Leliana had employed the Chargers for a short while, using them to discretely to take care of select 'inconveniences'. The fact meant that Bull and his crew would be staying in Skyhold, a detail that pleased both Krem and Aphre. The two had found that they got along incredibly well, far better than either of them had expected given their lives were at a complete contrast. Though Aphre noted herself that the same could be said of Caedri and Dorian, and they had fallen in love, so she tried not to think on it too much, and instead simply enjoy his company.
Caedri liked to try and mock her for Aphre's constant presence at Krem's side, making jokes about falling for a shem, to which Aphre would point out that was exactly what her brother had done. He fell into a reluctant silence at her retort, wanting to fire back but knowing that he had nothing more to add. She would always wink at his failed attempts to rile her, which only served to rile him, soon enough he gave up trying. While Caedri's words were teasing, Aphre couldn't help but ponder the possibility of him actually being a right, a concept she would never admit to her brother. Yet the more time she spent with Krem, the more she thought she felt for him. And though her heart still cradled the wounds Solas had left, she saw something bright and hopeful whenever she looked at the man, and she couldn't help but smile. All of these thoughts existing within her at once brought great personal conflict and indecision. The feelings she held for Solas were still so raw, and though she wanted to allow herself to care about Krem, she was drained emotionally. She knew full well she couldn't give him the affection that he truly deserved, not for now, anyway.
Her body was racked with nerves as she thought about the ultimatum she'd handed Solas the previous day. She hoped that he would follow through, give her the explanation she rightfully deserved. Yet a sliver of her didn't want him to show his face, to prove her right, that he didn't care, that he was a monster and nothing more.
She wanted to work off the nervous energy that held her its prisoner, restraining her limbs, her mind. Her tongue was thick in her mouth, she knew if she were to talk to anyone, especially her brother, they would know something was wrong, and they'd pry her with questions. Questions she couldn't answer. Not now.
So she confined herself to her room.
She let the hours pass silently, attempting and failing to occupy her mind with various tasks. Reading, practicing spells, her focus drifted, she could only concentrate on the thought of him, it angered her to be so dependent on him, to hang on his every last word as if she were drowning and only he could save her. She hated what he had done to her, what she had let him do to her. Instead, she prayed. Despite all that Solas had told her, her faith was the one thing he couldn't take from her, it was the unwavering part of her that had seen both herself and her brother through the darkness. It was one of the few things that kept them standing. Despite this, from time to time it pressed on her mind that she had fallen in love with a god, lain with a god. The trickster god, the one their clans warded themselves against, the one that was the focus of the cautionary tales they told their children, the one thought to be a curse, a blight upon his own people as well as hers. She loved him. It brought a lump to her throat to think about. She had betrayed her clan and her people by falling in love with him, and if he asked her to go with him, she wasn't sure she would be able to say no.
As weak as he made her feel, to know that she was insignificant to him, a mortal. He had said she had opened his mind to seeing mortals as more than tranquil, that she had surprised him, that she was unlike anyone he had ever met. She wanted to believe him, but how could she when he was the god forever branded by his deceit? Yet, in the face of all of this, he had lain with her, caressed her, held her, loved her, and lost her. He had given himself to a mortal, and told her that she had changed everything. In a sense, she had. In a sense, it had changed nothing at all. She would still suffer the same fate as the entire world when he tore the Veil to pieces, so how much could she have actually mattered?
She became so absorbed in her own thoughts that time passed her by without notice. Hours slipped away, the sun dipped below the horizon, allowing the moon to show her face, bathing her room in a silvery light. The noise and bustle outside her room was no more. In the half world, nature seemed dead, the silence deafening.
She stood up slowly, her knees protesting as she did, making her wince. She didn't know how long she had been knelt on the cold, stone floor, but the stiffness in the joints told her it was long enough. She glanced out the window, the milky incandescent light of the moon cascading over her, she averted her eyes downward, away from the supernaturally bright celestial body.
"Sorry I'm so late, it was the only way for me to make it through here unnoticed." His voice was stark against the hush of her room. She jumped out of her skin, shoulders shooting upwards, her heart seizing, along with her legs. Her hand smouldered blue as magic flowed to her fingertips, her breathing heavy. She turned slowly to face him, when her eyes fell upon him, she found herself breathless.
His heart leapt into his mouth as she rotated to face him. In the pale moonlight she looked exquisite, intangible, so splendid that it pained him to look at her, but he couldn't look away. "You deserve an explanation," he managed to say, "But the truth is not something I can offer, vhenan." Aphre said nothing, but the frosted light emanating from her hand guttered out abruptly, before returning stronger, fiercer, than before.
"Then why are you here?" Her voice monotonous.
"Because you need to know that I care. What I have to do is not your burden to bear, I wouldn't allow it to be." The magic from her hand disappeared again, tears began to sting her eyes. His eyebrows knotted with sorrow, he stepped towards her, closing the distance between them, he could have sworn he heard a low whimper escape her lips. He brushed his hand across her cheek, "Know this, vhenan, I have never seen a soul as bright and beautiful as yours. In another lifetime, none of these terrible things would have come to pass, and I would never leave your side." His voice wobbled as he spoke. "My biggest regret is that… is that we didn't have more time, but the memories we shared are forever cast in my mind, and they make what I have to do so much harder. I'm sorry vhenan."
With those last words, he fell to his knees, he wrapped an arm around her waist, the other gripped on to the back of her shirt. His head rested on her chest, facing towards her arm, he could feel the pounding of her heart, heavy against his ear. "I'm sorry." He repeated, his eyes clamped shut in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to fall
She cradled his head in her arms, resting her face on its peak, she let her tears fall freely. Every place where his body touched hers burned, it seared through her body. She pulled him closer. She traced a hand across his jaw, to his chin, tilting it upwards to face her.
"Stay. Just, just one more night," her plea barely more than a whisper. His eyes gave a silent agreement,
"After this, you won't see me again, vhenan. You must let go, you need to." She nodded, before he stood up and captured her lips in a kiss. A bittersweet gesture, one that would be imprinted on them forever.
