Master of Puppets, Demolition Chief
By: Dirty Reid
Chapter 6: Black Sheep
A.N: I really should be working on the 2nd chapter of The Boston Tea Party, but I had planned for this chapter for so long that I just had to get it out and onto the site.
Again, thank you to all of my loyal fans and reviewers for voting on my OC's special ability: Now get the popcorn ready, you finally get to see it in action!
The taller of the two cowled figures appeared to be staring at the cracked and destroyed wall of Konoha in some sort of wonderment. Said figure stood at least six feet tall. Their face was obscured by a conical rice farmer's hat, from which strips of paper draped to conceal their face, along with a very small bell. Their body was concealed by a jet black cloak decaled with red clouds, hugging their upper body and flaring out around the waist, fitting snugly but allowing manoeuvrability should they need to move in battle. On their back was some sort of large bludgeon, wrapped in white gauze with only the yellowish hilt and skull-shaped pommel visible.
"Looks like a typhoon hit the place." he said in a gruff, masculine voice.
"Makes it easier for us." Said the second figure in a feminine voice. She was dressed in identical attire to her male counterpart, save for several small differences. The most notable difference was her larger bust, which would be much more appealing were the cloak to be discarded. The second difference was that she carried two objects on her back. But instead of bludgeons, they looked more like the bastard love child of an orgy between a cleaver, a katana and a zanbato. Both of their blades were about two-and-a-half feet long, they had red grips and were encased in non-reflective leather sheaths. Despite being the smaller of the two, the female harboured a suppressed aura that promised far more danger than the male.
She quickly proved that when they approached a rift in the wall. The Chuunin standing guard had barely heard the ringing of their bells before the female had darted up to her and cleanly bisected her from right shoulder to left hip. The Chuunin died before she could even register she had seen her killer.
"That's right you sons of bitches," she said quietly, "I'm back, and I'm jonesing for some violence." she quickly flicked her blade to clean it of blood before she resheathed it.
For the umpteenth time that day, Naruto rolled his eyes. As if he didn't have enough on his plate having to hide four extremely dangerous nukenin, aiding in the reconstruction of Konoha and paying attention to his new girlfriend, now he was being called before the Hyuuga Court. Although the uptight messenger had not given a reason as to why, Naruto had a pretty good idea.
He took a deep breath as the gate to the Main Compound swung slowly open without a sound, just increasing the eeriness of the looming mansion before him. Under the deep grey cloud cover, the Hyuuga mansion could very well have resembled something from a horror movie. But did it scare him? Not in the slightest.
He was greeted (sort of) by a Hyuuga Branch member and led through the twisting halls of the near labyrinthine home of the white-eyed clan, all the while wondering how he could get out of the place without blowing it up but still managing to make several Hyuuga shit their pants. He quickly remembered to burn that bridge when he was brought into a circular chamber, complete with anywhere between twenty to thirty tiers. Every seat in the house appeared to be occupied by a Hyuuga, with the Main family sitting in the lower tiers, and the Branch in the upper.
Predictably, Hyuuga Hiashi sat front and centre with two other Hyuuga, a male and female whose names he did not know or care to know. Directly behind them sat Hiashi's daughters, Hinata and Hanabi. Despite being a clan priding themselves on concealing their emotions, the two girls could obviously not hide the fact that they were afraid of the blonde boy who had apparently slain a member of their clan quite easily.
"Sit," said Naruto's 'guide', indicating a wooden chair in the centre of the circular room. Naruto looked skeptically at the chair, using quick little chakra pulses to scan it for any incarceration seals or chakra leeches. Finding none, he hesitantly seated himself in the uncomfortable wooden chair. After a moment, all was silent and Hiashi opened the case.
"Namikaze Naruto of Konoha, do you know why you have been brought before this council today?" he asked in a tone that made it sound as though he were speaking to a small child. So much for a civil conversation.
"The kid's not mine! I swear, she's lying!" Naruto protested. There was silence before an outraged murmur swept through the court like a wildfire. Hiashi looked outraged at the notion of someone making a funny in his court. The elderly female Hyuuga to his right raised a gavel and banged it several times.
"Order!" she commanded in a surprisingly loud voice. When the assembled clan quieted and Naruto stopped snickering, every glare in the house was directed at him.
"You will refrain from making comments unrelated to the proceedings, Namikaze." she ordered. Naruto cocked one of his eyebrows at her.
"And what makes you think I'll just let you boss me around, you geriatric fuck?" Naruto asked in a calm reply, eliciting more murmurs at such casual use of foul language. "You hold no jurisdiction over how I act."
"Regardless, you are in the presence of persons above you, and are expected to behave as such." she snapped in reply. Naruto looked at her, never lowering his eyebrow.
"You? Above me? Ha ha, that's actually pretty funny." Naruto said with a grin and a forced chuckle. The elder man looked like he was about to snarl at Naruto when Hiashi let out a quick, but extremely powerful pulse of chakra.
"Enough of this impudence! Hisako, stand down! Namikaze-san, cool your tongue." he ordered. For once, Naruto felt just a little bit intimidated. Now he knew why Hiashi held the title of clan head. Silence immediately befell the court.
"As I asked previously Namikaze-san, do you know why you have been called before this court?" he asked, doing very well at suppressing his irritation brought on by the blonde puppet master.
"Umm... no?" Naruto responded, going with the playing dumb response. Hiashi almost rolled his eyes. Almost.
"Namikaze Naruto, you stand before this court today, accused of the murder of Hyuuga Hiatari of the Main Hyuuga Family. How do you plead?" Hiashi asked. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Goddamn, I thought I explained this to you. What are you, deaf? I killed him as a retaliatory action for attempting to have me killed. Is... Umm, dammit, what was his name... oh! Is Hyuuga Hikaze present?" Naruto called, looking through the upper tiers. Finally, a feminine man rose from his seat. Naruto felt a pinch of regret to see the scars he had surely inflicted upon the man's face. All eyes were now on him.
"Namikaze-san speaks the truth Hiashi-sama," Hikaze confirmed in a voice that sounded not quite as strong as it should have been. "Hiatari-ani ordered me to assassinate Namikaze-san. Should I have refused, he would have seen to it that my wife and children would have perished by means of the Caged Bird seal." Hikaze's voice grew slightly stronger as doubt regarding the current situation spread throughout the court. Hisako and the elder male did not seem convinced though.
"When I was captured, I felt that I was being unduly punished and wanted nothing more than to strike back. But after I thought about it, I realized that Namikaze-san had every right to harm me like he did because I failed to see him through my own eyes as a human being, simply relying on what others viewed him as; a monster." Naruto had begun to smile just a little bit.
"I conceded the information, and he spared my life. In the end, he did Konoha a favour by removing from it a man corrupted by his power over others." Hikaze finished his speech, and a murmur of agreement over the untold revelation rippled through the court.
Down from the chair, Naruto nodded to Hikaze in appreciation, not expecting a reply. Imagine his surprise when he received a wink in return. In the front seat, the steel-hearted elders and leader were talking amongst themselves. In all reality, what the majority of the clan thought mattered little to nothing to them. They made all of the decisions, regardless of the opinion of their subordinates.
"Order!" The elder male boomed. "Regardless of his motives, Namikaze Naruto remains guilty of the murder of Hyuuga Hiatari, and the theft of the Byakugan. Such crimes are punishable by death. However Namikaze-san, seeing as you still possess Hiatari's remains, we will offer you two choices. Plead not guilty, and you will be tried before Konoha's Superior Court, most likely ending in your execution. Plead guilty and surrender Hiatari's body, and you will be detailed to serving the Hyuuga for a minimum of ten years. What will your choice be?" he asked in a smug voice.
Naruto frowned. 'Now this won't do at all.'
"What is your name Hyuuga-san?" Naruto asked. The wrinkles around the man's eyes became more pronounced for a moment.
"Hyuuga Hiruki." Hiruki answered warily.
"Okay, Hyuuga Hiruki, Fuckface," Naruto said as he got up from his chair and began a slow amble forwards. "First, take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!" Naruto yelled, startling every member of the assembled court. Even Hiashi jumped a bit; his elder daughter Hinata had fainted.
"Now I don't know what kind of clan protection bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Konoha, pal, is my turf now." Naruto had now reached the other side of the bench and was making the elders skitter back from him.
"So whatever you think you can do to me, you better think again. Cuz' if I get another summons for 'unjustly' murdering one of your clan members, I'll just have to come down here, and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you, got it?" he asked as he placed a hand on the bench.
"You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations to get a fucking Binding Resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you." Naruto had placed his knee on the bench while jabbing his finger at Hiruki, and several members of the assembled court felt their control over their bowels or bladders weakening.
"I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!" Naruto bellowed at the top of his lungs as he kneeled on the bench. Little flecks of spittle had landed on Hiashi and the elders' faces, and every member of the Hyuuga clan was fervently making a mental note to never cross the psychotic blonde.
Remarkably, his face went from enraged to completely content in zero seconds flat.
"Glad we could sort this out. Now if you dipshits will excuse me, I do believe I am missing some cuddling time with my girlfriend." Naruto chirped as he practically skipped out of the court by disappearing through the wall.
No one made a sound for the next three or so minutes. Mostly because the entire court were questioning whether the blonde would actually do such a thing.
Oddly enough, no one doubted it.
(A.N: Goddamn, I love Tropic Thunder! Don't you?)
Not far away, there was a small dango shop. Inside said shop, four Jounin and one Tokubetsu Jounin discussed their strange encounters during the short battle with the combined forces of Oto and Suna.
"So let me get this straight," Ibiki started, "Asuma and Gai, you were up against a shit ton of guys when Akasuna no Sasori just showed up out of the blue and slaughtered them before leaving you two without a scratch?" he finished incredulously. Asuma and Gai nodded, oddly enough, silent in the process.
"To compound that," Kurenai continued as she munched on one of her delicious dumplings, "while you were about to get crushed by one of Orochimaru's giant snakes and there was no way you could stop it, Deidaraof all people blew the thing up, dropped a one-liner and just took off?" Ibiki grunted an affirmative, taking a swig of sake.
"In addition," Kakashi began to add his two ryou "you were about to be raped when the one and only Zetsu pops out of the ground and saves your life, and not so he can eat you afterwards?" Kurenai indicated herself as if to say 'I'm still alive, aren't I?' Kakashi shook his head and took a sip of sake faster than anyone could see.
It was mere seconds later that Uchiha Sasuke entered the dango shop. He had been told by Kakashi to meet him there for reasons unknown. Sasuke was certain that it wasn't for a bite, seeing as he disliked sweets, so it must be something important. He spotted his sensei, rapt in conversation with several other veteran shinobi. He began a walk towards them, but stopped when he got wind of their conversation.
"And to top it off," Asuma concluded, "you were about to get gang beat by a dozen or so Oto shinobi when out of nowhere, Uchiha Itachi shows up, hacks em' up, insults you and leaves? What the hell gives with today?" he asked. Sasuke didn't particularly care to know. He had stopped listening as soon as 'the name' had been spoken, and said owner of 'the name' was in Konoha. Appointment with Kakashi forgotten, Sasuke dashed out of the shop, in search of his elder brother.
"Hey, you remember Naruto saying he was trained by Sasori when he was up against that Suna puppeteer in the preliminaries?" Kurenai asked. Asuma perked up.
"Yeah. And I never told anyone this, not even Otou-san, but on the way to my team's heist in Ame, Zetsu showed up and was apparently quite familiar with Naruto." Asuma added. Everyone shared a look at him before theories began to bubble up and take form.
"You do not think that all four of them are connected to Naruto somehow, do you?" Gai asked.
"The chances of all four of them being here by coincidence are practically nonexistent." Kakashi pointed out rather blandly.
"I say we should split up and try to find them. If we run into Naruto, we can question him." Kurenai proposed.
"Alone? I agree with your most youthful plan Kurenai, but against an S-rank nukenin, or even Naruto, we would be hard pressed to survive an encounter, let alone win. Perhaps combing the village in pairs would be more productive." Gai suggested. There was silence as the four remaining Jounin pondered Gai's surprisingly intelligent decision.
"Good idea. Kurenai and I will search together, Kakashi, you go with Gai. Ibiki, I suggest you find a partner if you want to help us out. If we aren't back here in thirty, come looking." Asuma gently brushed his significant other's hand on the way up, prompting her to hurry after him to hide her blush. Kakashi mentally moaned at being stuck with Gai and Ibiki quickly Shunshin'd out of the shop.
Twenty-five minutes of combing the village and forests of Konoha had yielded no results. Asuma and Kurenai had searched every residence building, every lodging house, every hotel, every run down apartment complex and every brothel in the eastern third of Konoha. Even Naruto's apartment had yielded no results, although they did make the surprise discovery of a bong and a few scraps of marijuana. With a sniff of it from Asuma, much to Kurenai's distaste, he had concluded it to be Dragon's Breath, a brand exclusive to Konoha that was actually quite common. Asuma said that that little detail would create more dead ends than leads, but regardless, they should head for the Underground, a jealously guarded, seedy little bar where most of the illegal stuff in Konoha was traded. The dealers there were easily bribed and their memories were none too shabby either.
On the way, they were distracted by the presence of two foreign chakra signatures. One was clearly a huge amount of chakra forced into submission to avoid detection. The second one though... the second one was large, yes, but was under far greater control. It unsettled both Asuma and Kurenai, but for different reasons. Kurenai, because the suppressed signature couldn't hide the intent to kill. Asuma, because he remembered the signature from before, but he couldn't remember where.
They met the sources of the two signatures on a concrete walk beside the river. Both of them wore rice farmer's hats that concealed their faces, black cloaks with red clouds, and both carried some sort of weapon on their back. The larger, more masculine one carried a single object that looked somewhat like a club protected by wrappings. The smaller, feminine one carried two blades that looked like they were the bastard love children created by an orgy between a cleaver, a katana and a zanbato.
"You two aren't from around here." Asuma stated in a deadpan tone. The two cloaked figured made no reply. For at least twenty seconds, the only sound was the flowing water.
Sniff.
Asuma's eyes flicked to the smaller cloaked figure. He could have sworn they just sniffed. Sniff. There it was again! What was with that sniffing noise?
Tip.
Asuma heard another sound, this one originating from somewhere lower. He flicked his eyes downwards to view something rather odd.
There was a tiny wet spot below where the smaller figure's face would have been. Then came another. And another. Each wet spot came with a small sniff, and eventually, a noise that sounded like a vainly contained hiccup.
'Is that guy crying?' Asuma wondered. He got his answer just seconds after he had processed that thought.
"Hm... figures you would still be with that whore..." said the smaller figure, which was apparently female. Kurenai's eyes narrowed when the cloaked woman called her a whore. Asuma's eyes narrowed along with his significant other's. The larger cloaked figure moved his head in a barely noticeable circle, as though he had rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Here we go again," he mouthed.
"Where do you get off calling her a whore?" Asuma snapped warily, tensing his muscles as he prepared for the fight he smelled approaching. His question drew the gaze of the female, who sniffed one more time.
"Do you truly not recognize my voice anymore?" she asked. Her right arm came up, revealing a slender, delicate-looking right hand with well painted purple nails that had been filed to mimic claws. On her ring finger was a ring with a fiery crimson centre, the kanji for 'Red' the only decoration. Her hand gently clasped the rice farmer's hat upon her head and slowly lifted it. Asuma and Kurenai grew tenser as the woman prepared to reveal herself. An hour seemed to have passed before she lifted her hat to lessen the shadows she was cowled in. Asuma's heart skipped a couple of beats when he saw before him a pair of four-tomoe Sharingan eyes, blazing in all of their malevolent glory.
Wait... four tomoe?
Asuma's cigarette dropped from his mouth as painful memories burst from the closet he had so desperately tried to hide them in.
"No! That's i-impossible! Y-you can't be you, you-you're dead for Kami's sake!" Asuma spluttered, clearly unable to believe who was standing in front of him. The woman simply lifted her rice hat farther until it came completely free of her head.
A cascading ponytail of steel grey hair that shone bright as any weapon in the afternoon light fell from its confines within the hat. Any stray hair that could have fallen over her forehead was kept back by the Konoha hitai-ate she wore, which had a single scratch directly through the leaf symbol. Sitting in the plain black hair tie were several needles that could likely be used as backup weapons. Her face, which looked somewhere in the region of thirty-something, could be described as shaped like a rhombus or a pentagon, but was likely one of the most attractive faces within the land.
Her high cheekbones immediately created an impression of aristocracy and sharpness which accented her beauty. Her ivory skin was tight and unwrinkled, but small lines appeared around the corners of her mouth, which was stretched into a thin smile; a smile that was bereft of any warmth or kindness. Her Sharingan eyes were as sharp as the blades on her back, and truly made up for her standing at a mere 5'5".
"Nice to see you too Asu-chan." the Uchiha woman replied to Asuma's stuttering statement. Kurenai redirected her gaze to the chain-smoking Jounin.
"You know this woman?!" she snapped. Said woman's smile simply became a little less thin. The larger man seemed to be watching in amusement.
"She's Uchiha Sarabi; prodigy, and my ex-girlfriend." Asuma answered. Kurenai's mouth dropped open. Asuma had never said anything about having an ex!
"Yeah, bet you never brought me up until now, didn't you Asu-chan? Didn't want the go-getter whore to know you're a cheating sneak at heart, eh?" Sarabi asked snidely.
"Go-getter?! What the hell is your problem?!" Kurenai snapped at Sarabi. The older Uchiha woman sniffed again as another tear fell from her eye.
"You stole him from me you bitch! I don't know if it's just because he likes red eyes or he has commitment problems, but you've still got to DIE!" Sarabi screamed, launching herself forward from her standing position with enough chakra to create a spider-web of cracks in the concrete. A truckload of adrenalin gushed through Kurenai as she dove to the side, barely avoiding Sarabi's claws swiping the air she once occupied and getting a few of her hairs sliced in the process. Sarabi stopped herself by grinding her heels into the concrete and doing a backflip. She landed beside Kurenai, who was raising herself up, and snapped off a kick to the Jounin's ribs that lifted her about four into the air. Sarabi wound up her fist and planted it in Kurenai's side with brutal force. Kurenai gave an exclamation of pain as the force of Sarabi's punch sent her forwards a few feet before she smacked into the ground. Her ribs protested movement as she tried to get up and retaliate.
Asuma had whipped out his trench knives and was about to rush Sarabi when the larger figure, which he had temporarily forgotten about upon learning that his ex was still alive, moved in front of him and had almost swiped him with his large bludgeon. Asuma managed to suck his hest in far enough so that the edge of the white wrappings just brushed his vest.
"Tut, tut, tut Asu-chan, you don't wanna forget about me now, do you?" he asked in a deep and gravelly voice, mockingly using Sarabi's pet name for him. He removed his right hand, which was a muted bluish colour, and discarded his own conical hat, tossing it to the ground. Asuma couldn't help but wince in disgust as the man revealed his less-than-appealing face.
Like his hand, the man's skin was blue. His small eyes were beady and their veins pulsed rapidly, looking that much brighter under the shadows above them. His upright blue hair that was eerily similar to Kakashi's hairdo was held by a helmet-style hitai-ate with a score through the centre of it and the symbol of Kirigakure emblazoned in the centre. There were three slits on both of his cheeks that looked not unlike gills. His mouth was stretched into a grin, exposing his triangular teeth that would not have looked out of place in the jaws of a shark. In all reality, this man looked more like a shark with legs than a human. That meant he could be only one person.
"Hoshigaki Kisame, formerly of Kirigakure and the Kiri no Shinobigatana Nananin Shu," (Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of the Mist) Asuma stated emotionlessly. "Exiled for aiding and abetting a coup d'état against the Mizukage, and allegedly assassinating the Water Daimyo." Kisame's grin only seemed to get wider.
"Ah, it feels so nice to be known outside of your old home." he said in an aloof voice. "'Course that usually means I have to get rid of whoever it is that knows me." he licked his lips with a surprisingly long tongue before he got back to trying to swat Asuma. For being such a large weapon, Kisame was able to swing it quite easily, and with one hand nonetheless. Asuma began to sweat as he danced around the huge bludgeon, only sweating more when Kisame swung it with enough power to create a crater in the concrete bigger than the one Sarabi had.
Eventually, Asuma had to raise his knives and stop the bludgeon. His knees bent under the enormous pressure Kisame was applying on the weapon. He transferred chakra to his arms to reinforce them, and some of the pressure on his knees lessened. Kisame gritted his teeth harder and pushed down harder with both arms.
"My sword, Samehada," he grunted quietly. "Is not like any other sword. It does not cut," Asuma felt the wrappings around Samehada rest on his sleeve.
"It shaves!" Kisame yanked the blade backwards and Asuma felt several severe stings along his left arm. He looked to see about seven or eight inches of Samehada's wrappings being torn off to reveal a navy blue mass of spikes, the lower half now tipped with his blood as it scraped off several slivers of his skin. The wounds were not deep, but they still hurt.
Kisame grinned as he raised Samehada and licked Asuma's blood off of it. "Mmm, tasty," he said darkly before he charged in again. Anticipating the rush, Asuma strafed to his left and threw out a punch. Kisame moved his head to the left and dodged the hook. He winced when he felt a prominent stinging sensation and his cheek began to dribble blood. Asuma kept himself from grinning as he lowered the wind-natured chakra extensions on his knives that he was so famous for as he moved back in to try and dispatch Kisame and aid Kurenai.
Kurenai was not faring so well. Taijutsu was not her strong point, nor was her endurance particularly high. She cursed her shorthanded areas of combat because Sarabi seemed to be quite proficient in those areas, and was giving her no mercy. She ducked a diagonal tornado kick and raised her arms to block the following hook punch. She forced her arms forwards to throw Sarabi backwards and brought both of her arms forwards into spear hand strikes. Sarabi brought her arms up and out, deflecting the blows that would have struck her chest and quickly delivered an open palm strike to Kurenai's chest. Kurenai skidded back about five feet, so the blow was clearly laced with chakra. The red-eyed Jounin stared at her elder opponent, whose thin smile had not left her face. Kurenai grimaced at the notion that she was being toyed with.
"Asu-chan must've really lowered his standards if he's dating someone like you." Sarabi observed, her smile growing minutely when Kurenai's face tightened at the jab. Kurenai reached for her kunai pouch and flung a handful of the little black knives at Sarabi. Three of the kunai were normal, but two others were experimental weapons that had just come out under a month ago: Incendiary Kunai.
The design concept was rather simple. It was simply a kunai with an engraved seal on it. After throwing the kunai, the thrower would give off a pulse of chakra, activating the seal and triggering a small explosion of flames. If the kunai was already imbedded in the target, it would set them on fire if the wound was non-lethal, or it would make sure that they died. If the kunai landed near a target, it could catch them in the blast radius and set them on fire. Kurenai hoped she could see Sarabi burn.
Quickly flashing her Sharingan, Sarabi noted that a seal on a kunai was generally a bad thing. She quickly reached back and grasped one of the hilts of her large blades, drawing it swiftly and using the flat side of it to deflect the kunai. The five projectiles bounced off the gleaming steel with five pings and flew towards the ground or into the air. Sarabi backpedaled as Kurenai made a one-handed seal, and the seal-laden kunai gave off small explosions of flames with about a six foot radius. Sarabi made a note to ensure she was never on the receiving end of one of those little nasties. She looked up from the two explosions to see that Kurenai had vanished. Sarabi quickly activated her Sharingan once again to see a net of chakra encapsulating her.
'Genjutsu,' she thought just before tree roots seemed to grow out of the ground and ensnare her. She craned her head to see Kurenai sticking out of the tree trunk behind her with another one of those special kunai. The Konoha Jounin was smirking a little bit, thinking this was the end. Sarabi shook her head as her Sharingan flared to life once again.
"Sakasa!" (Reverse) she commanded. Immediately, the chakra net fluctuated and was reversed upon Kurenai, who felt herself trapped against the trunk of a tree. Sarabi shook her head condescendingly.
"Inexperienced and stupid. What a winning combination." Sarabi commented sarcastically as she spun her blade about and began her run at Kurenai with the intent to stab her in the stomach. Thinking fast, Kurenai bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. As the reddish liquid trickled down her chin, she felt the foreign chakra exit her system and was able to jump high enough to avoid what would have been a fatal impact. Kurenai bunched up her legs and quickly snapped them out, planting them in Sarabi's chest as hard as she could in an impromptu drop kick. The impact drove her back enough to allow her to land on her hands and crudely flip back onto her feet. Sarabi stumbled back a few steps trying to recover from having the wind knocked out of her. She looked up at Kurenai, eyes blazing.
"So you do have some fight in you." Sarabi muttered coldly before she sheathed her blade and began a zigzag approach. Kurenai took out a pair of kunai to defend herself. Sarabi was coming at her from the left and Kurenai took a quick swipe. Sarabi ducked the blade and caught Kurenai's impromptu front kick. She latched onto Kurenai's ankle with her other hand and pulled Kurenai off balance. With a quiet roar, Sarabi threw Kurenai with all of her might, using chakra for some extra oomph. Kurenai flew head over heels through the air and would have sunk into the water if she hadn't used chakra to keep herself on the surface. She raised herself to her hands and knees, waiting for Sarabi to approach her from behind. As the minor vibrations grew louder, Kurenai whipped around and tossed her third and final Incendiary Kunai. Critical hit.
Sarabi lurched backwards as the kunai buried itself into her stomach. She managed a small grunt of surprise before the kunai exploded.
From their fight, Asuma and Kisame looked over again as another explosion went off. Asuma felt something in his chest as he watched his ex-girlfriend die in a blast of flames. He pondered what it could be, his theory being relief or sadness. He hoped and prayed that it was the former.
"Nice try," said Sarabi's voice from the treeline, where she dropped out of the canopy and brushed off a few clinging leaves. "Although I gotta admit, I thought you would have done better against a Kage Bunshin." Kurenai paled just a little more.
"I was fighting a clone the entire time?" she asked in disbelief. Sarabi nodded.
Asuma's second of distraction was enough for Kisame to catch him in the chest with a punch. He stepped back and hunched over as he tried to regain his breath. Kisame raised Samehada and prepared to deliver the final blow.
His arm stopped about halfway down. It had been caught by a rather strong arm. Kisame looked to his left just in time to see a greyish flash before a fist was driven into his mug. The shark man stumbled back a step or two before he was driven back again by a kick to the chest. He dug his feet into the ground and glared up at his attacker, who was a face he had seen in many Bingo Books. Sharingan no Hatake Kakashi.
Sarabi was observing Kisame's judgment being halted. Her momentary disregard for her surroundings almost cost her dearly, had she not detected the unappealing scent of body odour and spandex. She activated her Sharingan again and was just barely able to duck the tornado kick that would have surely taken her head off. She sprang from her crouch and managed to twist around fast enough to follow up with a retaliatory shuriken. Her attacker, clad in a hideous outfit composed of evergreen and orange, deflected the shuriken easily, but was slowed down just enough for Sarabi to get her distance.
She landed gracefully and sized up her opponent. Six feet plus; evergreen leotard; orange leg-warmers; caterpillars clinging to his forehead; yup, Konoha was FUMTU (Fucked Up More Than Usual). At least, it seemed more so than when she had left. Craziness was contagious, but then again, bad fashion sense was even more contagious. Sarabi wouldn't have been surprised if someone who looked exactly like this freak was walking around the village.
Lying in his hospital bed, Rock Lee sneezed violently.
"I feel a great disturbance in the powers of youth; almost as though someone malignant has criticized the greatness known as Gai-sensei and I." he murmured.
"... I'm calling the madhouse now." said the nurse at his bedside, promptly exiting the room.
"Who are these two?" asked the green freak, more commonly known as Maito Gai.
"Hoshigaki Kisame and apparently, the psycho ex-girlfriend Asuma never told us about." Kurenai said with no small amount of annoyance in her voice as she looked pointedly at her significant other. Asuma looked at her indignantly, while Kakashi and Gai looked at Asuma in curiosity.
"You were grieving, I spent less time with her while I was making sure you were okay and she died before... okay, she seemed to have died before I could break up with her!" he protested. Kakashi and Gai looked confused. Kisame's face was unreadable. Sarabi was rolling her eyes.
"And it never occurred to you to tell me that you were dating someone else before getting together with me?" Kurenai asked him like a mother might ask a child a question.
"Um, this really isn't the time to bring up relationship issues you two." Kakashi reprimanded them.
"Yeah! Now's the time for you to DIE!" Sarabi cried, drawing both of her blades with flashes of light and shooting from her standing place. Gai moved with surprising speed to intercept her. Sarabi had clearly anticipated this, because she launched herself into a cannonball and lashed out with her feet. She caught Gai in the chest hard, twisted herself around and vaulted off of him. Gai hit the ground hard and seemed to be twitching like he had just been electrocuted, but Sarabi transferring lightning chakra to her feet wouldn't have been surprising at this point.
Kakashi moved to intercept her this time. With his Sharingan, he figured he would have an easier time than Gai. Wrong answer. Sarabi took one look at him and her mutated Sharingan eyes seemed to grow darker faster than even his Sharingan could keep track of. Immediately after her eyes flashed, or anti-flashed, or whatever fit the description, she just... winked out of existence. No chakra-generated cloud of smoke in indication of utilizing the Shunshin, no nothing. Kakashi started to panic until he saw a darkish blur in his lower peripheral vision. A heel quickly connected with his jaw, followed by an electric blast that set his nerves on fire. He managed to see Sarabi finishing her backflip and continue towards Kurenai. Asuma was moving to engage her, but Sarabi was far faster than he was. She jumped into the air and extended one of her blades faster than he could raise his knives to block. He barked loudly as a pair of not-so-shallow lacerations worked their way along his arms, spraying blood. Sarabi continued to spin and smacked him with the butt of her sword's hilt. He fell backwards onto the water, and could not help but feel something akin to awe.
'You've gotten so much stronger Sarabi,' he marveled.
The Uchiha woman was practically salivating as she jumped into the air and prepared to bring both of her blades through Kurenai's paralyzed form, the whore's mistake of looking into her eyes and falling victim to the Kanashibari no jutsu. Sarabi's eyes grew wider and more insane as she got closer to stabbing Kurenai with her blades.
"Victory is mine!" she cried in triumph.
CLANG!
Sarabi fell to the water and her expression darkened considerably as two much thinner blades parried and deadlocked her own. She looked up the blades to the hilts; standard ANBU-issued chokuto. She looked up the hands and arms to lay eyes upon the pink shirt her new opponent wore. Pink?! What respectable shinobi or ANBU wore pink!?
She looked up to the face of her new aggressor, and promptly stilled. The face of an emotionless Uchiha greeted her, with his Sharingan flaring. And not just any Uchiha, but one she wanted dead more than Kurenai at this point.
Uchiha Itachi; that little pile of shit that had the gall to stop her ascension to power.
"GrrrAAAAAAH!" Sarabi roared in purest and unadulterated fury, overpowering her younger blood with a blast of chakra and trying to slice his head off in the process. But luck seemed to be looking away from her as Itachi took the defensive/offensive strike in stride, flipping back and holding his twin blades at the ready.
Kakashi and Gai, who had recovered, Asuma and Kurenai looked at the Uchiha prodigy in shock. That was the second time in less than a week he had shown up right under their noses. Kisame, almost forgotten, was looking over the scene in growing interest.
"Well, well, well, looks like I missed one." Itachi said in a tone strangely playful for any Uchiha, even ones outside of the mould. Sarabi growled angrily, her flashing chakra stirring up the water beneath her.
"Well, fuck me sideways. I knew I should have drowned you in your own amniotic fluid when I had the chance." Sarabi grumbled. Itachi looked rather disgusted before he asked the question Sarabi knew was coming.
"Who are you?" Sarabi simply feigned looking sardonic.
"Well, to you, I'm literally the crazy black sheep of an aunt that Daddy never talked to you about." said Itachi's apparent aunt. Itachi looked like he was thinking for a second.
"... You're Otou-san's sister?" he asked blankly. Sarabi 'pointed' at him with her forehead.
"Point proven."
"And I thought the invasion was weird, yeah." said a new voice. Everyone looked up to see the one and only Deidara floating down on some sort of wing. He landed on the water and the wing fell limp, revealing itself to be his cloak. Itachi, Sarabi, Kisame and the four Konoha Jounin were looking at him strangely.
"What? You didn't think this cloak was just for decoration did you? It's got a network of microfilaments in it that hardens when chakra is pumped through them. Good as armour or a set of wings." he explained. "But I do believe the story of Miss Uchiha here is far more interesting, yeah." All attention was redirected to Sarabi.
"Long story short Blondie, I'm here to kill Asuma, the whore over there and my power-grabbing nephew." Sarabi summed up curtly. Kisame smacked his head.
"Idiot, that is the exact opposite of why we're here." he said to her.
"Can it Fishface." Sarabi snapped. Kisame immediately quieted. Clearly Sarabi was a lot more powerful than she was letting on.
"Need I remind you that you're still trying to remove some of that Krazy Glue from your ass. Don't think I won't slap another layer on." she added.
Okay, clearly Sarabi was a lot more powerful and insane than she was letting on. After that little revelation, Deidara almost felt like laughing, along with everyone but Kisame, who had turned a dark sort of purplish colour. That probably meant he was blushing.
"Can someone please explain what is going on here? There are a lot of things going on here that just don't make sense." Kakashi asked in a surprisingly civil voice.
"Yes Sarabi, I'd like to know about your past, since you never told me." Asuma added.
"I agree with Cancer-Stick over there; you never told me much about yourself." Kisame said in support of Asuma's statement and attempting to divert attention from himself.
"What the hell is this, a therapy session!?" Sarabi snapped as multiple veins bulged on her forehead.
"No, this is the part where you tell me why I've never heard of you." Itachi responded.
"What's to tell? I'm here to make sure several people here suffer for ruining my life and make sure no one else can live to tell the tale."
"How did I ruin your life?" Itachi asked exasperatedly. Sarabi looked like she was ready to eat him.
"For fuck's sake, didn't big-fucking-brother Fuckgaku teach you anything about Uchiha Clan politics?! God, kids are such headaches!" Sarabi face-palmed for a minute.
"Let me tell you a tale of a tragic heroine that will surely bring some of you to tears." she said in a voice that sounded like she was about to spill out an angst-riddled epic.
"Hoo boy, she's in angst mode again. This ain't gonna be pretty." Kisame muttered as Sarabi took a breath.
"Once upon a time, forty-four long years ago, a boy was born into the world. Ever since an early age, he had aspired to be a shinobi. So at his first available opportunity, he began to train. For years, he worked and worked, advancing through the ranks of his village until he became a Chuunin at the age of thirteen. His parents, patriarch and matriarch alike, knew he would one day take their place as the proud clan leader.
"But all that was jeopardized when, after thirteen years, the boy's mother fell pregnant again at the age of forty-three. Sure enough, after nine month spent dreading the arrival of another sibling, the boy's mother gave birth to a girl. The boy became unhappy when he was given less attention than his baby sibling, but eventually got over it and grew to love her like he should have.
"The little girl later declared she would become 'the bestest ninja ever' when the boy told her about being a shinobi. And so, the girl began her long journey. At the age of six, she entered the Shinobi Academy. At ten she became a Genin, coming out of the Academy at the top of her class, acquiring her Sharingan mere weeks later. At eleven, she was promoted to the rank of Chuunin, and Jounin on her twelfth birthday. The girl had become a woman. Needless to say, having become an ANBU only two years previously, the boy, or rather man, had become quite envious of his sister.
"The girl who had become a woman was everything he wanted to be, minus the two X chromosomes part. She had cut a swath through the ranks of her home at an age even younger than he, and had had to work harder to do it. Her service record was spotless, whereas he had abandoned or failed at least half a dozen missions. He had yet to find love, where she had found someone to cherish, though her family frowned upon his lineage. To his terror, the elders of their clan began to consider granting the woman the rightful rule of the clan when she became of age.
"Naturally, the woman was delighted to hear that she could someday be the mistress of her entire family. She became so obsessed with the idea that she almost felt that her appointment as heiress was supposed to have happened all along, and that no one could take it away from her." Here Sarabi paused and sucked in a shuddering breath. It sounded like she was trying not to cry.
"But alas, the fates were cruel to her after her misguided thoughts. To the woman's abject horror, her brother had found a woman and was considering engagement. She fervently hoped and prayed that the other woman would not return the man's affections, or at least find inbreeding to be disgusting. No suck luck. The man married the slut happily, and with no objections. The woman was starting to panic. The elders were already starting to lean back to favouring the man, should he and the slut produce spawn. Such an action would ensure that she would never take the title. She was starting to get desperate.
"The following year, the clan was thrown into chaos. No female members of the family were falling pregnant. The family feared that some sort of virus was polluting the air, rendering the males impotent or the females infertile. Behind the scenes, the woman laughed at their stupidity. There was no such airborne virus that robs a human of their fertility. It was all her doing; she had poisoned the clan's supply of personal tea with a contraceptive she had created herself. The plan was so-"
"Wait, wait, wait, the Impotency Crisis was caused by you!?" Itachi breathed.
"Yes, now shut up. The plan was so simple, so ingenious, she was actually certain it would work. But again, the woman cried herself to sleep when, by some astronomical chance, the slut found herself pregnant. Her one final chance was for the slut to have a miscarriage. She hoped and hoped, and even tried to arrange several accidents that would result in the loss of the spawn. Later, she beat her head against a rock when all of her accidents failed. The woman could have drowned herself in her tears when the spawn finally came into the world alive. Her chance at the title of heiress was long gone." Sarabi stopped and pressed at her eyes, tearing up again. Itachi looked sickened at the fact that his aunt would have gone to such lengths to kill him by taking his mother out while she was pregnant.
The Uchiha woman looked up and rounded her vengeful red eyes to Kurenai, who was immediately on guard.
"Tell me, whore," she said, making Kurenai shake with anger, "has anyone found out how your dear elder sister died?"
The air became deathly quiet as Kurenai's gaze went from angry to desperately wanting to hear more.
"Not long after the birth of the woman's nephew, she was sent on an A-rank mission to assassinate a shinobi who had stolen something from Konoha. The mission ended in a failure. The thief was far craftier than the information had detailed him as. He slew two members of the squad and beat the woman and her friend senseless.
"The woman, angered at her first failure in service to her home, and slipping to madness by the loss of her true destiny, took it out on her colleague, blaming the weaker for her mishap. She tortured her colleague and took great pleasure in bleeding her from the inside. The failure who died was Yuhi Kō. That's right whore, it was me." Sarabi proclaimed through gritted teeth. Kurenai looked about ready to cry as she learned that her sister had been murdered by someone so close to her.
"The woman felt guilty about finding pleasure in murdering Kō, but she later rejoiced as her complete Sharingan matured even further; something even the forefather had never achieved. She returned with a sombre face, saying everyone had died but her. When attending the funeral, the woman's life spiraled even further down when she caught her boyfriend in the arms of the failure's younger sibling." Sarabi's voice grew accusatory as she shifted her gaze to Asuma, who shied away at the unbridled hatred in Sarabi's red orbs.
"The woman had nothing left to remain in her home for. So, in a final display of brilliance, with a suicide note, an explosion, some scraps of raw meat and several splashes of her own blood, she faked her death and fled the hell she once knew as home. In one last flash of jealousy, the man she once called 'Brother' refused to honour her memory with a pyre and a eulogy." Once again, Sarabi lowered her head. When she looked back up, tears freely ran down her face in pale rivers.
"And so, the girl who became a woman became more than a woman. She became Uchiha Sarabi; an embodiment of tragic loss and vengeance." Sarabi concluded her tale to varied reactions.
Itachi had lowered his blades and seemed to be contemplating to feel anger or sympathy for his estranged aunt.
Kurenai was hot with fury and wanted to murder Sarabi in payment for her sister's life.
Kisame and Kakashi had expressions of shock on their faces. Kisame, because he knew Sarabi had had something she wanted taken from her, but he never thought it would be this serious. Kakashi, because he never knew that the Uchiha woman, whose accomplishments had become almost stuff of myths, had had her life so unceremoniously swept from under her feet.
Gai and Deidara looked like they were falling victims to Sarabi's declaration of at least one of them being brought to tears by the sheer sadness of the heroine's tragic downfall.
Asuma looked so unhappy that he almost felt like marching up to his former girlfriend, kissing her and trying to make up. Almost.
"And now, I have returned... to exact vengeance upon those who robbed me of all that has made me happy in life." she said as she quickly yanked her blades from their sheathes.
"ITACHI!" the voice of a young man bellowed. The addressed man turned calmly to lay red eyes upon none other than his foolish little brother, sprinting across the water and churning it up with a ball of lightning in his left hand.
'Great, one problem after another. This is definitely getting checked off as one of my FUBAR months.' Itachi grumbled mentally as he prepared to derail the speeding Crazy Train of Emoness.
But before he could catch Sasuke's arm and sprain it, Sarabi darted in front of him and slammed her palm into Sasuke's forehead, effectively stopping his advance. She wheeled up her right arm, still holding her sword, and brought it forwards like a swing full of a baby called pain, drilling her fist into Sasuke's face.
The self-proclaimed avenger stumbled back at the sheer force of the blow and fell down on his butt. His Chidori had fizzled out when he stopped concentrating. He clutched his freely bleeding nose and looked up angrily at his attacker.
"Hey kiddo, let an auntie talk to her nephew in peace, will ya?" Sarabi snapped. Sasuke's Sharingan eyes went from enraged to confused in zero seconds flat. He looked to his brother, his expression of confusion remaining firm. Itachi sighed.
"Sasuke, this is Uchiha Sarabi. Apparently, she is Father's estranged sister who faked her death and ran shortly after I was born and was never spoken of afterwards." Itachi summed up. Sasuke looked even more shocked, if at all possible.
"Aunt?" Sasuke repeated. Sarabi took that as a hint as to who Sasuke was.
"Oh ho! The slut and my brother got busy again after I left, eh? Goody! One more person to kill!" Sarabi began to clap her hands and jump for joy like a thirteen-year-old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert (God, I hate those little faggots...).
"Kill me? What? What is going on here?" Sasuke asked with a little hint of his normal superiority complex trickling back into his voice as he stood back up.
"Long story short foolish little brother, Aunt Crazy here could have had the title of clan head if Father and Mother hadn't married and produced us." Itachi deadpanned.
"Yup! Now it's time for me to kill you all! SQUEEEEEE!" Sarabi started to act even more like a little girl. Kisame smacked his head again.
"For the last time, that is not why we're here you clan-killing fucktard!" he groaned. Sarabi stopped hopping and a twinkle of sanity returned to her mutated Sharingan eyes.
"Oh yeah, right. But we'll never get to find our gold-topped prize now. Damn, maybe I shouldn't have done the whole monologue thing." Sarabi pondered. The Konoha Jounin immediately took the words 'gold-topped prize' as some sort of cryptic clue.
"Gee, ya think?! I'm surprised half the ANBU aren't coming down on us at this point!" Kisame said angrily, grinding his teeth together and actually generating sparks.
"Oh well. I know who you all are, so I guess I'll just have to kill you later." Sarabi moved into a stance that signified she was about to bail.
"And what makes you think we're just going to let you leave?" Kakashi asked as he prepared a seal. Sarabi's look went from sane to extremely dangerous.
"Nothing. I know we're going to escape because I can do this." she said as her Sharingan darkened once again. When Itachi, Asuma and Sasuke were able to get a closer look, they noted that the four tomoe in her eyes had fused into a shape that looked like an upright shuriken.
'That must be her Mangekyō Sharingan.' Itachi noted as he readied himself for the unthinkable. Sasuke looked horrified; the last time he had been on the receiving end of one of those Sharingan, he'd had to watch his family die over and over again for seventy-two hours.
With one final insane grin and a wink to top it off, Sarabi... vanished.
Like Kakashi, everyone noted the silence and lack of chakra smoke given off to indicate the use of a Shunshin, or the telltale pop of some form of clone.
It made what happened next seem that much scarier.
Time almost seemed to slow down as Sarabi showed the Konoha nin and Deidara why she had survived for so long. She winked into existence in midair between the two brothers with her right leg out, slamming the top of her foot into Sasuke's face and then Itachi's as she spun about. Both of them were thrown from their feet and crackled with electric chakra. Almost as soon as she had appeared and everyone started to react, she winked out again.
She reappeared behind Asuma and directly above him, driving her knees into his shoulders and slamming him under the water, stunning everyone on the surface with another blast of electricity. Just before her pants got wet, she vanished.
Kurenai felt an iron grip on her wrist and was pulled from her feet. Sarabi had appeared behind her. The insane woman grunted as she threw Kurenai straight into the raised concrete walk by the riverside. The Yuhi woman's frontside hit the wall with a dull smack. Before Kurenai hit the water and the first drop of her blood fell from the wall, Sarabi was gone again.
Gai doubled over as Sarabi's foot connected with his stomach. He was lifted upwards and backwards by the force, and his back got hit by a second kick from Sarabi, sending him upwards. Sarabi reappeared above him and drove her fist into his face, the blast of chakra accompanying it causing him to fall and slam into the pavement.
Kakashi almost reacted in time when Sarabi appeared in front of him and drove her palm into his chest. He cried in pain when white hot knives seared at his nerves as electricity coursed through his body and he was thrown backwards as though he were a pebble from a slingshot. He hit a large tree and the bark splintered against the impact.
Deidara's eyes bugged out when a fist planted itself in his gut so hard, he was surprised it didn't come out the other side of him. He got struck in the gut several more times before an elbow replaced them and he was driven backwards into the walk. Sarabi winked out before he could topple to the surface of the water.
Kisame was marveling at his companion's brutal efficiency before she winked into existence right in front of him, looking rather paler than usual.
"C'mon!" she grumbled as she took his hand and winked him out with her. It was as though they were never there.
Well, except for the seven shinobi lying in crumpled heaps, some unconscious, some bleeding, some moaning in pain.
Itachi was the first to recover. His brain was still screwy from the electric kick, but he could function fine. He shakily stood up and eyed Deidara, still crumpled and moaning on the surface of the water. Making sure the Jounin and Sasuke were still down, he unsteadily wobbled over and gingerly began to pick Deidara up.
"C'mon Bomb-Brain, up and at er'." Itachi grunted as he slung one of Deidara's shoulders over his back, ignoring the drool from his hands.
It was at that moment that a dozen ANBU materialized by Shunshin, surrounding him and Deidara with their blades drawn and pointing directly at him.
Itachi knew he was screwed. So he did the only thing he knew he could do: He looked up to the sky and cursed.
"Bloody shitcakes!"
And here we are with another update! If you like Tropic Thunder, crazy OCs and their wacky powers, please do me a favour and review.
Dirty Reid
In case you didn't notice, the power was Option 5: Teleportation.
