A/N: If you're bullied or ever feel like you're alone, you're not. Call somebody to talk. Your life is a precious gift. Use this link to find a help line in your country.

Put in mentalillnessmouse and then Tumblr, followed by this [post/25882395189/here-are-some-help-lines-for-all-over-the-world]

Tori and Jade are getting help. You can too. That said, this chapter is a heavy one. If you can be triggered, read at your own discretion.


"You're sure?" Beck asked, as they walked to lunch, hand in hand.

"Positive." Jade gritted, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

"It's that kid?" Beck asked incredulously, as they strode past a skinny kid with glasses who was glaring at them.

"Yes." Jade replied emphatically, as they sat down. She looked around. "Where's Tori?"

"She said she had to go to the bathroom." Andre replied, carefully biting into a sandwich.

"I'll be right back." She kissed Beck, and made her way over to the girl's bathroom nearest Tori's locker. She pushed at the door, but it was locked, so she rummaged in her bag until she came up with a set of lock picks. A satisfying click put a smile on her face as she slipped through the door, locking it behind her. "Tor?" Her voice echoed, bouncing off the walls. She stepped gingerly, careful not to make any loud noises, in case the singer was having an episode. A quiet moan turned her head, and her eyes landed on the crumpled form of her friend in a corner. "Tori, what happened?" She rummaged through the singer's bag, knowing that her friend kept first aid necessities in her school bag. She wrapped the sterile gauze quickly and neatly around the deep slash on Tori's arm and hauled her friend up, slinging both of the bags onto her shoulder and scrambling for her phone, immediately dialling Dr. Daniels.

"Dr. Kate Daniels."

"Dr. Daniels, it's me. I'm bringing Tori to the hospital."

"Jade. What happened?" The psychiatrist's voice was urgent, clipped.

"I found her in the bathroom, bleeding."

"I'll meet you in emergency."

"On my way now." Jade replied, belting Tori into her car and racing out of the parking lot, tires squealing.


"Good thing you got her here when you did." The doctor's voice was low. "She lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stabilize her. She'll be fine for now." He opened the door to let her into the room. Jade slumped into the chair beside the bed, sighing.

"Well, this is eerily familiar." She muttered to herself, dropping both of their bags on the floor and slouching in her seat, rubbing her hands over her tired face. "Why'd you do this to yourself, Tori?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Cause I wanted to die." Tori rasped, blinking slowly as she awoke. Jade robotically handed her a bottle of water.

"Well, I didn't want you too." She sighed, laying her head tiredly on the edge of the bed.

"It was driving me insane, Jade." Tori's voice was scratchy from crying. "The meds weren't doing anything."

"It wasn't the meds." Jade mumbled, her head down. "It wasn't you either. It was this lowlife of a sophomore called Truman Baker."

"What did I do to him?" Tori's voice rose in confusion.

"Nothing. He's just an asshole." Jade's voice was muffled by the bedspread.

"Jade…did you hurt him?" Tori turned to look concernedly at her friend. Jade shook her head without lifting her head.

"Beck's taking him to the police." She muffed.

"The police?" Tori gasped. Jade lifted her head, blinking blearily.

"Well, yeah." She stated adamantly. "They're gonna charge him."

"With what?" Tori's eyebrow furrowed in concern.

"Beck says…Criminal Harassment?" Jade reads off her phone, before slipping it back into her pocket. "It's not you, Tor…"

"I agree. It's definitely not you, Tori." Dr. Daniels strode into the room with her clipboard. "The type of voice as well as the manner with which you were harassed doesn't seem to match what you'd previously told me about the voices." She shook her head, consulting her clipboard. "How are you feeling?"

"Not…great." Tori sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. "I just…I don't understand why he would do this. I don't even know who he is."

"Maybe he needs to talk to someone about his tendency to be a fucking asshole." Jade offered, laying her head back down.

"Jade…" Tori chided, before looking back at Dr. Daniels. "Am I staying here?"

"Well that depends, what do you feel like doing?" The psychiatrist sat down beside her, setting down her clipboard.

"I wanna go home and never leave the house again." Tori whispered, staring at the ceiling.

"Tor…" Jade lifted her head and regarded her friend sadly. "That's my line…" Tori grimaced.

"Look, how about you go home and get a good night's sleep? And if you don't feel better by tomorrow, come back and we'll talk." Dr. Daniels suggested, picking up her clipboard. "Does that sound reasonable, Tori?"

"Yeah." Tori muttered, slipping into her shoes.

"Come on, Tor. Let's go home." Jade picked up their bags and followed her out the door. "Thanks, Kate." The blonde smiled.


"Tor?" Jade's voice floated softly to the bed where the singer lay, eyes focussed solely on the ceiling. Guitars filtered quietly from speakers in the background, and rain pounded steadily on the roof.

"Mm?" The brunette's eyes didn't leave their point of focus. After a long silence, Jade spoke again, turning her desk chair to face the bed.

"Do you really want to die?" The question hung in the silence, raw and stark. Tori's eyes closed, and she inhaled deeply. Jade waited, wondering with bated breath if she'd overstepped. After a long silence, she turned back to her computer, no longer expecting an answer.

"I did." Tori's voice was cracked, vulnerable. She hovered on the edge of tears, and forced herself to swallow, holding them back. Jade spun slowly back to face her. The two words hovered, seeming to echo in an enormous, bruised silence. Jade blinked, having not expected the truth. Tori's openness unnerved her, and she thought carefully about what to say.

"I'm sorry," was what Jade settled on. And she was. She was sorry she didn't notice the skinny sophomore earlier, sorry she didn't notice Tori slowly breaking down. Sorry she didn't see the impending depression in the last couple of days, or the signs that led to the suicide attempt. Being nice, paying compliments; those were things Tori had taught her, things she didn't know how to or want to do. But those signs, those were things she was familiar with. She was familiar with breaking down, anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts. She'd failed the brunette. Her best friend.

"It's not your fault." Tori intoned flatly, eyes closed. It scared her, how empty and blank the singer looked, lying motionless on her bed. The words didn't make Jade feel any better; guilt settled, heavy, over the Goth, and she turned away, staring unseeingly at her computer. Tears of shame burned at the back of her eyes and her throat, but she refused to let them emerge, typing furiously, even though she had enough written for her homework. It was a long time before anyone spoke again, but Tori was the one who broke the silence. "I don't know how you do this every day." The monotone was eerie. Finally, Jade gave in and shut her computer, walking over to sit beside Tori on the bed.

"Please, just tell me I haven't fucked up for good." She pleaded, her eyes bright with tears, barely restrained. At that, Tori's eyes cracked open.

"Not at all." She replied immediately, placing a cold hand over Jade's. "You didn't fuck up at all." She said firmly, her thumb tracing healing cuts on the Goth's wrist. Jade slipped her hand from under Tori's and strode from the room, locking herself in the adjoining bathroom. Tears broke free and slipped down her cheeks, falling to the counter as she leaned on her hands, hunched over and shaking silently from sobs. She lowered herself to the floor, back to the cabinet under the sink, and lowered her face into her hands, weeping. She sat there long after the tears had stopped, her head flooded with things she could have done differently and things that had gone wrong. I thought I could help her, but how can I, when I'm barely keeping it together, myself? The thought popped to the front of her mind, and she shook her head. Stupid girl, you should have known you couldn't do it.


"You can say all you want, mother. There's nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said to myself or had somebody say to me the past couple of weeks." Tori laughed humourlessly, as her mother stood at the foot of the bed.

"You're a disgrace. How could you do this to your family? The shame of everyone knowing that my own daughter ran away because she said she heard voices inside her head. Do you have any idea how absurd the notion is?" The shrill voice rang out, echoing in Tori's mind.

"It's not a notion, mother. There are people with degrees that study it and find solutions for the disease." Tori rolled her eyes, resolutely fixing them on the ceiling.

"Is that what you think you have? A disease?" Her mother asked in disbelief. "Stop lying to everyone and come home, you ungrateful little –"

"—bitch? Language, mother. We wouldn't want anybody to think you were crass, would we?" Tori smirked, mocking her.

"I raised you, you ungrateful child! I put a roof over your head, fed you, loved you –"

"—loved me? LOVED ME?" It was the straw that broke the camel's back. "In what alternate reality were you ever the doting, loving parent you claim to be?!" She yelled, shooting up into a sitting position. "In what society does loving a child consist of locking her in a goddamned room because the voices in her head were 'just a phase'?!" Her voice rose in volume as she became increasingly agitated. "How can you stand there and tell me that you loved me? How can you look me in the eye and tell me I should be grateful?" Angry tears sprang into her eyes as the fire raged in them. "I thought you would have at least come to see me when I was hospitalised." She cried, her body wracked with sobs. "Instead I was told I had conjured you out of my imagination! That's how desperate I was for someone, anyone at all, to tell me that they loved me!" Her voice cracked as she cried, and her throat became raw as she screamed. She was still screaming when Jade burst in, tackling her to the bed, rocking her and whispering calming words to her. "She doesn't love me!" Tori mumbled to Jade sadly, as her sobs died down. Jade rolled off of her and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You don't need her. Plenty of people love you." She said softly, handing Tori a box of tissues. There was a silence while Tori blew her nose, and when she was done, Jade spoke again. "You need to go see Dr. Daniels." Tori looked up, surprised.

"I'm fine, see? There's nothing wrong –"

"—your mother was never here, Tor." The words cut through Tori's protests, and the singer stood still, shocked.

"W-what?" She stammered, a hand rising to cover her mouth.

"You had another episode. And Dr. Daniels said to bring you back if it didn't feel right. So I think we should go back." Jade stood and grabbed her car keys. Tori didn't move. "You coming?" Silence greeted her question.

"Tomorrow morning. I swear." Tori didn't move towards the door. "Just let me stay here tonight." She pleaded, scrunching a tissue in her hand. Jade sighed, and tossed her car keys back onto her desk.

"Fine. But tomorrow morning I'm bringing you back."