Chapter 7
A/N In case anyone doubted it; I do not own any of these characters, except maybe Janet… All others are Mr Fellowes' property. Having said that; I hope you like this bit.
-o-o-o-o-o-
The funeral had been an ordeal for her. She didn't think she would have made it through the day if Richard hadn't been with her. he had been at her side the whole day, offering her his arm, passing dry handkerchiefs, being his gentle self. That had raised several eyebrows, even at a funeral the gossip machine worked, but Isobel hadn't noticed that and Richard had chosen to ignore it. Cora had invited her to stay over at the Abbey so she wouldn't be alone, and although it had been a sweet and thoughtful offer, she kindly refused. She was sure being alone in her own house would be less horrifying than staying at Downton, where grief and sorrow seemed to form a thick and heavy fog that suffocated her. She hadn't thought it possible, but of course Mary was even more devastated than she. The girl seemed almost lifeless, moving around as if she were sleepwalking and Cora and Robert were almost mad with concern about her. She was too, of course she was, but she just could not handle this enormous sorrow along with her own.
No, she could not handle that and preferred being unhappy alone.
So, when Richard drove her home after the funeral she was surprised when he informed her he was going to stay with her.
'But Richard, you can't. The hospital…'
'I have arranged for a competent nursing staff at the hospital and in case of emergency they can contact Hayes in Ripon, he and I always stand in for each other. Please Isobel, I don't want you to be alone and I knew you wouldn't want to stay at Downton. I'll be fine, Janet has prepared the guestroom.'
'I won't be pleasant company.'
'If I wanted pleasant company I would go elsewhere,' he'd smiled. 'Come on, let's get you inside before you collapse. I'm sure Janet and Mrs Field have prepared something to eat and…'
'I'm not hungry.'
'…and as I was about to say, I know you're not hungry but I believe a cup of tea is what you need.'
-o-o-o-o-o
In hindsight she supposed her behaviour that night had not been proper in other people's eyes, but to her it had seemed the most natural thing to do. After three hours of lying wide awake in her bed, too exhausted to sleep she had slipped into the guestroom, finding Richard in his pyjamas and dressing gown, up with a book. He started at her sudden appearance and she hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and just asked him.
'Richard, would you please…come with me? I don't mean…I just need you to hold me, you know, like Elsie did…'
He didn't say anything. He just got up and followed her into her bedroom, he got into bed with her and held her in his arms, and she finally fell asleep.
o-o-o-o-o
Now, five months later Dr Clarkson began to worry about her. He had visited her at least once every week and he could see she enjoyed his visits, she always made an effort to dress nicely and be entertaining. Not an easy one to fool however, he had made it a habit to have a cup of coffee with his friend Janet afterwards and what she told him made him frown. 'You're the only one she makes any effort for,' she reported. 'Most days she just sits near the fireplace in an old dress and her hair braided. When visitors call she won't see them, apart from a few exceptions.'
'Who are those exceptions?'
'Mrs Hughes from the Abbey calls in every three weeks or so, and the Dowager Countess has visited twice. And she receives lady Edith. But she doesn't dress up for them or puts up her hair…you know.'
'I see. Thank you Janet.'
o-o-o-o-o
The next day found him in the tea shop in Ripon, having tea with Elsie Hughes as they did every six weeks. He liked her, she was a free spirit, kind and sensible and she was Scottish, it was nice not to have to suppress the brogue. This tea outings also raised the occasional eyebrow, but Elsie didn't notice and he chose to ignore it. After exchanging news and gossip from the Highlands, they'd found out their birthplaces were just twenty miles apart, they discussed the Crawley family.
'What about Mr Carson? I always thought she saw him as a father figure.'
'She does, but he is not her father and lord Grantham has decided to keep her in a glass box. I know Tom would want her to work with him, but his Lordship thinks he needs to protect her from the world.'
He refilled their teacups and helped her to a slice of lemon cake. 'You must taste this Elsie, it's a new recipe and I adore it. Am I right in assuming you take care of Tom?'
She smiled. 'On occasion, when he feels particularly lonely, but he's a strong lad and he will manage. I worry more about lady Edith, her parents seem to forget her in their concern over Mary. The Dowager keeps an eye on her and Anna takes extra care, and sometimes she even joins me for a cup of tea in my sitting room, I suppose it makes her feel secure or I don't know. Poor lass.'
'I think she enjoys the quiet in your room, and how she can be herself with you. Janet tells me she visits Isobel as well.'
'I know, Isobel told me, she likes her. This cake is delicious, Richard.'
'I told you, didn't I?'
'Could you hand me another slice?' He did, and chuckled while he watched her wrap up the slice in her handkerchief. 'For Mrs Patmore. I'm sure she can reproduce it by tasting it,' Elsie whispered and slipped the small package in her handbag.
'My word Elsie, I have never seen anyone doing that,' he laughed and she smiled. 'I'm sorry, I know it's very unladylike, but anyone knowing a cook like Mrs Patmore would do the same.' He grinned, she was probably right about that.
'Isobel isn't doing well,' she stated after that.
'I know,' he sighed. 'I've tried to have her back at the hospital, there's a new project I know she'd like and it would benefit from her knowledge and experience, but she just sighs and says she hasn't got the energy and I can hardly drag her in, no matter how much I'd like to.'
'We'll sort her out, something will come up I'm sure. In the meantime, I can tell she's very fond of you, Richard.'
He choked on his tea.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Something did come up, in a most unexpected form. When Elsie went through Charles' wastepaper basket and fished out Charlie Grigg's letter, she didn't know what she held in her hands was the key to alter more than one life. At that moment she was just very, very angry with Charles. Snapping at her, barking silly orders about furniture and slamming the door didn't do with her. She was determined to find out whatever it was about Mr Grigg and Mr Carson that triggered him to behave like that even after all those years, and put an end to it.
So three days later, in which his mood had not been improving and he had driven most staff members up the wall with his growling, Elsie took the bus and went to visit Mr Grigg.
She felt sorry for the pitiful man and was shocked by his living conditions but he was able to shed some light on Mr Carson's bizarre behaviour.
In the bus on her way home, thinking about the horrible workhouse and how Mr Grigg's health was affected by that place, she realised this could be an opportunity to not only set things right for Mr Carson, but also help both Isobel and Mr Grigg…could it be possible?
The first and no doubt hardest job though would be confronting Charles. She knew she'd invaded his privacy and was fully prepared for the shouting match that was the inevitable result of that, but after her conversation with Charlie Grigg she was adamant: Charles Carson, no matter how much she loved him, had to bend and finally let go of that old grudge.
o-o-o-o-o-o
That same afternoon found Richard Clarkson in Isobel Crawley's drawing room, having tea. He had purchased some slices of the new lemon cake at the Ripon teashop and she actually enjoyed it. And when he told her about Elsie's behaviour in the shop, he saw her laugh out loud for the first time after Matthew's death.
'Do you see why I love that woman?' she said.
'Oh yes, I do as well,' he smiled, 'and to be honest Isobel, I could just imagine you doing the same. It's what makes you both so special, you do what you believe is right, whether it's neat and proper or not. Your friendship alone proves that, as does young Ethel's story. You two are a force to be reckoned with, I have to say.'
She sighed and leaned back in her chair. 'Unfortunately, I'm not much of a force these days.'
'You will be again soon, Isobel. You have to. Your grandson needs you, the hospital needs you, and I need you, too.' That was as much as a declaration he'd ever made and he was shocked by his own words. She smiled at him.
'That's very sweet of you Richard. I care a lot about you too, you know that don't you? It's just that I feel…I feel I shouldn't. Just now, when you told me about the tea shop and I laughed I regretted it. I shouldn't, I can't be happy, it's not right. My son is dead.'
Tears welled in her eyes and she looked so helpless and defeated it broke his heart.
'Oh no, Isobel,' he whispered, sat down on the armrest of her chair and took her in his arms.
'Isobel please, don't do that, don't think that.'
'But I can't help it,' she wrapped her arms around his waist and cried against his chest.
'I understand Isobel, I really do, but when you go down that path it's so hard to come back.'
'I have had moments, you know. When I didn't feel as numb and dull as I always do and felt something else. When the dowager forced her way in I was angry, and I feel comforted when Edith visits me. And when you or Elsie are here, I feel.. almost normal and I find myself looking forward to your visits, and I think it's not right.'
'Why is it not right?' he asked her.
'Because Matthew is dead. I shouldn't feel happy.'
'Isobel, listen,' he whispered and stroked her hair. 'What would Matthew say about that?'
'I know, he wouldn't want that but I just can't stop feeling guilty Richard, I can't.'
Richard kept rocking her gently in his arms until the tears dwindled down.
'You have to stop feeling guilty Isobel. I know you wish it was your life that was taken and not his. I understand that my dear, I really do.'
'He was a young father and I am old and useless.'
'I know you feel that way, it's only natural. No parent should bury their child. But Isobel, it is not your fault, it's just stupid bad luck. Please, please don't feel guilty about being alive.'
She nodded and he dropped a kiss in her hair. They stayed like that, silent and finding comfort in each other's arms, and after a while she lifted her head.
'Thank you, Richard, for understanding me so well,' she whispered and reached up to place a kiss on his cheek.
'Anytime, Isobel.'
They looked in each other's eyes, smiling.
A firm knock on the door sent them flying apart.
'Dr Clarkson, you're needed at the hospital,' Janet announced through a crack of the door. Clever girl, Richard thought. 'Thank you Janet!' he said and then turned to Isobel and took her hands in his.
'You go on, girl,' he smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
'Thank you,' she whispered and kissed his lips.
He left Crawley house walking on clouds.
o-o-o-o-o-o
A/N please review if you have a moment, it keeps me going! Love, george x
