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The conversation between me, and Levi veers off after that; becoming nothing more than a few snippets of chit-chat. I reckon he simply doesn't enjoy chatting, whilst shovelling shit, in fact he probably doesn't enjoy chit-chat in general. However I'm not all that bothered; I don't know what else to say to him at this point, and I don't want to push my luck. His warning about Erwin is right at the front of my mind, even distracting me from the fact a Captain was cleaning the stables. Why on earth was he here? For a split second I wonder if he's here for me, keeping an eye on me, or even wanting to spend time with me? Then I just snort, and work a little faster, that was plain stupid. He probably just likes horses better than cadets. And as I brush some dry hay into place, I see him lovingly brush down a jet-black horse. I think it's the first time I've seen real warmth enter those gimlet eyes. A slight quirk takes to his lip, lifting to the slightest of smirks as he tends to what I can only assume to be his own steed.
Affection.
The plot thickens.
"You done staring yet, creep?" he doesn't look my way, but he raises an eyebrow all the same. I blush a little, and finish up what I'm doing.
"Was just wondering if you wanted a moment alone with the Stallion."
"Didn't seem like you wanted to leave. Kind of seemed like you were content watching."
"Now, now, Captain, we know where these conversations go. Your pony might get jealous." I chuckle, wiping my brow, and replacing the broom in its cupboard. H continues his work, frowning a little, and I wonder if he's still a little put out from our last sass match. The air has become a little too awkward, even for me. I turn and rock on my heels. "Think I'm done here, okay if I go practise some hand-to-hand, sir?"
He pauses as the word slips from my mouth without issue. It surprises me in all honesty, and I taste no bitter venom either. For some reason, it seemed to suit him now. But when he glances my way, I make sure that my expression is as nonchalant as ever. Despite the fact, internally, I'm pacing round wondering whether or not that was the right thing to do. Would he think I was a push-over now? Nah, he wasn't that stupidly arrogant. Would he try and be an ass about me saying it? Nah, probably not, he might even think he imagined it.
"Not bad." He says, surveying my side of the stable. "I don't see why not. Just don't go knocking Jeager out again, if he happens to be there."
"Won't do. Not planning on making it a habit… though… if Oluo's there? Could I?"
"If you must." He sighs. "Just don't let him choke on his tongue?"
"I'll staple it to his chin instead, got it!" I call back as I head into the afternoon sunlight. It was a warm, muggy day, and I peel off my jacket before I even enter the ring.
Really I just want to do some practise; get my form right, and ensure my stance is strong. Having a stable foothold seemed important around here. Whispering came, and went with the light breeze; and for once it isn't about me. No one knows who killed those Titans, and I still can't help but frown at the irony. Usually they'd be so happy about two dead Titans. And yet I feel like I'll be seeing them wearing black any second. Then again, I think as I practise some spin kicks, it wasn't the dead Titans they were worried about, it was who had done it. Against orders. Against the regiment learning more in order to succeed. It was clearly an attack on the regiment, not Titans. Hence my want to get a good handle on my fighting technique. Somehow this place seemed to be getting more dangerous.
"Fancy a rematch?" I hear Eren call over, I wave over in agreement, not pausing in my movements. He heads over, hopping into the ring and shrugging off his coat. I halt my foot mid-air, it hovers just short of his nose when he turns round, and makes a small squeaking noise.
"Sure thing, kid. Just don't take a nap this time, all right?" I lower my foot, and head to the other side of the ring. He scratches the back of his neck, whilst his ears turn red.
"I'll give it my best shot."
"Glad to hear it, let's go."
We dance about, and he makes a good few lunges at me. He even cracks me on the ribs a few too many times, and I know a fresh bruise is blossoming there as we continue our dance. I've given him a dead arm, and sent him to his arse a few times too, so really we're pretty even at this point. The afternoon draws on into evening, but neither of us is letting up. Neither of us is tiring. Two Titans boxing it out; except I'm the only one aware of the even playing field. I'm almost tempted to let the kid in on the secret, his big green eyes swimming with guilt whenever he lands a hit on me. He thinks it'll hurt for a week at least, when really it'll only pinch for a few days.
How would he react?
I watch those intense, turquoise, orbs as they watch me, and try to deduce my next move. They were so open, so easily read, and passionate. Was he capable of listening to reason? Or did his gut reaction win every time? Did he hate all Titans without question? I have to do some digging. If this mission went awry, and I had to change it could be vital. Having him on side, might make the difference between the squad ending me, or allowing me back into my cell. I was under no illusion that I'd be accepted. They'd be afraid, they'd be furious. I shudder at how Levi would react, when learning I was actually a shifter. That I'd lied. It was in order to survive, which I'm sure he'd understand, but that amount of logic would take some work to break through his mania. I shiver. The silhouetted Captain chilling my bones as he looms in my mind. I need to get this sorted. And the kid was my only real chance.
"So Eren… seen much of Hanji today?"
"Enough of her, yeah. Why?"
"Just wondering how she's doing after her losses."
"She seemed to be recovering pretty well, she's still pissed off, but apparently I make a decent conciliation prize…"
"Her words?"
"Obviously." He smirks, and I make my move, swinging down with my legs. He squawks, lunges, misjudges it and lands on his arse. But soon enough he's up, and returning the attack. I dodge, I twist, but still he lands a few blows. He'd picked up speed since I mentioned it. Damn.
"How does it feel though?" I ask, inching closer to my real question. My real curiosity. He pauses, panting as he holds his hands up defensively, looking me over suspiciously. I think he suspects me of simply trying to distract him.
"How does… How does what feel?" he pants, shifting his weight all the while. He was staying on his toes this time, he was improving as fast as I was. Soon we might be decent fighters. Maybe.
"To be under her scrutiny all the time? To have her watch you?"
"It's weird… but I get that she wants to learn. She's just trying to help humanity. That's what counts. Why? I thought you liked Hanji."
"I never claimed that I didn't!" I laugh, jabbing at him, and bouncing back as he swings out with a kick. That would have hurt. "I was just wondering, I mean I'm under some scrutiny, but you're literally being studied."
"Better than being dissected."
"Was that seriously the alternative?"
"Yep, and joining the Scouts was always my dream. I just never realised I could be as much help as I think I will be… if I learn to control it…" he pauses, and lowers his hands.
Instinct tells me to strike, and strike hard, but this niggling return of my human side stays my attack. I see all the doubt he harbours for himself, past battles flashing across his young mind. I'd heard from Hanji that he'd attacked a good friend of his, that he hadn't even recognised the girl. The kid looked guilty at landing a few punches, what the hell was he doing himself over that? I shiver again, suddenly very thankful for my lack of human connection. Humans were messy.
I reach out, and ruffle his hair, the green eyes crinkle in a half-hearted smile.
"You will."
"You really think so?"
"The amount of sheer determination in you kid, could tame twenty Titans, you'll do fine." I assure him, and the green eyes almost seem convinced.
I flip the coin.
Do I tell him, or don't I?
"Do you really know more about the Titans? Or are you just trying to stay alive?"
He seems so open minded; he doesn't even seem angry that I might not know any more than him. He also doesn't seem annoyed that I could be harbouring vital information. Would he accept me? Would he still see me as a person? Really he was the one person that should. But he was still just a kid, logic wouldn't always apply. I'd never told anyone; no one fully conscious anyway. My parents had assumed it was another of their drunken dreams, laughing about it groggily the next morning. Hanji had found out on her own, and barely even talked to me about it. And I'd certainly never met another shifter, as far as I was aware anyway. Were we the same? Me and Eren?
He sees my dilemma, only he doesn't know the underlying question. He draws a long breath, sharp eyes glancing all around as he straightens up and holds out his hand. I go tense as I consider him having figured it out.
"Or am I about to shake the hand of another shifter?" he asks, calmly, with a hint of a frown.
I answer him with a choke. It was the equivalent of shouting yes, whilst jumping up and down holding a banner proclaiming the same in giant lettering. Whether he had suspected for long beforehand or not, he now knew for certain. His eyes widen, but his hand remains outstretched. It shakes a little, but it lingers. I swallow hard, and shake his hand, holding his gaze with sincerity. Two Titans, on an even playing field.
"I agreed to serve in this regiment, and that is what I plan to do Eren. Regardless of my biology. I've been assigned to protect you on the mission, and that is what I'll do." I hold onto his hand, and he pauses, staring at our handshake. His lips purse into a thin line.
"You're really going to help us?"
"That's what I agreed to Eren, and when I agree to something, I mean it. I hold to my word."
"I believe you… But what the hell are you gonna do when the rest find out? Hanji'll freak, she'll demand information, she'll—"
"She already knows." I sigh, finally releasing his hand as I pace round the ring. He watches me, looking me up and down, with his new knowledge ringing in his ears. "The only reason I was able to get out of that cell, was because of her clearing me as a normal human. Otherwise I'd still be under scrutiny for potentially being the Colossal."
"The Colossal?" he repeats in a whisper, eyes becoming glazed over as tears well up. I stop my pacing, and approach him again, putting my hands to his cheeks, and waiting till he's actually looking at me. I feel ice flow through my veins when he does. This kid had seen way too much.
"I'm not him, I didn't cause all this havoc. I despair at the ways of humanity, and gladly give them a kick in the gut when needed. But I didn't bring that hell to your door, Eren. I despise what humanity has become, but there's still a glimmer of hope in me that it can be redeemed. I just never believed I could help in that mission…"
"And so you left."
"Yeah… I didn't see any point in letting myself linger, and become just like the rest of them. So yeah… I got up, and left, never looking back."
"They really thought you were the Colossal…"
"I promise I'm not him Eren, please, please bel—"
"I believe you…" he sounds so confused by this. "What kind of Titan are you?"
"I…" I laugh a little, scratching the back of my head, stepping away from him again to allow breathing room. When Hanji had veered towards specific questions about my Titan form I'd felt defensive, worried, and above all frightened. Yet now, with Eren I felt eager to share. I feel my own prejudice staring down at me. I judged Hanji as a threat, because she wasn't like me. That was it. I swallow my apologies, which I'd have to voice to Hanji eventually, and smile at the curious boy.
"You don't have to tell me… sorry… I was just wondering."
"No, no Eren it's fine… I'm just not used to talking about it. Except with squirrels."
"Good conversations with them?"
"Surprisingly so actually… but in all honesty, I don't really know what kind of Titan I am. My height varies, depending on what I want to do… and I've only seen the wavy reflection from streams. So I don't really know what I look like…"
"Are you armoured at all? L-like the one that broke through the wall?"
"I am when I need to be. I got caught in a rockslide a few years back, so changed, very aware of the fact I needed armour. And there it was. Thick black shards of armoured skin… like crystal or something. And you know the really weird thing? It never disintegrated…"
"Huh?" he tilts his head, and I feel a small surge of excitement talking to someone about this at last. But I calm myself, not wanting to overshare, or overwhelm the kid.
"Look, Eren. Basically, I think my Titan is at adapting… I think. I'll tell you all I can Eren, I promise, this is some scary shit you're dealing with. And I won't pretend that I fully understand it… but… I at least know how to control mine." I say, and hold my hand out to him again. "Allies?"
"I'd prefer friends?" he laughs, taking my hand strongly and shaking.
"I'd prefer that too. Keep this between us, okay, kid?"
"Sure thing, old lady. Though… can I ask one more thing?"
"Shoot."
"Why didn't you admit to a shifter, but try and explain that you weren't the Colossal? You're pretty smart, so must've known it'd come out eventually."
We begin our little dance around each other again, sinking into our fighting stances as I consider my answer.
"Because at that point, they wanted an answer, more than they wanted the truth."
"Surely they're the same, Alex."
"Not when the answer you're looking for, is having the Colossal in custody, and therefore unable to make further attacks. And the truth is, neither they, nor I, know anything about that monster. Not when it'll attack again, or why it attacked in the first place. Answers, and truth are worlds apart. Lies can be answers just as easily, Eren. Never forget that."
"Wise old maid, aren't you?"
"Proverbs work very well on squirrels." I chuckle, and he joins in. He's completely right of course, it would come out eventually, and I'd pay the price. Whether it was out on a mission, or when I finally became unable to contain my temper. Then I'd have to face the music; and the Captain's fury. I focus on our fighting, trying to ignore the quivering at the base of my spine.
Despite my shivers, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my mind. If I had to change on this mission, if protecting Eren called for it, I would at least have a potential two people fighting in my corner. Defending my intent. Hanji would desperately plea to at least study me, and Eren would vouch for me as best he could. I didn't really know what to expect from the upcoming mission; I'd seen them on plenty, and watched them rush past, but I never really knew what they did out there, or why they came.
We dance, we strike out. But as the sun begins to properly head towards the horizon, we pick up the pace, wanting to finish off before we're left to dwindle in the darkness. I'm frankly surprised we'd been left to our own devices for so long. But then I glance towards HQ. There were plenty windows, and behind which lingered many eyes. We had probably been watched the whole time. At the idea of this, I grit my teeth, and swing a little harder than before. Eren squawks as he misjudges my trajectory again, and lands in a heap. Groaning as the day's work weighs him down.
I stand, and hold my foot over his throat, without touching obviously, but meaning for him to yield. Then we could go eat at long last. He lies there, staring up at the sky as it turns to a blood orange.
"You fucking did it again… damn it!"
"Hey you're still awake aren't ya—"
A red scarf invades my vision, and I feel two vice-like hands grip my arms to wrench me away from Eren. I only assume they'll be lunging for another attack. I drop and roll, flipping back towards the treeline, where I scamper up a few branches like a nimble cat. Cowardly, but nimble. But the woman - at least I think it's a woman... It could easily be a cannon ball in uniform, judging from the bruising now covering my upper arms. She looks at me in hatred. It seemed as though I inspired this emotion with very little effort. Quite the talent I'd picked up. I stare back, panting as I feel the blood flow in my arms start up again. Ow.
"Mikasa wait!" shouts Eren, stumbling over and putting a hand on her tensed shoulder. I'm still catching my breath, and thank my lucky stars I was still able to make a quick getaway. They'd held me prisoner for so long, I hadn't climbed a tree in ages. But apparently it was built in. The 'woman' called Mikasa, slowly loosens up a little, and turns her head to Eren. Quick, dark eyes scan his neck, then dart all over him as he stands holding onto her shoulder. He looks angry, before becoming confused. Presumably he wasn't sure where the hell she had come from either. Glad I wasn't the only one at a loss.
I sit down on the branch, and give a little wave to the psycho, who Eren is still trying to fully calm down. And I thought I had a horrible temper, sheesh. Her pale pink lips draw back over her white teeth, and she hisses up at me.
"Touch him again, and—"
"Mikasa stop!"
"But she hurt you." She states, turning to him blankly, though her dark eyes quickly scan all over him, once again checking for wounds. At first, I think she has to be his girlfriend, but the body language is all wrong between them. A sibling? They look nothing alike. Creepy cousin? I just stare her down when she shoots me a look. Can she hear my thoughts?
"Look love, we were training. He's okay. Nothing a dust down, and maybe ice-pack won't cure. Calm your tits?"
"You're the wild woman."
"I've been called worse…"
"The one they found over the walls."
"Alexia Senefold, painful to meet you." I wait a few seconds, but she remains just as tense, and just as ready to attack. I shift my weight a little. "Can I come back down there? You planning on keeping your hands to yourself?"
"Are you?"
"Touché…" I simper, and she stares at me for a long moment before giving a small nod. I jump down, and hold out my hand out to her. Eren shuffles over a little, so he's stood in between us, and he nudges the woman's arm roughly. She sighs, and shakes my hand; it's difficult but I manage to almost match her hand-shake with my own. A little irritation enters her eyes. Oh dear.
"You need to be more careful in training." She says everything so calmly, and yet I feel threat in every word. It was very unnerving. Once she has relinquished her assault on my hand, I take a small step back and shrug at her, ignoring the tightening of her eyes. She was formidable clearly, but had the sensibilities of an overbearing mother, who was the age of a toddler. I wasn't about to start putting up with juvenile bullshit, just because she happened to be a juvenile battering ram.
"Being careful isn't much of an option on the battlefield, is it?"
"You won't be fighting him on the battlefield though will you?"
"Time can only answer that question."
"Excuse me?" she spits, teeth bared for a second. And I wonder how much of a difference Eren standing there will actually make. I hold her gaze, and I sense she isn't used to someone being able to do that. Her dark eyes seem to glow as she waits for me to drop my gaze. But I won't. I'd looked down the barrel of guns, and I'd stared down everything from a Titan, to a damn mountain lion. Little girl, you were freaking weirdly strong, and admittedly intimidating, but I'm not the kind of monster you want to poke with a stick.
"I'm not saying I'm planning on having issue with Eren, but at this point I have way more enemies around here, than allies. Just not wanting to lie to you. Would you rather I lied?" I ask, tilting my head, and watching her compute my words. The dark eyes are still tight, but her mouth relaxes a little. Then she turns to march away, dragging Eren by the arm all the while. It had to be creepy cousin… there's a small group gathered near the end of the ring. I suppose they were enjoying the show.
"Just watch yourself, wild woman."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Brat! Get over here." I hear the angry call of the Captain and jog over, ignoring the look I get from the Mikasa Machine as I pass her, and her property by. Poor kid is blushing himself into oblivion. I stop in front of Levi, and give a little salute. He frowns. "I do remember saying, don't make him go Titan?"
"You said don't knock him out, actually." I reply, but step back a little from his unimpressed glare. I pout a little, pointing at the very much human sized Eren tomato. "He didn't turn."
"You nearly kicked him unconscious, again, we don't know yet what exactly sets him off." He's simply stating it, the other cadets, many of whom I don't recognise, all shrink back. They seemed to be brand new rookies, just arrived. Did they find that little speech scary? Oh come on, this was him calm. They were going to shit themselves when they saw him mad. Or sneeze.
"Well then, you can cross off a kick to the ankle. Landed on his arse with a squeak. But no Titan!" I laugh and he just stares me down, I sigh and nod. "I really did try and not break him this time."
"I'm sure it was a sterling effort." He drawls, nodding to Eren before turning and leaving, dragging Oluo with him before the sour-faced idiot can bite his tongue again. I watch them go and sigh, I wasn't doing laps at least. That was a win in my book.
I turn to talk with Eren, but find him gone. I look, and see the ghost of movement rounding the building towards the compound. Where the heck were they going? I jog after them, only slowing as I consider they might be together romantically. And I wasn't a peeping tom. But I hear a collection of voices; and feel fairly certainly Eren isn't into orgies. Not at his age anyway.
I round the corner and see him, with his personal body-guard, stood talking with a bunch of kids their age. But they don't bare the wings of freedom. More new recruits? Then it clicks. These were the kids from his class right? The ones who hadn't chosen a regiment yet. And they had… they chose this one? I walk over, hearing a vague conversation going on. These kids had clearly already seen a lot of shit, and yet they signed up for here. Either they were brave, and driven by loss to do their best for humanity. Or they'd seen enough, and wanted out the game altogether. I don't know whether to pity them, or do them a favour and slice their throats now.
But as I see Eren look amongst his friends, I see a new light enter those eyes. He's happy. I'd seen him amused, even elated, but never actually happy. I suppose these other kids, were the closest he had to actual allies. Then again… A sandy-haired kid, with a dark colour undercut is approaching him from behind, and he looks a little hostile. I approach the group, but know full well, the Oriental looking she-wolf will easily deal with a threat. I just don't fancy having to clean it up afterwards.
Eren turns to the grumpy one, and gasps in disbelief. Clearly he wasn't someone Eren had expected to see. So either he was crap at his job, or he was a well-known coward who wanted to go to the MP's in the Capital. I realise my own contradiction as I stand next to Eren, ignoring the confused looks from the other children as I watch the horsefaced one glare at my fellow shifter. These guys were maniacs for wanting to go out, and seek the Titans, and yet I considered the MP's behind the walls cowards. But the fact was, that was pretty much your only options these days. Suicidal psycho with a death wish, or cowardly schemer who only wanted to live as long as possible. Damn we were a noble species.
"Marco is dead."
"W-what?" Eren doesn't seem to believe the horse-faced one, and I look around at the pained faces. Whoever this Marco kid had been, he'd obviously been a decent guy. Or very generous with his rations. "You're just kidding right?"
"I wish I could tell you he died nobly, or heroically… but the truth is…" the grumpy kid grits his teeth, looking like he wants to puke. "Truth is I don't know how he went out… he died alone. No one was there to see it happen."
This just sends my head off in a spin. What bloody difference did that make? In what world would watching your friend help them die? I look around as his words echo on the sunset bathed compound. They all look so sad. So mournful at this fact. I see the pain in Eren's eyes, and I can see that he blames himself somehow. I can't help it. I'm genuinely confused right now; is it because I've had little to no human contact for most of a decade, or because I'm simply a heartless bitch? Either way, I didn't understand this.
"What difference would it make?"
"Excuse me?" the kid called Jean looks at me in nothing more, or less, than absolute disgust. I'm used to this kind of sentiment by now, of course, but the ferocity in his eyes is staggering. This Marco kid had clearly meant a lot. Like… holy hell, I feel like I just slapped this kid's first born child, and called it a pig.
"I just don't get why you seeing him die would make a difference?"
"It was more that he died alone, who the hell are you anyway?"
"She's the wild woman from over the walls." Mikasa is kind enough to state.
I roll my eyes at the 'wild woman' tag I seem to be getting. I wonder if I should grow my hair out, let myself get really muddy, and run around in a damned loin cloth. I wasn't a savage. Well, not most of the time. Though it was true, my dinner table etiquette could probably use some work. I simper a little; considering the outright disturbed expression of Levi if I did this. His precious clean floors. Such a scandal.
Jean glances at Mikasa with slightly wide eyes, slowly looking back at me, a weird sneer on his lips. Here we go.
"This is her? Wow, bit of an anti-climax aren't you?"
"Ugh, look I've already gone through this with the other Cadets… can we skip the whole, wow you're so disappointing, I expected some constantly Titan mauling machine with gnarled scars all over her. Damn you're short. I meant no disrespect towards your friend, I simply—"
"I guess being alone for so long makes a person forget what being human means." He snaps, sneer gone as I bring the subject of Marco back round. I didn't want to linger on it, but I also didn't want to leave more bad feeling between me and other cadets. Like I said to Mikasa, I had enough enemies.
"I guess it can, correct, but I just—"
"Marco was my friend, I hate to think that he died alone." He growls, looming over me, the heat to his gaze somehow further intensifying. I sigh and shake my head, looking up at his condescension with pity. He blinks at my lacking hostility.
"And he'd have hated you being there."
"The hell does that mean?!" He looks around, as though not believing the words that just plopped out my mouth. I just wait till he's stopped puffing, and hold his gaze with my own. The kid was just another lost soul, not knowing what the hell he was meant to do with this grief. He hadn't been prepared for it. I wonder if he had been prepared for anything.
"If this friend of yours died alone, that means he was the only one to die. Had you been there, you'd have also ended up Titan bait, wouldn't you?" I raise a brow at the kid, but he seems lost for words, his stubble free jaw opening and closing in a dumbfounded fashion. "I'm sorry you lost your friend, but just be thankful you're still here. Maybe being alone for so long, gives me a little more perspective… I dunno… we're all just trying to get by."
"I… I…" he stammers, blushing brighter and brighter as his false assumptions are brought to light. Practically every new recruit is blushing, even Mikasa looks a little sheepish as she looks to the side. Eren also blushes, but he's just ashamed of his friends I think. I feel like a bit of a tool right now. The only one who meets my gaze is a small blonde, with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. Erwin would be pissed, there was a new blonde bombshell on camp. And he was adorable. Yet I still sense a little psycho there. Bubbling away beneath that composed little face.
"Welcome to the Scouts, kids. Oh, and for the record? It's Alexia, or Alex. As much as I like 'wild woman', I left my loin cloth costume in my treehouse. M'kay?" I say, backing away with a doff of my head. "I hope to get the honour of learning your names, before you die. Night!"
I see no reason to hang around, so I just head off, letting them stare after me. Weirdly I have the strongest urge to check on the horses. As though returning to normal chores, might avoid me getting a telling off for messing with new recruits. And funnily enough I find Levi there. He's putting a horse, not his own, back in its stall. He hears me enter, and gives a small huff of a laugh.
"Made yourself known to the rookies then?"
"A friendly bunch, I'll give them that."
"Really?"
"Well, they didn't jump me, or pummel me to the ground, so… yeah. So far they're definitely an improvement. Pass me the saddle, I'll put it away." He hands it over, and I brush it down before putting it with the others. I can feel him watching me. "So I'm guessing they're going to be coming along on this mission coming up in a day or so?"
"That's Erwin's intent, yes."
"Suppose this'll be the first time some of those kids have been outside the walls…" I mutter going over to the stable door, the top swung open to allow the sunset inside. I rest my arms against it, and sigh as a breeze shifts my spikey hair. I felt like today had been especially long.
"The formation will keep them grounded. Why do you care anyway, they're part of humanity. Thought you hated it."
"You know Levi, we've exchanged so many angry words by now, I find it amazing you remember anything I've ever said… but, really? I think my hatred towards Humanity has dulled a little, I'm just sick and tired of it."
"Of your hate, or Humanity?" he asks in his usual monotone void of emotion. He joins me, leaning on the door next to me, the sun is just sinking below the treeline now. Soon night will take over, and the mission will be one dawn closer. Soon I'll feel the free wind beneath me again.
Will I stay, or will I go?
I think of Eren all of a sudden; new to the shifting game. I didn't owe him anything, and yet I wondered if I really could help him. In fact, why do I want to? I rest my chin on my folded arms, and let my eyes droop, enjoying the setting sun's warmth on my face. I was getting too old for this shifting shit.
"Both?"
"Mm… Suppose you'll be eager to being closer to home."
"I think that's the first time you haven't accused me of bailing, Captain."
"This is the first time I don't suspect it. For someone so tired of Humanity, you seem to be having no trouble interacting with us now." I peer through my lashes, but his eyes are trained on the horizon.
"This Humanity, and the one in the city? Big ass difference." I mutter into my arms.
"Know what you mean… you think those brats are gonna fuck it up?"
"I think they'll serve to the best of their ability. They've lost too much already to not fight like hell."
"Didn't really answer my question."
"I'm not really able to, my crystal ball has been acting up."
"You should get that checked out." He sighs, pushing off and walking away. "This mission is likely to be a shit storm Senefold."
"I would assume they all were, sir."
"True… but… this one I think will be especially deep in it." He pauses by the stable door, almost seeming to want to say more. But as I straighten, and turn to him, he catches my gaze and immediately walks away. Whatever coin he flipped in his sharp little mind, it had presumably landed. Whatever it was, I clearly didn't need to know. Not yet anyway.
"Hey, Captain?!"
He stops, and looks over his shoulder.
"Any actual advice for a mission newbie?" I don't really know why I bothered asking, he'll just smirk and walk on. Or he'll get angry at me demanding things of him. I run a hand through my hair, with a shrug.
"For someone who lives out there for a decade, you seem oddly nervous." He says, turning and looking me up and down. "Why is that?"
"Used to being alone, not used to the responsibility of other people."
"Right. Well, at this point? I'd say survive." He replies with a small nod, eyes casting towards the drooping sun. I wish I could read him better, I wish I knew what was going on in that damn head of his. "Just use everything in your ability to do that, and you'll be good."
I flinch a little at the use of 'ability' but calm myself. He didn't know. He'd have killed me already if he did.
"What happened to following orders, sir?" I laugh, covering up the quiver to my voice. He clicks his tongue, and nods again.
"How about I order you to survive? Protect Jeager… and protect yourself. It's all any of us can do. Get some dinner, cadet. It's getting late."
And he walks away, walking a little stiffer than usual till he rounds the corner. I'm left to stare after him; wondering if I'd actually been knocked out by Eren during training. Since when did the Captain care if I lived or died? Or was it simply because I was on his Squad now? Did that really change things so much? I groan, hands to my head as my confusion deepens.
Would I stay?
Or would I go?
Cheers for reading! Hope it was up to standard, and I look forward to seeing you next time! Hopefully it won't be as long before the next one, life becomes busy at the worst times doesn't it?
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