Chapter 7
Luckily, Peeta did not make a huge mistake.
The next few weeks fall into a comfortable pattern for him. He starts everyday with helping Sae in the kitchen. He and Dr. Aurelius decided that as part of his therapy and working through the memories of his family and being in the kitchen, he would make something different from his father's recipe book every day. He and Sae have made everything from cranberry orange scones to rosemary focaccia bread.
Because of this, he has become fairly popular with the other patients. People are extremely appreciative of what he is doing and he is constantly being surprised by everyone's gratitude. He has even gotten support from some of the most unlikely of places. One day Cato surprised Peeta with a friendly, but extremely heavy-handed, slap on the back while he shoved a second petit four in his mouth. On a different lunch break, the quiet girl that has sores all over her arms from her hurting herself, named Glimmer, smiled and gave him the lightest of hugs when he made tea cakes. Most days he feels overwhelmed with the extra attention. He would prefer to just stay back in the kitchen the entire breakfast shift, but he happily forces himself out from behind the food line once every morning to deliver a piece or slice of whatever he made that day to Katniss.
It's always a silent exchange. He will hand her a plate of some small, delicious treat and she returns a smile to him. His mood is instantly lifted every morning and it's the first thing he looks forward to; no matter how bad the dreams were the night before, no matter how little sleep he got, and not even if Effie gives him the stink eye for being late to something. After their quiet moment, he will always nod his head and turn back towards the kitchen. He would be absolutely mortified if she knew how much he looked forward to that small interaction with her, but he always does his best to hide the glee he feels as he walks away from her.
As he walks back to the kitchen, he usually just runs through the same thoughts in his mind: "What are you doing? She is in here to try and get better and you're trying to flirt with her? You don't even know what she is in here for. You have too many of your own problems to try and start something new with someone, especially someone going through their own issues. And what kind of sucker are you becoming that you actually call what you feel 'glee' after seeing her?" But, each time he pushes those thoughts away and relishes the moments spent with her throughout the day.
Over the course of the last few weeks, winter has begun to rescind and the first blooms of spring have started to appear. Spring usually comes a little early in the south, and on one particularly warm day, Katniss picked a dandelion and handed it to him. She said it reminded her of him, but he has learned to not push for information and simply enjoyed the remainder of their time together outside that day and appreciated the gift she gave him in comfortable silence. He pressed it in a book the second he got back to his room that morning.
He learns more and more about her each day. He has noticed that she's more animated when she is outside in the courtyard around the trees than when they are stuck in the common area inside. He now knows that her favorite color is green, like the woods in spring, and that when she was younger, she was in several archery competitions and was actually on track to go to the Olympics. She never mentions what stopped her ambitions or why she suddenly gave up the sport she loved so much.
He has grown to love the spark in her eye when she becomes passionate or argumentative over something. One afternoon they had a particularly heated conversation over their favorite bands. She would not back down from the battle defending her position that The Decemberists were a far better band than The Lumineers. Peeta never really thought about comparing the two before, and being the more passive person he naturally was, didn't think one had to be better than the other. But, yearning to see her fire come out over a relatively safe subject, decided to get her going and defend his band's honor. After she made her case and fought tooth and nail in her defense, she came out to be the victor in her own mind. He pretended to pout and when he could see she thought she had hurt his feelings, she conceded and said it didn't matter anyway, because she preferred Mumford & Sons over any of them.
Some days their conversations became more personal, one afternoon he embarrassingly admitted the first time he slept with a girl he was 16 years old. She surprised him and said she was 15 when she lost her virginity. They both sat in awkward silence until Buttercup jumped onto Peeta's lap from out of nowhere, forcing him to fall back on his elbows and causing Katniss to laugh hysterically when he yelped again. After ignoring his bruised ego, he quickly joined in her melodic laughter. If he could, he would have chosen to live in that moment forever.
Today was the first day Katniss waited for Peeta by the door that leads to the courtyard before going outside. He could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw her diminutive figure leaning against the door frame. "I was wondering if you would ever get here," she says with a smirk.
He doesn't want to appear too over-excited, but his large smile betrays him. "I just wanted to get my sketchpad. Delly brought some pastels for me yesterday, and I want to use them now that the flowers are starting to bloom."
She nods her head sharply. "Well Picaso, let's get you outside then." She opens the door and motions for him to walk out, then follows behind.
She glides silently to their tree. Peeta mulls over the idea that it is theirtree and let's himself collapse against its rough bark. It's the first day that is warm enough to just wear a long sleeve shirt outside, and the tree bark rubs his skin a little rougher than expected. He lets out a grunt when his bottom hits one of the larger roots.
He sets out all of his supplies and begins to draw the small garden over to the side of the yard. Katniss is already writing in her journal, but speaks up, slightly startling Peeta out of his daze. He is slowly becoming accustomed to how Katniss communicates. First of all, she is an excellent listener. She is patient and interjects at the right times. But, when it comes to speaking herself, she will randomly blurt things out. He's learned to watch for the signs. He can see the thoughts bubble inside of her until she just can't take whatever she is wrestling with internally anymore. He could tell by her agitation during their group session this morning that one of her outbursts was eventually going to happen today.
"Gale is leaving for bootcamp tomorrow."
He places the dark green oil pastel back into the box and sets his sketchpad to the side. He turns his body to face her and calmly asks, "Are you going to be okay?"
She doesn't make eye contact; she just shrugs her shoulder and pulls at the grass that pokes out between the magnolia's above ground roots. "I won't have visitation time anymore when he stops being able to come see me."
"Do you want to come sit with Delly and me?"
She shakes her head. "I don't want to impose. I can just watch television or something." Even though she and Peeta both know that she hates watching TV.
"It's not imposing if I asked."
"No, it's okay, really. I'm just really going to miss him. He's my best friend and he was..."
"He was what?"
"Nothing. I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow. It's Rue's last day, too. Her brother is getting released from the hospital. They thought he would be released last month, but he got an infection and had to stay until it cleared."
He takes her hand and squeezes. She whips her head around to look him in the eyes. It's the most physical contact they have had since she cried on his shoulder the first day they met.
He looks at her reassuringly. "It'll be okay. I'll be here if you need to talk to anyone. And the invitation always stands if you'd like to sit with me and Delly when she comes and visits. I can empathize with how you feel. Delly is all I have left and I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't around."
She squeezes his hand back before gently pulling away from him. "I'll be fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I told you I wouldn't bother you with my problems anymore."
He looks slightly hurt by her not taking his offer. "Remember how you told me you owed me one?"
She nods.
"Well, you talking to me about what is bothering you can be it. I want to help. It kind of helps me, too."
She replies curtly."I'll be fine. I can owe you something else." With that she stands up, dusts herself off, and walks away from him. He doesn't understand what he did wrong as he watches the door close behind her.
The next morning he arrives to the group therapy session a little early. Katniss didn't show up for breakfast and he was already getting concerned about how she was going to handle the day. His fear increases when he looks around and sees she hasn't shown up there either.
He takes the open seat next to Finnick. "Hey, have you seen Katniss today?"
"No, I haven't. But check this out." Finnick pulls a grainy black and white picture out of his pocket. He looks at Peeta with his sea green eyes sparkling. "It's my boy. Annie's at 24 weeks; she had her check up yesterday. Doctor said everything was looking good."
Peeta can't help but smile at his friend. No matter how nervous he is about Katniss, this is truly a happy moment and he doesn't want to ruin Finnick's mood. "Congrats, man. That's wonderful. I really am happy for you. Have you two thought of any names?"
"Yeah! We're naming him Seamus, after Annie's dad."
Dr. Flickerman sits down in his usual spot and gets everyone's attention on him. "Alright, everyone, let's get started."
Peeta looks around the room and his anxiety is getting the best of him. He can't control the shaking in his right leg. He tries not to think of Katniss, but her absence has left a considerable void and he is starting to panic slightly without her being there. He thinks to himself that it can't be a good sign that he has become so attached to her and this routine and that the first time it's interrupted, he starts to worry. This can't be what they had in mind when deciding to put him on a regimen like this.
He finally lets his eyes fall on Rue. He can see that she is practically bouncing out of her seat. She looks like a baby bird eagerly trying to take flight. Her excitement is palpable and if he weren't so upset, he is sure that her mood would have rubbed off on him.
Dr. Flickerman also notices her excitement, and turns the group's attention to her. She has been quiet ever since Peeta got there. He can't remember a single time when she was asked to speak in front of the group. But, today, she couldn't keep to herself if she tried. "Miss Rue, could you please tell the group why you are in such a good mood today? I'm sure everyone would like a little happy news for a change." He smiles encouragingly at the little girl.
Her voice is small but chipper. "My brother is coming to get me today! He's better now and he is coming with my Auntie Seeder and Uncle Chaff to pick me up and take me with them to Atlanta!"
"That's wonderful, Rue. I'm glad that you." Flickerman is cut off by the door opening. And before anyone has a chance to even look to see who is walking through the door, Rue is screeching in her loudest voice.
"Thresh!" She jumps out of her seat and runs towards a large black man that is trying his best to balance on crutches as she Jumps into hos arms. She curls her small body into his and he shifts all of his weight onto the leg without a cast. He places his crutches firmly under his arms and holds onto the little girl with all of his might.
His deep voice resonates through the room. "Hey, baby girl. I missed you so much. You doin' okay?"
She looks up at him and nods furiously; her large chocolate brown eyes are wet with tears. "I missed you so much! I love you!" She buries her head into his neck.
"I love you, too, baby girl." He sniffles back his own tears and looks up at the group. "I'm sorry I'm interrupting your group session. When I got released from next door, I just couldn't wait any longer to come get her."
Flickerman takes a tissue out of the box he keeps next to him for patients and hands them to Thresh. "You are more than welcome to join us if you'd like. I know you are little older than the patients in here, but we would be more than happy to have you."
Thresh just shakes his head. "If you don't mind, I'd really just like to get her out of here." He sets her down gently and looks around the room. "Are any of you in here named Katniss?"
Peeta quickly turns his head towards him at the sound of Katniss's name.
"I'm sorry Thresh, but Katniss isn't feeling well today. She wasn't able to make it to group this morning," Dr. Flickerman replies.
Thresh just nods and takes Rue's hand. "Well, if any of you see her, please tell her thank you for watching over Rue for me while I was in the hospital. I really appreciate it." He turns his attention back to Rue. "Come on baby, Seeder and Chaff are waiting for us. Let's go get your stuff."
Rue waves goodbye to everyone. When the door closes behind them, the room feels a little darker and a little sadder. Even though she was quiet, she was always the bright spot in any room she was in. Her little presence was so positive, Peeta instantly feels himself missing it. He becomes frustrated with himself when he realizes that he has become dependent on other people for his happiness.
The rest of his day passes by in a blur. If anyone were to ask him what happened or what he did, he wouldn't be able to answer them. Katniss did not show up to any of her scheduled activities; she wasn't outside after the group meeting, she wasn't in the cafeteria for lunch, she didn't go to visitation, and she never came into the common area that evening. Everything about his day was off because of it. He tried to draw the same flower three times outside with no avail. He couldn't focus on whatever television show was playing in the common area. Dr. Aurelius questioned his sudden withdrawal, but Peeta just lied and said that he had a bad dream the night before about his family and it was hard for him to focus on anything. Delly didn't buy that same excuse during their visit that afternoon. She knew exactly what was happening the second she looked around and didn't see Katniss. She just quietly commiserated with him over the absence of his friend.
He thought he would be happy when it was time for lights out, wishing to just get this miserable day behind him. He hoped that tomorrow would be better and maybe that Katniss would be able to get back to their comfortable routine that they had created. Unfortunately, it was a restless evening for him. There was no turning off his mind and he was grateful that he had one of the few single rooms. He was sure his constant tossing and turning would have woken up a roommate if he had one.
After an hour and a half of just laying there unable to find sleep, he finally brakes down and presses the button next to his bed. He says a silent prayer in hopes that it won't be Effie to come to his aid.
A few minutes later, Portia gently knocks on the door while she opens it. He internally thanks whatever deity granted his request and whispers to her, "Hey, Portia."
She smiles and enters the room all the way, turning on the low light by the bathroom. "Hi, Peeta, what seems to be the problem? Are you not able to sleep?"
He scoots up the bed and into an upright position. "No, I've had kind of a rough day and I'm having trouble turning my mind off."
She nods thoughtfully. "Would you like me to get something for you? I can check your chart and see if you are approved to have a Xanax or Ativan to help with your anxiety."
He shakes his head no; he avoids taking any extra medication if he doesn't have to. He's already having a hard time dealing with some of the more unpleasant side effects that come with antidepressants. "No, would it be possible for me just to walk around for a minute? I just feel too wound up."
She looks at her watch and cautiously peeks her head out the door. She turns back to him. "Yeah, there aren't any nurses here that would report you for not being in your room after lights out and the adults in the common area are some of our less critical patients. There's no harm in letting you get out of here for a minute. But, you can't stay out here too long; you need to get your rest."
He breathes a sigh of relief as he rolls on the stocking for his prosthesis and attaches his leg. He slips on the slippers Delly brought for him a few weeks ago and quietly exits the room with Portia.
Before they enter the common area, they hear the loud voice of a man that is obviously angry over someone changing the channel.
"Goddammit, Beetee. Would it have been too difficult to let me watch the end of the fucking Knicks game?"
An older man in a wheelchair with glasses falling off the end of his nose replies, "Haymitch, I told you at 10:30 there was a special on the Discovery channel I wanted to watch. It's not my fault the game went into overtime. A deal is a deal."
"The Knicks are up by 3 with two minutes left! Come on!"
"Haymitch!" Portia protests. "Calm down. I need you on your best behavior—we have company."
The old man with stringy dark hair, red nose, and yellowed complexion turns to him. "Who let the kid in here?"
Portia straightens her back. "I did. He's having trouble sleeping and I told him he could hang out here and watch a little TV before going back to bed."
Peeta shrinks; he hasn't felt so much like a child in years.
Haymitch snorts, "Well, he came at the right time." He points to Beetee, "This asshole is putting on some kind of documentary. He'll be out in no time."
Beetee rolls his eyes at the accusation and turns his attention to a program on how they make microchips and number two pencils.
"Are you kidding me? We aren't watching the Knicks game so we can learn how to make a pencil?" Haymitch sighs loudly, trying to perturb Beetee. "Dammit, what I wouldn't give for a shot of Jack right now." He turns to Peeta. "So what brings you in here, kid?"
Peeta stutters slightly, not expecting the man to turn his attention to him. "I uh...my family all died in an accident. I've had a hard time dealing with it so I came here."
"I'm sure you just signed right up for it, huh?"
"Not exactly. My cousin had me admitted here. It's for the best though, I think it's helping."
"Sure, kid."
"Well, what are you here for?"
"You're not very observant, are you boy? I'm a drunk. It's probably my fifth time here. I think my next round of rehab is free." He squints his eyes at Peeta, like he's trying to place him. "Are you the bakery kid that's been making all the pastries around here lately?"
Peeta nods slowly, a small tight smile forming on his lips.
"It's been nice having that stuff here. It's definitely made for my best stint here, so far."
With a confused look on his face, Peeta replies, "So far, you plan on coming back again? Fifth time isn't the charm?"
Before Haymitch can respond, there is a loud scream down the hall. Peeta jumps to his feet in a panic. "What was that?"
"Don't worry about it, kid. It's just that girl," he pauses for a moment to try and think of her name, "Katniss. She has these night terrors almost every night. Just ignore them; she'll stop in just a minute."
Peeta's eyes grow large in disbelief. "The nurses just let her scream and stay asleep with these things?"
Haymitch shrugs. "What else are they supposed to do?"
Peeta turns his head to her hallway as soon as he hears the next cry. He runs to her room as fast as he can and swings open the door to find a sweaty, sleeping Katniss thrashing around in her bed. He rushes towards her and takes her shoulders in his hands and shakes her hard enough to wake her.
Eventually, she comes to, sobbing and unable to speak at first. Peeta stares into her panicked grey eyes darting around and not able to focus on anything in particular. They are the color of gunmetal, darkened with fright. "Katniss, it was just a dream. Everything is okay. You're safe here."
After her eyes come into focus, she wraps her arms around him and cries desperately into his neck. "Peeta, please don't go! Please stay with me. I can't have you leave, not now. I need someone here with me. I'm too scared."
He's never heard her voice so raw and vulnerable. He looks up to see Portia and Cinna standing in the doorway. Cinna takes a deep breath and puts his finger to his lips letting Peeta know they will be quite about what is happening. Portia mouths the words barely whispering, "We will get you in the morning before Effie comes in."
Peeta nods in understanding, slides off his slippers and lies down in bed with her. Katniss instinctively presses her body into his and almost immediately falls back asleep. He slowly starts to relax and pulls her warm soft body closer to his. His body goes lax and he can feel himself drift off to sleep with this confusing, beautiful, and tormented girl in his arms.
A/N - You didn't think I'd forget my favorite old curmudgeon do you? And since it's my story, the Knicks won the game.
As usual, I'd like to thank my beta better-than-books for all of her help with this.
