He stretched out languorously with a loud yawn, basking in the feeling of a good night's sleep. He felt really good for some reason, like he had just accomplished something worthwhile; and he didn't know why. He scratched around his collarbone, then popped his neck with a satisfying snap.

"Mmmmm..." He smiled to himself, he felt so warm, it was really nice. Slowly and with another drawn-out yawn he opened his eyes. Wait a goddamn minute, where was he?! This was not his room. This was not his bed, where was his scythe? Where was his rosary?

"Mrmmphgrrmm..." What the hell?! He looked down to see a completely buck naked and pink haired woman clinging to him. Oh... oh damn. What had he done last night? He usually didn't get drunk and he definitely didn't sleep around and where was he? He hadn't been on any missions, in fact he had just returned from one, so what the hell?!

Then it finally dawned on him, or more like crashed on him in a fucking wave, of what he had done last night. He had cleansed her, and not just any run-of-the-mill cleansing either, but a full blown body purification. So... did it work? If it hadn't he would be seriously pissed because he really didn't want to have to spend the whole fucking day purifying himself because he had fucked up a simple cleansing.

But then again he had never really been the cleansing kind of guy in the first place, he was more the sacrificing type, he grinned to himself. If people didn't want to accept god then he could just kill them and let Jashin sort them out. Simpler that way anyhow. So he really didn't know why he had bothered to go to all this effort for her, she had only been here a few weeks, but she had struck him as the type who wouldn't want to convert. He was merely purifying her to buy some time to save her soul, that was it. Really, was it that hard to believe that he could be kind and merciful when he wanted to be? Yeah, he laughed sarcastically, I guess it is.

He twisted lithely in her grasp, it was odd to feel her small hands holding him so gently, even if it was just in her sleep. He scrutinized her face, but it was too dark to see it clearly. Fire jutsus weren't really his thing, he was best with wind when he used them at all, but this was worth it. He called a small katon and held it gingerly in one hand; it took a lot of concentration to control it and keep it from burning him or jumping out of his hand, and that would seriously suck, he didn't need her to wake up and freak out before he could figure out if it had worked or not. With his other hand he gently tilted her face up into the flickering light; now if he remembered correctly there should be a small mark somewhere around here. Was it supposed to be tear? Or maybe a circle? He couldn't remember.

There it was! It was a small circle on the right side of her forehead, it had the silvery gleam of an old scar and if he hadn't known what he was looking for he wouldn't have even noticed it. He smirked self-satisfied, of course it had worked, he was the best follower of Jashin after all. He let the katon go with a sigh of relief, watching for a moment as the slight burn on his palm healed and faded away. Watching himself heal was always fascinating, mostly because it was sheer incontrovertible proof that Jashin loved and favored him; he was not a zombie, it was a divine gift.

He could touch her all he wanted to now. I mean he was kind of part of her now, his blood and prayers were keeping her clean, holy even. He brushed her bangs out of her face, this casual kind of touching was pleasant, more than he ever thought it could be. It wasn't as exciting as the pain inflicted by outright sacrifice, but it was still thrilling in it's own way.

He trailed a finger down her jaw, fingers feathering over her lips just as he remembered she had done to him the night before. Her hands clasped his hips tighter and she let out a breathy sigh. He felt something stir in his gut, what was this? He brought his head down to rest in the crook of her neck and he breathed in deeply, she smelled like sweat, blood and flowers. There was that feeling again, what was it? It felt... good. He brought one hand up to thread through her hair that brushed against his forehead, the other he let drift down her neck. He felt her pulse beating steadily, felt the muscles in her neck slowly flexing under his touch, her skin was so soft and smooth. He carefully let his tongue slip out from parted lips to taste her, she was warm and tasted earthy, with a slight tinge of salt. She moaned, eyes flickering. He paused and she calmed and settled back even deeper into sleep, nuzzling his chest.

It was then that he felt it full force, needless to say his pants were a bit uncomfortable now, but it was such an overwhelmingly strange sensation that he forgot his discomfort for a moment. He had never felt this way, reacted this way, to anyone before. Of course he knew he was very appealing, he used that fact to lure many people, men and women alike, to their well deserved deaths. Like a siren of Jashin, he thought sarcastically. He didn't particularly like that those sacrifices were so easy, but people so corrupted by lust especially needed to be cleansed and sent to Jashin. That was just his opinion though. But now he was feeling what those people had probably felt for him; and for someone with pink hair no less. I guess there really is no accounting for taste.

Well what the hell did it really matter now anyway? She was clean thanks to him and wasn't off limits now. Besides he would be a fool not to know and accept that creation was just as holy as destruction. There couldn't be one without the other, like a circle, an intricate dance if you will. There wouldn't even be a need for destruction if people didn't corrupt the creation anyway, part of the reason destruction and sacrifice were so important to Jashin. Hell he'd be just as pissed if people went around ruining his world with their sins, bloody heathens.

His hand automatically clenched angrily into her hair and he felt her gasp, was she awake? No. This woman was completely bizarre, shouldn't her ninja instincts have kicked in by now? Unless... of course, he grinned with his realization and kissed her clumsily just below her ear. He was gratified by another sharp intake of breath then, more surprisingly, by her leg forcing it's way between his thighs, he barely contained a moan as she rubbed deliciously against his erection. It was ok since it was her, she was better than most people at any rate, she was a medic right? She went around healing people, cleansing them in her own way, even though she was technically still an infidel. And then there was that inhuman strength she had, what an intriguing paradox she made. He quickly forgot about that though as he felt her hand slide slowly up his chest, heard her murmur something softly into his shoulder. Her breath tickled and caused goose bumps to form on his skin. He trembled slightly as she wrapped her arms around him and scratched down his back slowly with her fingernails. She whispered something else a little louder this time and he groaned as her lips rubbed up to a tendon in his neck. God if she was doing so much while asleep he could only imagine how fucking amazing it would be when she was awake.

He was tempted to just wake her up and take her then and there, but all his previous experience with prostitutes and the like had taught him that foreplay was everything to women. If they didn't feel good and ready they could be complete nasty bitches, left a huge mess when they weren't willing. Not that he would find out anyway, he felt someone's presence in the doorway, watching him.

"Well, this ought to be an interesting story." Damn, of all the people to walk in on him and his experiment it just had to be Kakuzu. Well it was his own damn fault, he should have at least made sure the fucking door was shut before he had started licking her and stuff. He sighed this was going to be a long, long day. He could just tell. Kakuzu was guaranteed to find a way to cash in on this; he should have been more careful, especially after the whole cat-grooming-wet-dream-in-the-motel incident.

Just...just fuck.

~O~

She felt awful; it was like a combination of a head flu and the worst possible hangover ever. It seriously sucked, but what was worse was that there was absolutely no reason for it.

After she had woken up she had tenderly probed her aching head with chakra and there was nothing wrong with her. If it had been a simple headache she could have soothed it away, a hangover she could have eased by speeding up her metabolism, the flu she could have healed. Anything she could have healed, but there was nothing to heal and she was pissed. And in major pain.

Very slowly and quietly she crawled out of bed and slipped on some clothes. She didn't want to look at herself in a mirror, pain like this showed. She didn't want to take a shower either, all that water pounding on her head, she couldn't even think about it, so instead she flaked the dry blood from her face and neck and tried her best to pull it out of her hair. It wasn't perfect but it was better. She winced as the door softly creaked as she shut it behind her. Her head had never hurt this badly before, not even when Gaara had slammed her up against that tree. She would take a half-crazed, angry demon child over this migraine any day. She touched a finger up to her right temple and rubbed small circles around it, that place hurt worse than anywhere else and nothing was helping. She didn't want to take another step, but she had to. Food and water had to help, if not what was she going to do?

"What were you doing last night, un?"

Oh, it was so loud, she was going to pass out! She just knew it.

"Yeah and why do you look like utter shit? You realize I can smell Hidan all over you. Care to explain?"

She was going to scream, or as close to a scream as she could get without killing herself. Oh god it hurt, hurt, hurt.

"Seriously, yeah, and why Hidan of all people? I'd almost rather feel you sexing up Kisame than that undead freak, un!"

"I agree and... wait. What was that supposed to mean?"

"Relax, un. It was a fucking compliment."

"Compliment my ass. Like you're one to talk anyway; you've fucking got three mouths!"

"Four actually, un. But hey at least I'm not the color of a fucking sunshiny day, yeah!"

"What the hell?! You want to fight? I'm going to fu... huh?!"

Too much, too much, it was sheer torment.She was a goner!

And with that she passed out, falling into the arms of a bewildered and slightly horrified Kisame.

~O~

"It's kinda cool that she lost control like that."

"Yes, perhaps she reverted to her cat-form as self-defense."

"Or maybe she just passed out and couldn't handle it anymore."

"True, however the issue is still what hurt her enough to provoke this reaction."

"It really creeps me out when you do that, yeah."

Zetsu merely turned and gave him a dismissive glance. Zetsu was seriously right up there with Itachi with the whole "indifferent and aloof" thing. At least with Zetsu he didn't act all "holier than thou, foolish sop" that would have definitely been grounds for a fight. He sighed, sometimes his life was just fucked up, and he over thought things. It was obvious Zetsu had the social skills of a sock monkey. It wasn't really his fault he was a mutated cannibal plant thing. Well he could probably help being a cannibal, but that wasn't really a topic he liked thinking too deeply on.

He watched raptly as Zetsu wetted the kitten and when she transformed, began to examine her. It was interesting the way he did it. Not only with his hands but with several slender vines that came from within his sleeves. He could only assume they were sensitive to the human body or something along those lines. Zetsu just barely touched her the entire time, muttering things under his breath.

Zetsu was an interesting person, mostly because of the way he looked but also because he wasn't entirely sure whether he was just one person or two. Either way was intriguing. He had made several clay replicas of him in the past; blowing up people, particularly interesting people, was so much more artistic than his battle animals.

"Well she didn't copulate with anyone."

"She was tampered with though. It's Hidan's chakra signature but I am not exactly sure what he did."

"It's not like anything we have observed from him before."

"Is that a good thing, un?"

"Well if it wasn't she would be dead, wouldn't she stupid?"

"Behave."

He sighed to himself. Why did Kisame have to leave him to sort all this out by himself? He was just too thin-skinned. Ha. That's pretty funny. He frowned. He should be off somewhere blowing shit up, not playing nurse to the medic. But he would do his job, besides she was pretty sweet and it would bother him if something was actually wrong with her.

"What is that?"

"I do not know, but it's probably the answer."

"What, yeah?"

"There is a peculiar mark on her forehead. It's a perfectly circular scar."

"He marked her? Like a dog, un? I didn't think he did relationships, yeah."

"Who knows?"

"Their children will be so cute, don't you think?" He snickered.

It bothered him even more when Zetsu smiled than when he talked to himself. It was just so sinister and just plain creepy, ten times more so than Kisame's smile. Kisame's smirks were usually good-natured or dripping killing intent. Zetsu's were unclear, he couldn't tell if they were sincere or if they were full of malice or if they even meant anything. They were a mystery, and that was what creeped him out the most.

"It would have been much easier if he was here to explain, but he is on a mission and we will have to heal her ourselves."

"We could try using that, it might relieve her pain."

"Very well, however just a small amount, we do not know how she will react."

He bent over her and raised one of the vines up to her lips. After a moment or so a clear amber liquid dripped into her half parted mouth. She immediately groaned and reached a hand up to her head. Well she was awake now, whatever they had done had worked. Maybe she could explain herself now.

"Hell what is going on?"

"Can you tell me how you hurt yourself so?"

"Hurt myself? No Hidan did something, I remember now..." Her tone changed, she sounded suspicious? "What did you use on me? I don't recognize it."

"You can sense it?"

"Of course, you can't honestly call yourself a medic if you aren't even in tune with your own body." The look on her face was so cute, a mixture of disdain, smugness and alarm. He would have to remember it for an art project later. What a great explosion that would be, almost ironic.

"True." He chuckled again, ugg, those teeth. "It is merely a secretion that I produce and use when I am wounded."

"A secretion?" She paused, and he completely agreed, the wording was pretty disgusting. "Well if you use it on yourself... I'm just going to let it go for now. And thank-you I feel much better."

"You are welcome Sakura-san."

"You know my name? I haven't ever even seen you before."

"I prefer it that way."

"We enjoy our privacy."

Could he be anymore confusing? Apparently Sakura felt the same by the way she frowned. Better not to question it though, he wasn't entirely sure he even wanted to know himself. He did have a nagging suspicion that Zetsu did it on purpose, his own inside joke, and it was just so frickin' hilar~ious.

"But my name is Zetsu. Now tell me what has occurred here."

So Sakura recounted the whole of the story, at least what she could remember of it. It was clear it had all to do with Hidan's freak religion, but not exactly what. It was frustrating, but she was ok; Zetsu had taken care of her pain and there really wasn't anything else they could do. Kakuzu and Hidan were out on a mission and nobody but leader knew when they were due back. His job was done though, so he patted her on the head to let her know he was glad she was ok and he left. He needed to take care of his own headache now anyway.