him a card.
Jonathan: Here have my calling card. Call if you ever need me!
The man looked at the card that Jonathan had handed to him. It read "J0hnz4dan37373737" in really bad handwriting written in purple crayon.
Coil: This card is disreputable.
Jonathan snatched the calling card out of Eraldo's hand and proceeded to eat it.
Coil:
Jonathan: Hey that washing machine of yours is hott! Mind if I take it out to the movies some time?
Coil: …
Amy was walking through the mall when she saw a My Little Pony collector's set in the window of one of the stores. She ran over to the window and stared at it with her face pressed up against the glass.
Amy: Sonic's been talking for weeks about how much he wants this. It's the perfect gift for him! Aw man, but I don't have enough munny. This sucks.
???: If you want it, just take it.
Amy: Huh?
Amy turned around to see who the voice was coming from. It had been Rouge the Bat who had spoken to her.
Amy: But wouldn't that be stealing?
Rouge: Yeah so what if it is?
Amy: Isn't that illegal.
Rouge: Only if you get caught. Just grab it and hide it in your dress, no one will notice. Trust me on this.
Amy: (thinking to herself) I really want to get Sonic that present. And maybe if I give it to him he'll finally love me!
Rouge: So, you going to do it or are you too chicken?
Amy: I'll do it! Thanks Rouge!
Rouge: No problem Shadow.
Amy: I'm not Shadow!
Rouge was already gone by then, having no need to stick around. Amy entered the store and walked to wear the My Little Pony set was displayed. Amy looked around the store to see the police officer standing there watching out for thieves. No chickening out now. She thought to herself. This is for my Sonic! The police officer saw Amy and smiled at her.
Police Officer: Hey! Aren't you that Shadow guy? Can I have your autograph?
Amy: I'm not Shadow! I'm Amy!
Police Officer: I really like you in Sonic Adventure 2! I'm your biggest fan Shadow! I find it weird no one could tell you apart from Sonic though. What are they color blind or something?
Amy: I'M NOT SHADOW!
Police Officer: Hey! Will you do that Chaos Control thing for me?
Amy: I'm not Sha- aw forget it. Here's your stupid autograph.
Amy grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and signed "Amy Rose". The police officer looked at it and squealed with joy like a little school girl.
Police Officer: Yay! I got Shadow's autograph! I can't wait to tell my wife!
The police officer ran out of the store jumping for joy like the idiot he is. Amy turned back to the set of little pony toys and decided she would steal them. She quickly grabbed the box and shoved it under her dress and ran out of the store as fast as she could. She ran down to the end of the hall and stopped. She turned around to see that no one had seen her and no one was coming after her.
Amy: That was easier than I thought it would be.
Amy continued through out the mall to go forth and shoplift the rest of the gifts on her section of the list.
CTSucks 007 walked into the mall's branch of Wal-Mart when a cat walked in front of him. CT went to pet the cat, but when he did it bit him. The cat then ran away further into the store. CT chased after it, and when he reached it he tried petting it again. The cat once again bit him and ran away. CT continued chasing the cat and trying to pet it and it kept biting him and running away. This went on for a while until CT had finally cornered the cat at a dead end. When CT reached out to pet the cat this time, suddenly a wave of cats jumped out of nowhere and bombarded CT. After the wave of cats had piled onto CT, all that could be seen of him was his arm reaching out twitching, but no one was around to help.
Meanwhile outside the studio; Espio, Seymour, Naminé, Demyx, goaT, and José were having a snowball fight against Saïx, Axel, Luxord, Larxene, and Roxas.
Axel: No fair! It's 6 against 5! They have one more person than us!
Seymour: That's your fault for not recruiting another person! Hahaha!
José: They paid me 1 American dollar to do this yob!
Roxas: Well I-
Larxene: interrupting Roxas Shut up Roxas! No one likes you! Just hit them for once when you throw a snowball!
Roxas threw a snowball at goaT but missed completely, hitting himself in the face with it. Larxene used her light speed to get behind Demyx and throw a snowball at him. Demyx quickly started playing his sitar, controlling the water creating a wall of water that then froze creating an ice shield that protected him from the snowball. Seymour threw a snowball at Axel but Axel used his power of fire to melt the snowball before it reached him, but was then hit in the back of the head by a snowball thrown by José, who had been paid an extra 3 dollars to ensure he got one in. Saïx threw a snowball at Espio but Espio dodged it and then turned invisible, vanishing. Luxord summoned his cards and surrounded himself with them.
Luxord: Ha! No one can hit me when I'm protected by my cards!
As he said this, a couple of the cards were cut in half and Luxord was hit in the face by a shuriken shaped snowball. Espio reappeared behind him wielding three more snow-shrunken. He jumped into the air and threw them at Roxas, Larxene and Saïx. Roxas was hit directly by it and was knocked over. Larxene disappeared from sight and was now right in front of Espio. She kicked him in between the legs and he flew backwards and landed, in pain. Saïx pulled out his claymore and sliced the shuriken in half before it hit him. Roxas grabbed a couple more snowballs and rushed towards his opponents in another attempt to hit them. Before he got a chance to throw them, Naminé wiped his memory and he forgot what he was doing and dropped the snowballs. He then sat down in the middle of the battlefield and started playing Mario Kart on his Nintendo DS.
Just then Dr. Rockzo slid down a pile of snow using a couple of giant straws as skis. As he stopped, he ran straight into Roxas, knocking him out.
Dr. Rockzo: I'm Dr. Rockzo, the Rock 'N' Roll Clown! I do cocaine! Bip-bip-bip-Yeah! And that ain't snow I was skiing on!
Demyx: Then what is it?
Dr. Rockzo: Uh…sugar? Dr. Rockzo's nose starts to bleed
Naminé: Your nose is bleeding.
Dr. Rockzo: What's that? My nose is bleeding? I fell dooooowwn.
Saïx: Riiiiiiiiiight.
goaT then threw a snowball which hit Saïx in the face.
goaT: LOL X marks the spot!
Saïx was enraged by goaT's comment and went into berserk mode. He went insane and started swinging his claymore around wildly, sending snow flying everywhere. Dr. Rockzo ran inside so as not to get caught up in their snowball fight.
Dr. Rockzo: Hey guys, guess who's here with a brand new Dr. Rockzo Christmas music video! Dr. Rockzo that's who! Bip-bip-bip-Yeah!
Sephiroth: Not this guy again…
Naya was walking through the outdoor goods section of the mall when she ran across Kairi sleeping in one of the tents. When Naya saw her, an idea popped into her head. Naya quickly ran to a cooking utensils store and went to grab a pan. She accidentally grabbed a butcher knife instead. Not realizing her mistake Naya ran back to the tent where Kairi was sleeping. When she got there, Kairi was already drozily awake. She turned over and saw the figure of a woman holding something shiny in the doorway. She squinted trying to see what the object in the woman's hand was. Her eyes immediately widened when she realized it was in fact a butcher knife.
Naya slowly began to step towards Kairi. Kairi, not knowing what to do just sat quaking in fear. When Naya reached Kairi, Kairi began to babble incoherently and Naya looked Kairi straight in the eyes.
Naya: Oh, you're already awake. I guess I failed. Oh well.
Naya slumped off away from then tent. After she was gone, Kairi let out a shrill scream and fainted.
As Ramza was walking through the mall, he spotted a Dance Dance Revolution game set up. Ramza set the gifts he had gotten down and turned the game on. Just then a young man wearing a black outfit with a heartless symbol on the chest and a weird white skirt walked up to him.
Riku Replica: I challenge you to a dance off!
Ramza: You're on! You can't win you don't have my groovy moves!
Ramza started to dance like Michael Jackson. He started by doing the moonwalk then he grabbed his crotch and screamed "Ow!" in a high pitched voice. Ramza spun around then stopped and pointed his left hand straight into the air with his right hand on his hip, while tilting his hat which he was now wearing down. He then performed the dance to "Thriller". Ramza then stopped and stretched his arms and legs out then he grabbed his crotch again and pointed into the air with his other hand. He then started to walk forward, raising his arms up and down as he walked. He then finished off by tilting his hat down and spinning in a circle.
Riku Replica: Ha! Watch this!
Riku Replica then did the Riku Replica Dance. This dance was so amazingly amazing it could not possibly be described in words. What he did was he bent his elbows and put one arm in front of him, and the other behind him. He then moved his arms back and forth. He then started to randomly do squats and saying things like "Yeah" and "Alright". He did this to the Goofy Goober tune from the SpongeBob SquarePants movie.
Ramza: Dude! That was awesome! Come on man let's go! I know a great place we can go to party!
Ramza grabbed the gifts and then he and Riku Replica left the store together.
Ksemanr was at the top floor of the mall. He came across a section of the mall with a large opening where he could look over railing down to the first floor and see the walkways of the other floors in between also. Ksemanr was wearing a parachute, so he jumped down to the first floor. After landing he pulled the string to activate the parachute. At the bottom he met with Bugs Bunny and a kid named Skyler.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up doc? pulls out a carrot and takes a bite
Ksemanr: Your wife.
Skyler: Your wife is pregnant!
The Ghost of Jonathan37373737: Oooooooooooooo!
Ksemanr: Your wife's uncle's brother's wife's roommate's handkerchief's dog's sister was Captain Crunch.
The Ghost of Jonathan37373737: OoooooooooooooooooooOOOOooo!
Skyler: You're so stupid you don't know how to divide 666 into a goat on a boat!
The Ghost of Jonathan37373737: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Ksemanr: You're so stupid you can't even pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel!
The Ghost of Jonathan37373737: OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOO OOoooooOOOOooo!!!!
Skyler: You're so stupid you don't even know how many Statues of Liberty there are!
Ksemanr: Of course I do! There's one!
Skyler: Wrong! There's three!
Ksemanr: Dude, what are you on?
Skyler: It was on channel 153! They were talking about it on there!
Ksemanr: No, I mean what are you on?
Skyler: 153!
Ksemanr: Is that a new one?
Skyler: What? I was on 153! That's Nickelodeon!
Ksemanr: Is that what they're calling it on the streets now?
Skyler: Huh? Calling what?
Ksemanr: 153!
Skyler: is really confused
Ksemanr: Look I asked you what kind of drug you were on and you- aw you know what? Forget it you won't get it.
Ksemanr then left Bugs Bunny and Skyler and headed back to meet the others. Ksemanr arrived at the fountain to find everyone but Amy already there waiting, with their portion of the presents. Riku Replica was also there with them. CT was covered in cat scratches, but no one else seemed to notice. Amy then ran up to the fountain. He dress was bulging from all the stuff she had stolen and she looked like a weird, lumpy, deformed, fat, pink hedgehog.
Ksemanr: Hey Shadow! You look sorta different somehow. Did you get a hair cut?
Amy:
Naya: Let's go guys. We need to get back to the studio.
As our heroes started to walk towards the exit to the mall, they saw a large, red button on the wall. The button wasn't labeled or anything.
Ksemanr: I want to press it…
Naya: Me too…
Ramza: Must…press…button…
Amy: Button….press…
CT: Shiny….
Jonathan: I want to press it…
Ksemanr: I want to press the button so much, but something bad always happens when you press the big tempting button.
CT: Yeah we shouldn't press it.
Naya: Yeah let's go.
And so our heroes overcame their powerful urge to press the big, red button on the wall and continued towards the exit. After our heroes had made it safely away from the button Big the Cat walked up to it.
Big: Froggy?
Big the Cat pressed the button, and when he did confetti started raining down around him. Bill Cosby then jumped out of nowhere.
Bill Cosby: Congratulations!!! You are our lucky winner! You win 1 million munny and this brand new car!!!!
The section of the wall that the big, red button was on rose to reveal a brand new, 2056 Volkswagen AG Jetta convertible with built in internet connection and cable TVs for every seat.
Big: Froggy?
Big walked up to the car and tried to get in it, but was too big too fit in the car. He ended up ripping the door off, and then when he still couldn't fit he just sat on top of it, crushing the car with his own weight. Big, being extremely big and fat got hungry from all this work and ate the munny thinking it was food. Big the Cat then got bombarded by question marks caused by his own confusion, which caused Big to become even more confused. Big continued to sit there in his confusion, until he was eventually towed out of the building, along with his now flatted car.
As our heroes continued along, they passed by Santa Clause, who was in a chair allowing little kids to sit on his lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas.
Jonathan: It's Santa!
Jonathan ran over to Santa Clause and violently threw the kid who was on his lap at the time off of Santa's lap. The kid flew threw the air and into a pet store. The kid fell into the cage of a boa constrictor and so the kid screamed for help, but everyone just continued doing what they were doing happily ignoring his pleas for help. Jonathan excitedly jumped onto Santa's lap.
Santa: Tell me young man, what do you want for Christmas?
Jonathan: I want your wife!
Santa: What was that?
Jonathan: I said I want your wife!
Santa: Now why would you want her for?
Jonathan: Cause I heard that's she really good and knows more positions than even Ronald McDonald!
Santa: That's it young man, you're going on my naughty list!
The once jolly man was now angered by Jonathan's rude comments about his wife and got up from his seat. He ripped off his red coat to reveal a multitude of weapons and ammo. Clause summoned the Nine Reindeer of the Apocalypse. Nine reindeer appeared before Santa; the Winged White Reindeer Pestilence, the Fiery Red Reindeer War, the Black Reindeer Famine, the Pale Green Reindeer Death, the Gay Blue Reindeer The French, the Gray Reindeer Annoyance, the Pink Reindeer Fluffy, the Orange Reindeer Nippleation, and the Brown Reindeer Diarrhea with his very runny poopy nose. Standing in the middle of the reindeer of the apocalypse was a Dusk nobody.
Jonathan: referring to the Dusk She's hott! Which Reindeer of the Apocalypse is she?
Santa: stares at the Dusk Uh…that's not one of them…
Suddenly all nine of the reindeer from hell took off flying, one in particular, being The French, flying head first into everything. War flew higher into the air and used his powers to cause war to break loose. Since everyone was already fighting, this had no affect and nothing changed. Fluffy used its powers of cuteness to try to hypnotize its opponents, but just caused several girls to swarm around it trying to pet it and saying "Aaawww look how cute it is!" Nippleation used her powers to bring extreme nippleation to everyone. All this accomplished however, was making everyone rub their nipples once. Death started to glow and bring forth death, but he accidentally killed The French instead of our heroes. Diarrhea shot his diarrhea causing snot at our heroes, hitting CT.
CT: Aw man! Not again!
CT rushed off to the bathroom to take care of his diarrhea problem. Annoyance used its powers to annoy our heroes. Amy was annoyed the most and she pulled out her Piko Piko Hammer. She charged forward at the nearest reindeer, who happened to be Famine, which was for some odd reason really fat. She hit Famine with her hammer, sending him rolling. He rolled over top of the other reindeer killing them, except for Pestilence who was smart enough to fly over him. Pestilence spread his wings bringing forth disease upon everyone, giving them the common cold. They all walked into the nearest restaurant selling chicken noodle soup and bought some. After eating the soup they were all cured instantly. Famine came to a stop and then died of a heart attack from being so over weight. Big the Cat walked up to Famine's dead body and sat next to it.
Big: Froggy?
As Pestilence was about to give our heroes the Black Plague, they pulled out a bag of horse feed and snuck a medicine pill into it. Pestilence, being extremely hungry from not having eaten in so long, flew down to it and ate it. The medicine cured Pestilence of his diseases, killing him instantly.
Santa: Aw man, I knew I shouldn't have let Famine eat all of the other reindeer's food. They were all weakened from not having eaten in so long! I guess I'll have to do this myself.
Riku Replica started to zone out and just stared straight forward not noticing anything happening around him. Santa reached for the hilt of one of the swords strapped to his back. He pulled it out of its sheath, but it was just a balloon on a string attached to the hilt. Clause swung the balloon forward at our heroes, but the strike was completely useless because the balloon just stayed in the air. Santa pulled out a NERF dart gun and started to shoot at our heroes but missed horribly, hitting Big the Cat in the head, knocking him over. Jonathan ran up to Santa and started to correct him on how he was shooting the gun.
Jonathan: Have some composure. Where is your posture? Oh, no, no. You're pulling the trigger all wrong.
After Jonathan demonstrated to Santa how to properly shoot the gun, Santa sent another shot towards our heroes. CT reentered the room from his bathroom break when he was hit by the NERF dart, the plunger part stuck to his forehead. Riku Replica, still zoned out, started to slowly do the Riku Replica Dance. This was somehow inflicting damage on Santa.
Santa: What the [implied? He's using cheat codes!
Riku Replica continued dancing in his state of not fully being there, not hearing Santa's comment. Ramza drew his katana from its sheath, and charged at the once jolly spirit of Christmas. The fat saint quickly countered Ramza's blade with a toy lightsaber. Santa knocked Ramza back, then quickly turned around and kicked Naya, who was trying to sneak attack him from behind. Ksemanr pulled out a pop-up book and threw it at Santa. Santa put on a pair of Amazing Johnny Cage sunglasses, which were actually just regular sunglasses with a jacked up price. After putting the sunglasses on he leaned backwards in slow motion, dodging the pop-up book. CT used his power to combine water from a nearby fountain and electricity from the lights to create a blast of electrified water and shot it at Santa. Santa put on a pair of water wings, which protected him from the attack. Amy jumped up and brought her hammer down at Santa Clause. The man used a small toy hammer from a Bob the Builder toy set to counter Amy's attack, and send her flying back. Jonathan pulled out an Omochao and threw it at Santa. Amy landed on top of Jonathan, knocking them both down. Santa used the toy hammer to deflect the Omochao. Omochao fell down to the ground and turned red and started smoking.
Suddenly a fishing lure on a line fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the battle. Everyone stopped fighting and stared at the fishing lure. Unbeknownst to our heroes, Link was sitting on the walkway to one of the above floors with his fishing rod and had cast the lure down there. After a few minutes of everyone just staring at the lure, they resumed their battle. The Dusk started to do the Riku Replica Dance. Santa pulled out a gun made out of LEGOS and started shooting Barbie dolls at our heroes with it. Our heroes were assaulted by hordes of Barbie dolls, pushing them back against the wall. Santa prepared to fire another wave of dolls at our heroes when the LEGO gun suddenly blew up into pieces. Santa turned around to see KISS standing there behind him.
Gene Simmons: We can't allow you to ruin Christmas Santa! We challenge you to a rock off!
Santa: Aw crap! The demon code prevents me from denying a rock off challenge! What are your terms? What's the catch?
Gene Simmons: If we win, you have to promise to ignore these guys and resume your duties as Santa! And also you must let me ride in you're sleigh!
Santa: And what if I win?
Gene Simmons: Then you can take Paul back to the North Pole, to be your little elf.
Paul Stanley: What?
Gene Simmons: Trust me Paul, it's the only way!
Santa: Fine! Let the rock off begin!
Santa pulled out a Guitar Hero controller and started playing extremely well. He then pulled out a pair of Donkey Konga congas and started to drum really well on them. He then started to sing.
Santa: I'm Santa I can do what I want. The toys I got you're gonna flaunt. There's never been a rock off that I've ever lost! I can't wait to take Paul back to the Pole. I'm gonna fill him with my cookies and milk. His gifts will make the kids squeal like a little girl.
Gene Simmons: Noooo!! Come on Paul, bring the thunder!
Paul Stanley: There's just no way that we can win that was a masterpiece! He rocks too hard because he's such a jolly man!
Gene Simmons: For Christmas sake Paul, he's gonna make you his elf slave, you're gonna spend your life making toys, unless we bust a massive monster mamojam!
Paul Stanley: Dude, we've been through so much crap.
Gene Simmons: Shot down star fighters with my tongue!
Gene and Paul: Now it's time to blow this fat man down!
Gene Simmons: C'mon Paul now it's time to blow doors down!
Paul Stanley: I hear you Simmons now it's time to blow doors down!
Gene Simmons: Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown!
Paul Stanley: We'll call a taxi and we'll take you to China Town!
Gene and Paul: Now we've got to blow this fat man down!
Paul Stanley: He's gonna eat me if we do not blow doors down!
Gene Simmons: C'mon Paul cause it's time to blow doors down!
Paul Stanley: Ooooooh… We'll pile-drive ya! It's time for the smack down!
Gene Simmons: Hey Saint Nick, Santa Clause, we know your weakness, the rock off! We rock this mall, with rock bottom prices! We will defeat you, for Christmas time! You hold the sleigh, we hold the reins. You are Santa. We are KISS!
Santa Clause dropped his Guitar Hero controller and fell down to his knees in slow motion, defeated.
Everyone Else: Dude, what's with the drama? Why'd you have to do it in slow motion?
Everyone but Santa and KISS: Yay! KISS saved Christmas!!!!
Gene Simmons: I hope you all learned a valuable lesson here.
Jonathan: Yeah! Never eat raspberries!
Gene Simmons did his signature of sticking his tongue out, but it kept stretching and rolled off screen and rolled out further than they could see.
Gene Simmons: Ouch! rolls his tongue back into his mouth
Ksemanr: What's wrong?
Gene Simmons: Someone stepped on my tongue!
And so, the Random 5 grabbed the presents and left the mall back to the studio, followed by Amy, Riku Replica, the Dusk and KISS.
Back at the studio, all the food was gone because Ren had blown it all up. They sent Mickey Mouse to the Finntroll grocery store to get some pre-made food for the party. Aside from the dinner, everything was set and ready for the party. Mickey opened the door and walked back in, not carrying anything with him.
Xaldin: Uh, Mickey, where's the food?
Mickey: Oh noes! I forgots all the foods at the foods place! It's alls back at the foods library!
Xaldin: Just great! What're we supposed to do for food?
Cademon: Just order some pizza from Dante's Pizza.
Al Gore: Look outside! The Random 5 are finally here!
Zexion: About time. Now we can finally get the party started.
Xaldin: Ok guys, I ordered the pizza. They said it'll be here in 30 minutes or less or the pizzas will cost more.
Our heroes were finally approaching the studio, with the gifts in tow. As they were walking up to the door, Jonathan got hit in the face with a snowball thrown by Espio, which knocked him into the lava that wasn't there. Ramza opened the door, and as he did one of Xaldin's spears flew at him and pierced his chest. Ramza just stood there staring at the spear in his chest for a few minutes.
Ramza: Well, would you look at that.
Ramza removed the spear and just walked into the building like nothing happened. Our heroes; followed by KISS, Amy, Riku Replica, the Dusk, and everyone outside having the snowball fight, entered the building and set the gifts down underneath the Lexaeus. The decorations to the party were pink and flowery and the whole place looked really girly and pink. The main lights were off and there were special lights set up making everything look as though it was set on fire. There was a long table set up with the bowl of fruit punch and a lot of empty space for the pizzas when they got there. Next to the fruit punch was Dr Pepper in large quantities. The entire cast of Insert Spam Here was there at the party, including characters who only had minor parts and those who haven't even appeared in the story yet. Dethklok was also there to play live music for the party.
Nathan Explosion: We're here to make Christmas metal! We will make everything metal! Blacker than the blackest black times infinity!
Dethklok started playing "Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle". Ramza and Riku Replica immediately ran out to the dance floor and started another dance off to the heavy metal music. The caveman knocked the punch bowl off the table, causing it to break all over the ground. The caveman from the Geico commercials just stood there and crossed his arms and shook his head.
Unknown: Noooooo! Now my plan to take over the world by making someone choke on a dead squirrel is ruined! Now I'll never get their keyblades…
Mario came back out into the room with a dust mop to clan up the mess from the punch.
Mario: Not again-a…
Just then the doorbell rang. Cademon answered the door to find Pizza Delivery Guy Serj standing there with their pizzas, twenty minutes early.
Pizza Delivery Guy Serj: Dude, I'm like sooo late. Here's your pizzas dude. That'll be $23 man.
Cademon gave Pizza Delivery Guy Serj the money, and then Pizza Delivery Guy Serj invited himself in. Cademon set the pizzas down on the table for everyone to eat. Amy looked over to see Sonic the Hedgehog at the party. She grabbed her gift for him and ran over to him.
Amy: Here you go Sonic! I got this just for you!
Sonic opened the gift and saw the My Little Pony collector's set.
Sonic: Wow! This is just what I wanted! Thanks Shadow!
Sonic then ran off, ignoring Amy completely.
Amy: Aw man, I guess I'll never get Sonic to love me.
Amy started to walk away in a slump when Ksemanr approached her with a gift for her.
Ksemanr: Here! I got this for you!
Amy cheered up a little and took the gift from Ksemanr. She opened it up and pulled out the gift to see a pair of Air Shoes, and she looked upset again.
Ksemanr: You like them Shadow? I noticed back at the mall your Air Shoes didn't seem to be working so I got you a new pair!
Amy walked away depressed. Ren was now over at the pizzas telling everyone that she was the one who cooked them.
Ren: Ren-chan did good right?
Xaldin spotted Ren and got upset over her claims. He marched over to her, enraged.
Xaldin: I've had just about enough of you thinking you can cook! I'm the only cook around here, and I'm going to prove it! I challenge you to a cook off!
Xaldin and Ren had to cook curry and rice. Sonic had been chosen as the judge, because everyone confused him for Big the Cat and knew a fat man would know what tastes good. Xaldin was using high quality red rice, and was skillfully chopping up beef and professionally cooking the rice and the curry. After he had cooked everything he masterfully mixed all the ingredients together perfectly. Meanwhile, Ren was using cheap brown rice and was throwing all kinds of strange, unidentifiable objects into her bowl. Ren then poured a large amount of dish soap into the bowl and heated it all up with the microwave in a metal bowl. The microwave exploded and she took out the result and smiled happily.
The two finished dishes were set down on the table in front of Sonic. Xaldin's look delicious and perfectly done, while Ren's looked like a horribly disfigured and deformed bowl of who knows what that looking at made you want to vomit. Sonic first tasted Xaldin's dish.
Sonic: Wow this is amazing! I've never tasted anything this good!
Sonic then tasted Ren's dish. Immediately after it entered his mouth, Sonic passed out and fell to the ground.
Xaldin: Wow! Her cooking was so good it made him faint! I am no match for her. I have been defeated.
Xaldin dropped his spears and fell down to his knees in slow motion, defeated.
Axel: Ok... turns to the readers God bless us, everyone!
Yachiru: head butts Axel in the face Stop copying Little Timmy! turns to the readers Thanks for reading everyone! Merry Christmas!
The End.
