Ok so after editing this chapter the end got a bit more graphic than I had originally imagined but I think it was needed. This might trigger some individuals and I just want to warn those who might be sensitive of that to avoid the last section of this chapter.

I know I said originally I was going to post an M version and leave this version as is but I am finding it difficult to walk around this particular subject… Let me know if you think this chapter crosses the line into M territory. I have tried to keep it T so everyone feels like they can read but now I am a bit worried…

Thanks for reading!

After a near sleepless night, the McCord's had pancakes made by Jason who had inherited his father's talent for breakfast food and the children began packing their cars. Jason and Allie had decided to carpool to the airport despite Allie's flight being much later than Jason's. The two left around ten in a hurry to return the rental car without being charged for another day. Stevie took her time, spending the final precious few moments she had with her parents. She had fought hard to get them released and was happy to see her parents back in their home. She was driving back to New York and continued to procrastinate through lunch. Her parents hadn't spoken to one another that she had seen since the night before. She felt strange leaving them here. She worried. She wasn't sure if it was her mother's instincts or her daughter's instincts or what but something was off and she was truly concerned. She saught out her mother in the sun room with a book. "Mom?"

"Are you taking off sweetie?" Elizabeth asked standing up to bid her daughter a goodbye.

"Ah soon. I just wanted to let you know that I made you an appointment for the therapist session that your councilor from Alabama recommended. She said it was supposed to help with the transition back to normal life. I made an appointment for dad too. I think it might help."

Elizabeth frowned slightly, "Thank you. Can you leave the details on the kitchen counter."

Stevie nodded, "Already done. I also left the keys to the Jeep and the Farm Truck, not that it ever runs, and a laptop with the passwords to pay all the bills for the house. The due dates are all marked on the calendar. Important numbers are there too. I've got some casseroles in the fridge you just need to heat them up." Stevie smiled a bit, "Don't worry Allie didn't make them so they have meat." She glared at her mother, "I saw the Chinese food delivery guy leaving the barn when I got up to get a glass of wine."

Elizabeth looked away, "It was all your father's idea."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "Well in the future can I please be invited to these secret food parties when Allie is insistent on participating in meatless Monday."

Elizabeth chuckled, "Hey now, you used to be vegan. As a matter of fact, you were really vegan."

Stevie laughed, "It was a phase for a boy and I was starving. And now I have a kid to feed. And a husband who thinks steak is the absolute best food on the planet. And a brother who sends me his freshly butchered beef for Christmas."

Elizabeth smiled, "God I can't believe you are married with a kid."

"I have the stretchmarks to prove it." Stevie pulled out her phone, "Collin sent me this this morning. Patrick has learned how to say Nan and Pop." The little boy, blond like his mother waved in to the camera before saying hi Nan hi pop!

Elizabeth's heart melted, "Oh. He's so perfect." She wiped away tears. "We have to show your father." Her discomfort in regards to being around Henry temporarily forgotten in the realization that they were truly grandparents. She moved towards the study. "Henry?"

Henry stood up from his desk, "Yea?" Elizabeth's smile surprising him.

Elizabeth pulled Stevie in to the room, "Look at our grandson!"

Stevie showed henry the video and the three of them watched it multiple times before saying anything. Stevie grinned, "He is very smart. We are interviewing for preschools right now and I think he is going to have lots of options."

Elizabeth smiled, "Already looking at preschools? He must be advanced!"

Stevie nodded, "Well I think he is but we are not fast tracking him or anything. We had him on waiting lists at schools before he was even born. It is extremely competitive in New York. But multiple schools have said Patrick could start early if we wanted him to. I just don't want to push him. He loves counting. Takes after you in that way mom."

Elizabeth grinned, "Well who doesn't love counting?"

The trio chuckled, Henry looked at the child's face and saw so much of his daughter, "Blond hair blue eyes I don't think any school could turn him down on looks alone. Throw in the whole counting thing and they will be throwing admission at him."

Stevie smiled, "Lets hope they throw us a scholarship. School in New York is really really expensive."

"I suppose you guys will just have to move here. Be closer to us." Elizabeth teased. "Speaking of which when do we get to meet this brilliant grandson of ours?"

Henry nodded, "Not to mention the husband. I still haven't interrogated him."

Stevie rolled her eyes, "Dad." She looked at her parents who at least on this one issue seemed united. "How about I bring them both down for the weekend next month. So long as you two promise not to kill the father of my child."

Elizabeth and Henry exchanged glances and shrugged, "I think we can agree to just mutilating him slightly if need be." Henry teased his daughter.

"Ok. So while I am a bit nervous to leave the two of you here to plot my husband's mutilation I really do have to go. I've got a long drive." The trio walked to the front door and Stevie opened the door.

"Drive safe." Henry said hugging his daughter.

"Call us when you get there." Elizabeth wrapped her eldest in a hug. "We love you so so much."

Henry nodded. "We are so proud of you too."

Stevie smiled, "Love you guys!" She jogged out to her car, and slid in. Looking back at her parents one last time before driving away. Leaving her parents alone.

~Madam Secretary~

The next few days where awkward and quiet. With Henry and Elizabeth spending much of their days apart. They would eat meals together and sleep in the same room but with a literal pillow wall between them. The day for therapy finally came and at this point Elizabeth welcomed any excuse to leave the house.

She found it freeing to drive the old pickup truck despite the fact that it sounded like it might break down at any moment.

It took nearly 30 minutes just to get her therapist up to speed on what had been going on. Secretary of State, Prison, Presidential Pardon. God her life was a mess.

Dr. Andrews was a woman in her 60's with short curly brown hair brown eyes and large glasses. She dressed as if she was from another century but the variety of the degrees on the wall from Ivy League Schools comforted Elizabeth. "Can you tell me about prison?"

Elizabeth shrugged, "It's defiantly not Orange is the New Black."

Dr. Andrews looked at her patent, "You are deflecting."

Elizabeth had been deflecting for a while now and they both knew it. "It was horrible."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I saw my kids once a year from the other side of a glass wall. I NEVER got to speak to my husband. Not for 7 years. It was loud all the time and I was never alone but somehow I felt more alone than ever." She paused, "I-I I think prison ruined my relationship with Henry." She spit out the words quickly.

"Why do you think that?"

Elizabeth fiddled with her blouse. "I've changed. And I don't think he has. Not like me."

"You both endured the same thing. Do you think it's possible that he's changed too?"

Elizabeth hesitated, "I mean I do think he has changed. I just don't think he's changed like I have."

The therapist made a note, "I'm not sure if I understand."

"We've talked a little bit and we both understand that there's a lot of guilt that we both feel. But in the end this is 100% my fault. I was the Secretary of State I made the choice to share state secrets with him. Hell I made the choice to take the dam job in the first place. This was all my fault and I deserved everything that happened to me." Elizabeth choked back a sob.

"What did you deserve? Can you elaborate?"

"I don't sleep. I have nightmares."

Dr. Andrews looked at her, "Nightmares about what?"

"Everything." Elizabeth whispered. Prison, the trial, being ripped away from my family, being in such a dark place that I tried to kill myself. The guilt. Just everything."

Dr. Andrews knew then that she was close, "Can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself?"

Elizabeth didn't want to say it. But at the same time she felt as though it was going to explode out of her mouth because it needed to be said. "In prison, there was a guard. He took advantage of me. It started as just firm grip or course language. But it progressed, and one day about three years in he pulled me in to a storage closet that was supposed to be locked. After that it happened all the time. For years. I just wanted it to stop. But I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt so ashamed. And then one of the girls in the unit I was in tried to commit suicide. She switched units. Spent some time in a mental health unit. I wanted that. So I started to plot my own botched attempt." She looked up at her therapist who was unmoved. "It worked. But I don't know. Sometimes I wish I had just done it the right way and escaped this pain for good."

Dr. Andrews nodded, "Do you think your rape has changed you in a way that Henry can't understand?"

Elizabeth felt herself want to vomit at the mention of the R word. She stood up desperately seeking a trashcan. But it was too late and the vomit came spewing out.

Dr. Andrews stood up, "Elizabeth, are you alright? Would you like to stop?"

"I don't like that word. Please. Please don't." Elizabeth felt the room spin and then everything went black.

Ok so when I was writing this originally I thought oh this will easily be considered T but now that I've read the FF guidelines I am on the boarder on if its T or M. Please let me know if you think I need to change this story to M. I will never be more graphic than what I have done today. I know I am borderline so please advise? And let me know what you think about the content!