Diclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Clerks.
Tiffany M- Haha thanks for the review!
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS FOUL AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL LANGUAGE
PERSPICACITY
By the time Inuyasha and Miroku got back to the store it was already dark outside. Inuyasha slammed the door and headed to the store front to unlock the door. Miroku followed him.
"I can't fucking believe you!" Inuyasha said, furious.
"It wasn't my fault!"
"You knocked over her casket! The fucking casket."
"While I was trying to get your watch back! So technically it was your fault…"
"I didn't want it back because I knew something bad would happen…like you knocking over the fucking casket!"
"It wasn't that big of a deal…"
"Her fucking body fell out!" Inuyasha exclaimed.
"They probably already put her back and I can assure you she didn't feel anything. Don't worry man, no harm done."
"Except for the fact that her family is probably scarred for life…" Inuyasha muttered.
"You worry too much. You seriously need to get laid…I can call Kagome for you…" Miroku grinned.
"Just go! Open your fucking store!"
"YEAH OPEN YOUR FUCKING STORE!" Called out a clearly high Kouga from the shadows.
"Shut the fuck up you damn junkie!" Miroku countered.
Kouga walked up to Miroku turned around and farted in his face.
"THAT'S IT!" Miroku lunged toward Kouga, but Inuyasha grabbed him.
"Just go to your store Miroku."
Miroku gave Inuyasha a look and then headed to his own store.
"We sure showed him!" Declared Kouga.
"Kouga, how many times have I told you not to deal in front of the store?" Inuyasha growled.
"I'm not dealing!" Kouga said holding up his hands in defense.
Seconds later a kid walked up to them.
"Hey Kouga. You got anything good tonight?"
"Yeah." He took out some baggies of pot. "What you want man?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and headed back inside the store.
Inuyasha was doing inventory when Miroku came back into the store.
"Can I borrow your car?"
"Why?" Inuyasha asked.
"I need to rent a video."
Inuyasha glared at him.
"What?" Miroku asked innocently.
"YOU WORK AT A VIDEO STORE!" Inuyasha said, exasperated.
"A shitty video store…" Miroku excused himself.
Meanwhile a customer came in.
"Can I get some cigarettes…hey cute cat! What's his name?" She asked.
"Annoying customer." Miroku said.
Disgusted, the customer left without buying the cigarettes.
"You're an asshole. Can't you ever be nice?"
"No. Can I borrow your car?"
"You know, we're employees to the public and while this job sucks we have a responsibility to man the store until closing." Inuyasha said, changing the subject.
"And I'm sure closing down the store for a hockey game and a wake are part of these responsibilities." Miroku challenged.
"The difference is I had obligations to do those things. You're request is impractical and gratuitous considering you actually work at a video store."
Meanwhile another customer walked in.
"You open?"
"Yes." The two clerks said together.
"You know I don't agree with your ideas." Miroku said continuing the conversation.
"Well you'll jut have to deal with you. You can't have my car, so go away Miroku. Be gone with you! Shoo!" Inuyasha waved off his friend, who refused to budge. Exasperated he turned to the customer. "Can I help you?"
"Pack of cigarettes and this paper." He said picking up a tabloid paper and started to read it.
"What's your point?" Miroku pushed.
"The point is you are a clerk and you are paid to be one. So do your job for once instead of skipping out and closing anytime you feel like it."
"Space aliens attacking at noon tomorrow…" The customer read. "Can you believe the shit they write in here? They'll print anything."
"They sure do." Inuyasha agreed. "That's 300 yen."
"So what your saying is that my title should dictate my behavior?" Miroku asked.
"Yes."
The customer began interrupting again by talking about koala fish and the world ending. Miroku kept giving the man looks to hint that he was getting annoying, but the man was clearly oblivious and kept going on.
"I think your views are very skewed."
"I think you're very lazy. You're not being asked to slay children or anything."
"Not yet." He said ominously sipping water.
"And I remember reading that damn paper last month…" The man started, but was cut off when Miroku spat the water in his face.
The man's face turned red.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"Sir!" Inuyasha grabbed a napkin. "I'm so sorry…he didn't mean it. He was probably trying to spit at me."
"Well he missed."
"Look…take the stuff for free and we'll call it even ok?"
"Whatever. I'm not coming back here again." The man said, sounding calmer and left.
"Why did you do that!"
"My title doesn't dictate my behavior…oh and I hate it when tools like that douche go on about the tabloids…"
"You're an asshole. You're a menace to the dead and the living."
"Can I borrow the car now?"
"Get the hell out of here." Inuyasha groaned and reluctantly handed over the keys.
"I know I'm your hero." Miroku grinned and left the store giggling the keys.
PARADIGM
Inuyasha handed a gallon of milk over to a muscular man.
"Sounds like someone needs a trainer." The man commented.
"What?"
"You strained picking up that milk. It only weighs like eight pounds."
"Did not!" Inuyasha replied angrily. "I sighed."
"I don't think so. That was a grunt: a deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. I'm a trainer. I know what that sound signifies: you're out of shape."
The two then started arguing back and forth about whether or not Inuyasha was in shape. When a female customer came in and the trainer decided to bring her into the argument.
"Hey miss, do you think this man is out of shape?"
"I'm not really sure…he's wearing a baggy sweater." She replied.
"He is." The trainer said.
"Am not!"
"How many do you bench?"
"I don't know…"
"I bet about sixty…seventy tops." The man assumed, checking out Inuyasha's body again.
"I can do way more than that. Give me credit asshole!"
"I bench about three-fifty." The trainer bragged.
"Wow." The girl looked at him in admiration. "Can I feel your muscle?"
"Go for it!" He smiled glad to show off more.
"Wow. That's tight! So hard!"
"Yeah…now feel his. Roll up your sleeve man." The trainer pushed.
"No fucking way."
"Because you're ashamed because you're out of shape. Here's my card. I'll train you free at your first session." The trainer handed Inuyasha a business card.
"Am not!"
Meanwhile a man in a suit and briefcase walked in.
"You open?"
"Yes." He then looked at the trainer and handed back the card. "Thanks, but no thanks. And I'm not out of shape."
"Excuse me, have you been here all day?" Asked the man in the suit.
Inuyasha nodded.
"He's got love handles…" The girl noticed.
"I don't have love handles." The guy showed off again.
"Were you here at four this afternoon?" The man asked.
"I've been here since six in the morning. Why?"
"I bet he's so out of shape because of working around this junk food all day…" The trainer decided.
"I'm not out of shape." Inuyasha declared.
"Can I have your name sir?" The man said.
"Inuyasha Takahashi. Why what's going on?" He said, suddenly realizing something was up.
"You're Inuyasha Takahashi? Oh my god! I hardly recognized you!"
"Because he's out of shape…"
"I'm not out of shape!"
"I'm Yura Adachi's sister…she used to hang out with…"
"Kikyo Hurano." Inuyasha smiled. "You're Yura's kid sister? No kidding!"
"Yeah…you once got caught in my parent's room once with Kikyo…"
"Kikyo…no way!" The trainer said. "Pretty girl, dark hair? Great piece of ass?"
"Yeah."
"And you're Inuyasha Takahashi. No way. I was fucking Kikyo while you dated her in high school." The trainer recalled. "What a coincidence…"
"WHAT?" Inuyasha gaped.
"Wait! Oh my god I remember you! You came by my house a couple times…Kikyo used to talk about you all the time!"
"You were the built guy with that hot black car…" The girl remembered.
"Wait! You slept with my girlfriend in high school?"
"Numerous times…girl was like a rabbit." He grinned mischievously.
"I remember Kikyo telling us about that motel room you two went two with the mirrors on the ceiling and the hot tub…oh and when you two pitched a tent on the beach and did it during a rain storm."
"WHAT? When did all this shit happen?" Inuyasha said, confused and hurt.
"Let it go man. It was all in the past." The trainer reassured him.
"What's next?" Inuyasha sighed.
And as if on cue the man in the suit handed him a paper.
"What's this?" Inuyasha looked closer. "A fine for 54,000 yen!"
"Whoa…54,000 yen. That's ridunkulous!" The trainer said.
"Why?" Inuyasha asked.
"You sold cigarettes to a minor."
"What? When?"
"At four this afternoon. The little girl showed her mother the cigarettes she bought and she called to complain."
"Little girl?" The woman said.
"Five years old." The man in the suit said.
"What the fuck. You scumbag." The trainer accused.
"There's some mistake…I didn't do it…"
"You said you were here all day." The man reminded him.
"That's sick Inuyasha." The woman said.
"The due date is on the bottom. This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. Failure to remit before the due date will result in a charge of criminal negligence, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. Have a nice day." And with that the man left.
"Forget it." The trainer took his card that was lying on the counter. "I'm not dealing for a man who sells cigarettes to children.
"Same here. I'll buy my magazines elsewhere from now on." The woman said.
"Can I offer you a ride somewhere?" The trainer asked her.
"The beach." She smirked.
"I like the way you think." He smirked back and the two went outside.
Inuyasha sighed and looked at the summons. He knew he didn't sell those cigarettes to a five year old…the only explanation was.
"MIROKU!" Inuyasha slammed the counter angrily. "Dammit what's next?"
"INUYASHA!" A female voice called.
"WHAT?" He called back angrily and spun to face the door. "Oh my god." He said, realizing who it was. His expression softened. "Kikyo?"
Miroku entered the Big Lots video store and basked in its glory. Everywhere lay thousands of movies at his very fingertips. Any genre he desired: romance, action, adventure, comedy, romantic comedy, drama, horror, thriller, animated, etc.
Absolutely any movie available to the public was there.
Of course Miroku went straight to the porn section.
Inuyasha embraced Kikyo and then let go of her.
"I can't believe you're here." He said holding her hands.
"I just took a train Inuyasha. It's not that big of a deal…"
"It's a big fucking deal to me." He hugged her again.
Silent Sango came up to them and poked Inuyasha. Who turned around and gave her a look. Sango pointed to the cigarettes.
"Oh right. Hold on Kikyo." Inuyasha headed behind the counter and gave Sango her cigarettes.
"Yo where's the oil and matches?" Kouga came in and asked.
Normally Inuyasha would have asked about this, but he was too enraptured in Kikyo's surprise appearance.
"In the back." He said.
"So I saw Yura's little sister out front…guess who she was with!" Kikyo started.
"Let's not talk about that…" Inuyasha said.
Kouga came up to the counter to pay for his stuff.
"Yo Kikyo! Mazal tov!" He turned to Inuyasha. "Did you know she's marrying a Swedish designer?"
"I've heard."
Kikyo sighed. Kouga paid for his stuff and headed outside.
"Speaking of Kikyo, let's go have a talk." Inuyasha said and led her out the store.
As they walked past the storefront, Silent Sango turned on a boom box and Kouga started randomly break dancing.
"I'll never understand those guys…" Inuyasha said as he unlocked the door to the video store.
"Why you bring me here?" She asked once they got inside.
"Privacy. I need to talk to you. So you're getting married?"
"Sort of…kind of…" Kikyo said nervously.
"What the fuck does that mean? And why did you tell me. Everyone else seems to know…do you know how annoying it was to here from everyone about that fucking Swedish designer?"
"If I said anything I knew you'd stop calling me like the baby you are." She smiled.
"Not true!"
"So true! I know you Inuyasha! You like to be a drama queen instead of thinking rationally!"
"Did you just call me a drama queen?" Inuyasha frowned.
"So are you really getting married?"
"No."
"No!" Inuyasha looked up, his face brightened.
"Here's the story. He proposed to me. I said I had to think about it and he told me to wear the ring anyway. Then my mom sees it freaks out and tells the paper I'm engaged. Then this morning my mom called to let me know about the announcement and that's why I hopped a train to go see you because I knew you'd be a wreck."
"So you came here to comfort me? Meanwhile you'll just go back to Mr. Big Blonde Swedish Guy…"
"Oh please. Why are you so upset anyway? You knew I was dating people…" Kikyo crossed her arms.
"But I didn't think you were ready to walk down the aisle…"
"I'm not! I want to graduate and go to grad school. If I get married now I'll just end up a housewife. I can't do that I want a career. And trust me Sven is loaded and I would need one if I married him…"
"Sven? What a tool…" Inuyasha laughed.
"Oh shut the fuck up."
"So that's why you're not marrying him?" Inuyasha asked.
"Yeah, what else is there?"
"Me." Inuyasha stated.
"You are so full of yourself!"
"Am not! Come on admit it! That's why we're on the phone every night until who knows when!"
"Really? And If I'm so freaking in love with you then why am I having sex with a Swedish designer and you." She countered.
"That hurts. You're a bitch you know that!"
"Sorry, but I had to knock you off of that cloud you're on. I said I don't want to get married and I don't. Not for years. That's all."
"Well good. I don't want to marry you anyway." He crossed his arms.
"Finally you're getting it." She smiled and leaned against the counter.
"Let's date."
"Yeah…Sven and Kagome would love that wouldn't they?" She scoffed.
"We can introduce them…maybe they'd hit it off!" Inuyasha suggested.
"You're serious. You wanna date me again?"
"I want to be your boyfriend."
"Look you only want this because you haven't seen in me in so long…we may talk a lot, but I probably won't work once it happens. We've dated before and it didn't work out so well…"
"So we should just pretend over the phone that we're going out?"
"I don't know…let'sjust see where it goes…"
"Let me take you out tonight."
"On a date?" Kikyo smiled.
"Yes. Dinner and a movie."
"The typical Inuyasha date." Kikyo teased.
"You got a better idea?"
"Yeah, how about a Kikyo Hurano, walk on the beach then get naked somewhere private kind of date." She smirked.
"I hear you do that a lot…" Inuyasha frowned.
"Wait…here I am throwing myself at you, succumbing to your charms and you just called me a slut in so many words. Good going Inuyasha." Kikyo rolled her eyes.
"What about Sven?"
"What about him? He's just a boyfriend. Besides I came all the way here to see you and you're being an asshole…if you must know I'm gonna break up with him, which means my family and friends will ostracize me for my rash decision which was technically inspired by my feelings for you. There I said it. If I must make a choice I choose you Inuyasha."
Inuyasha just smiled at her.
"You asshole…this so won't work out…I can tell." Kikyo sighed.
"No true…I'll take you out when Miroku gets back. He'll close for me."
"Where is he anyway? I thought he would be stuck to you like your obedient little lap dog…" She teased.
"He's out…not sure when he's getting back actually…Dammit…"
"It's cool I got to go home anyway and let my mom know I'm not getting married. This should cause a rumble in the house considering my mom loves Sven. Anyway I'll come back later for our dinner and movie."
"What about the beach walk and the nakedness?" Inuyasha asked.
"I'm easy." Kikyo smiled. "But I'm not that easy." She kissed him chastely and left.
"I'm back and I brought entertainment." Miroku said to Inuyasha coming into the store and dropping it on the counter.
"Best of both worlds?" Inuyasha looked at the video.
"Chicks with dicks…I like to expand my horizons…" Miroku stated.
Inuyasha shook his head and told Miroku about the little kid, the cigarettes, the fine and how it was all Miroku's fault.
"Oh shit…why aren't you yelling at me?"
"Because I'm happy."
"About the fine?"
"Nope. I'm going out with Kikyo tonight."
"Now I know you're shitting me."
"I'm not. She came to tell me personally she wasn't getting married."
"Damn. Now that's a twist I didn't see coming."
"So you'll lock up for me tonight?"
"If I must. You got a VCR."
"Don't watch that here…"
"Fine, I'll bring mine from the store…wanna watch?"
"No fucking way." Inuyasha said walking away.
"Come on! Chicks with dicks Inuyasha! Chicks with Dicks!" Miroku called out, scaring away yet another random customer.
I know that was ridiculously long, but I needed to finish this story by early Thursday…please review and I'll update as fast as I can…maybe even twice a day.
Thanks for reading! Please review!
