The Iron Bull has asked me to have a drink with him and his chargers. It's an eye opening experience I can't help but feel bad for some of the chargers as their lives haven't been very happy ones. I especially feel for Dalish. Part of me wants to ask what clan she was from. I wonder why, that instead of sending her to clan needing mages, they just sent her out on her own. It makes me think of my own clan. Clan Lavellan never did that, there are so few Dalish left as it is. Even if we had "too many mages" we found a way. We thought of them as ours regardless.
Finally all the chargers wander off and it's just Iron Bull and I. He pours me a tankard of whatever it is he is drinking and gives me hard look.
"You love him don't you?" He asks perceptively.
I can't control the slight blush that comes to rest on my cheeks but I play dumb. "I love all of my friends." I answer evenly.
"Come on Ally, I'm Ben Hassrath. I can read people. You hide it well and I understand why," Bull says gently.
I take a gulp of the nasty concoction in the tankard. "Very well then, I suppose I do." I reply stiffly.
"You should tell him," He says evenly.
"There isn't much point," I say sadly unable to meet his eyes. "I'm sure your training has told you that, I am not exactly his type. Besides he has eyes for someone else."
Dorian has mentioned that he finds our large friend quite attractive. I swirl the liquid in the tankard for a moment feeling as dark as the liquid in it. Looking up, I see Bull giving me a searching look, as if he is waiting for me to speak.
"I would not begrudge the two of you happiness, Bull," I say simply. "This is my issue. I'll get past it at some point."
"And that is crux of real love, the very fact you would put someone else's needs and happiness above your own. In spite of the fact, it hurts you," He states with almost uncharacteristic gentleness. "Under the Qun, most entanglements of this type are forbidden, but it is not unheard of."
"Oh?" I ask curiously. "I was under the impression that the Qun wouldn't allow such relationships."
"They don't," Iron Bull explains. "But every now and then it happens. The couple involved is tested thoroughly to make sure they can do their jobs, as love is by nature selfish. If they cannot put the needs of the Qun above their own they are separated. However, there a few couples that make it work. You would probably do well under Qun…well if you weren't collared and such for being a mage that is."
"Is every mage collared?" I ask curiously.
Iron Bull nods regretfully. "Yes, I understand it sometimes with what I've seen. But I've also seen productive members of the qun, who do their jobs diligently, come into magic later. They are collared with their mouths sewn shut as if they never had a job under the Qun before."
He sighs. "But back to our original discussion, one day Dorian will know what a good friend you have been to him…" Bull reaches over and gives me a one armed hug. "A toast to great friends," he says raising his cup. I raise mine with him and smile.
Dorian has been happy. After my chat with Iron Bull, they have started a romantic relationship. I gues that was Bull's way of seeing if I was ok with it. I don't know how serious it is and I haven't asked. I'm happy that they are happy. Although, it does break my heart at the same time. I realize that it might do me some good to stop pining over what I can't have and move on. I just don't know how. It's not like I've any experience with romantic entanglements. The Dalish have mates for life. My clan is gone. My life has irrevocably changed. I cannot go back and humans do things differently. The Inquisition for intents and purposes is my clan now, so I must adjust.
