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Author's Note: Alright, well I've come to a difficult dilemma. The fact you can't actually talk in space. There's no air to carry sound waves and that bit of logic really drives me mad. But you know what? I am going to use my 'a wizard did it' card. Every writer has one of these sleeved and after years and years of fan fic writing, I have yet to use it. So, if anyone asks why they are able to talk in space, my answer is, and always will be, a wizard did it.
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Chapter 7: The Rescue
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"Space. Space. Space."
"Alright, I think we stopped hearing you after the thousandth time you said that mate."
"Oh. Okay. SPACE. SPACE. SPPPAAAACE!"
Wheatley couldn't help but groan as the space core decided that the only solution to the problem was to say it even louder now. To be completely honest, the Intelligence Dampening Core was beginning to think that he didn't survive. In his mind, he caused the nuclear meltdown of the Aperture lab's operating systems and in fact died. Where was he now? Where else but Android Hell? It only made sense; Hell didn't exactly have to be fire and brimstone like the humans always made it out to be. What could be worse than sitting in a pile of dust on the moon, listening to the prattling of a mad core with nothing but thoughts of one's own regret to comfort him?
Nothing, in Wheatley's mind there was positively nothing worse.
"Space cores are the number one cause of migraines among Fact Cores."
"Space, in space! I am causing migraines...IN SPACE."
He couldn't help but take in his surroundings, reflecting upon the events of the past eternity. Although they had been floating around in space for a little bit, it seemed that the gravitational pull of the moon had other plans, yanking them onto the surface like so many little meteorites and asteroids. Now, sitting in slowly accumulating piles of moon dust, it didn't seem like there was any end in sight. There was the Fact Sphere and the Space Core nearby, bickering between one another. Then Rick...where was Rick? Wheatley threw his weight into turning himself around, now a bit worried that they had lost a member. Oh, no. There Rick was. The Adventure Core had taken it upon himself to protect the Portal Gun that had landed nearby, an implement that he was getting...oddly close to. Wheatley's optic brow perked when Rick leaned towards the gun and made the noise of a human sniff.
"What in blazes are you doing?" Wheatley asked, staring at the green eyed core.
"What's it look like I'm doin'?" Rick retorted, seeming a bit defensive.
"It looks like you're pretending to sniff the portal gun." Wheatley said in a flat tone, looking very puzzled by his companion's action.
"So what if I am?" Rick said.
"I really guess it's no trouble," Wheatley admitted. "But /why/ exactly are you pretending to sniff the portal gun?"
"Oh, well." Rick began, using his storytelling voice. It was the sort of tone that told the listener 'grab a chair and make yourself comfortable because we're going to be here awhile'. "It all started when ol' Facty and I were having a conversation. We were talking about some interesting rock or another and before you knew it we got on the topic of women."
"What do rocks have to do with women?" Wheatley interjected with a small shake of his head.
"What don't rocks have to do with women?" Rick replied with a narrowing of his optic. "Can I finish my story?"
"Yes, of course. Go on." Wheatley said.
"Anyhow, before I was so rudely interrupted, we were talking about women. And it turns out that the first step to courting a human woman is to steal and sniff her unmentionables." Rick said, leaning towards Wheatley and lowering his voice, as though sharing some great secret of the universe with the blue eyed core. "Fact Core told me I've been going about it all wrong. Here, I thought you were supposed to compliment 'em and do things for 'em. Nope. Unmentionables."
"Would the portal gun really be considered an 'unmentionable'?" Wheatley said.
"Well, it is a top secret gizmo, isn't it?" Rick said.
"Yeah."
"Wouldn't that make it...unmentionable?"
Wheatley's optic widened at Rick's use of logic, realizing how much sense that made.
"Yup, I'll be courting that fine lady in no time." Rick said, optic rolling up a bit. "Tough luck kid. But, it's probably good that she realized that she could do way better than you."
Wheatley had been nodding as Rick spoke, but came to an abrupt halt when Rick began to insinuate that Wheatley had been trying to put the moves on the test subject.
"Beg pardon?" Wheatley sputtered, narrowing his optic at the green eyed core.
"Oh, come on. Launching you into space, using us to corrupt you to initiate a core transfer...any moron could figure out that's her way of saying it's over." Rick said, not seeming to notice Wheatley's glare. "Don't be sad, there's plenty of other, dumber fish in the sea."
"I am not a moron!" Wheatley snapped, shaking the dust off himself as though to go do something.
"I think you are." Rick said coolly.
"I am not!"
"Hey Space Core, what are you supposed to do?" Rick replied, looking over to the yellow eyed core.
"Space, I'm supposed to do space."
"Right, Space Core does space. Fact Core?" Rick said, glancing over.
"The Fact Core is a dispensary of facts and vast knowledge that is 100% undeniably true."
"Right. And an Adventure Core like me? Most content going on adventures." Rick replied, turning his glance to Wheatley. "Now, huh...let's see. What was your title again?"
The blue eyed core was seething at Rick's drawn out insult and would have been shaking with rage if his workings could permit such a function.
"It's alright if you forgot, I understand." the Adventure Core said in a condescending tone. "Intelligence Dampening Core. That's scientific talk for moron."
"And you are-!" Wheatley began, but his mind drew a blank to a good insult. He needed a real zinger, something to boost his own visage of intelligence and make Rick look like the idiot. What was that word that GLaDOS had called him before? Oh, right! "A tumor! That's what you are, a tumor!"
It seemed that it worked, Rick staring a moment trying to figure out the insult.
"...what's a tumor?" Rick said after a few more moments of mental searching.
"It is another word for moron. Which is what you are." Wheatley said in a proud tone, feeling as though he had won the battle of wits. However, Fact Core had to chime in again and correct the blue eyed sphere.
"A tumor is an over growth of cells in humans, most often associated with the disease syphilis."
"Ha! You don't even know what your own insults mean!" Rick said triumphantly, unable to help but laugh. Adding insult to injury, he continued, "You...you damned...moron!"
"At least I'm not the bloke who's burying his lens in a quantum tunneling device in hopes of catching a lady's attention!" Wheatley bellowed, his sudden broken temper earning silence from the other three cores. "At least I'm not the idiot who thinks she's coming back for us! Because you know what Rick? You know what?"
"What?"
"She's not! She hates us, she bloody hates us!" Wheatley said, the mild curse adding an emphasis to his point. As his sudden bout of annoyance turned anger began to recede, his tone became more sullen, his optic lowering and staring at the ground. "...she hates me. She really, really hates me."
All four of the cores were silent, no one really knowing what to say. Wheatley was the first to pipe up, looking up at the others.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." he sighed, looking about. "It's my fault we're all here and...Well, we're stuck together. So better make the best of it, yeah?"
There was a small murmur of agreement, but the Space Core didn't seem content with the peace.
"SPACE!" he squealed, a small light a top his head beginning to blink rapidly as the other cores turned to look at him.
"Oh, come on now, really? We're having a moment and you-" Wheatley sighed, noticing the little blinking light. "...what's that on his head?"
"Beats me." Rick said, leaning forward to scrutinize.
"Space, what's that light on your head?" Wheatley asked, Fact Core not seeming to want to chime in for once.
"Space, that is me. Space. Going to get found. In space. Space in space." the yellow eyed core replied, wriggling in place and attempting to shake the dust off himself.
"Found? Found by...?" Rick started, but trailed off as P-Body and Atlas came into view. It seemed that the Space Core's designer had thought it necessary to equip him with a homing device, just in case he was ever lost during an out-of-world journey. This served invaluable as P-Body's own optic blinked while sending out a homing signal, the two testing bots slowly walking over to the four cores. Although P-Body moved with some urgency in collecting up the gun and two cores, Atlas seemed to find it more important to poke at the cores before picking them up, jabbing Rick in the head repeatedly with a finger. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Quit it. Ow. Ow. Stop! Ow. Do that one more time boy!"
Atlas made a sound that would be reminiscent of human laughing after Rick's outburst, scooping up the remaining two cores. P-Body rolled an optic again, pointing his own gun towards the ground and making an end to a self-contained portal back to the machine made airlock. With that, they both hopped through with their prizes in hand for a quick return trip to Earth.
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"And that is how I learned why peanut butter covered fish shaped candy was discontinued." GLaDOS concluded that particular story, nodding to Chell. The former test subject was sitting cross legged nearby, leaning against a wall and listening as GLaDOS spoke, a bit surprised by how well they were getting along. No neurotoxin, no being crushed to death, thrown into an incinerator; nothing. It seemed that GLaDOS was enjoying the primarily one sided conversation as well, but both knew better than to completely trust the other, despite what they had been through when Wheatley took hold of the facilities. It had been several hours since P-Body and Atlas had left, but Chell wasn't all too worried. After all, they had quite a bit of area to cover and Chell would have been completely baffled if they had found the cores in just a few hours.
Right on cue, the airlock whirred open as the atmosphere rushed into the evacuated area with a loud hissing noise. Chell looked up, smiling a bit at seeing that P-Body and Atlas had returned safely with the four cores they had gone searching for.
"Marvelous, magnificent! You are a true lifesaver! I take back everything terrible I've ever said about you and all the bad things I thought about you and may not have said!"
Chell's smile fell rather flat upon hearing the English accented groveling as the testing bots strolled in to present their findings to the master of the facilities, the former test subject not really noticed by the personality cores.
"Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you," Wheatley said quickly, his voice trailing off a bit as Atlas carried him closer to GLaDOS and losing the initial exuberance he had started off with. GLaDOS narrowed an optic at the core, her gaze piercing straight into his circuits. Wheatley would have shivered, but still continued talking nonetheless. "...you're not still mad about the whole turning you into a potato and nearly blowing up the facility thing, are you? No hard feelings, eh?"
Well, this was going to be fun to watch. Although a part of Chell did have some concern for the core, that he would talk himself into a corner and rightly be incinerated by the AI in charge, the other part was still peeved about his attitude about the entire situation. There wasn't a heartfelt apology, no true thanks besides the sniveling that was now spouting out of his gullet. Chell sighed, kneading her eyebrows with a hand as Wheatley continued to talk.
"I will take your glare and silence as a 'yes', that you are in fact still mad. Duly noted." Wheatley replied, cut off by GLaDOS.
"Shut up."
"Right, right. Shutting up."
"First of all, if had been up to me you would still be floating around in space never to grind my gears again." GLaDOS said, looking at the four. "I would tell you to thank /her/, but I doubt you will be grateful for whatever plans she has in store for you."
"Her? Who?" Rick finally piped up, attempting to look. The testing pair turned their bodies a bit so the cores could gaze upon their savior, Chell standing and crossing her arms across her chest. Wheatley visibly flinched, looking between Chell and GLaDOS.
"Plans? What plans?" the Intelligence Dampening core asked nervously. Chell didn't answer the blue eyed core, looking up to GLaDOS.
"Thanks again. You mind if P-Body and Atlas escort me to the Biotechnology Department again?" Chell asked as she picked up the portal gun and turned it on, making sure the triggers and everything were still intact.
"I suppose. If only to hasten the inevitable." GLaDOS said with a dark chuckle.
"I-Inevitable? Plans? Alright, feeling kind of left in the dark here," Wheatley said as Chell took up the Fact Core under her arm. He really, really had a bad feeling about Chell and GLaDOS working together, especially after what he had done to them both. Although there was certainly a feeling of regret, a need to apologize, it was overwhelmed by the panic that was taking hold as Chell grabbed him by the rail and set him in a netting bag. She looked to Atlas as he took the bag containing the Intelligence Dampening Core, giving him some directions.
"There, that should make it easier to carry him," Chell said, satisfied. "Now, don't drag him too much."
"Oh, well that's nice of-"
"You'll rip the bag. But if he just happens to get bounced or hit around a bit, that's alright." Chell said, handing the Fact Core to P-Body and picking up Rick.
"What! No, no! Don't do that!"
"Alright, I think we're all set." Chell said, ignoring the blue eyed core's pleas. As they left GLaDOS's chamber, Rick piped up.
"Well, on another adventure. Glad you did the smart thing and ditched the moron." Rick said, Wheatley too tangled in his own thoughts to make a retort. "But now you got me baby. And I'll have you know that I've already sniffed your unmentionables."
Chell didn't speak a word, but conveyed her sense of disgust with a short glare. She then promptly went to Atlas, opened up the netted bag and roughly dropped Rick on top of Wheatley.
"Ow!"
"Hey, watch it!"
"Forget what I said; drag this bag the whole damn way there." Chell instructed. "Hopefully the bag'll rip while we're jumping over the acid pits."
