Alright sweeties, thank you soo much for all of the reviews! I love you guys so much! I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't hate me too much for the last chapter ;). ALSO! IMPORTANT FROSTBITE NEWS! There's a campaign going on to make Frostbite a reality! I've already donated but every penny counts to make our dreams a reality! It's not expensive either you have a range of options from 10 dollars to several thousand! So check it out and see if that's something you'd like to help out with! Once again I own nothing and I love you guys tons! Reviews are beyond welcome and I'm not updating til I get a few!

Sarcastically,

Yours truly

I look around at my surroundings and immediately recognize it as the cabin at the Academy. I sit on the rumpled bed and put my head in my hands. I hear the door crack open and I sigh.

"I'm dead aren't I?" I ask, glancing up to see red hair and laughing blue eyes. "Mason?" I ask softly. I stand up and wrap my arms around him.

"Glad you remember me." He says and hugs me back. I pull away and sit back on the bed. "But no, you aren't dead Rose." He answers.

"Then what am I doing here? How are you here?" I ask. He grins widely and flicks my forehead.

"You're on the border of the living and the dead, you're shadows have temporarily put your body in stasis so for the moment everyone thinks you're dead." He states. I sigh and shake my head.

"So what do I have to do to get back there?" I ask.

"You just need to make the decision," He shrugs, I nod.

"Thank you Mase," I smile at him and he smiles back, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

"You should open up, Rose, they need you to be there, but you aren't." He whispers in my ear. I open my eyes and shake my head.

"You know I can't do that." I mumble. "I'm sorry Mase, for everything, I do mean everything."

"I forgive you Rose; you know I can never stay upset with you." He smiles sadly.

I think of my brothers and it suddenly feels like I'm falling into nothing. Right before I hit the ground I sit up, coughing viciously.

"Roza!" I hear the gasp and look up to see him looking relieved.

"How long was I out?" I ask sharply immediately scrambling to find a phone.

"A few minutes… you were dead." He says softly, staring at me wide eyed. I feel a light tingling on my lips and I realize that he must have done CPR on me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper softly. It finally hits me as to what I'd have to do, I want nothing more than to call my brothers… but that could potentially be dangerous for them. So instead of calling them and reassuring them that I'm okay, I close my eyes and enter Lissa's mind.

Everyone is in a state of panic and or grief. She can't feel the bond yet, seeing as my heart just restarted so I quickly pull up a block in her mind so she won't feel the bond period. I quickly do the same to Eden, wanting nothing more than to make sure she was okay but I built the wall before she'd know I was there.

I open my eyes and look down at the ring resting on my right thumb and I pull it off, blocking my own magic so they wouldn't be able to feel me.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please I am sorry," I murmur, pain taking me completely off guard and I realize my blocks are slipping as I force myself to keep talking. "I am so unbelievably sorry, I love you two so much but this is what I have to do." I drop the ring as I crumble, clutching my ribs as my head feels like it's going to split open. "Dimitri!" I gasp softly; he's by my side instantly and lifting me up into his chest. I quickly realize I can't feel nor move my left arm, a glance at it shows it's out of place.

"Roza, you need to stay awake."He murmurs, I try to nod but my brain feels like I'm pulling it apart.

"I think I have a cracked skull, and a couple of broken ribs, I think my rib punctured my lung, my arm is dislocated," I gasp softly and he curses in Russian. "I love your vocabulary, it's so very colorful." I state, trying not to laugh.

"You know Russian?" He asks, I grin at him.

"Quite fluent in it actually," I say, grinning slightly before another wave of pain washes over me and silences me.

"Dimitri, I need you to call Abe and tell him Lazarus Theta Sigma, he'll know what you mean and will tell you what to do." I cough roughly and I groan in pain. "Do you understand?" He nods and my head rolls back on its own. I see that we're heading back to the house.

"Rose…" He says softly, banging open a door. "Why did you react that way in the gym?" He asks softly, I look at him and try to smile at him, forcing myself to breathe and clear my mind despite the pain. I know he's trying to keep me awake so I indulge him.

"You broke my heart, Dimitri." I wheeze I can practically feel the blood in my lungs. Once again I try to summon my magic to heal myself but it's once again out of my reach. I know it's there but I can't focus enough to get it to work. My vision goes fuzzy so I try and focus on Dimitri's guilt ridden expression. "But there's more to it," His attention seems to be peaked. I feel blood in my throat and I cough into my hand to see the red liquid. "I don't have feelings Dimitri, I can't feel happiness, or sadness, or anger… I can't feel love." His eyes widen and I smile softly at him.

"But the gym…?" He whispers.

"When I take in darkness that's the only time for a very short amount of time that I can feel anything, mainly anger, I shouldn't have let that happen…," My vision snaps to black for a second and then back to the real world, to his eyes.

"But right now, you're in pain, I can see it," He says, I nod. His finger slides up and down my cheek affectionately and I take in the warmth.

"All I feel right now is pain… Dimitri, when I wake up again, in a few hours, I'll be back to normal and that means I won't feel and that is a good thing." I try to explain, trying so hard to smile despite my not being able to breathe and the pain coming from my head and ribs.

"Not feeling anything, it isn't healthy… it isn't human! Even Strigoi feel things, Roza!" He says, pushing my hair from my face.

"I am so much worse than the Strigoi, so much worse," I murmur, my vision darkening. "I'm a monster." Everything goes black.

I'm in my mind, this I know for a fact and I look around at the darkness. There are a few broken walls and I know that they are my blocks so I set to the one that's the most damaged, I place a hand on it and feel the swirling hurricane of emotions in there and I know that it's my heart.

A glance at the inside shows that my heart is withered and scarred and cold but still struggling to beat. I set to work, rebuilding all of the walls that I've spent years building. When all is done I feel the heat of darkness and the shadows swarming my body all at once.

I see that both of the bonds are still in place and I them both to make sure there's nothing seeping through and when I'm satisfied I walk away from it.

I take a deep breath as my body mends itself. My senses reach out and I find that I'm in my room and I'm definitely not alone. I hear soft talking and I immediately start listening.

"I saw her and my heart stopped… I've never felt that afraid in years." He says softly, miserably. "She looked drained of blood and there were so many bites and her heart wasn't beating and I tried CPR until Pavel pulled me off and then she woke up! Like nothing was wrong and she pulls this phone out and she was talking to you and then she collapsed. I never want to see her hurt again… seeing her that way, holding her while her body got cold… I regret everything. I never should have pushed her away; I never should have said those words, those god damn words." He's being honest, that much I can tell.

I don't hear the reply but I think it's Pavel.

"I love her." His voice shakes. "I love her and I'm never going to let go of her again… I made a promise a long time ago and I broke it… I won't break it again." He says passionately.

I open my eyes and sit up, having heard enough. I get out off the bed and see that I'm my battle clothes minus my boots. My phone catches my attention so I look at it and see it's only been a few hours. I take off my uniform and pull on a skirt and blouse from my bag. I go to the mirror and inspect myself as I pull my hair up into a high ponytail only to notice the scars of the Strigoi making a feast of my throat.

I find my favorite boots and pull them on before tucking my blouse into the skirt that looks like something I wore in high school. I pop my back loudly and sigh softly before I walk out into the hallway. I look around for Dimitri but don't see him anywhere, I assume that he's in a room.

I go down stairs and find my father pacing. I roll my eyes and spot Adam sitting in the corner seemingly unfazed by our Strigoi encounter.

"Relax. Zmey, I'm fine." I say as I lean against the door frame. He stands to attention and rushes to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"You foolish girl," He mutters. I sigh and pull away a bit.

"Yeah yeah, I'm alive; look did you get everything set up?" I ask, straight to business. He sighs heavily before nodding.

"Everything is ready, down to transportation, everything is taken care of." He says as he hands me an envelope. A glance inside shows keys and the layouts of this new house among other important details such as our new identities, I take out three IDs.

Tatiana is will now be Ana Ivan, I will apparently be Issa Mazur, I raise an eyebrow at him, he grins and shrugs. The last one makes me glare at him.

"He's not coming." I state, Abe raises a challenging brow.

"Oh yes he is," He says. "I trust him to keep you safe." I growl at him.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I snap.

"Really because this past "mission" of yours, left you dead," He says, his voice getting louder.

"I wasn't dead." I deadpan. "Darkness put my body in stasis to heal enough from the attack, my heart just so happened to stop in that process." I down play what really happened, but who is he to know the difference.

"He's going with you." His tone says it's final but I still want to argue. I sigh, exasperated, as I glance at the time.

"Fine, I'm only agreeing because I should be leaving soon." I state. I hug him and kiss his cheek. "Thank you, tell mom I love her. Did you tell Dimitri about your plans? " I ask he nods so I walk out of the room and back upstairs.

I go and shower before I get dressed in my black pants and leather jacket. I pack up what little I have and walk out the room, Dimitri is walking out of his room. He stops and looks at me, I smile a small smile at him and he walks up next to me.

"Ready to hit the road, Jack?" I ask, joking lightly, he smirks at me. I put the envelope with our things in the small purse like bag on my hip.

"Yeah, I'm ready, but are you sure you should be traveling right now?" He seems concerned.

"I'm in perfect healthy, I should be asking you that, I know you must be a bit traumatized from everything at the nest." I state as we walk down the stairs. He sighs softly and runs his hand through his short hair.

"I'll be fine," He nods, seemingly trying to convince himself of that fact as we reach the living room where Pavel has joined Adam, I look for my father and find him in the kitchen eating something.

"We're gonna leave old man," I say, he looks up at me a grumbles; I'm struck by the idea that he looks like a pouting teenager as he stands up. He holds up the scarf he'd given me so many years ago and wraps it around my neck before kissing my forehead, being overly affectionate for such a bad ass.

"Be safe little girl," He murmurs softly in my ear, I nod and hug him.

I take out the keys of the bag and nod to the two boys on the couch before Dimitri and I go outside to the car waiting there. He grabs my bag and puts it in the back as I jump in the driver's seat and start the mustang.

Dimitri gets in the passenger seat and laughs when I rev the engine.

"You ready for a five hour drive?" I ask as I speed out onto the main road , he rolls his eyes as I continue to speed onto the main road. We're quiet for a moment and I know he's staring at me. "You have questions I assume." I say he nods wearily. "Go on, get it out."

"You said you don't feel anything, how is that?" He asks, I sigh.

"Darkness has, over the course of years, hardened my heart and mind to no longer hold emotion. However, whenever I take in more darkness, there's a crack in that shield that allows occasional emotion primarily anger but it can let out some little snippets of other things." I explain.

"Do you feel pain?" He asks, I look at him from the corner of my eye. I reach into my pocket and pull out my darling little knife and whip it open. I push the blade into the arm that's on the steering wheel. "What are you doing?" He asks, sounding slightly panicked. I drag the blade down quickly, illustrating my point. I show him the wound that's starting to seep blood.

"Not a pinch." I state and bring my arms up to my mouth. I lick along the cut and reveal a slight scar where the cut was. I put the blade away and he looks wonder struck. "Something happened at that nest that tore down my walls and blocked off my ability to heal myself, that's where the pain was coming from, next question."

I dodge a couple of cars in my way and continue my reckless driving.

"Where have you been?" He asks.

"I've been everywhere you can imagine except Antarctica." I state, he raises a questioning eyebrow at me.

"You went back to Russia?" He asks, I see his past haunting him.

"Yes, twice, the first not willingly but the second I would have been cursed if I didn't go." I grumble. "Did you ever go back to tell your family?" I ask. He grows quiet but nods.

"Yeah, I did," He says, of course I'd had a hunch that he'd gone but it was nice not getting a cryptic answer from a Belikov.

"When did you go?"

"About a year after I was changed back and about 2 years ago." He looks at me from the corner of his eye. "They kept asking about you the first time I went." He states.

"Did they?" I murmur, trying to be nonchalant.

"This last time Mama was worried about you, maybe even a little cross, she wouldn't tell me why. I suppose it was better than last time because I'd gotten a slap and a hug from everyone before there was even a conversation." He chuckles softly. My jaw rolls on its own and my hand makes it's way to my cheek as the memory of my own Olena slap registered. The memory rushes to mind with a semi fond smile.

-FlashBack!-

Cyrus had found out about some Strigoi activity outside a town in the middle of nowhere Siberia. He's refusing to tell me where we're going but the heavy feeling in my gut tells me I know EXACTLY where we're going.

"Get some rest Hathaway," Cyrus says gruffly in Russian, I look at him and roll my eyes.

"I'm not five," I grumble back in Russian.

"You haven't slept in two days, sleep," And that's it, end of discussion. I huff softly and lean back, closing my eyes.

It's been almost 4 years since I left court and I've made a lot of progress. My first two years were spent specifically on training, I didn't have to spend long with the teachers because I'd pick up their moves quickly all thanks to the man next to me.

Cyrus is Shadow Kissed as well, his bond mate died after they'd been bonded for more than 10 years so he knows a thing or two about Darkness and how to control the perks of being Kissed by the Shadows. He'd taught me how to open my mind and heart to the Darkness more than I'd already done, so that expanded my ability to learn to a whole new horizon. I picked up languages in mere weeks, fighting techniques and able to bring down my instructors within a month.

However, within my first year and a half I haven't been able to feel as much or as strongly as I used to, I'd find myself not feeling anything for hours at a time until eventually all I can feel is an emotion when it's very strong.

I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes I was being shaken. I blink up at the hazel eyes of Cyrus.

"We're here." He states, I sigh and stretch.

"Where is here?" I grumble. He shifts to the side and a familiar house comes into view, I immediately stiffen. "You're kidding right?" I ask, trying to calm down my racing heart.

"No, I need to talk to an old friend and she lives here with her family." He says roughly.

"Oh that's bloody fantastic." I mutter under my breath as I get out the car.

I walk behind him as he knocks on the door. Olena opens the door and she doesn't look like she's aged a day. Her brown hair his pulled in a bun and youthful brown eyes take in Cyrus as he states he's here to see Yeva. She nods and opens the door wider letting him in.

She looks up and sees me and freezes. Her mouth dropped open slightly and I see tears welling in her eyes. It all happened so fast but all I registered was the cracking sound of her palm on my cheek and the pain of a small truck on my cheek.

I blink rapidly as my hand makes my way to my heated cheek as I straighten my head.

"I deserved that." I mumble. I'm enveloped into a warm embrace and soft mutterings in my ear.

"I was so worried about you, Roza!" She exclaims. I smile sheepishly at her, not able to get mad, not that I could but still.

"I'm sorry Olena, everything happened so fast and I had to leave, I really am sorry. " I murmur and embrace her back, taking in the warmth she offers.

"You silly girl, come inside, come inside. " She takes my hand and pulls me inside where I see she was about to make black bread. "

"Can you show me how to make that?" I ask softly, she grins delightedly and nods and starts showing me what to do as she chats happily away.

After she sets the bread in the over I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I'm careful not to show I notice as I pretend to listen to Olena.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen," She growls softly. "My visions have shifted; she will become a monster instead of a bride." She practically hisses in Russian.

"What will happen to Rose, is of her own decision, she's chosen to accept the magic instead of pushing it away." Cyrus says calmly, still not speaking English. I see Olena stiffen, I try to hide the tension and the shadows around me shift slightly.

"Her future is growing darker and darker… the coming months will be harder than any else." She mutters, I sigh softly and look smile apologetically at Olena before turning to face the duo.

"How about we not discuss my future without my being a part of it, instead of being condescending of my choice accept it. I don't care about the consequences so long as it benefits the mission." I snap sharply in Russian, my darker side taking control briefly. Yeva and Olena look at me completely shocked while Cyrus raises a disapproving eyebrow.

"Your choices will end lives." She snaps back quickly stepping into my space.

"Is it anyone who is vital or of importance?" I hiss back and step into her space.

"Yes." She states, looking deeply into my eyes, I don't know what she sees but what she finds puts fear in her eyes.

"Whose?" I ask drily. For a moment I feel nothing but numbness, no fear, no anger, no guilt nothing just absolute nothingness.

"Yours." Her voice is grave and I can't bring myself to care, no one will grieve for me except for maybe Olena and my brothers and they will be fine.

"I already knew that and I've long since accepted that." My voice is emotionless as I speak and I quickly look to Cyrus. "Are you finished?" He nods and I turn to Olena, pulling her into my arms because she's looking at me like a stranger. I hug her tightly and close my eyes as my emotions try to come back. "I'll see you soon, be safe." I whisper before turning and walking out of the house.

"ROZA!" I turn at the sound of my name, Olena rushes to me quickly and I see Cyrus getting in the car. "You come back, you hear me, if you don't come see me before returning home from whatever it is you're doing, I'll hunt you down myself, do you understand young lady?" She threatens. I nod.

"Yes ma'am," I say, she hugs me quickly before walking back to the house.

-FlashBack ENDSSSSS-

"When was the last time you saw them?" I ask.

"About a month ago, why?" I try not to roll my eyes.

"You said she was a bit cross with me, it was because Yeva and I got into an argument." I state lazily. He raises an eyebrow at me.

"You and my grandmother, arguing?" He looks shocked, I sigh.

"That's all that woman and I do is argue." I can't keep the dryness out of my voice.

"Argue about what?" He's curious and being a bit nosy.

"She doesn't agree with the choices I've made in recent years," The coldness in my tone lets him know there's no further conversation on this topic.

"Did you enjoy the traveling?" He asks, trying to make light conversation.

"I enjoyed it more when I had some down time to explore, but that was far and very few between." I think of the rare times I'd been allowed to wonder, I think of my companion that I forced to leave. "Things were happening so faster, all the time, between training, and learning and the nests and traveling… there wasn't always a lot of time, it's not like a normal job where I can take a week off and go somewhere, it was just always doing something." He nods.

"Why did you leave?" He asks suddenly, I glance at him.

"The Queen asked me to." I state like it's obvious.

"She would have given you a choice to leave or stay, why did you leave?" He asked.

"Why would I stay?" I shoot back, he falls quiet, thinking.

"Lissa, before you never would have left Lissa," He says, I let out a soft sigh and chuckle at his ignorance.

"Lissa told me to leave." I say it simply and with no emotion.

"She did? Why would she do that?" He asks.

"She found out I broke up with Adrian," I shrug. "She'd heard other things," I look pointedly at him. "And decided it was her duty to get rid of me, according to her, her real friend died in the St. Vlad's Raid and that I should leave and not come back." I tell him the truth, having anything to hide. "Any other reason to stay?" I ask, he shakes his head and doesn't continue on that thought.

"What's your relationship to Mikhail?" I look at him, taking in the slight jealousy there, I fight the urge to laugh at him.

"Why do you want to know? Jealous?" I tease, he looks away stubbornly and I snort. "He's my brother, and he's very important to me." I state as I go back to seriousness.

"Brother?" He murmurs to himself softly, I nod.

"Same as Christian. They are both my brothers and nothing will change that." I shake my head and focus on the road. We fall into another silence and I cross the state line for Pennsylvania. I reach back for my purse with the file of our new identities and hand it to him.

"So we're going under cover?" He as he goes through the contents of folder.

"Yep." I pop the 'p' and glance over as three rings fall into his palm.

"And we're playing a married couple?" He asks incredulously. I roll my eyes, that meddling old man is worse than Croft.

"Apparently," I take the two female rings and inspect the aquamarine, sapphire and diamond rings. "He put out birth stones on the rings." I remark softly.

"You know my birthday?" He asks, looking surprised, I glance at him before nodding as I slide the two rings on my right ring finger.

"September 15," I state softly. He tries to hide the smile but fails terribly as he puts his own ring on his finger.

"Mazur?" He says. "Castiel Mazur, really?"

"My dad has a thing for his last night, what can I say. Castiel and Issa Mazur, not bad, could be worse," I muse, he chuckles. "I'm going to call you Cas, I hope you know." I state as I grin cheekily, he rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to call you Iz," He says rolling his eyes and I snort. He goes over the documents silently. "So what's the plan?" He asks.

"We are going to switch cars, get the Queen, switch cars again, and we're driving to Kentucky where I have a house set up. Neighbors or lack of, will know us at the Mazur's and my mother, Ana Ivan. We'll stay there until Natasha Ozera is found and brought in for questioning. When all of it's done, we go back to court." I list it off, he doesn't seem surprised about Tasha but I'm assuming that my father filled him in on that bit as well.

"So what happens when we get back to court?" I shrug at his question.

"Everything should hopefully go back to normal. All of you safe at Court and I'll be following up on some leads."

"What if we don't want that normal?" I turn and look to see him staring intently at my face.

"Then that sucks." I retort. I see we're only a few minutes away from where the Queen is. "Any other questions that you'd like answered before we have company?" I ask him, look him in the eye.

His mouth sets itself in a thin line but in his eyes I see longing and maybe love, but I must be seeing things because that's not possible, despite what I heard earlier, he's just confused.

I pull over and we get out and I toss the keys as we collect our bags and we start walking to one of the parking lots. A small SUV gleams as I press the button. We both get into the truck and I turn and look at him as I let the car warm up.

"Well?" I sit sideways in the driver's seat to look at him for the first time. I can see on his face that he wants to bring up the kiss and it strikes me that our roles have reversed from the Academy.

"Why do you want things to go back to the way they've been? More so, why do you want us to go on like you were never here?" He asks. I look down and try to find a way to explain things.

"Because when my mission is done and Strigoi numbers have gone down or they have all been killed, when everyone is finally safe and there's no need for me to keep fighting, there won't be a place for me anymore. Its best that everyone gets back to their life without me because I'll never fully be able to be apart of the normal world again, I've changed. I can't feel Dimitri, I wouldn't know what to do with emotion anymore and even if I were to get my emotions back I'll probably go insane and I'll be a threat not an asset." I try to explain.

"But you would have your family to help you through it." He bargains, I shake my head.

"I won't put them in danger, I have a target on my back and this mission of mine will end when I'm six feet under." I take in a deep breath and I see his calm defiance, I see the masked emotion there and I try to smile at him. "I am sorry." I say and I mean it, I'm certain if I could feel I would be a bit upset at this.

"Why are you sorry?" He seems reluctant to ask but does so anyway.

"Because I'll never be that girl from the academy or in court again, I'm sorry that the kiss in the gym means nothing to me and that there is no room for happiness or love in my heart. It's like love wasn't there in the first place. I'm sorry that I can't be properly sorry because I feel nothing. The love I had for you never existed." I deadpan it and I see his mask come up tenfold to hid himself.

With that being said I turn back to the wheel and drive to where the Queen is being hidden. The silence in the car is deafening. It doesn't take long to get the Queen in the car and start the fantastically long drive to Kentucky.