"After the shouty boy screamed, the man seated next to him, an apparent juggaloo, started patting the boy's face, honking softly at him. Another guy at the table, this one in a wheelchair, spoke up, his words faltering every so often.

" She, uh, wanted to, um, borrow t-the dragon, K-Karkat," he sputtered out, shrinking in his chair.

"AND YOU WANT TO LET HER? ARE YOU NOT USING YOUR THINKPAN?"

"KaRkAt, CaLm DoWn MoThErFuCkEr. YoU'rE sCaRiNg TaVrOs." The juggaloo type intercepted for the poor wreck.

"CALM DOWN? TEREZI IS ON ONE OF HER CRAZY WITCH HUNTS AGAIN AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN? GAMZEE, STOP THAT!" Karkat pushed Gamzee's hand away, looking at the last unintroduced member of the party, He managed to calm himself enough to actually say a sentence."

What do you know, Nepeta?"

"I talked to Vriska yesterday, and she says she has the purrfect plan to protect the demon from Terezi's claws," Nepeta practically purred. "She said she should have contact with the Dave-demon's guardian sometime tomorrow."

Dave froze. HE was the Dave-demon. But how did they know him? Dave's head was sent back into spinning status. He almost stumbled out of the parlor, barely managing to keep his expressionless facade in place. Behind him, he heard a violent, hacking cough.

"KaRkAt, YoU aLrIgHt MoThErFuCkEr?" Gamzee.

"Yes I'm…" Karkat broke into another set of coughs, the strength of which shook his slender body. "…fine." His voice was weak, barely stronger than a hoarse whisper, much less a yell.

Shit. Dave smoothly absconded, yanking open a bottle of apple juice and taking a swig, wincing at the bitter taste that pervaded his mouth. He read the label. Hard apple cider. Well, shit. It was Saturday. He was going to get wasted.


"Whoo!" Dave was officially wasted, ironically stumbling around town, bumping into the occasional late-night straggler. It wasn't illegal in this town to be drunk in public, or to be drinking underage, but he still kept a weary, semi-conscious mind out looking for cops. It wouldn't do him any good to be behind bars and shipped off to somewhere far away. He had to, for whatever reason his brain wouldn't give him, find John. But then he saw a young woman, blind, crossing the street. And of course, it would be fun-and ironic-to go hit on her, and at the end of the night leave her hanging, knowing she could probably never find him again. Unless she had super-smell or something. But that would be just weird. Dave sauntered up to the girl.

"Hey guurr-" ohtheresapointythingatmythroatisntitwherediditcomefromohitsthegirlscanewhatthefuckwhatdoidojeguswomanimnotgoingtorapeyoudontkillmeplease.

"You are the Dave-demon." It was not a question. The young lady before him held an authoritative stance, sword held up to Dave's neck.

"Whoa girl, and I thought I was dr-" he was cut off, quite literally, by the sword moving in and nicking his neck. Blood began to bead up from the wound, and Dave watched as the lady's face contorted sharply into one of anguished delight.

"Y-your blood…"she stammered weakly. "I've never smelled anything like it!" She sheathed her sword back in its cane. "I'll allow you to live…for now." She spun around, and had started to walk when Dave was in front of her again.

"Wait. Who the fuck are you?" The girl smiled, leaning into Dave's ear.

"I am Terezi Pyrope, legislacerator. And starting today, your worst nightmare.

Dave went home after that


-ectoBiologist[EB] started pestering arachnidsGrip[AG] at 1:00-

EB: hey is this vriska?

AG: Yes. And I take it you are the Eg8ert?

EB:yes. why did you want me to pester you anyway?

AG: We share a common enemy

EB:what

AG: You are the companion of the Dave-demon, correct?

EG: well, i wouldnt say companion exactly

EB: but yeah, i know him. how did you know that?

AG: News travels fast in demon circles,eg8ert

EB:wow

AG: the Dave-demon is in g8 danger

AG: 8y Terezi

EB: are you sure

AG: My sources are credi8le!

EB: ok fine. so what am i supposed to do?

AG: 8ring Dave to Holly8ear

AG: AT ONCE!

-arachnidsGrip[AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist[EB] at 1:28-

EB:wait come back

EB: ok bye

-ectoBiologist[EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip[AG] at 1:30-

John leaned back in his chair, frustrated. How was he supposed to bring Dave here? Dave didn't even have a com- Wait. Dave's shades! If he was still wearing them, those were the legendary iShades! Tentatively, John clicked on the chumhandle he had wanted to-and often instinctively did- click on for years.

-ectoBiologist[EB] started pestering turntechGodhead[TG] at 1:35-

EG: hey dave!

Wait what? it was practically two in the morning! What made John think he was going to answer at this ungodly hour?

TG: whoa man what teh hell is this

Nevermind.

TG:i was just minfing my own buisness getting rejected by some prime plush ass when

TG:my shades were all like nope and all this blue appears

TG:and red how am i typing this maeks no sensebr

TG:its all like im jegus and youre my loyal diciple

TG:praying to me and shit be like

EB:dave no

TG:hep me god strider unleash your incredible awesomeness i needz it i have drunk insane amounts of the glorious apple juice to appease you and brought you a lifetime supply of that shit fresh crushed from young child apples and organic and not from concentrate golden delicousness and i drink it cause free juice man you don't deni free juice thats like denying life support fer a man that just got hit by a bus like wham and hes bleeding all everywhere so much red like a pile of plush crimson puppet ass and his arm is like one of those worms you find after it rains all stepped on by whiny brats more like a meat noodle or a squished sad proboscis and then hes at the hospital like nah im fine i dont need none of that life shitn thats free juice man so i drink all of it and im sitting there like a king of all applejuice on the apple juice throne my discipples have built for me sipping apple juice like the queen of spain

EB:dave

TG:and im like nah bro you cant handle this

EG:DAVE

EB:its john

TG:oh hey egderp

TG:its been too long man

TG:what happened to best bros forever and all that shit like

EB:dave stop

TG:k wat

EB:i need you to come over here

TG:how

EB:look up holly8ear

EB:i mean hollybear

EB:on your shades

TG:how

EB:you dont remember? its like an iphone

TG:right my turn to be the deciple

TG:pray to god shades

TG:hell im already drunk wahtever

EB: youre DRUNK?

TG:ironically

EB:look just do it ok

EB:bye

TG:bye man

-ectoBiologist[EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead[TG] at 1:45-

TG: wait egderp how do i do this

TG:nevrmind

-turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[EB] at 1:46-

Dave took off his shades, located the 'home' button, and held it until it pinged. A map filled his field of view.

"Go that way for fifteen miles." Dave set off at a drunken stagger.

On second thought, maybe he should pack first. Leave in the morning.