A/N So I had a harder time writing this then I thought I was going to because I've never written anything like it before.

Oh, and seeing as I'm such a terrible updater I would like to recommend an amazing writer for you to read while you are frustrated at my slow updating. Her user name is twilightsgrace23 and she is a Jacob fan as well. She is under my Favorite Authors. She has 3 amazing stories and she updates a lot faster than I do. I bow down to her amazing-ness and I think you should go check her out!

Thanks again to my wonderful amazing Beta, SimplyKelp. Girl, you know you're my bff!

Chapter 7 : Lust and Letting Go


As soon as I spotted my truck I remembered what I had bought at the boutique and got very nervous. Maybe Jacob still had a few more plans for the evening that I didn't know about yet…

I began to grow even more nervous the closer I got to the house. Jacob must have noticed my tension because he looked down at me with concern and confusion written in his eyes.

"Are you ok, Honey?"

"Hmm? I…uh… umm…" I shock my head slightly to clear it and smiled, "Yeah, I'm fine. You know what, why don't you go on ahead inside. I have to get something out of my truck."

"Ok sweetheart. I'll see you upstairs." He said wearily. He bent down and gave me chaste kiss then headed inside.

I waited until he was inside then ran over to my truck. I grabbed the bag that was on the seat then the other bag that was under the seat that contained my gift for Jacob. I went into the house and headed up the stairs. My nerves grew more the higher up I got.

What if I'm not any good? What if I'm down right terrible? What if I'm so bad he never wants to touch me again? Then he leaves me…

I began to panic as I reached our bedroom door. I couldn't handle it if he left me; I couldn't survive without him. I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts. Jacob loves you, I told myself, and he wants to marry you. Even if you were horrible he would never leave you. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Jacob had already changed into his usual bedtime attire: plaid flannel pajama bottoms and no shirt. Oh, how I loved seeing him like this. He was just coming out of the bathroom when I entered. He looked up when he heard me.

"Hey babe." he said. He walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist and looked into my eyes lovingly, "I thought that after all of the excitement and everything today that you might like to just relax so I ran you a bubble bath. I hope that's alright."

I smiled up warmly to him, "Oh, thank you sweetheart. That was very thoughtful. I would love to take a bubble bath."

"Ok, well I have it all ready for you. I want you to just go in and relax. Don't worry about a thing." he leaned down and right before he kissed me he spoke against my lips. "I love you." Then he kissed me softly but passionately.

We kissed for about a minute when I pulled back. "I love you too." Then I kissed him once more and went into the bathroom.

I stripped down, pulled my hair up, and got into the warm water. The more relaxed I was the more confident I became.

I can do this. I thought to myself. Jacob loves me and I love him, more than anything. Granted, our first time isn't going to be amazing because we're both virgins but we are meant to be together. I'm his imprint for goodness sakes! We were made for each other and made to be together intimately. In fact, up until now we've only been fighting the inevitable, fighting destiny!

By now I was so worked up I hopped out of the tub before I was even pruney. I toweled off and put on some of shimmer body butter. I had gotten it from my mother for Christmas. It smelled like honey and roses. Jake loved it. Then I opened the bag with the lingerie I had bought earlier and put it on. I pulled my hair back slightly with a claw clip so that it wasn't in my face but my churls cascaded down my back nicely. I looked in the full length mirror behind the door and was pleased with what I saw. I looked good! I smiled to my self in the mirror then pulled open the door.

Jacob was lying on our bed with his arms behind his head looking up at the ceiling. He looked over at me briefly then did a double take. His eyes grew to the size of saucers and his mouth opened slightly. I smirked to my self inwardly, very pleased with the response I got. I gave him a playfully sexy look as I sauntered over to him. I had no idea where I was getting all of this boldness from but I liked it! He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed onto the floor.

"Bella…?" he breathed. I heard shock and confusion in his voice but there was something else hiding slightly behind it. Was it lust? That spurred me on more.

Just as I was about to reach him he stood up but I pushed him back down onto the bed so that he was lying flat across it width wise. I crawled onto the bed and then threw my leg over him so that I was straddling his stomach. I bent down and just when he started to try to speak I pressed my mouth against his in a fiery, passionate kiss. I cupped both of his cheeks in my hands as he wound his around my waist pulling me closer so that I was flush against his chest. I opened my mouth slightly and brushed my tongue against his bottom lip begging for entrance which he gladly gave. Our tongues fought for dominance until I pulled away for air. Jacob's lips never left my skin. He started trailing kisses across my chin and down my jaw line. As he did this I slipped my hands down between our bodies and stated untying his pants. I Felt his hot lips against my ear.

"Bella, honey. What are you doing." he said softly yet playfully.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

With that he pushed my back slightly so that he could look in my eyes.

"Bella, why are you trying to take my pants off?"

"How else are we going to make love?" and with that I leaned back down and recaptured his lips. He laid there unmoving for a few second then broke the kiss. This time I was the one that didn't leave his skin. I kissed up to his eyes and he said my name again but this time his tone was slightly more forceful and slightly regretful.

"Don't you want me?" I said huskily in his ear and then ran my tongue around the edge of it.

I felt him shiver slightly then he gripped my shoulders and pushed me back so that I was in a sitting position. He slid his hands under my arms, picked me up, and sat me next to him on bed. Then he got up and turned to face me.

"Bella, I didn't ask you to marry me just to get in your pants. I love you and you deserve so much more that this." he said while he waved a hand a round indicating the room and everything.

"But I don't need anything other than you, Jacob. You're all I want and need, forever. I don't care if your first time was in a cheap fleabag motel, as long as it's with you nothing else matters." I said as I stood up.

"Bella, I thought we would wait. I know you've wanted to get married in June ever since you saw Seven Brides for Seven Brothers*. That's a little less than three months away and that's not that long of a time to wait. I thought that we would have a small wedding with just friends and family then have a proper honeymoon. No one waits anymore and to be honest I want our first time to be as husband and wife. I want you to be all mine."

I understood him but all of a sudden all of the confidence and boldness was gone and it was replaced with shame, embarrassment, unworthiness and unrequited desiring rushed at me and hit me like a tone of bricks. Before I could register it my eyes filled with tears and began to spill over.

"Bella." He said as he took a step towards me but instead I rushed past him making a beeline for the bathroom. I didn't want him to see me like this and frankly I just didn't want to be around him right now. Before I could make it however he wrapped his arms around my waist from the back and spun me around into his chest. He held me there and let me cry while he rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"Bella honey. It's not that I don't want to be with you, because trust me I do." With that he pulled me a little closer causing his arousal to press lightly against me stomach. "It's just… Bella, you are the most amazing person I have ever met and I feel blessed to have you in my life. And now on top of everything you've made me the luckiest man alive because you've agreed to be my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life giving you everything you deserve and want, starting with the perfect first time. Please understand me. I love so much Bella and I can't wait to be your husband."

"I do understand but understand me, I don't need anything showy or over the top, just you. I love you Jacob Black, more than anything or anyone. You're my Prince Charming."

He leaned down, wiped away my tears and kissed me deeply. The kiss wasn't needy or lustful but filled with love and hope. He scooped me up and carried me back to the bed. We kissed for a few more minutes then just lay there in each others arms, cuddling. Just as we were drifting off he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"Bella. You are my life." and with that he drifted off to sleep.

I on the other hand was instantly wide awake. Edward's voice rang in my head saying the exact same words. He said them to me after I woke up in the hospital in Phoenix. It felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. The whole in my chest was no longer there but my heart stung. I hadn't thought of Edward in months. I hadn't heard his voice since the day in the truck when he told me to be happy. That was the day Jake imprinted on me. So why would it come back now? I was finally happy and I had finally moved on. I mean I got engaged to Jacob, my soul mate, today for goodness sakes!

No I told myself you do NOT have feelings for him anymore. He is your past and Jacob is your future. What the two of you shared for over that short period was amazing, but it's over. He left you! He didn't care about you! The pain he caused almost killed you! Jacob was the one who saved you and loves you and would never ever hurt you like that. The end!

After my little conversation with myself I was feeling much better. I snuggled up closer to Jake and felt asleep.

The next thing I knew I was standing in the middle of the forest. It was very similar to the dream I had after Jake told me Edward was a vampire. I began looking around when I heard a honey velvet voice say my name. I spun around and Edward was walking towards me with the sun sparkling off of him.

"Edward?" I breathed barely able to believe my eyes. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and I rush towards him. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace.

"Edward… I can't believe you're here, how are you here?"

"Bella, my love, I couldn't stay away from you. As much as I tried your all I thought about."

"Oh Edward, I missed you so much!" I said as I started to cry.

"As I you, sweetheart. I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward."

He leaned down to kiss me and right before our lips met I heard another voice.

"What about me, Bells?"

I whipped around to see Jacob standing across the open area from me.

"Jake… Jake I love you." I said as I started to run to him. I got about half way when Edward stopped me.

"But you love me. You want to be with me" Edward said.

"No, you love. I'm the one you want to be with." Jacob said.

"I…uhhh…" I said whipping my head back and forth between them.

"Bella." Edward said taking a step forward, extending his hand.

"Bells." Jacob said mimicking the same moves as Edward.

I stood there whipping my head back and forth until I couldn't take it any more. I just wanted it all to stop. I covered my face with my hands and screamed.

I sat bolt upright in bed. I was panting and I looked around. I was safe in my room and Edward was no where in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Bells? Are you ok?" Jacob said sleepily next to me. I looked down at him.

"Yeah Jake, I'm fine. Just had a bad dream. That's all. Go back to sleep." I laid back down and snuggled into him. He wrapped his arms securely around me and fell back to sleep.

What the hell was going on with me? I haven't dreamed about him for months now. This is crazy. I've got to do something. Obviously I haven't let him completely go yet. I can't marry Jake if I still have feelings for Edward. I've got to let him go.

With that I got up and threw on a pair of jeans. I looked out the window and the sun was just coming up. I went down stairs and grabbed my coat. I left Jake a note telling him I'd be back in a little bit, and then I headed out to my truck. I want sure where I was going but I knew I had to go somewhere and say my piece to Edward so that I could finally fully let him go and move on. There were only a few places that held any significance to him and me.

The meadow, but it was too hard to get to and I wasn't sure if I could find it. The baseball clearing, but that held a bad memory. The biology room at Forks High, but I couldn't get in there. The forest outside Charlie's house where he left me. In theory that was the best place to say good bye because it's where he said it to me but I couldn't go there, it was still too painful. That left only one place. The Big White House.

Before I had even realized that's where I wanted to go I was already headed there. I headed down the highway looking for the small break in the trees indication the start of the Cullen's drive way. I finally found it and started up the windy road. It seamed like forever but I finally found the beak in the trees and the big white house lay in front of me. I pulled up to the front and got out. I looked at the house and something seamed different from the last time I was here. It didn't look like the scary house I had seen after Edward held left. It looked more like it did while he was still here. It must just be the sunshine.

I started to walk up to the house but something just didn't feel right. It felt off, like this wasn't the right place to let him go. I started to walk back to my truck, but when I turned I thought I saw something sparkly next to the house. Not thinking much about it, I reached to open my door when I heard a honey velvet voice.

"Bella?"


I know, I'm such a tease! I promise there will be a lemon or more but I'm having them wait.

So what do you think? Who's at the house? What's gonna happen to Bella?

* Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is a 1954 movie that has a song called "June Bride" that says "when you marry in June, You will always be a bride."

I honestly completely changed the whole plot when I started thinking about this chapter so I hope you won't kill me.

Reviews are better than almost having sex with Jacob…. Ok that's a lie, but I'd still appreciate reviews and feed back! Please, I have jury duty. I need something to brighten my day.