Thank you for beta'ing, xxdare2dreamxx1! Our baby is going to jail tonight :( so here's an update!
"Ella!" Zack bellows through the house. "You're in big trouble, young lady," he hisses at me. "You cheat on me again-"
"For the last time, we're just friends," I say through gritted teeth.
"In here!" Ella replies.
Zack pulls me into the family room and then I see Ella and my ex best friend playing Go Fish. He sighs and I'm guessing he's annoyed because we have more company than just Ella.
The bell rings cuz it's the end of lunch, so we all get up from our seats and go to our different classes. Mona links arms with me. "Why are you so into Shaggy?"
"What are you talkin' about?"
"Oh, you know, the homeless guy. You totally like him. The only thing is, he's the kind of guy who could break your heart in seconds," Mona warns me. "Why did he have a black eye? What is he, a gangster?"
I scowl at her. "No, Sean beat him up at Aria's pool party. He ain't homeless no more, he lives with Lucas. Also…judgmental much? You know nothin' about Caleb."
"That brings up another question. Why were we sitting with Hermie?"
"Mona, don't pick up Alison's mean way of talking. She bullied all three of us, so he's on our side, ya know? She picked on half the school!"
"Yeah, yeah…Shaggy invited you over anyways. Honestly, I'm shocked that you wanted to make our twosome into a huge group who goes to the movies on the weekend…you know what we do every Friday, right? That can't change."
"Don't worry, you're still my best friend. I ain't goin' nowhere. We'll just be hanging out with a bunch of people instead of just us."
"Whatever." She pulls away from me and crosses her arms across her chest.
The tone of her voice ain't very nice. "Hey, why the attitude?"
"Why do you need more friends when you have me?" she shoots back. "I thought we were besties."
"We are! You don't own me, Mona! I can make friends, and I'm trying to involve you…you don't have to join us…but you can, if you want."
"I'm outie. It's either them or me, and you've already chosen them."
"Stop it! Why you gotta be such a damn bitch?" I'm choking up now.
"You're no longer invited to my party. Naomi! Riley! Wait up!" she calls to two girls who we used to hate because they'd make up rumors about me like I had liposuction. She walks away and I'm feeling sad because she just dumped me.
"Surprise!" Mona chirps. "I'm really good at this game, by the way. Do you want to join us for Uno?"
"How long have you been here?" I ask coldly.
"Since I called Aria and asked her for a ride to your house. It's quite a fancy place you've got!"
"Okay, enough of this chitchat! Ella, why would you allow her to go home with that boy?"
Ella sets down her cards. "He's not just some random boy. He's one of Aria's and Hanna's friends. I don't see the problem at all. I'm sorry, but I just don't."
"Well he only recently met Hanna-"
"Zack, I trust him with my own daughter, so I would certainly trust him with one of her friends. Let me worry about what Hanna and Caleb do together, okay?"
"Yeah, whatever you say."
"Mom, I can't concentrate here and you know I'm really bad in school...would it be okay if I went back to Dad's house?" Aria interrupts the building tension. Mona's just watching Ella and Zack like they're a live movie. I'm standing there awkwardly with my arms folded across my chest.
I get so excited when I see one of my real friends. I make a beeline for her and give her a great big hug while spinning the two of us around. "Ari!" I squeal while squeezing her hands.
"The last time someone's shown me this much love was when my mom came back from Austria!" Aria says while giggling.
"I want you to stay, okay?" I tell her desperately. "I don't mean to beg...but it looks like Mona's gonna try to win me back and I need you to be the peacemaker." I don't really make sense, but the point is, I don't want Aria to leave me here alone with the creep and the bitch. Ella wouldn't be much help in keeping me company all night in my bedroom, but Aria definitely would.
"Relax, girl, you'll see me tomorrow night all the way through Sunday morning! In fact, I'm staying for the week!"
I smile at her. "Well, I'm gonna miss you. Bye!" We hug each other again quickly and then she hugs her mom goodbye. When she gets around to hugging Zack, I wanna gag. As soon as she leaves, Ella suggests for Mona and me to go upstairs.
"You don't want all four of us to play Uno?" Mona pouts.
I put up my hands. "Okay, hold on a second. Ella, can I talk to you in private, please?"
"Certainly." We go to the living room so that Mona and Zack won't hear us. "What is it, sweetie?"
"Why did you let Mona in here if you said, and I quote, 'as for Mona...I suggest that you take a break from her for a while. Hang out with Aria and the others.' She can't get away with being so mean!"
"It looks like she's finished giving you space and she wants to patch things up. Forgiveness is important in maintaining a healthy friendship. Why don't you talk things over with her?"
"Okay, fine, but she needs to apologize."
"Good luck!"
"Thanks!"
Rolling my eyes, I take Mona upstairs and we go into my room. She bounces on my bed almost immediately and flops down on it. "Oh my god! This is just like Pretty Woman!" I bristle at that because that's how Zack described our relationship.
"Not really," I mutter. "I'm not in love with a guy who's filthy rich, and technically, if I'm living with Ella and Zack, I'm not dirt poor. Besides, I fucking hate that movie. It's not even realistic. Who the hell wants to be with some dependent damsel in distress?"
"Oh, Hanna, quit being a sourpuss."
"Shut up. If you want to come here and be all buddy-buddy with me and play games with my foster mother, that's fine, but I need to hear a sincere 'I'm sorry'. Or are you just here to dump more shit on me? That's exactly what I don't need. You're acting like our fight didn't happen."
"I know. I feel bad for the way I treated you. In fact, I'm super embarrassed. Can we just make up and move on?"
"Sure," I say, and she wraps me in a tight hug. "Mona...even though I was mad at you and didn't want you here before, I'm glad you are. I wouldn't even care if we weren't talking but you were in here with me. I'd rather feel awkward with you than..." I swallow hard and my heart starts pounding hard in my chest. My body feels clammy as I realize what I'm about to do. "I need to confess...something." My voice drops lower than a whisper. "Can you...can you close the door...please?"
"God, Hanna, I've never seen you so vulnerable since Alison-"
"Just do it," I order her weakly. I'm afraid I'll pass out and then never tell her.
Once the door is shut, everything is spinning around me. "I...I don't want them to...hear me..."
"Who? What are you talking about? Ella's cool with secrets, you said she was...and Zack seems-"
"He's a rapist," I say quickly. "He...came in here...he makes me sick."
Mona pales but then composes herself within seconds. Her eyes turn hard and she purses her lips. "When?"
"Last night."
She sighs. "Hanna, do you remember when you said that there's a downside of being too smart?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, there's also a downside of being too flawless. Men-of all ages, shapes, colors, and sizes-are going to stare at you, hit on you, or want to do you. You need to learn to accept it."
I don't understand what she's getting at. "They can think whatever they want, but do they have to act on their fantasies?"
"It really depends on how pretty you are. A beautiful woman can become ugly in drab clothes, so try that, okay?"
"Mona, he raped me when I was in my pajamas, and before you say a single word, they weren't sexy ones. They were just plain old clothes. I was under the covers. I had no makeup on whatsoever. Even when I walk around the house in jeans and a t-shirt, he always makes time to grab my ass or whatever."
"Was your hair down? They love that."
"No, as a matter of fact, I put it up when I cook. I don't wanna get my hair strands in the food."
"It's your side bangs, then."
"I'm done with this conversation." I want to stand up and run downstairs into the safety of Ella's arms, but I'm afraid I'll fall down the stairs instead. I'm shaking too much right now.
She pulls me in for a hug. "No, no, Hanna, listen to me. Being the other woman is sexy and scandalous! Besides, he's kinda hot...you could try not to be so disgusted."
"God, you sound just like Alison!" I jerk away from her.
"Look, just tell the cops if it bothers you that much!"
"I should have done that in the first place," I grumble to myself.
"Wait, let me drive you tomorrow."
"Sure, only because it's too far away."
"At least Zack won't bother you tonight, because I'm here."
"Exactly."
On Saturday morning, I charge into the police station, because I aint lettin' him get away with this. "Excuse me!" I shout at the first officer I see, whose back is turned. He's about to go into a room with a box full of, I ain't sure what.
"Huh?" he answers sorta rudely. Once he faces me, I regret my decision. After I mistakenly kissed him, I had soon found out that he was Alison's older boyfriend. You can't really trust anyone associated with her.
"Detective Holbrook…um…hi…never mind…"
"What are you doing here?"
I sigh. "Well…here goes nothing. I wanna report Zack…my foster dad…he touches me…every day. I hate it so much…is there a way you…or any of the other officers…can make it stop?" I'm holding myself around my waist and staring at the ground intently while saying this. I jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
"I don't blame him. You're too fucking sexy for your own good, and you're just asking for trouble." It infuriates me even more when he says, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I gasp when he grabs my wrist and forces it behind my back. His voice sounds so creepy now. "You and Alison both led me on, didn't you?" He clutches my chin between his thumb and index finger. He's trying to kiss me, but I ain't gonna allow him to.
"No," I whisper. "You didn't have to give into our wishes. We're underage girls, and you're just a goddamn pedophile!" As I close my eyes, I raise my knee and jam it into his crotch while slamming my free fingers into his eyes. I'm trembling the whole time, but I get away from him faster than he can get himself up. He's still groaning while I'm running back to Mona's car.
"How did it go?"
"Holbrook's skeevy, too. He needs to be fired, I swear!"
"Why don't you tell another cop?"
"I don't want to be near that place, okay? Holbrook might try something else more than kissing me. I really didn't want anyone but you to know because you're my best friend. Your reaction wasn't what I was hoping for…but oh, well."
"If it makes you feel any better, you can stay with me for a few days."
"I can't leave Ella there alone with him. How about you spend the night unless Aria's there?"
"Okay, I'll ask my mom. I'll give her an excuse. I'm…sorry…for not being more sympathetic about your situation. It's just that I don't know what it's like since I've never been forced into anything."
"I understand. Your apology is accepted."
"Yay!" Mona squeals and hugs me tightly. I pat her on the back lightly and my smile feels fake. She can be a little bitch sometimes, but I can't live without her.
I call Ella as Mona drives us to the King James Mall. "Hi...would it be okay if Mona and I had a sleepover with Aria, Emily, and Spencer after our coffee run and mall day?"
"Yes."
"Thank you!"
"Oh, about that," Mona says as I hang up. "I have a date with Noel tonight. He texted me while you were at the station."
"Oh...well, hopefully you can join us another time, then. That reminds me. I should check something and ask Aria to bring Spencer and Emily with her." I take out my phone and open my text messages. I have one notification from a blocked number which reads, Poor little Hanna, not just Zack's after you. I am too! -Kisses, A
I stare at it in confusion and it's still in my mind as I send a mass text to my friends, inviting them to my slumber party. My phone goes off again and I check the message. I saw Ella and Aria in their yoga class while I was working out. I missed seeing you there, though.
I smile because it's from Caleb. I need to see him working out so badly! I was with Mona this morning. We kinda had a late start to our day and just got back from coffee. Now we're heading to the mall.
Cool, have fun! Do you work out? Not that you really have to...
Haha, thank you. No, yoga is more my thing.
"Yoga isn't your thing. You never hit the gym."
"Mona, don't read my texts!" I hurriedly press the send button.
At my sleepover, the four of us sit in a circle with my reading lamp being the only source of light in the room.
"So, I have an idea...we should all get to know each other a little better by sharing secrets. Who wants to tell her secret first?" I ask.
Aria raises her hand. "I will...everyone knows this except you, Hanna, but my dad cheated on my mom with his student who was half his age."
"Poor Ella," I murmur.
"Yeah, well, at least she has Zack now!"
"My sister has lost two boyfriends because of me," Spencer says.
"Did you...want it?" I ask almost immediately. It's a lot easier if someone else has been through the same thing I have.
"The kisses? Sure, I mean, I was into Melissa's boyfriends before Toby. They were sorta...out of college...and very cute."
"Who started the flirting?"
"They did."
"You were very sure about this? You don't wish you could take any of it back?"
"I felt really guilty...okay, moving on! Spill your guts."
"Me?"
Spencer gestures towards me and nods.
"I lived in two foster homes before Ella...and Zack. Um...the first one...they hurt me...the second...it was a snobby rich family. Alison, who was my age, would constantly bully me about my weight...I used to be Hefty Hanna. I had problems with bulimia."
"When did you live with her?" Aria asks.
"Seventh grade through...last week, I guess. I was homeless for a night before your mom let me stay in her house. Emily...you look like you got something to add."
"I used to be in love with Alison."
"Please don't tell me you're talking about Alison DiLaurentis!" I nearly yell at her.
"Sadly, I am. What's the problem? We're done with her."
"We?"
"Aria, Emily, and myself," Spencer explains. There's shame written all over their faces.
"Okay, you guys were friends with that bitch?"
"Why didn't we ever meet you?" Spencer asks.
"Alison kicked me out of the house every time she had 'company over'." I imitated her brisk tone of voice she used with me. "I met your brother during one of those parties your mom held, Aria. He was sweet to me."
"That's nice...but back to Alison. Did you ever get a scary text from someone named 'A'? That's her, and now, she's locked up."
"No," I lie. "I thought she was in a college dorm or something."
"That's the cover story," Emily says. "The DiLaurentises don't want anyone knowing their precious daughter could do such an evil thing."
I scoff. "Wow."
"Who did you lose your virginity to?" Aria asks us all, and I freeze up because I dunno what to say. I'm real quiet cuz it occurs to me that I'd already lost my innocence when I was five, and then again, Thursday night. "Regretfully, my first time was with Ezra last year."
"Ben, two years ago," Emily answers.
"Toby, last year," Spencer says.
"Nobody special, and I don't remember when," I say right away.
"What about Sean?" Emily asks.
"He's a prude...except with Aria. How about another round of secrets? You girls got any dark ones?"
"I almost got raped by my ex boyfriend...but Toby saved me. It was in the girls' locker room before swimming, just after he found out I was a lesbian. That's not the worst part, though. One of my first girlfriends was murdered by her stalker...and that same guy tried to kill me...but I stabbed him in self defense."
"I shot this girl who was trying to kill all of us," Aria adds to Emily's shocking story. "I almost fought this other girl to death."
"How come Ezra's in jail, did he try to harm you or something?"
"He wrote a book about Alison and he used us...he knew she was A and never said a word. I turned him into the cops because I was angry with him and of course, he's a teacher dating a student, which is against the law."
"Do you ever visit him?"
"No."
"I visit my mom. She's a really kind lady...and y'all would like her. She's in prison cuz she shot an officer who was molesting me as a child."
The girls on either side of me-Em and Ari-squeeze my hands. " Ian-one of Melissa's exes that I kissed-attempted to kill me, but not even that comes close to the horror of what you experienced. I'm sorry that happened to you, Hanna," Spencer says.
"It long passed...but I miss her when she ain't with me. I'm traumatized and I'm hoping one of y'all is a helluva good dancer and can show me the moves in case I mess up, because I won't have a panic attack if I know a friend there who can calm me down. I had one yesterday and ran out, practically in tears. I disrupted the class like a two year old!"
"You had reasons," Emily says gently. "I have a free period before swim practice and I can help you. I've been dancing for years."
"Thank you! Are you sure it ain't gonna interfere with your swimming?"
"I'm positive."
I sigh. "Swimming, dancing, cooking, and cappuccinos, is there anything you don't do?"
"Boys," she replies and then we giggle together. I think Em needs to get laid or something, cuz her mind is in the gutter.
Last night when I had nightmares, Mona calmed me down, and then Ella joined us. Tonight ain't gonna be any different. Emily and I sleep in my bed while Aria and Spencer are on the floor. When I cry in the middle of the night, I'm so humiliated, but my friends are there for me. They do whatever they can to reassure me that I ain't out in the streets no more or being hurt. They don't even know the half of it, but they're very helpful.
"Let go of me, you creep!" I shriek at Toby.
"Relax, this is a joke, okay? These handcuffs are fun to play with."
"Why are you doing this? Do you play like this with the other girls? What would Spencer think?"
"None of that matters. Everyone in this town who has to pay taxes, is still spending money on that fucking jailbait bitch of a mother you have! Like mother like daughter! When I'm a cop, I'm gonna arrest you for real!"
"She...was...protecting...me!"
"It's your fault she got arrested, then, isn't it?"
"Yes, when I was five years old, I asked a cop to plow it into me, is that it, Toby? Shall I tell your girlfriend that she's dating an abusive asshole?"
"No. Not a word of this to anyone."
"I thought this was fake!"
"It is. I'm pretending that I caught you shoplifting at the King James Mall, because I wish I did. I act out fantasies. You're a bad influence on my girl!"
I shoot up in my bed because of that damn flashback. I got him in detention, but Spencer needs to know what he did. She doesn't deserve him.
Caleb somehow convinces Toby to tell her, and eventually, he does. She's of course angry and completely on my side which I'm thankful for.
However, I'm sad when Aria has to go back to her dad's house the next week, because then that means Zack forces himself on me again when Ella's not around. He's done it now seven nights in a row, and I don't feel it anymore because I go off into another world. It's a world where I find all different ways to kill him, and also, it helps to imagine a sweaty, shirtless Caleb running or lifting weights...or even making out with me. I'm getting texts from that A bitch and I have an idea who's sending them. She's teasing me about my weight, about constantly being raped, and about how Ella's gonna totally murder me when she finds out and how disappointing it would be if Ella got another letter about another one of her cheating husbands. I don't know how the fuck Alison knows about Zack. How can she text from a jail cell?
On a much happier note, I see my mom each Wednesday, I take my friends to meet her and they think she's as cool as Ella, I have Emily in my dance class so I don't freak out, my driving skills are getting better each day, and during the rest of September, Caleb and I get closer. We're like best friends now, even though my girls like to tease me that I got a crush on him. We're having picnics in the afternoons, seeing movies in the theater, and he's even putting flowers in my hair, which I pretend are from my girlfriends. After we hang out in the Brew, Caleb goes, "We're gonna visit Miranda, that is, if you wanna come with me."
"Um, sure," I say. I'm guessing he's gonna tell me about her soon, or rather, show me. We say goodbye to Em and then he leads me to his car. I don't know if Miranda is in the hospital with a terminal illness or what, but I just stay quiet til we reach a graveyard.
"A year ago, my friends and I...we were in a car accident when I lived in Ravenswood. Miranda didn't make it...she had too much water in her lungs. We crashed into a tree and then landed in a lake. The rest of us survived, and we always blame ourselves for what happened to her. She was beautiful...on the inside and out...reminded me of you, in a way. Her only family was her uncle...she was clever and sweet, and I loved her. We thought we had forever, right? Obviously, that wasn't true." He takes my hand and we slowly walk to her tombstone. She was my age when she died. Caleb kneels down and buries his face in his hands. I think he's crying, and there's suddenly a lump in my throat. I put my arms around him so I can comfort him, and I look up at the sky. Her spirit is still with us, I'm guessing.
"Hey, Miranda. My name is Hanna...um...I wish you were still around...we'd be friends. Lemme ask you about Heaven...how are those Pearly Gates? You met any famous people who moved on? You can tell Marilyn Monroe that I'm gonna dress up like her this year for Halloween. I don't have the right length of hair...but you probably don't care about that." My own words make me smile a little and I feel Caleb's shoulders shaking like he's chuckling and sobbing at the same time. "Anyway, Caleb misses you so much...and I regret that I never met you. You were way too young to leave this world. Have fun up there."
We leave in silence and Caleb's still holding my hand. It gives me butterflies in my belly.
It's October now, and Ella and my mom have noticed that I'm blushing whenever I talk to them about Caleb. I gush on and on about how nice he is and gentle, and somehow, they get me to admit that I really am falling for him. My friends know already, but I don't wanna tell them my insecurities just yet.
"He won't go for me, though."
"Why do you say that?" Mom asks.
"Sean dumped me cuz I had too much baggage, so I'm now scared to pour my heart out to anyone else...I told him about my past and he said he couldn't be with a girl like that. Alison paid him to date me anyway, and he always told me that I talked like a hillbilly. Besides...Zack hates Caleb, and we're not even together yet."
"Well, Caleb isn't Sean, and I can get Zack to come around," Ella says.
"Caleb wouldn't like me cuz I'm ugly and stupid. When I had 'the talk' from Alison and Jessica, they said I didn't need to worry about boys cuz I ain't the prettiest girl on the block and ain't nobody likes people who can't talk right and maybe I should go on a long diet first...they said all that."
"They're completely wrong, you know," Mom says.
"I ain't fat no more, but I'm dumb as a box of rocks...like an airhead."
"Hey, stop that," Ella chides me gently. "You know, there's a saying...let your heart be your guide. Don't worry about what other people think of you, especially since those people are mean bitches and their opinions don't matter. When a girl likes a guy, she can feel it in her soul."
"Yeah, you're right."
Caleb decides to take me somewhere fancy for dinner on a Saturday night. We dress nice and he buys me a bouquet of roses I've been eyeing all the times we pass the local flower shop. I love them-they smell so good as I put my face into them. I love him in a suit-he looks so handsome. I love our candlelit table we sit down at. He's paying for everything because he wants to spoil me tonight, he says. We always split the bill before when we went places. I think this counts as a first date and not just a friends thing. Platonic friends don't go out like this. It's just too romantic.
I don't know if it's the setting, the lively conversation between us that leads to loud laughter, the delicious food, or the music that gets me in the mood, but I start kissing him and I swear it's like fireworks are going off in my heart and heating me up.
The best thing about it though, is that he ain't pushing me away me at all.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, XxScarredAngelxX, xxdare2dreamxx1, Jazzy, SereneCalamity, and feyhazelle! I love the support!
