Chapter VII

"Yes, now you are in the proper position for what I have in mind. Hehehehehehehe…" Edward Elric was preparing Jiraiya for his torment. Electricity crackled as Ed transmuted the very clothes on Jiraiya's person. Then he called for back-up. "WINRY!!!"

"Yes?"

"I need you to make this person look more like a woman. After all, you're the woman, and should no more about makeup and stuff."

Jiraiya squealed in horror. He knew what was coming next. He tried to escape, but he was too late. He was in drag. Stuck to a wall in drag, actually. Winry and Ed walked away just then, leaving the pervert to whatever fate lay in store for him.

After a couple of hours, Tenten walked up to Jiraiya. "Even through all that makeup I can see you, Jiraiya. What kind of perverted scheme are you up to this time?"

"THIS IS NOT MY DOING!!!"

"Whatever. You deserve it then."

"Why are you even here?"

"I'm never in a fanfic! I wanna be in a fanfic!"

"We're in a fanfic?"

"Don't tell anyone. It'll distort fanfic reality."

And thusly, Tenten left. Then Gai-sensei approached. "Oh my! A maiden in need of rescuing! Time to prove that my flames of youth are stronger than Kakashi's cool and hip attitude!" Jiraiya sighed in disbelief. This was not his day. He was teased with the possibility of sex, melted to a wall, dressed in drag, and now he's being flirted with by another man. This, my faithful audience, is one of the reasons why Jiraiya drinks sake.

"Say, what's your name, you angel? I want to treat you to dinner."

"You idiot. I'm Jiraiya, the toad sage! Some punk in the squad I was teaching wanted to get back at me, and he did this to me."

"You deserve it."

"Why does everyone say that!?!"

"That's it. I'm taking over as leader of squad F."

"Aren't squads numbered?"

"SHUT UP!"

Just then, Armstrong emerged from the shadows. "I'm Edward's escort, and I must test each of his teachers to make sure of Ed's mental safety. Prepare yourself!" Of course, Armstrong ripped of his shirt and flexed his muscles as if somebody cared. That's when Gai-sensei went bonkers. "Oh!!! Your body burns with the flames of youth!"

"Youth? My body burns with more than youth. Each muscle is crafted to perfection with youth, discipline, and loyalty to friends and comrades! Just feel that loyalty! Feel hard, my friend!"

"You, sir, may help in teaching the students themselves! Say, I have an idea. We could teach them together. With your knowledge of physical power, my knowledge of technique, and our collective knowledge of the power of youth, we could make these children the pride of Konoha village!"

"An excellent idea! Edward shall enjoy being taught by ones so noble as us!!!"

A/N: I'm so deliciously evil! Now, for this chapter's interactive twist, I ask you, the audience, this solitary question: How should Gai-sensei and Armstrong teach squad F?