Chapter Summary: Light fails to appreciate/remember how his carrying on with Mayu affected L. A phone call between Light and his parents further raises the issue that this may not be the relationship Light was meant to have. Realizing L has been doubting his affection, Light tries to apologize, but it leads to a tense argument, with darker undertones.
Objectionable Material: Material suited for teenagers and above. Tense family situations re. same-sex relationships and unplanned parenthood (never thought I'd hear those in the same sentence…) Rated T.
Disclaimer: Death Note and affiliated characters are owned and created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
VII. Thinking Out Loud
Light noticed that L was becoming withdrawn. It had been happening since the night at the club. He was concerned, but he knew L didn't like to be smothered, and tried not to press the issue.
He decided instead to reflect on matters of his own that he had been putting off- most importantly, his family. He had been away for months, and while they knew generally that he was in Paris, they didn't know what he was doing there or how long it would continue. He had stayed in touch with short phone calls, to let them know he was still alive.
Furthermore, how long did he plan to stay? He'd been so caught up since the day of the unexpected news, he hadn't given anything else much thought.
It didn't have to be decided right away, he concluded. The first step was calling his family.
He made the call one afternoon while L was out. The conversation went on for over an hour, the entire time, Light saying, "If you would just let me explain- " They took turns on him, his father shouting admonishments, then his mother crying and pleading with him to reconsider, then his father again, barking about how he might as well not bother because his life was already ruined.
It went on so long, he heard L arrive home. In a few moments, the bedroom door opened, and L peered in.
"I know," Light said into the phone. "I know- you already said that -" He turned and waived L away. "I know, I HEARD you," he continued, into the phone. L lingered in the doorway a moment, until Light turned and silently mouthed, "GET OUT," and gesturing sharply for him to leave the room.
L retreated and closed the door.
Another forty-five minutes later, Light emerged from the bedroom.
"Your family?" L asked. He was crouched on a chair near the window, looking out at the view.
"My parents. I told them everything." Light ran his hand through his hair. "About us, and the baby, and how I want to have a life with you."
"What did they say?"
"What do you think they said?" Light scoffed. "They were confused and disgusted as to how this was even possible. Then they went on to how I'm making a huge mistake, and this isn't the life I was meant to have, and how I can still come home and forget all of this ever happened."
"Is that all they had to say about it?" L asked, still looking out the window.
"Uh pretty much. The same thing over and over, until I told them they could either accept it or not. MY father stormed out of the house apparently, and my mother kept crying. I told her our address and said she should come see us if she changes her mind… I don't think she will."
"Raito-"
"What, Ryuzaki?" But before L could answer, Light moved towards the door, and said, "I'm going to get some air."
Light was out for a few hours, most of it spent standing on a bridge, looking over the Seine.
He had not expected them to take it so badly.
He decided to stop by Taryn's before returning home, and found that Mayu was over for a visit as well. He told that about the call home.
"Rough," Mayu said, perched on one of Taryn's bar stools.
"Well, maybe they'll come around. It was probably just… a shock," Taryn said. "You know?" She was wrestling with a bottle of wine trying to pull the cork out. She had arranged a plate of bread and cheese for Mayu. No one ever felt unwelcome in her home.
"To make matters worse, Ryuzaki has been acting weird lately."
Taryn looked away.
"Oh…" Mayu said. "I know why that is. He thinks you're in love with me."
"No, no," Taryn interjected. "That's not quite it. He's just… bothered by the idea that you might like to be with someone… who people would expect you to be with."
Light crossed his arms and glared at them. "I see everyone knows about this except for me."
"And I think he's worried that his stomach is starting to look pregnant," Mayu added in the background.
Taryn ignore her. "No, not everyone knows about it, but he mentioned something to Mayu, and Mayu told me, so I asked him about it later. I'm not even sure if my theory is right, but that's what I could gather- he's not the most expressive, you know."
"I see," Light said, still unclear as to how this wasn't 'everyone knowing'. Unless Taryn meant to include her infant daughter.
Mayu chimed in. "He might worry this thing with your parents is making you," she paused, "see their point a little bit."
"They don't have a point. They were just yelling," Light said.
"Oh come on, but they do-"
"No! They don't!"
"I'm just saying! You ran away to Paris, you're shacked up with a misfit they would never approve of, you're going to have this bastard baby-"
"You're being very insensitive," Taryn said.
"I'm not saying it's because it's with another guy!"
"Mayu! Stop it!" Taryn said.
On the way home, Light thought about what Mayu said. She wrong, but she had brought his attention to something; the situation looked bad. Especially considering that he had been going to an effort to keep his distance, thinking that's what L wanted.
He opened the door to their apartment. "Is something burning?" He asked.
L was crouched on one of the dining room chairs, looking defeated. "No," He said. "Not anymore."
"What was it?" Light asked.
"I tired to microwave some food."
"It smells like burning plastic," Light said, sniffing the air again.
"The packaging burned as well."
"I see," Light said, turning away, trying not to laugh. "Well, you look like you're still hungry, so why don't I make something fast? We can eat on the couch and turn off the lights and watch TV."
"I prefer to watch the news."
"That's fine."
The two sat on the couch side by side. Light glanced over at L several times, who was intently focused on 'Tonight's Top Stories,' his face bathed in the glow from the screen. When the program went to commercial, Light said, "You know, I'm not in love with Mayu."
L showed no reaction, simply staring straight ahead at a French commercial with a window washer eating a cube of cheese on a platform several stories above the ground. "Bringing up something like that unprovoked is suspicious," he said.
"It's not unprovoked. I just came from Taryn's."
L continued to watch the screen, and hooked his index finger in his mouth, absent-mindedly. "I shall have to remember this incident the next time I ask Mayu not to tell anybody something."
"And I don't care that your stomach is becoming larger."
L nodded as if deep in thought. "Taryn predicted you would say that."
"Well," Light leaned back against the couch and put his arms behind his head. "Taryn is a very wise person."
"Mayu said that you would probably be lying."
"Mayu…" Light muttered. "Mayu is a nice person, but she's extremely rude."
L continued to watch the screen. "She merely thinks out loud, and I don't find her disagreeable. She makes observations, but she attaches little judgment to them."
"Yeah, well she's often wrong in her conclusions."
"Conclusions…" L said. "Yes, you may be right. I didn't address whether or not she is generally correct… Although, I believe that if she cares enough to think something through, she's quite perceptive."
"I'm beginning to think you're in love with her," Light said. He sighed and continued, "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you. I thought it was what you wanted. To be honest, I was becoming scared by your behavior."
"Scared?"
"You can be like a stone wall, Ryuzaki. Everything is a power play with you."
Light could sense L's anger, even though he was trying not to let it show. The news had come back on, and he was pretending to watch, but he was biting firmly on his thumb, sitting tensely.
Finally he said, "Of course you would think that I was acting with an ulterior motive, and not that I simply felt neglected."
"Yes! Of course I would. Because you always do that!" Light said.
"Am I to believe that Raito-kun has always been forthright with me?"
Light breathed in shakily. He was quite for a moment. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm just thinking out loud."
"Then stop! You're just trying to remind me of how it was before- that you can take it all away if you decide not to let me get close to you anymore."
"Things will never be like they were before."
"WELL GOOD!" Light shouted. He grabbed L roughly by the shoulders, throwing him off balanced. He pulled L towards himself in an almost violent motion, and wrapped his arms around him. "I know you're trying to be cold, but I don't care!" He shouted, almost in tears. He clung to L desperately, as if embracing him like this would keep him from ever becoming distant again. "I glad we're having this baby, and I'm glad that maybe I'll have something to keep you from pulling away from me whenever the mood hits!"
L's face was being smothered into Light's shoulder, and the rest of his body was awkwardly contorted from being forcibly pulled out of his crouching position. Light was squeezing him all over, and when he struggled, Light only grasped him harder.
"Raito-kun, I'm satisfied that you don't intend to neglect me," he choked out. "Now release me before cutting of my oxygen supply causes damage to our child."
"I love, Ryuzaki. Don't you know that?"
"Yes... and I love breathing. Release me!"
Light loosened his grip, but kept his arms wrapped around L, who accepted the concession and allowed himself to continue being held.
