a/n: Aaaand we're back. Many thanks go out to all of you who review and/or favorite this story. We're getting close to the end of what I had specifically laid out, so after a few updates, things might begin coming out slower (just a preemptive warning). On other news, I have gotten quite a bit of positive feedback about the fake "previews" at the end of some of the chapters. These may or may not lead to an eventual mini-series featuring these ideas I wouldn't normally include in the story (reviews and requests may hold some influence).
Right, before I forget: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter, though I am sure I could do some fun things with them if I did.
Testing, testing. Hawkeye can you hear my thoughts? = Thought
"Is there a reason you are wasting time instead of doing paperwork, Sir?" = Talking in Amestrian
Mustang got back to work, deciding that (psychic or not) Riza was not someone to annoy. = Everything else
~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change
~~~v~~~ = Time skip
Chapter 7: How to Get Rid of Unwanted Students
"I had been meaning to ask you about something at the feast last night, but it slipped my mind." Ed said, without looking up from what he was doing, as soon as Remus sat down at the table for breakfast.
Surprisingly, the young alchemist had been one of the first to arrive at the Great Hall– the giant Hagrid and Professor Sprout had already been sitting at the table, eating a hurried breakfast when he had come in. Only moments after he sat down, they had gone rushing off, and Ed suspected they had first hour classes that needed some preparations yet.
Who would have thought that I would be the one to wake up on time. Ed had pondered as he grabbed a slice of toast. I even showered and stretched!
Now he was on his third slice of bread, the food hanging out of his mouth as he simultaneously flipped through the pile of text books scattered on the table around him with one hand and jotted down quick notes in his journal with the other. He had spent a few hours last night trying to figure out the scientific side of a basic transfiguration spell, and he wanted to verify a few possible theories he had come up with. And, seeing as no one else was using the staff table when he had arrived, he had taken full advantage of the free space.
The young alchemist skillfully shuffled books and papers around to clear a space for the DADA professor to sit. "Can you tell me more about these, 'Dementor' creatures?" He asked as he flipped his journal closed and bit off a corner of toast.
"What? No, 'Good morning, how did you sleep'?" Remus joked as he pulled a bowl of scrambled eggs towards him.
"Good Morning. How did you sleep?" Edward said mechanically, then continued straight on. "Now, Dementors."
"Very funny, Professor Elric." Lupin smiled as a few students began trickling into the Great Hall for Breakfast. The older professor looked over at the blond. "Sorry, but I need to rush out as soon as I'm done here. I've got to get a lesson ready before second period rolls around. I can give you a book or talk about them if you stop at my office later, though." He amended, seeing the disappointed look on the alchemist's face. The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher took a bite of food, and then stopped when the next was only half-way up to his mouth. "Say, Elric." He started, turning back to face the young man. "Don't you need to prepare for your lessons as well?"
"Nah," Ed huffed as he opened his journal up again. "They don't start until I get the results from the sign-up sheets back, so all I'm doing today is unpacking."
"Well, after that display last night, I'm sure the attendance for your class will be through the roof."
Ed's face fell into a deep scowl. "Damn. That means I'll need to talk to the Old Man later."
"What for?" Remus's breakfast was forgotten now that the man had a chance to make actual conversation with the mysterious alchemist.
"He probably won't approve of the way I would want to teach, so I'll need to get permission to find some other way to, ah, how would you say it? 'Trim the fat'?"
"Why would you–?"
"No time for Dementors, Remus?" Ed reminded the ill-looking professor.
"Ah, right, sorry. You're right, I should probably get going." The man scooped up another couple bites of egg and snatched a piece of fruit from the only bowl on that side of the table not covered by Ed's research. "See me later for that book?"
"Deal." The blond was already engrossed in his reading by that time, and didn't even look up as Lupin said goodbye, the man beginning to hum happily in anticipation of his class.
That man is way too happy to teach these brats. Edward thought as he fingered the wooden ring on the chain around his neck. I wonder if someone put a 'Cheering Charm' on the poor sucker. At that moment, Ed noticed one of the students levitating a salt shaker to himself that was just barely beyond arm's reach. The alchemist just shook his head and went back to his transfiguration notes. He decided that, unless he needed it to practice a theory (or was essential to survival), he would keep his wand stored away in its two separate pieces. I don't want to become anywhere near as reliant on these things as the rest of these people are.
~~~v~~~
So that was how Edward Elric –Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, etc.– ended up spending all morning unpacking his newly-purchased library. By hand. Simply because he was too stubborn to use his wand after his vow earlier that very morning.
He had to admit, however, that even though the work itself was quite tedious (book, book, bigger book, book, transmute new shelf, book…), he enjoyed being able to look through his new selection…even (especially) if it meant halting the process to occasionally glance through (read entirely) a volume (or two) that caught his eye. This lead to the simultaneous feelings of exhaustion and joy that overcame the young alchemist when he heard the lunch bell.
"You've got to be kidding me." He muttered, staring at the hundreds of books he had already shelved. "I've only just reached the halfway point!" He debated the benefits of simply staying until he was done, but those were outweighed by his need for food and the opportunity to speak with Dumbledore about his alchemy class.
After all, Ed reasoned, I can kill two birds with one stone if the old man comes to lunch. Now he looked down at the magic bag in his hands that still contained an enormous amount of literature. What was that command word again? Ah, right:
"Vacuo." There was a sudden flurry of movement that momentarily blinded him. When he could see again, Edward found himself surrounded by stacks of books, the occasional yard of fabric (should he need to transmute extra clothes), and scattered notes and journals. The thought of trying to organize it all now no longer seemed remotely appealing….yeah…let's just save this for latter.
Ed made sure to lock the door to his private rooms behind him when he left and then sauntered off in the direction he knew lead to the Great Hall. There were only a few students walking the halls –presumably most were already at lunch– but the ones whom the alchemy professor did catch sight of either whispered furiously to their companions or outright stared at him. Sure, Ed was used to attracting attention back home, but normally the attention didn't come from groups of students (try military personnel and homunculi), so he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it. For now, he opted to just ignore them; if they wanted him to pay attention to them, they would need to speak to his face.
Altogether, it took slightly longer than normal for Ed to reach the Great Hall, as he had made the disturbing discovery that the paintings in Hogwarts moved (he had been to preoccupied to notice earlier). Just another thing to ask the old man about. How should I bring that up? I mean, 'Hey, by any chance have you decorated your castle with blood seal paintings?' probably won't cut it.
Al would know what to say. Ed thought as he shoved his hands into his pockets and pointedly ignored the moving pictures. He wanted so badly to pull them off the walls and examine them for seals. I wish he were here.
This time, when he reached the Great Hall, the doors were already open, revealing the tables of students chatting and eating with their friends. Up at the staff table sat an assorted variety of professors, but at a glance, Ed knew Dumbledore wasn't with them. The young alchemist cursed when he realized that the headmaster was probably in his office if he wasn't having lunch in the hall…and Edward had no idea where the old man's office was.
Resigning himself to asking for directions, Ed walked to the front of the hall and stepped around the massive statue still sitting in front of the staff table. When are the wizards going to get rid of this thing? Now able to see the table, Ed spotted Professor McGonagall having a polite conversation with the same woman that had been glaring at him during the feast for having his feet on the table (Professor Sprout, was it?).
"Professor McGonagall?" Ed butted in as soon as there was a pause in the two women's interaction. The transfiguration teacher looked over at him, an eyebrow raised at the rude interruption (like Ed cared). "Do you know if the old ma–" Ed caught himself, figuring he might want to reign back the disrespect if he wanted help.
"–Headmaster" He corrected, "Is in his office at the moment?"
"I believe so." The woman answered, starting to turn back to her conversation with the Herbology professor. "Was that all?"
"Um…" And now came the difficult part: admitting he needed help.
Aw, come on! Ed's inner voice begged. It can't be that hard to find one measly office, right? Don't ask her, you can do this on your own just fine!
Big brother, you know you need to ask for directions. It startled Ed just how much his conscience was starting to sound like his little brother. You get lost even in a normal environment; it'll take you until next week to find your way around a magic castle!
"Actually…" The blond gave in to his 'inner Al'. "Could you tell me where that might be?"
~~~v~~~
"…Cockroach Clusters?" Surprisingly, despite the ridiculous sounding password, the stone griffin that guarded the headmaster's staircase jumped out of the way as soon as Ed spoke. The blond shuddered when he thought of what 'cockroach clusters' might be. Knowing wizards, I don't even want to ask.
After climbing a tall staircase, Ed reached a wooden door with a large brass handle. Seeing as there were no other doors and the staircase stopped there, the door must lead to Dumbledore's office. I should probably knock…
Before Ed could even raise his hand, the door swung inward by itself, opening into a brightly-lit room. As the alchemist stepped into the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore stood from his seat behind his desk.
"Edward." The wizard welcomed. "I've been meaning to speak with you, and here you are!"
Ed raised an eyebrow at that. "Yeah? Well, I need to talk to you about my class."
"Ah, then please take a seat." The headmaster gestured at one of the plush chairs situated in front of the large desk. "It seems as if we have much to discuss."
~o(0)o~
Dumbledore stared at his new alchemy teacher. Surely he had heard him wrong. "…You want to put your students in the Forbidden Forest for a week? With no supplies or teaching or even magic?"
The young blond nodded. "That about sums it up. Though, a deserted island would work better, but I didn't think you would have one of those on hand." He added brightly.
"Of course not!" We may be wizards, but we can't just pull islands out of thin air. "And no, I can't allow you to place your students in the Forbidden Forest either. What purpose could it possibly serve?"
"Purpose?" Edward chuckled. "Of course it has purpose– it would teach them how to use alchemy. That's how my brother and I learned."
"Still, I cannot see–" Dumbledore started.
"Don't worry about it." The teen interrupted. "I figured this school wouldn't let me teach the way I was taught. After all…" Here, Ed got a far away look in his golden eyes and muttered something about housewives and knives. It was an unusual combination that the headmaster didn't want to ask about. "Anyway, since you get the idea of how I would prefer to teach, I think you will be more open to the ideas I have that could take the place of my teacher's methods."
"I am willing to listen." Dumbledore agreed, steepling his fingers. "So long as your methods do not harm the students, I am sure we can come to an agreement."
Elric sat silently for a few seconds, obviously thinking about what he would say. After a short time, the alchemist looked up at Dumbledore, golden eyes firm. "If I am going to be able to teach these kids, then we need to come to an understanding. One;" The blond held up a finger. "No one is allowed it interfere with the way I teach or try to usurp my authority. Believe it or not, I do know what I am doing, and I do not want misguided staff members sticking their noses into my business."
"Of course. That is the precedent for all classes taught here." Dumbledore replied. "Though, if the students are in danger I will have to intervene." With anyone else, Albus wouldn't have thought it necessary to add that last bit. However, after hearing the alchemist's preferred method of teaching, the headmaster wasn't quite willing to let the seemingly obvious statement go unsaid.
Edward nodded slightly. "If it ever comes to that I would completely understand. That leads us to my next point. Two;" He held up another finger. "I will do my best to keep the students safe, and I need you to give me permission to do so."
The ancient wizard was slightly confused. "Permission to keep them safe? Why would you even need to ask?"
"Alchemy is dangerous. I need to be able to kick a student out of my class if I believe they are not suited to it." The blond leaned forward, putting his hands on the desk in front of him. "I need my word to be the final say. No questioning. No arguing. I refuse to teach those who will be dangers to themselves and to others."
Dumbledore hesitated before replying. "That is understandable." He relented. "What will happen to the students unfit for the class?"
Edward put his hands in the air. "That's for you to decide. I just don't want them coming back to my class."
The headmaster nodded. "I'm sure we can find something for them to do." He looked at the alchemist, who had sat back in his chair again. "Was there anything else you wanted to request?"
"Yeah." The teen crossed his arms. "Three; I don't want you or anyone else looking into my personal history. As an officer of Amestris, there is information that I am not permitted to share, along with the right to keep some personal information private. I expect you and the other members of staff to respect my orders and right to privacy."
Admittedly, that made Albus all the more curious about the young alchemist. "We do not really know you all that well." He began, looking for a way around the blond's request. "Surely we can ask a few questions?"
Edward sighed. "If you ask, I will answer what I can. Anything that could be considered classified will have to be run through my superior first." The teen looked up at the older wizard. "Mustang should have told you enough about me before this mission started."
"Ah, yes. The mission." Dumbledore said. He wanted to ask his new alchemy professor more– especially pertaining his golden eyes– but Edward's tone made it clear he wasn't going to be giving out information anytime soon. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Tell me," Albus began. "Have you heard of Harry Potter?"
~o(0)o~
Ed ran through the facts in his head. Alright: an evil wizard with a ridiculous name was killed several years ago when he tried to murder a baby. Said baby is named Harry Potter, who now goes to this school. The evil wizard's minions are constantly trying to off the Potter kid, and now one of them has gone so far as to break out of prison to get revenge. The escapee's name is Sirius Black and it is highly likely he's going to show up at Hogwarts sooner or later.
"So you want me to protect the Potter kid while keeping an eye out for Black?" Ed summarized. The mission seemed so simple!
"Yes, but do try to be discreet about it. Having you come in as the new alchemy professor allows you to both teach and provide protection, so it would be a shame to blow your cover." The old man stroked his beard with one hand. "I would have asked you to come as a student to protect young Harry, but I couldn't pass up the chance to let our students learn alchemy, now could I."
Ed bristled slightly at the headmaster's words. Even if he didn't go outright and say it… "I may be younger than any of the staff, but I was sent here despite my age." The alchemist was going to make it clear right off the bat what he required. "I expect to be treated as you would treat anyone else doing this mission. That means no secrets. If I am going to be any help I will need to be informed of everything."
Dumbledore looked at Ed for a long while, head cocked, saying nothing. Finally, the old man stood and held out a hand. "Then I believe we have reached an understanding, Professor Elric."
The alchemist hesitated for a moment, right hand half extended towards Dumbledore. Then Ed brought the hand up into a sharp salute, trying hard not to let his face show his mistake. "I believe we have, Old Man." What was I thinking? I almost shook with my automail.
The headmaster chuckled lightly at the teen's stubborn rude streak. Hands spread slightly, Dumbledore gestured around the spacious office. "Welcome to Hogwarts."
~o(0)o~
Try as he might, the headmaster couldn't get the alchemist's golden eyes out of his thoughts. As soon as Edward left the office, Dumbledore pulled out his wand. With a small flourish of the magical tool, a sheet of parchment was laid out on his desk. Another flick, and an ink pot and quill sat beside it. After taking a moment to think, the wizard began writing.
Colonel Mustang,
I am writing to you in concern for the State Alchemist, Edward Elric, you have assigned to my charge. As it seems he is either unwilling or unable to divulge any personal information without permission, I thought it best to write to you about my concerns.
I have full confidence in Edward's abilities and trust your judgement in sending him to Hogwarts, but I must ask if he has any problems or conditions. I am concerned that he may be different than most people I have encountered, and that this difference may make him a danger to the students.
Albus paused, trying to phrase his question in such a way as to be discreet.
Has Edward ever been in an accident? One that may have changed him? If so, there may be things we can do to help.
Dumbledore scribbled down a quick farewell and then summoned Fawkes to deliver the letter.
If things were as the headmaster feared, Roy would understand the message for what it was: Is Edward Elric a werewolf?
~o)0(o~
On hindsight, it might not have been the best idea for Ed to go for the 'shock and awe' approach: nearly every student in years three through seven had signed up for his class.
At least the old man gave me permission to kick out students if they, *cough* don't meet my 'standards'. The blond recalled as he read through the long sheets of parchment that listed the names of his students for the next day's class. It's a shame he won't let me whittle the numbers down using some of Teacher's methods.
He gave up mid-way through the list of Ravenclaw applicants. He was fairly sure a good portion of the children on the list were in first and second year– there simply couldn't be that many third through seventh year students in one house.
"Urg…" Ed moaned as he set the papers on his desk and then allowed his head to flop onto them in exhaustion. "Will they even all fit in my classroom?" He wondered absently, looking around the room. With unpacking and then preparing for his class, the alchemist hadn't had the time to locate the much vaunted Hogwarts library. Sure, he might have skimmed through a couple dozen of the texts he had bought (he still hadn't managed to completely organize his new library), but he hadn't been able to do much actual research. His grumbling was put on hold when someone knocked on his door.
"It's unlocked." Ed supplied. Hmm…if I had been in my office I wouldn't have heard the door. The alchemist thought as Lupin opened the door and stepped into the yet-to-be Alchemy classroom. I should probably transmute another entrance that connects my office to the corridor.
"Remus." Ed greeted, sitting up in his chair. "Did you need something?"
Somehow, the man was managing to look both exhausted and happy at the same time. "Em– are you alright?" The alchemist asked hesitantly. "Do you need to sit down?" He motioned at a chair.
"What? Oh, yes. I'm perfectly fine." The man said as he took the offered seat.
"Then why do you look like you pulled a couple all-nighters and then had a gallon of caffeine?" I wonder if that's what actually happened.
"Really?" Lupin looked himself over. "I suppose I do." He admitted, and then explained, "I just finished teaching my first lesson to all seven years, and it seems like they might think I'm actually competent." He finished excitedly.
"That's something to be happy about?" Ed wondered. He waved the sign-up sheets in front of the other man's face. "I'm almost hoping some of them hate me just so that I don't have to teach them all! Anyway, what are you here for?"
"Right." The man still looked annoyingly happy, but he reached down and pulled a book from his bag, setting it in front of the young alchemist. "You didn't stop by my office last night for this, so I thought I would bring it here."
"Entities of the Darkness." Edward read aloud, examining the matte black cover and binding.
"If you wanted to research dementors, this text is pretty much as good as you could ask for." Lupin supplied, gesturing at the thick tome. "You won't find it in the library here, unless perhaps you search through the Restricted Section, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to give you my own copy."
"…Thank you." The blond said cautiously. What does he want? In Ed's experience, people hardly ever did something like that without looking for something in return. What would be the equivalent value for this book? Not one to mince words, the alchemist charged in. "What do you want in return?"
The other man looked confused. "What? Nothing; I'm just loaning you a book."
"Ah, but this book is a rare find if the library here does not possess it." Ed said, remembering what Mustang had told him about this castle containing the largest collection of magical texts in the world. "Equivalent exchange; how can I repay my debt to you?"
"It's just a favor. I can't ask you to–"
"Equivalent exchange. Now that you have given me this, I need to restore the balance." The alchemist thought for a moment, studying Lupin's expression of confusion. I might as well suggest something. It looks as if he doesn't understand the concept of equivalence at all. "How about knowledge for knowledge? Is there anything you want to know?"
"Well, that does sound reasonable…" The DADA teacher thought for a moment before looking up. "Why are your eyes golden?" His tone was surprisingly serious for the seemingly random question, even with the underlying current of nervousness Ed detected underneath. That's suspicious. Still, it wasn't as if giving the answer to that particular question would give away anything the alchemist was trying to keep hidden.
"Genetics." When he saw the glazed-over look of Remus's eyes, the blond elaborated. "You know: naturally. My father had golden eyes, so my brother and I inherited them from him. How else would I have them? Do wizards have a spell that lets you change eye color?" It was meant as a joke, but Remus nodded, to Ed's surprise.
"Something like that, yes." The shabbily robed man looked relieved at the alchemist's answer. Before Edward was able to ask about the strange reaction, Lupin continued.
"Alright. What spell did you use on the transfiguration in the Great Hall to make it permanent?"
Ed snorted. "These are the things you want to know? The answer is easy: nothing." The blond wiggled his fingers in the air in imitation of power. "I didn't use any spell. Just alchemy. Turns out neither vanishing nor transfigurations work on alchemical transmutations. I should investigate that…" Transmuting just rearranges the molecules, so it shouldn't be any different from an untransmuted object element-wise. Could it have something to do with a residual alchemical signature? And does it negate all spells aimed at it, or just ones trying to undo the transmutation? If–
"Professor Elric." Lupin was waving a hand in front of Ed's face. The alchemist jerked back in surprise. "Sorry. What were you thinking about?"
"I was trying to understand the properties that would have made my transmutation irreversible by magic."
"And you didn't use a spell?"
"No. Alchemy is science. It has nothing to do with magic. Every element of the process can be proven and explained unlike all that hocus-pocus they promote around here."
Remus blinked. "Interesting. To think science could do something so similar to magic. That must be why Dumbledore wanted it taught here." The man sat up suddenly. "That reminds me; I had something else I wanted to ask you."
Ed straightened. What was the man going to ask? Hopefully nothing Ed wouldn't be able to answer; though, the man may have some…interesting…questions if he had noticed the way the alchemist had been acting around the dementors on the train.
"At breakfast the other day and when I just now came in, why did you say you wanted to trim down the number of students?"
The blond's eyes widened. "That's all you want me to tell you?" When Remus nodded, Ed chuckled lightly, relaxing back in his seat. "That's easy: I would hate to teach a crap ton of kids if less than half of them are able to actually do alchemy."
Remus frowned. "But if alchemy is a science, anyone should be able to use it, right?"
"Sure. In theory, that's true; however, one has to have a certain mentality to be able to use alchemy to its full potential without harming themselves. It would be criminal to let a student learn alchemy if they don't possess the right attitude."
"What do you mean?"
"One mistake in calculations; one misunderstanding of a concept; one second of hesitation, doubt, or overconfidence– any one of those could lead to an alchemist losing his life." As he spoke, Ed unconsciously rubbed his right arm. "I'm not willing to give a student knowledge of something like that if it could only serve to get him hurt."
"If alchemy is really that dangerous, why would you teach it?!" Lupin asked.
"Anything worth learning could be considered 'dangerous,' and alchemy can be a useful in many cases." The teen argued. "As for why teach it here? Ask Dumbledore; your guess is as good as mine." Ed decided not to mention the fact that he had a secondary job to protect the Harry Potter kid. That would only lead to more questions he didn't want to answer, and it was getting late.
"Maybe I will." Lupin agreed. "Well, I should probably let you get back to your preparations– hey, you weren't at dinner tonight."
The young alchemist gestured at the papers on front of him. "Preparing for the oncoming horde."
"You should head down to the kitchens, then. The house-elves there would be more than happy to get you something to eat in your rooms."
The older professor left Ed to his work soon after giving his colleague directions to the kitchens. The blond sighed as the door to his classroom closed. He really did need to eat something. With all of the students in his class, he had spent the better part of the day preparing, meaning he skipped every meal since breakfast. The alchemist wondered absentmindedly if he could get the house-elves to deliver…
a/n: Tune in next time for Ed having to stay at the Shrieking Shack over the summer. Luckily, he makes the best of is by purposely creating mysterious noises, strange lights, and fleeting shadows that scare the crap out of the people living in Hogsmead. When a team of Aurors come to investigate, how will they fare against the Fullmetal Alchemist's House of Horrors?... Just kidding.
