Summary: Arizona is peculiar and Callie is interested.
AN: Thank you to everyone who reviews and faves and follows. And a special thank you to the guest reviewer who called me a "Callie hating fucking dyke". It made me laugh. I'm sorry I can't update this more, but I'm very slow to write it since I'm focusing on other stories. I know that's frustrating, but y'all knew what it was when I published this.
Anyway, enjoy the chapter.
Also, this is a little thing I'm working on while I get my other Calzona stories written up. It probably won't be super long or anything. Anyway, enjoy.
Caught in a Wonderful Lightning Storm
Chapter VII: Stop before You Start
What if I said I would break your heart?
What if I said I had problems that made me mean?
Arizona spent the rest of her work day in her office with her child. She caught up on charts and consults while August slept, and when the baby woke up and inevitably climbed into her lap, she continued to do those things, but much at a much slower pace. The only people who had the temerity to check in on them were the Chief to tell her that he had rescheduled her surgeries that day, Bailey to make sure everything was okay, and Cristina to make sure August wasn't still losing it. She had gotten a text from Alex asking if her kid was good, and she had a brief phone conversation with Callie an hour or so ago.
Now Arizona only had an hour of her shift left and she was seriously considering leaving early, and it didn't even matter that August didn't seem overly upset anymore. Clingy, of course, but she didn't look like she was going to burst into tears again. Arizona thought it was probably a nightmare that had plagued her daughter's sleep the night before that had caused the withdrawn behavior and subsequent meltdown that morning.
And now she felt drained and she just wanted to be home as soon as possible.
A knock on her office door prevented her from taking steps to make that happen.
"Come in," she called out.
The door opened and Teddy Altman quietly slipped inside, smiling at the sight of August curled up in Arizona's lap. "Hey, how's she doing?"
"Better," she answered in a whisper.
"And you?" Teddy asked, dropping down in one of the chairs in front of Arizona's desk. "How are you?"
"I'm…" she sighed, raking a hand through her baby's curl head of hair. How was she? She was tired and a little bit sad. "I'll be okay."
Teddy nodded, not looking overly convinced. "You wanna talk about it?"
God, no.
"There's not much to talk about. She just had a bad day," Arizona said, shrugging. "A really bad day. But how are you doing?"
"We aren't talking about me," the cardio surgeon countered.
"Considering I just told you my recent happenings, maybe we should talk about you," she remarked evenly.
"Oh? So nothing new is going on with you?" Teddy queried, pointedly.
Her tone didn't go unnoticed and Arizona's head tilted to the side just so, her gaze turning calculating as she emotionally balked. "You on a fishing expedition, Teddy?"
"Is there something going on with you and Torres?"
Were it almost any person other than Arizona Robbins, they might have visibly startled at the almost knowing implications of the question. But since she was Arizona Robbins, her face remained as impassive as ever and her voice as light as always. "Why do you ask?"
"I saw her with August earlier," Teddy hedged, waiting for her friend to respond. When she didn't, Teddy continued, "They seemed pretty comfortable with each other."
"Did they?" She asked loftily.
"Arizona," the taller surgeon warned.
"Teddy," Arizona echoed in the same tone.
"Why are you being obstinate?"
"It's a natural state of being for me," she reposted nonchalantly.
"Just tell me what's going on," Teddy pushed.
"What's going on is my kid had a meltdown and Callie stepped up to watch her while I was in surgery," Arizona summarized, reluctant to tell the whole story.
"And?"
"And what?"
"I know there's more to it than what you're telling me."
Blue eyes rolled skyward before she made a decision. "Callie and I hang out sometimes. She and August see each other occasionally because of that. They have a thing, I guess. August likes her and Callie seems to like August."
"Like Kai," August chimed in quietly.
"Mmm, we know, sweetie," Arizona said just as quietly, kissing the top of her head.
"You and Callie hang out?" Teddy repeated, lowering her brows.
"That's what I said," she confirmed.
"So… are you two dating or something?"
Of fucking course Teddy would go there.
"Not that I am currently aware," she chuckled, having a good idea of where this interrogation was going.
"Do you wanna be dating her?"
And there it was. "As I mentioned to her, I'm not in a position to want anything," Arizona confessed in moment of sincere honesty.
"Why not?" Teddy wanted to know, sensing they were wading into more serious territory than she anticipated.
"When I was a kid, I lived in this house that had a really cool tree in the backyard. It was the perfect tree for a treehouse, but my parents never got around to building it before we had to move again. But still, it was pretty easy for me and my brother to climb, so every day after school we would climb the tree by jumping up and grabbing onto its lowest branch. One day though, my brother grabbed onto the branch and it broke and he fell. He didn't get hurt or anything, but it still kind of freaked me out. So I asked my mamma why the branch broke and she told me that it broke because it could only take so much of me and my brother jumping and climbing on it before it gave out." Arizona stopped talking to take a deep breath. It wasn't a very significant event in her childhood, but it was something she had never ever been able to forget.
Teddy was quiet for several seconds, thinking about the anecdote she was just told. "So, what are you saying? You've broken too many metaphorical branches?"
"No, Teddy," Arizona shook her head, smiling a sad, resigned smile. "I am the branch."
August wouldn't go to sleep. Arizona had been home for three hours and August just refused to go to sleep. It didn't matter that the little girl was utterly exhausted, she would not sleep. She wouldn't sleep in her crib, she wouldn't sleep in Arizona's bed, she wouldn't sleep in Arizona's arms, she wouldn't go to sleep. She also didn't wanna be put down at all. The young mother was supremely frustrated and tired. But what could she do? Put August in her crib and just let her cry?
Absolutely fucking not. Not after that morning.
"Piccolina, please go to sleep," she implored for what felt like the thousandth time that night.
"You go to sleep," August sassed back drowsily. Her head was lolling on Arizona's shoulder and her eyelids kept fluttering open and closed rapidly in an effort to stay awake.
"I'll go to sleep when you do," Arizona countered, trying not to laugh.
"No," the baby refused petulantly, which she expected.
That was essentially what her night thus far had consisted of; a lot of sass, a lot of swaying, and a lot of walking back and forth around her apartment.
"Mama," August sighed against her shoulder.
"Pepper," she sighed back, not getting a response. Not that she expected one.
There had been a lot of that tonight as well.
A knock on the front door startled both of them and the pair of them just turned and stared at it for a moment because August sure as shit didn't invite anyone over and Arizona couldn't recall extending an invitation to anyone to visit them either. Despite that, there was someone at their door, so Arizona approached it and stood on the tips of her toes to look through the peephole.
"Calliope," the name was out of her mouth without her even recognizing it just before she unlocked the door and opened it. "Calliope," she repeated, gazing at the nervous-looking woman standing across the threshold.
"Hey," Callie greeted, her smile weak and unsure.
"Hey," she echoed, not smiling and not frowning. "You're here."
"I'm here," Callie confirmed with a heavy breath as she glanced down at the ground for a moment to steady her nerves. "I, uh… I thought I'd come and check on you‒ both of you. I know you said on the phone earlier that you guys were fine, but I just, uh, kinda needed to see for myself. So, I'm here and I brought food 'cause I didn't know if you'd eaten yet and it felt weird to show up empty handed, ya know?"
Arizona reached out with her free hand to take the bag of takeout that was offered to her. "Thank you," she smiled, but made no other movements to either invite her in or ask her to leave.
"I totally don't have to stay," the brunette rushed to say when Arizona didn't do or say anything else. "I didn't come here expecting something or anything. I just… wanted to see you."
Something in Arizona broke or shift or snapped or― she couldn't find the word for it, but Callie just wanting to see her brought up a swell of all the emotions she was trying so fucking hard to keep a rein on. And suddenly tears were stinging her eyes and her chest was feeling light and warm and god, Calliope just wanted to see her.
She didn't think she'd be able to speak without sobbing so she just nodded and stepped aside in a silent invitation, despite an overwhelming part of her that was screaming at her to run away. Away from whatever was happening between the two of them because undoubtedly no good would come from it. All she would do was ruin this intelligent, stunning, amazing goddess of a woman and her life in Seattle would burn to the ground.
And everything would be ashes under her destructive feet.
But when did Arizona Robbins ever learn?
She gestured for Callie to take a seat in the living room before she strode into the kitchen to drop the food off on the counter. It was only then that she noticed the soft, even breathing against her neck. August was finally asleep. An actual miracle. Arizona took a moment to suck in a gust of air to help settle herself, knowing it would do nothing for her. She was caught up. Utterly. Disastrously. Beautifully.
She made a short task of putting August in her crib and making sure the baby was comfortable and settled in, not wanting to risk the one year old waking up. Walking out of the nursery and back out toward the living room, she wondered what she was doing. She wondered how she had let something like this happen when she knew better. She couldn't keep doing this to people. Especially not to someone like Calliope. She deserved so much better.
"Hey, your place is gr‒" Callie's compliment was interrupted by insistent pink lips pressed tightly to her mouth. The blonde had approached swiftly, palmed her cheeks in both hands, and walked her back toward the sofa where she fell back with Arizona clumsily straddling her. The kiss was short lived, but served to severely compromise Callie's thought process. "Uh…"
"I'm happy you're here," Arizona whispered the confession against her lips, sounding pained when she spoke.
The tone of her lover's voice instantly put Callie on alert as she held her closer. "I'm happy that you're happy, Arizona." Her words seemed to strike a nerve because the next thing she felt was the gentle splash of tears against her cheeks and the trembling of the body in her lap. Her own breath caught in her throat and her stomach twisted horribly. "Arizona? Baby, what's wrong?"
The blonde just shook her head and kissed her once more. "Please, just sit here. Sit here with me," she pleaded in little more than a murmur, her eyes sliding shut as she continued to cry.
"I'm here, sweetness," Callie reminded her, rubbing a soothing hand up and down Arizona's back. "Whatever you need."
God, this woman.
Arizona needed a moment. She needed― she just― she needed everything to stop. This wasn't meant to happen. She wasn't supposed to move across the country away from everything she'd ever known, away from all the shadows that haunted her in Boston, and fall in love. She wasn't meant to be with anyone, she knew that now. She had learned that much at least. But then Calliope…
But then Calliope showed up and she'd gotten so caught up in her. She hadn't even realized it, but she knew better. She shouldn't have started anything with the ortho surgeon. She absolutely knew better. And yet, still she had fallen into banter, into sex, into this. She was with Calliope and that realization made her choke on her own fear. She couldn't do this. She couldn't do this to Callie.
But she didn't know if she could stop.
And she didn't know if Callie would let her.
"I'm sorry." For everything. She didn't even know how to do this. To pull away from the warmth and comfort the other woman brought her without hesitation. She pulled away from the embrace they were engaged in and sat back to look at her lover. Callie was peering at her in confusion and Arizona wanted to smile. "I think I'm falling in love with you." Dark chestnut eyes widened considerably and she could see where her lips were beginning to curl upward, but Arizona hadn't finished. "And I know you won't understand, but that's why I'm apologizing. I'm so sorry, Callie." Because I'm going to shatter you.
"You're apologizing for loving me?" Callie damn sure didn't understand at all. Finally knowing that Arizona felt the same way she did made her ecstatic, but the crushed look on her face made Callie apprehensive. "Why? What's so bad about falling in love with me, Arizona?"
"Nothing," Arizona breathed out happily. Falling in love with Callie was unimaginably joyous. "Nothing is wrong falling in love with you, lovely."
"Then why are you apologizing for doing it?" This had to be, without a doubt, the most confusing conversation Callie had ever participated in.
The pediatric surgeon released a hollow bark of laughter, her shimmering blue eyes darting all over the place. "Because I'm crazy and broken and everything I touch gets destroyed. I'm no good for you and I have no business loving anyone besides my daughter. So, I'm sorry because I think I'm gonna break you and I don't want to."
"So don't," Callie mumbles, watching the blonde carefully. There was a sinking feeling that was weighing her heart down, having a pretty good of how this was going to go.
"I can't help it!" She shrieked, frustrated and distressed. "I don't want it to be like this and it's not really even my fault; it's just how it is. It's always been like this."
"Been like what, Arizona? I need you to explain this to me because you're not really making any sense," Callie told her, keeping a firm hold on her waist to prevent Arizona from moving away. She didn't think she'd be able to handle her pulling away after telling her she was falling in love with her.
Could she really tell her? Reveal all the horrors she'd been through. Maybe if she explained why she was no good for Callie, the brunette would break things off with her and she wouldn't have to worry about having another person on her conscience. Hell, Callie might even run for the goddamn hills if Arizona told her everything. And that would hurt, but it would be better than the alternative. She knew that much.
But how could she tell the woman she had just fallen for that she had killed nearly everyone she loved?
Maybe you can stop before you start.
Maybe you can see that I just may be too crazy to love.
So this chapter was shorter, but I still hope you liked it. And all will be explained in the next chapter. Y'all might not like it though.
Chapter title and lyrics: You Should Know Where I'm Coming From by Banks
Review, per favore.
~Elphaba C. Snow Thropp
