ALL THERE WAS
PART SEVEN
MISLEAD
"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in their own direction, have hitherto harmed us little, but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."
-H.P. Lovecraft
"Can I come with you?" Mugi asked Ritsu that next morning as the drummer slipped on her oh-so-cool leather jacket. The blonde had only the vaguest idea about what her friend was doing; something about going to a shrine. She was being really secretive about it, and just the day before she had disappeared for several hours without saying anything about where she had gone. Plus, that hour long shower and how shaken up she was had arose worry inside Mugi. She was afraid Ritsu was bottling up all her emotions about Azusa's death, which could lead to scary results. Then there was what happened the other night with the forest too.
Mugi could barely remember the night in the woods, or what came after. It was all such a blur, and just thinking about it made her dizzy. What had she even been doing out there again? Had she and Ritsu gone for an evening hike and met and old friend from school? Mugi could barely remember who Ayumu was, only that she had been flirting a bit and liked odd music. She couldn't remember a thing about her house either. It had been some flat in town, she remember that much, and she had several cats and the hot water wasn't working. She also remembered that Ayumu had the prettiest and most peculiar blue eyes. Maybe it was worth getting that girl's number, since she seemed obviously interested. That was, of course, if things tonight didn't-
"Sorry, I need some alone time." Ritsu dismissed her and slipped on her old school shoes. They were so stiff and uncomfortable, and she was almost tempted to make a rescue operation to get her old shoes back. Of course that was an awful idea she wouldn't follow up on. The Entity of Suffering could have her shoes. Ritsu wasn't all that attached to them.
"Please?" Mugi practically begged, gently touching Ritsu's arm. "I like spending time with you."
Ritsu sighed and stepped away from her. "I'm sorry, Mugi, I really need to do this alone."
"It isn't good for you to hold all your emotions in like this!" The blonde nearly shouted, and her voice was dripping and laden with concern and worry. "Azusa-chan was my friend too, remember? The two of us should be together in this, instead of being quiet and not speaking about it."
Ritsu shook her head and made her way to the door. "That's not it, Mugi. It's not about Azusa right now. This is something different, and not as personal."
"It's… not?"
"No, it isn't." She confirmed. "I'll be back in a bit. Don't worry about me, this isn't anything bad."
"But-" Mugi went to say, but was cut off by the sound of the door closing. Her heart sunk, and she felt incredibly neglected just then. Alone, she dismissed the rest of what she was going to say. "If's not anything bad… why can't I come with you?"
Feeling dejected, she went to go make some tea and probably just mess around on her smartphone until Ritsu got back. The advertisements for the phone had been wrong; there wasn't an app for everything, especially not one for loneliness. She sat alone the table in the living room, staring in front of her at the remote for the TV. How many countless hours had she wasted in her apartment mindlessly flipping through dramas, game shows, talk shows, and the occasional moe anime? That wasn't the kind of life she wanted to live. Loneliness crept up on her again, and all she could do was wait for Ricchan to return.
RITSU GOES ALONE
The weather still hadn't picked up as the drummer walked through the suburbs in those uncomfortable shoes. She felt bad about just leaving Mugi like that, but realized this was probably better than lying. Even if she never found out, lying to someone like Mugi just felt wrong. It was cloudy out, but the blue sky had broken through in patches. Looking up, the sky looked like a still sea of water obscured by thick, churning fog. It looked like something you could just fall into if gravity wasn't holding you in place. Even without the rain, it was still rough out there with the faster and harder winds. They blew against Ritsu, determined to steal away her jacket. She held strong though, and pushed on.
The small wooded path leading to the shrine reminded Ritsu that a walk through the forest could be relaxing. It was just a normal forest, bright green with the colors of May. The damp ground, blooming flowers, occasional bit of trash served as a reminder that she was only a short distance from civilization. This wasn't some nightmare world of suffering like the last foray into the forest had been. When she passed and elderly couple walking past her, she felt insurmountable relief. Ritsu could only hope she wasn't permanently stuck with a phobia of being in forests.
It was only moments later that the slanted roof and beautiful architecture of the shrine came into view. Visitors were about; ringing the bell; making offerings or just commenting on some of the ancient stone idols that were over a century old. If Ritsu remembered correctly, this place was very, very old and had been a stop for travelers back before the automobile. It had been renovated to modern building standards, but still kept its old world charm and sense of mystery. It was funny, when you sat at home, the ideas of kami and oni were just a silly myth. When one stood at the stone steps of the ancient shrine, surrounded by primordial forest that separated them from civilization, they could feel the hum of unseen power around them. Ritsu felt this as her old school shoes clicked against the stone steps leading upwards to the rope, bell, and offering box. If she was going to try to speak with the kannushi of this shrine, it felt proper to make an offering first. She had a few hundred yen on her.
She knew the kannushi of this shrine was old, probably pushing eighty years just from a guess made the time she saw him once when she was there with her friends. Kannushi were in charge of the upkeep of the shrine, and heading some of the traditional practices. It used to be said that they were a medium between humans and kami. If that were really true, it made Ritsu wonder of that old village that was burned to the ground had a kannushi communicating with their own local god.
On second thought, she didn't want to know.
Ritsu rang the bell, clapped her hands and tossed a few coins in. Her prayer was for Mugi's safety above her own in all of this. If this Entity of Suffering was a real thing, she hoped and prayed that the good spirits were real too, and would protect her. All of a sudden she wished she had dressed nicer too. Jeans, leather jacket, blue shirt underneath with the faded logo for the band The Who. It wasn't exactly the classiest thing to wear to meeting a very traditional old man. She swallowed that itch of fear and stepped towards the little building that was the shrine's equivalent of an office building. Sitting on a bench near the door was a miko, dressed in her distinctive and traditional white and red robe. Around the building were stone statuettes of doglike lion guardians: komainu. Their ugly stone faces snarled at her, watching her as she approached the young maiden. They made Ritsu feel unwelcome, like they could see and smell the shadow lurking too close behind her.
"Hey, excuse me…" Ritsu caught the shrine maiden's attention.
"Oh!" The miko gasped in surprise. She had been daydreaming or something, and hadn't even noticed Ritsu walking right up to her. "Can I help you with something?"
"Yes, I'm looking for the kunnushi of this shrine. Is he available?"
The priestess nodded. "He is. Have you met Tsuchimikado-san before?"
Ritsu shook her head. "I haven't."
"Then I will warn you. He is a short-tempered man who doesn't like to have his time wasted. I'm assuming this is about a question you may have?"
"How'd you know?" Ritsu was impressed with her guess.
The miko shrugged. "Why else would you wish to speak with him?"
"Good point."
The miko stood up and gestured for Ritsu to follow her. She took her around side the small administrative building, and slid the door on open. Inside, there was a small table with seats lying around it. It looked like the building was little more than a kitchen and parlor combined, with a crowded and messy office adjunct to it through a small door. From that office, a positively ancient looking man stepped out. His thin white hair was tied back neatly, and his mustache and beard were trimmed to handsome lengths. The kimono he wore looked like it was made in an era most people had only read about. The miko gave a quick bow in his direction and said, "Tsuchimikado-san, you have a visitor here. She has something, or something she would like to ask you."
"Alright, I have a moment." Tsuchimikado's voice was dry, and reminded Ritsu of crumpled up newspapers some how. He slowly and painstakingly sat down on his knees at one side of the other and gestured for Ritsu to do the same. "Kawahire, is that tea you were starting earlier almost done?"
"Yes, Tsuchimikado-san." The miko nodded, and stepped gracefully towards the kitchen to check on a steaming kettle of water.
Ritsu slipped her shoes off and stepped in, nervously adding, "Pardon the intrusion." At the last moment before sitting down across from him on her knees.
"So." The elderly priest began. "This is a question about the shrine, Shinto, or something to do with a difficult moral choice."
"Shinto, maybe…" Ritsu found herself extremely nervous all of a sudden. This man was incredibly intimidating, and she was terrified of his reaction about this risky information. "I'm, uh, a university student from Tokyo researching for a paper about, uh, local folklore and myth. Do you anything about something called the…" She took a deep breath, and found her hands shaking from nervousness. Just mentioning this thing to another person felt like she was somehow signing her own death warrant. "…Entity… of Suffering?"
The furry white eyebrows of Tsuchimikado raised in surprise at her question. He stroked his bears for a moment with his narrow, gnarled fingers and took a moment to reply. "That is… not the kind of thing I would expect an aspiring student to wish to know about. Such things are better not spoken of, for nothing good comes from them. I do not wish to scare you, but many who have sought knowledge about this legend have met unexplainable ends."
"I know." Ritsu whispered, and told the half-truth, "I didn't want to learn about this. I started poking around and researching a bit, and then found some old newspaper clips and police reports from when that-"
"How did you find those?" Tsuchimikado cut her off, and leaned forward to listen intently. "My brother and I went to some effort to burn any evidence of this, and yet a young girl like you knows both about the being and the village. How is this possible?"
"I…" The words stuck in Ritsu's throat, trying to strangle her again. "I just talked to some other girl who had a bunch of this stuff in her basement."
Now he seemed even more interested. "Girl?" He shook his head and sighed, "Please tell me her name wasn't Sugiura Ayumu."
Ritsu went pale. "It… It was…"
Tsuchimikado shuddered. "Curse her name. That little devil girl came here many times before demanding to know, with no tact or fear! We gave her absolutely nothing and she screamed and made threats at us."
Ritsu was shivering now, frightened to the core. She gulped and asked, "S-She h-had a lot of stuff about this. Is this b-bad?"
"Maybe, maybe not." The priest sighed again. "I am not too worried, since all of Sugiura's collected proof should be destroyed by now anyway. You are lucky to remain unharmed as long as you have after dealing with her. This spread of information gets people killed."
"B-But… it's only been a couple days since I talked to her." Ritsu found herself whimpering.
"You must be mistaken." Tsuchimikado frowned. "Are we talking about the same Sugiura?"
"I… don't know. Black hair, brown eyes, glasses, dirty Toyota?"
He shook his head. "She had bright blue eyes. The reason I say you are mistaken, is because her home was found burned to the ground, everything she had owned was incinerated, and her body was found and indentified by the police. She was quite thoroughly dead, miss."
"When… when did this happen?'
"About two years ago."
Ritsu felt herself spiraling from this given information. None of this could be real. Ayumu and her home, information, and everything else had been what, ghosts? What was she supposed to make of this now? Was the Ayumu she met like the Azusa who had been gutted? Just reflections from some kind of dark world? Did they have metal music in that dark world? Her body was shivering again, and she was afraid she was going to have another panic attack like she had in that shower. Without thinking, she stood up and gave an awkward bow, "T-Thank you Tsuchimikado-sama. I n-need to leave n-now and… and…"
She was already stepping away as he met her eyes with his. As she was hurrying away, the elderly priest gave her a few words of advice, "There is a form of protection against anything that would come at you. The more you suffer, the worse it gets."
Hating herself for disrespecting him in this manner, Ritsu found herself just running away from the shrine, desperate to get back to the safety of poured cement and civilization. Why did he have to quote the other Azusa? Why did he have to hint that he had some involvement in this whole dark whirlwind of chaos blowing around her? Ritsu wished so much that none of this had happened. Her quick run had turned into a full blown sprint as she dashed through the path back to the road through the woods. People eyed her with curiosity as she sped past them, a hair's width away from breaking down into tears. Somehow she mustered up what little shattered willpower she had left and didn't cry or scream. She remained composed, only shaken up.
Beyond the fear was a sense of frustration at her ignorance about all of this. There were a dozen of unanswered questions about everything. It felt like everyone she had met knew everything there was to know about the woods, and what which controlled them, and what they could do. Everyone but her, and Mugi.
Somehow thinking the name of that cute, curvy little blonde managed to invoke the comfort and sanctuary of modern civilization. She was back on the sidewalk again. Cars passed her, people walked by, and the sounds of modernized Japan sang in her ears. Around her, the lights of advertisements and signs were her reminder that she was safe from the dark and primeval unknown. What was she going to do next? She was going to walk home, apologize for leaving so suddenly to Mugi, and then forget about all of this. That was right, this was the last straw, and Ritsu was done and fed up with this paranormal, evil world bullshit. She wanted to rekindle the fire of HTT, play with her two founding members of the band, and be best friends again. She didn't want anything to do with this anymore. She didn't want to know what lied beyond in those gray woods. She was going to go eat dinner, watch a movie, and forget.
RITSU DANCES TO FORGET
"There has to be something here that would look good on you." Mrs. Tainaka pouted as she searched her goliath walk-in closet for something that would fit her dear daughter.
"Can't I look?" Ritsu asked, sitting at the edge of her parents' king sized bed.
"No!" Her mother snapped at her. "You don't know how to dress properly for a nice dinner. You'd probably wear that jacket and shorts."
"What's wrong with my jacket and shorts?" Ritsu asked, feeling her patience begin to slip. "It's not like this a date or anything. Why do I need to dress up?"
"Because your friend obviously wants this night to be special. While you were gone yesterday, she was asking me all about your favorite foods, where I'd think you'd want to go, and what she could wear that would impress you. She was so excited, but at the same time really nervous. I think you hurt her feeling with the way you keep disappearing and ignoring her."
"I'm not trying to ignore her…" Ritsu sighed, feeling the guilt eat at her. "…I just need some time by myself. What happened to Azusa, it did a lot more than I thought it would."
"Two you are dealing with this very bravely." Her mother tried to comfort her.
Ritsu shook her head. "No, I'm not, but thanks. I guess Mugi must be really lonely where she is now if she's treating this night like it a Valentine's Day date. It'll be fun though, I'm sure we'll have a great time. I'm sure a lot of guys would be jealous to be in my position, heheheh."
"You know, I wouldn't care if she were your girlfriend." Mrs. Tainaka mentioned casually.
"Wha-?" Ritsu was shocked at what her mom just said. "That's… why would you say that?"
She shrugged. "She seems like such a sweet girl. She obviously cares for you a lot, and admires nobody more. Plus, she seems like the type that could take of you and never break your heart. It's getting harder and harder to find guys like that these days."
Now just a little uncomfortable, Ritsu shifted nervously where she sat. "I guess it's cool that you're open to that kind of thing but, mom, I'm not gay. I'm pretty sure that Mugi is fully aware of that."
"I hope that's true."
Ritsu cringed, she had more or less just confessed Mugi's deepest secret with the utmost casualness. She agreed with her mother's words though, and certainly hoped it was true too. Yes, Mugi was a great friend, as sweet as they came, and would make a near perfect significant other. However, Ritsu had her placed thoroughly in a deep, dark hole called 'the friend zone'. Hopefully, hopefully, Mugi didn't like her, and that everything that pointed towards that being true was just the work of Ritsu's overactive, strained mind. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to turn the blonde down, and this friend zone would exist without any sort of problems. With how much of a date this night was beginning to look like, Ritsu wasn't confident that this was going to end with Mugi's feelings unhurt. She didn't want to be the first one to reject her and break her heart, she really, really didn't. The thing was though; Ritsu didn't mind some degree of affection and admiration from Mugi either. The praise and near worship was flattering, and made her feel fluffy inside. A sisterly, close relationship wasn't a bad one. She could see them being roommates, close friends, and hell, even cuddling up to watch a scary movie if the mood was right. Kissing and clothes coming off is where she drew the line. Actually, the line was probably broader, encompassing a whole brand of emotions along with physical contact.
God, why does this have to be so complicated? I don't care if Mugi is gay, but I don't want to be her crush. She wasn't this affectionate in high school towards anyone. Why can't she like anyone else but me? Stupid Mio, why does she have to be taken already?
Swallowing her worried thoughts, she was finally able to piece together a suitable outfit. A skirt that went halfway down to her knees and a button-up dress shirt that fit pretty comfortably. It was a strange blend of feminine, yet handsome in a masculine sense. Her school shoes fit the outfit so well, and went great with a pair of high socks. Looking the bathroom mirror, she couldn't help but feel a little sexy. She looked like she was ready to go film a fancy music video with her friends (if they were all still alive).
She thanked her mother again, mostly for not dressing her like a clown, and went downstairs to meet Mugi and finalize on plans. What could Mugi be wearing for such a night? Ritsu knew she had packed quite a few outfits for the trip, but would she have prepared for a fancy evening out? Maybe they would have to leave and go find something for her. Hopefully Mugi would already have something in mind so they wouldn't have to spend too long dress shopping. Despite her natural born anatomy, Ritsu didn't find particularly girly things all that enjoyable. No ribbons and ponies for her.
Mugi gave a quick, surprised gasp when she saw Ritsu, and asked, "Oh, are we leaving already?"
She was wearing what she had been all day.
"No, no, I was just finding something to wear so I wouldn't hold us up later." Ritsu told her. "When are we leaving, anyway?"
"Well, the place I want to go sometimes has a long wait… so, maybe in about two hours?" Mugi suggested. It was 2 p.m. then. "You look so nice and cool now! Let's see, the mall is…" She began quietly counting numbers on her fingers, trying to figure out whether or not she could get there and back and make purchase in time. "Okay, it would be close, but if I catch the bus at just the right time, I could get something really nice to wear too!"
"M-Mugi, don't do that!" Ritsu had to stop her. She was already heading for the door. "Whatever you wear, it'll be fine, trust me."
"I didn't prepare for this though; I don't have anything to wear." Mugi pouted, distraught.
"You have to have something, I mean; you're way more fashionable than I am."
"I do have that white sundress, but it's so cloudy out."
Ritsu thought for a moment, and then came up with a solution. "Then you can just borrow my jacket while we're outside. It was pretty windy out, so this is a must!"
"What about you, won't you be cold?" Mugi asked.
Ritsu shook her head, and pinched one of her sleeves. "Long sleeve shirt, I'll be fine."
RITSU'S PRIMI PIATTI
As they walked to this upper class restaurant, Ritsu felt a little silly with how she was dressed. She looked too formal all of a sudden, probably more so than she ever had outside of some kind of important ceremony. It was a good thing she wasn't wearing makeup or it would be too over the top. Mugi on the other hand, looked so casual and natural in her white sundress with the narrow straps, and dark leather jacket over it. She wore sandals, with her nails glossed. Thankfully, the sky had been kind, and didn't unleash rain upon them. It was still windy, but more humid than before, and just a little warmer.
Mugi wasn't even sure she really needed a jacket, but it was too much of a great gesture to pass it up.
She had been right about the wait to get into that fancy Italian place. It took them nearly forty five minutes to get seated. They sat together outside on a bench with a little buzzer that would ring when their table was ready. Their seat was good, right under an awning that kept them in the shade, and let them watch the sun slowly begin to set. Mugi sat close to Ritsu, their hips just touching, and the two of them barely felt the passing of time as they waited. They talked and caught up on a lot of things. There was a lot of reminiscing about Sakuragaoka, and the amazing times they had. Laughing at when Ritsu through the beach ball in Mio's face, Mugi's frantic phone calls about quality assurance dealing with the complimentary beach houses. Little things like that they wouldn't ever forget.
Yui was mentioned scarcely, and Azusa even less…
With those forty-five minutes passing in the blink of an eye at gray dusk, they were seated. They had a booth against the window, giving them a decent view of a well tended to, traditional garden outside. The food may have been Mediterranean in nature, but the vibe of the eatery was extremely Japanese. The people around them were dressed nicely, but this wasn't a suit or kimono type of place. It felt like the two of them fit in just fine.
The only problem was, the menu was in Italian. Suddenly, Ritsu felt like a foreigner in her own country, having to point at pictures in a menu to their waiter. Thankfully, the waiter was Japanese and pleasantly helped them decipher the menu and order what they wanted. The food was also as expensive as Ritsu assumed it would be, but Mugi was there to happily pay for the whole bill, with a sizable tip as well. Something told Ritsu that this didn't hurt Mugi's wallet in the slightest.
Ritsu went with what looked like spaghetti with a delicious mushroom sauce, but she couldn't be sure exactly what kind of pasta it was. Her knowledge on the variations of pasta was sufficiently lacking. Mugi went with something lighter, a vegetable soup with a side of salad and cheese. She left the cheese mostly untouched.
As they ate, Mugi struck up constant conversation with Ritsu about so many things. It flowed so naturally, one topic shifting to another seamlessly. With candles lit between them, they talked about what music they had gotten into; what musicians they like; which idols they followed or which ones Ritsu didn't like and told humorous anecdotes about (all of which Mugi laughed at). They talked about getting together to jam sometime, and maybe even dabble in other genres of rock just for fun. Mugi talked about some of the classical pieces she had learned to play masterfully, and Ritsu talked about how George Kollias' drum lesson DVDs had done wonders to improve her speed, performance, accuracy, tempo, and endurance. She also made it a point that she did not like the band Nile. It made Ritsu wonder, how hard would it be to find another guitarist? Would it really be disrespectful to replace the two deceased ones? How many other bands had to get a whole new lineup because one musician met an accident? Metallica got by without Cliff Burton for a couple albums, and Vader pretty much had half their members killed in an accident but continued to play live shows and put out albums. Besides, Azusa and Yui would probably want them to continue on. Ritsu almost wanted to bring this up with Mugi, but felt like it would dampen the pleasant mood between them.
Dinner was finished, and in the spirit of old, they each had a slice of cake with a cup of tea before leaving. It was an after school tea time, truly, but just between the two of them. Ritsu saw in Mugi's eyes that she was as happy as could be, and that sense of happiness was infectious. The awful truth she learned earlier that day, the nightmare the day before, it was all so distant all of a sudden. It was like those had happened in dreams, and were completely gone as she happily enjoyed this evening in the waking world.
After paying the bill, the two of them left and headed for the cinema. It was a bit of a walk, but certainly manageable. It was dark out now, with the stars just visible through the curtain of light produced by modern civilization. The temperature had dropped substantially, but there was no sign of rain anymore. Mugi was feeling a little bold, and leaned her head against Ritsu's shoulder while holding her arm as they walked. Ritsu thought it was cute, but wasn't completely, one-hundred percent comfortable with it. Her mind kept attributing it to things that were unfair to think. Heck, Mugi would probably do the same thing if Ritsu was a guy. She was just an affectionate person, that was all there was.
At least, I hope that's all there is to her…
"Thanks for going out with me, Ricchan, I'm having great time." Mugi broke the silence between them.
Did she just say I'm going out with her? Wait, of course she did because that's exactly what I'm doing. We're going out to dinner as friends. When Mio said things like, "Ritsu, let's go out and see that band playing…" she didn't mean it like we were going on a date. Why do I keep thinking things like this?
"You're the one that paid, I should be thanking you." Ritsu cleverly retorted.
"You're very welcome, Ricchan." Mugi giggled, seemingly ecstatic then and there. "The food was great, and you're so much fun to talk to. You know so many cool things that I don't know. Like how you can use two bass pedals for drumming to keep rhythm with faster tempos. That's incredible; I always thought drummers like Mike Portnoy just used one foot really fast!"
Ritsu laughed at that. "I don't even think the fastest drummers can go beyond 16th notes with one foot. I can't do eighths, but tires my leg out really fast. Speed doesn't make you a good drummer though, it's all about the song writing and how consistent you are about playing it. It's kind of like how Herman Lee can play guitar really fast, but he's a sloppy drunken mess on stage. See, that's what I want to do, be the best, most versatile drummer I can be!"
"You're already the best drummer I've ever played with." Mugi chimed in, even if her compliment really didn't hold in weight. It was sweet though.
"Mio was right though, when we played live, I was usually just a little too fast." She admitted. "I think I got that corrected, at least with practice. It's too easy for me to get carried away. Back before I got my electric kit in my apartment, I shattered one of the cymbals on my normal kit trying to learn the song Painkiller by Judas Priest. It has one of the coolest drum intros ever."
"You shattered a metal cymbal?" Mugi gasped in surprise.
Ritsu sheepishly nodded. "Yeah, it was the crash. The thing was really old anyway. I was able to get a good replacement for pretty cheap. I need to get a good Iron Cobra pedal, since the normal one I have is starting to wear out…"
"Wow, there's so much to drums I didn't know." The blonde said in amazement. "It's like when Azusa-chan tried to explain to me all the really cool things you good do with down tuning and up tuning a guitar. Like how she told me that you could effectively have two ranges of tunings to play in with a seven-string guitar. She also taught me once how to build scales and chords with a guitar and it was so much more complicated than it is on a piano."
"It's kind of surprising she wasn't a good songwriter with how much she knew." Ritsu sighed. "I guess she was more of a session musician, but the perfect one for our band. You know, I saw a practice space in Tokyo for real cheap when I was still university. I thought, 'wow, I should rent this out for a weekend and we can all play together'. This was after Yui was gone, and Azusa was distant. Maybe if I had done that… then maybe… she wouldn't be so lonely, and then-"
"Don't let yourself think thoughts like that." Mugi cut her off. "We both have a lot of 'what ifs' about Azusa, about Yui, and most of all about Afterschool Tea Time. I think we have to smile at the good memories, and look forward. It's not the end of the world, we have each other, and I know Mio is still in love with music. So, please Ricchan, don't ever blame yourself."
"Mugi…" Ritsu was unsure what to say. She had a point, blaming herself was just going to have her dwelling sadly in the past, unable to move on. That was what Azusa had done, and it the suffering had eaten her. Ritsu wasn't going to let that happen to her, or any of her friends. She would remember the happy memories, and just move on. Albeit, it was going to be difficult with everything she learned about an incinerated village and things that hid in the woods. Before the other Azusa had died, she told Ritsu to take Mugi and leave. That was exactly what she was going to do in the next day or two, just leave with her.
Ahead, they saw the bright neon lights of the cinema beckoning them. With it came the promise of big screen thrills, eyes strained with those awful 3D glasses so many movies had, and wallets being emptied in the wake of severely over priced snacks. The joke was on them, Ritsu smugly thought, they had already eaten. The lure of tasty snacks was going to fail on them.
"Oh what should we see?" Mugi wondered as they approached the box office. She glanced up at all the shows playing and asked about the first one, "Do you know what Falling Stars is about?"
"It's over the top grimdark with some badly done romance plot shoved in." Ritsu answered. "Let's see something else."
"Long Way Home?"
"Eh, maybe, I heard the director really shoehorned his music tastes in, and they're kind of awful."
"Oh, I see, what about The Dead Music Club?"
"I filled my zombie movie quota for life already."
"And Forever It Shall Be?"
"Mio said her boyfriend dragged her to that one and she threw up in the theater because it was so gory and disgusting. Film critics say it's pointless gory trash and the people who enjoyed are just children who like to see the color red."
"Yikes!" Mugi gasped. "Hmm, I don't really feel like watching an anime movie… What's Chooser of the Slain?"
"More like Plot Holes of the Slain. It's some four hour movie where nothing gets resolves, the plot makes no sense, and it feels like ten separate people wrote various parts of the script without any communication between them. It's basically AMON AMARTH SONG: THE MOVIE. Huh, looks like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is still playing. I'm all for movies based off Swedish crime novels, plus, Trent Reznor did the soundtrack for this. Too bad it's not dubbed yet."
"I don't mind subtitles." Mugi told her. "A crime movie sounds exciting!"
"Well, doesn't look like anything besides all those French chick flicks is playing." With that, they went to purchase two tickets.
As they were purchasing some steeply priced drinks for the show (diet soda for Mugi, obviously) Ritsu wondered if Mugi would have been more interested in seeing one of the French romance movies that were constantly playing. She knew some girls in Sakuragaoka that would drool over French movies and pop stars, but she had no idea of Mugi was into that kind of stuff at all. In fact, she realized just how little she knew about Mugi in general. The blonde probably knew a lot about Ritsu already just from staying with her for a little while and asking so many questions. Ritsu realized she didn't know Mugi's birthday; hardly any of her favorite things; what she was majoring in; what she did for fun by herself; or anything about that one girl named Sumire who occasionally came up in conversation. These were things that needed to be corrected, Ritsu decided.
OPEN HEARTS…
"The jacket Lisbeth bought at the end was the same one you have." Mugi commented as they left the movie theatre together.
"Was it? I didn't even notice." Ritsu glanced at her leather jacket Mugi was wearing. The one she had was a cheap thing she bought at a thrift store, the one in the movie had been expensive, but they were pretty similar. She hadn't paid that much attention to the movie, due to her thoughts being a scattered mess unable to focus. Half of her was still stuck on everything that had happened involving Azusa's death and horrifying revelations. She kept trying to force it all from her mind, but it kept coming back with a cloud of confusion, and with it, the longing for answers. No matter what she did, Ritsu couldn't help but wish knew exactly what this all meant. Why had a supposedly dead woman drag them out of the forest and lead her on the trail for answers with those documents? Was Ayumu for or against the Entity of Suffering and everything around it? Was this Ayumu the parallel version of the dead one like the other Azusa had been?
Beyond that, Mugi had continued to be touchy-feely with her the whole movie. This was getting to be too much for Ritsu, and she was on the verge of telling Mugi to back off just a little bit. It was making her uncomfortable. The blonde had continued to lean on her during the duller parts, and even held her hand during the sweeter, more romantic parts. That last part was what ate Ritsu up the most, and left her feeling horribly uncomfortable. She wanted to believe Mugi was just an extraordinarily clingy friend, but it was getting harder and harder to convince herself that was the case. It got worse then at that very moment. Ritsu felt Mugi lean against her, and lace their fingers as she held her hand. Ritsu want to move away, but couldn't bring herself to do it.
"Is there anything else you want to do before we go home?" Mugi asked her. Her voice was soft, and an almost dreamlike quality to it, like she was walking on clouds.
"N-No." Ritsu found it hard to reply straight. They walked down the dark streets alone, and she found herself wishing there were other people there; for a multitude of reasons.
"I had a really good time tonight." The blonde told her in that same wispy, happy tone. "It's so sad this had to happen after we learned about Azusa-chan. If that wasn't on our minds, this would have been the best night of my life."
"Oh come on, you can't have enjoyed yourself that much." Ritsu found herself forcing a smile. She prayed Mugi really was just exaggerating.
"You'd be surprised. I don't get out very much, or at all lately, so this was a really fun night for me. Staying with you has been the best time I've had since we all split up. Even with the bad things we learned, I'm still enjoying myself. Thank you again for having me."
"Anytime. Hopefully next time we can get Mio here too, I'd bet she'd like that."
Mugi sighed, "I think I liked it more with just the two of us…"
Why did she have to say that? Come on Mugi; give me some breathing room here!
"…T-There was something I wanted to ask you." The blonde continued, suddenly nervous.
Oh no, please don't let this be what I think it's going to be! Please ask me something like if you can be my roommate, or for me to pay your back for tonight's expenses. Let it be something normal friends ask each other!
"Remember wh-when I told you that I liked girls, and s-said there was something I admired?" She asked Ritsu, her voice quaking with nervousness.
"Yeah?" Ritsu replied, now terrified of where this conversation was going.
Mugi stopped walking, and stepped in front of Ritsu. She put her arms around the drummer's midsection and looked her in the eyes. "Ricchan… I like you, more than just a really close friend. You're so cool and sexy and I can't stop thinking about you every second of every day now. P-Please, would you be my girlfriend?"
God fucking damn it Mugi, WHY?
Ritsu slowly shook her head and put on a neutral face. "Mugi, you… you don't want me as your girlfriend. You could easily find someone who makes you happier; I'm not all that great."
She tried to move away Mugi's soft embrace, but she held her strong. Her blue eyes were threatening tears and almost distraught, she told Ritsu, "There isn't anyone else I want! I'm always happy when I'm with you, and I really think we would be the happiest couple in the world. Nobody else likes you the way I do, so please… please say yes!"
"I can't." Ritsu was more firm this time, and broke out of her embrace with strong step back. She felt like absolute shit for ruining Mugi's first confession, but she wasn't going to say yes just to make her happy. Getting into a relationship with someone from a gender she wasn't attracted to was only going to end in absolutely disaster and heartache. Calmly, she said, "I'm sorry Mugi. I just don't like you that way. I think you're sweet and would make an amazing girlfriend for extremely lucky lady, but that's not me."
"No, I'm sorry, Ricchan." Mugi sniffled once, and the levees broke. Tears began rolling down her cheeks as her face turned red. "This was really stupid of me to ask, and I've made things weird between us. I should have just been happy with what you gave me, why did I have to try and ask for me?"
"You're still my friend, and even if you have, er, feelings for me, that doesn't change that fact. If you want, I'll just forget you even said anything and we can go on like nothing happened."
Mugi shook her head at Ritsu's offer. "N-No, I don't think it can be that way now… Why did I have to ruin such a good thing?"
"Look, I don't think any differently of you." Ritsu stepped back close to her after lying. She did think differently of Mugi now, and the blonde had been right. Things were different between them, and probably wouldn't be the same. All Ritsu could think now was, Why me? Why not all those other beautiful girls that would jump at the chance to be with her? There have to be plenty; Mugi would make a great girlfriend if I liked girls.
"I think I need some time alone…" Mugi began walking off quickly, her sandals echoing off the pavement. She stopped, and took off Ritsu's jacket. She practically shoved it into Ritsu's arms. "S-Sorry for taking this too."
"Mugi, stop this." Ritsu groaned. "It's not you, it's me, don't start acting so sad all of a sudden." She went to follow Mugi, but that just made her walk faster, eventually picking up into a jog.
"I said I need to be alone!" She cried, trying to get away from Ritsu. She kicked off her sandals, and ran away barefoot into the night.
Ritsu stood there holding her jacket. Her eyes shifted from the blonde hairs resting on the jacket's shoulders, and to the two discarded sandals sitting on the sidewalks. Slowly, she gathered up the two pieces of footwear and cursed herself over and over again in her head. She felt like such a cold hearted bitch for what she had just done there, but what other options did she have? Was there truly any other way to do that without hurting Mugi more, or making things worse in the long run? Now, above all else she was worried about Mugi going off alone. She came to the corner Mugi had disappeared at, had no idea where she had gone. Shadows from the forest weren't the only thing Ritsu had to worry about. There were very real threats in the streets at night. How could she forgive herself is something happened to Mugi? A beautiful blonde running around barefoot at night?
Sighing, she took out her cell phone and sent the heartbroken girl a text message.
"Be careful by yourself okay. I'm really sorry."
She hoped nothing bad would happen to her, but her previous actions would certainly have consequences…
MUGI GOES ALONE…
Tsumugi couldn't stop the tears from coming. Her heart was broken and her soul felt shattered. Self-loathing, a previously unknown emotion for her, rose and ate away at her mind like a black miasma of doubt. She had been so happy the way things were, and lost it all in a stupid gamble she should have known better to instigate. Ritsu had made it perfectly clear that she didn't like girls, and yet she had gone and taken that stupid risk. She knew that Ritsu wouldn't ever look at her the same. She couldn't ever get close to the drummer like she had been able to do that night so many times. Ritsu would surely see her as a freak and a pervert if she did.
Walking aimlessly through street to street, Mugi found herself wishing she had just been born normal. Why did she have to like Ritsu so much more than a friend? All those fantasies she had prior to asking her now seemed so foolish and pathetic. She had fantasized about Ritsu saying yes, happily admitting her like feelings as well, then the two of them kissing under starlight. Then they would retire to a night of kissing and cuddling wit Ritsu telling her how beautiful she was and how happy the two of them were going to be.
I told myself I should just forget above the stuff I read in manga. Girls can't get girls like they do in those pages, it's all a lie. People like me don't get beautiful girlfriends; we just get to settle for being lonely. It doesn't matter, I'm sure my father will find some 'perfect' husband for me, one whose parents are part of some big company that can get him a lot of money.
A tinge of worry flared in her as the sound of a car slowing down sounded behind her. She turned around to see the headlights of a black sedan nearly blinding her. There was insurmountable relief when Mugi saw it was just a single woman driving. Those stories of kidnappings weren't foreign to her. Her eyes adjusted and the car door opened. Out stepped a woman in black jeans with a t-shirt with a design for the band Altar of Plagues. Her dark hair was wavy and uncombed, and went down to her shoulder blades. What caught Mugi's attention the most were her peculiar blue eyes.
"C-Can I help you?" Mugi asked after quickly drying her eyes with the back of her arm. She wanted so desperately not to look like she was just crying.
"Hey sweetheart, remember me?" The girl asked with a charming smiled.
"You're… Ayumu, Yumi-chan, right?"
"Uh-huh." Ayumu smiled and nodded. "Looks to me like you need a ride."
"I don't know…" Mugi felt like something here was inherently wrong. She wasn't sure exactly what it was though.
Ayumu reached back into the car and picked something up, something Mugi couldn't see. The street was devoid of any people, and world devoid of any sounds. All of a sudden, Mugi felt terrified, and some primal part of her was screaming to turn and run. She took a step back, but heard the sound of a metallic click. She looked at Ayumu, who was now casually pointing a Glock-17 pistol at her, with the slide locked back.
"No," Her smile turned cruel. "I don't think you understand. Looks to me like you need a ride."
TO BE CONTINUED
