I know it's quite strange and annoying that this story has jumped from first person to third person, and I sincerely apologize for that. When I first started this fanfic I had no clue what I was doing. Third person is a lot easier to write when it comes to anime, so from here on you'll see that this story is from the 3rd POV. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.
(This chapter was revised as of 7/9/15)
"People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don't think that's true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world."
Chapter 8
We Drag the Dead on Leashes
Sora once again looked to the sky. The beautiful clear blue sky to her was grey and black. It was the most boring thing to see. "The skies so boring," complained dully.
Amatsu gave her 'sister' a look of irritation. "You say that every single day Sora."
"No, I say I hate the sun."
"It's the same thing idiot!" Sora ignored her, walking off.
"W-where are you going? Class is about to start!"
"Out," was all she said before she disappeared into the trees. After some wandering, Sora came to sit upon a large rock, once again staring up at the sky. The sky and clouds were grey while the sun was black. That was what she saw when she looked at the world, grey and black where her only colors, she did not know of any of the joys of the world. To Sora, the world was all the same, everything and everybody in it.
But she was curious, what it was like to feel all the things people feel. "I wonder," she thought aloud. "What would it be like? I would like to know."
"Know what?" the sudden voice startled her, but she didn't show it. Instead she slowly turned her head towards the direction. "Shiki," she said plainly.
"Yo, Mikaboshi," he greeted just as plainly.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Shouldn't you be in class?" he countered.
"I hate being in a cramped classroom with other people." He didn't say anything. Sora had no idea why, but when she was with Shiki she was more talkative. Maybe it was because his personality was much like hers, but not quite.
Sora knew that behind his mask of indifference he had feelings. A mask was after all, only a mask. But the soul said much more. He knew the wonders of the world, where Sora only knew one side of it. She had traveled far and wide; from Paris, to America, to Rome. Sora had been just about everywhere-but to her it was all the same. That was her price to pay for being who she was. She started wondering why Shiki even hung around her. She was the most boring person to be around. "Shiki?"
"Hm?"
"Why do you stick around me? I'm a boring person, there is nothing interesting about me at all."
"I disagree with you Mikaboshi. You're a very interesting person."
"How so?" To be honest, Sora was a bit curious. No one had ever said she was interesting. In fact, many times Amatsu would complain how boring Sora was.
He looked at her, but he had a look in his eye that Sora could not understand. For some reason that frustrated her to no end. There was nothing that Sora did not understand. She was smart, very smart.
But how your heart feels has nothing to do with how you think. Maybe, just maybe if Sora would listen to the heart that was not beating, she would understand. Yes, she would definitely understand. If only she'd listen to the heart she'd cut off. But Sora used her brains and not her heart. In her human life she had used her heart over logic, for it was what her brother had taught her. But she knew nothing of that life, only mere glimpses of it.
"You. Watching you is very interesting," he answered. "The things you say and the way you go about things is interesting. The way you're always scaring other people is interesting."
For once Sora was speechless. She just sat there staring at him. She had never been left speechless before. Finally Sora found her voice. "Pathetic," she mumbled. He gave her a questioning look. "That's a pathetic answer."
He sighed, "well then maybe we're just two very boring people."
The corner of Sora's mouth twitched. She felt her face take on a different form. She found herself doing something she had never done before. A soft smile graced her face. It was angelic and earnest. And for once, Sora's cold eyes softened and was replaced by what she truly felt- even though she didn't know it herself- Shiki saw the loneliness and longing in her eyes.
Sora was shocked, shell shocked more like it. She couldn't believe it; Shiki had just made her smile. Apparently Shiki was just as shocked; for he kept blinking as if to make sure he wasn't seeing things. The smile was beautiful, and made Sora look much more soft and kind.
It was in that moment that Shiki realized that Sora wasn't the soulless person everyone figured her too be. She had a soul, she had feelings that she had numbed. She was just a very lonely person who had no one to rely on. She had no one too talk to, to share her thoughts with, to vent the anger unbeknownst to her that she had bottled up for so long. Shiki realized this even though Sora was still oblivious to it all.
Although Sora thought she understood everything about herself, she really didn't know the first thing about herself. Her whole life, Sora had been manipulated to believe that she was a soulless creature who had no feelings, nor heart. That was how she was created to be, that was how Father made her.
"You smiled," Shiki commented.
As soon as he said that it disappeared. "I don't know what you're talking about. You're just imagining things," she said coldly. He just silently raised an eyebrow. "I should go, don't wanna be late for class." She quickly got up and walked away without a word. She could feel Shiki's eyes on her the entire way back.
Of course Sora was not really going to class. Instead she headed for the town, easily slipping through the gates. She wandered aimlessly around. A feeling inside her churned. Something she'd never felt before. This feeling felt like irritation but it wasn't. It made her body flame and wouldn't let her think straight. Her nose flared and her eyes narrowed. She had no idea what this feeling was but it made her want to punch something.
Sora entered the abandoned part of town, shaking and breathing raggedly. Her eyes flared and she turned to a wall and punched it, creating a deep crater. Anger, her mind registered. Anger? There was no such thing for her. But what was she angry at? Herself? The fact that Shiki made her smile? No, it was because she couldn't understand. She just couldn't understand anything anymore.
She slid down the wall and put her head in her hands. With the anger came the confusion, with the confusion came the hurt. Hurt? This only made the girl more confused. She screamed a long loud scream as her body trembled.
"I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand. I don't want to know! Make it all go away!
"GO AWAY!" she screamed aloud. The great Sora, who was always calm and collected, who always knew what she was doing, who knew how to control and manipulate others to her will, who thought she knew everything, who thought she knew herself so well, had lost it. She lost all understanding, she lost her stoic soul, she now did not understand herself so well anymore. That black and white world had become so confusing to her. She started to waver, to think things she would never have thought before.
Sora didn't return to her dorm till late midnight. Not until she had regained her composure and got rid of all the confusing thoughts. She returned to her numb state of mind. When she entered Amatsu was sitting on her bed reading manga. She glanced at Sora but didn't ask her where she was. In fact, she really didn't care. Amatsu just guessed that she was out investigating.
Sora went straight to her bed and laid down. Not even bothering to change out of her uniform or kick off her shoes. She just closed her eyes.
Amatsu frowned as she watched her sister just plop on the bed in what appeared to be utter exhaustion. Sora had been doing this a lot lately, skipping school and not returning till late midnight. Amatsu wanted to help her; she honestly didn't like seeing Sora so out of sort. It was strange to see the ever so stoic girl act this way. "Surely Father doesn't have her this busy. Why doesn't Father ever ask me to do anything and always makes Sora do it all?"
Lately Amatsu had to be very careful. The vampires were only growing more suspicious of the couple, especially Sora with her whole disappearing act. They seemed to be watching her every corner she turned and Aidou was always asking where her sister was- Amatsu was running out of excuses. Not to mention the looks Kaname was always giving her. He definitely knew something bad was coming, something very bad. And he knew it had something to do with the new Day Class students. Amatsu guessed that he was trying to figure out if they were friends or foes.
Amatsu was so busy trying to keep the vampires at bay that she had no time to herself. Only at night when they were in class, but lately a female vampire with chin length white hair had been watching them at night. Amatsu remembered her to be Seiren, Kaname's unofficial bodyguard. It was like they were being watched every minute of the day and Amatsu was about to snap.
The only time she ever had time to talk about the plan was when she went to see Katsumi in her classroom. She was glad that at least Kaname hadn't noticed that there were more then two assassins.
The only vampire that had been genuinely nice to her was Ichijou, but Amatsu knew that he was just as suspicious. They had become friends over the weeks that the girls had been here. Or at least Amatsu thought they had, she wasn't sure if he was just pretending. Ichijou was a nice vampire, sometimes she would even forget he was one; he just seemed so human. She hoped that she wouldn't have to kill him, she really didn't want to, but if it came to that… Amatsu knew she would have no choice. It probably would come to that anyways. Their friendship was a fleeting one. After all, any type of relationship with her kind was impossible. Once she killed his best friend he would want revenge and come after her. He would simply be cut down; no one could stop her family from destroying this pathetic world. They would reshape it and make it a better place. Father had promised that. Their kind would rule the human race and destroy the vampires.
Sora was in deep slumber. In that slumber she was dreaming, she rarely dreamed, and when she did they were nightmares.
A small child with red hair and grey eyes lay in a woman's lap. She looked to be about five. The woman (who's face she couldn't see) was singing her a lullaby.
"When the sky turns grey and we all fall into black
Take my hand and I know I'll be safe
Walking down that lonely road
With you beside me I know I won't be alone
We tied our red ribbons together
With you by my side
We fly together into the sky
Flutter, flutter, flutter
Butterfly,
Let's fly away together
I'm the butterfly who lost the ability to fly
What happens when you fly into the sky without me?
Our ribbons tied together became undone
On that flower I grew weak waiting
In the sky you grew strong and forgot
That flower and I shriveled up
A once beautiful butterfly left behind
You flew away, flew away
Into the sky"
The girl started crying in her mothers lap. "Why are you crying dear?" the woman asked.
"Because," she sobbed, "the butterfly didn't get a happy ending. She was left behind by her friend. Mama, was the butterfly really sad?"
"Yes, the butterfly was sad dear."
"But her friend came back right? He didn't really forget her did he?"
Her mother smiled sadly at her, "of course he came back dear."
"And then he taught her how to fly again right? And they flew away together and were happy forever?" the girl said hopefully.
"My dear, not everyone gets happy endings."
"But they did right?" she argued.
The woman was silent for a minute. "Of course they did Sora. They were happy forever and ever."
The girl stopped crying and smiled, "I'm happy. Everyone deserves a happy ending! Mama, you know what?"
"What?"
"When I grow up I'm going to marry a prince and live in a big castle. We'll have many babies and I'll be the happiest person ever! I'll make you so happy you won't cry at night."
The woman's bottom lip started to quiver and she held her daughter close. "Oh Sora," she sobbed.
The older version of Sora watched the girl and woman in anger. It was then that she realized that she had misinterpreted the meaning of the sad lullaby as a child. "Mother lied," she thought. "The butterfly never got a happy ending. He wasn't her friend; he was her lover. She loved him deeply and she always had to struggle to keep up with him. But… when she lost her ability to fly she could not keep up with him anymore. And… and he left her behind without even looking back. He forgot her! He forgot about her and was happy all by himself! And… and that butterfly… became lonely. She waited and waited on that flower for him to come back, but he never did. And that lonely butterfly waited her whole life. Until the day she died a lonely death waiting for him."
Sora felt a sadness in her hear she had never felt before. That butterfly was like her. Lonely and forgotten, it longed for the one thing it couldn't have; just like her.
"Mother!" she cried. "You're such a liar! Giving me false hope…" Sora touched her face. "Tears?" Not once had she ever cried before. She started running toward the pair. But no matter how much she ran she never got any closer.
To the hopeful child who once believed in happy endings…
"Mother! Why won't you look at me!"
To the girl who wanted to make everyone around her happy…
"Please! Tell me the truth! Why did you leave?"
To the girl who is now filled with unbearable loneliness and pain…
"Mama! Why didn't you let me make you happy?"
To the girl who lost her happiness she had put so much faith into…
"Why? Why didn't you give me more time? All I needed was a little more time!"
To the girl I gave false hope and feed lies to make her happy…
"Why? Why'd you do it? Why'd you let them take me!
To the girl I left behind, just like that butterfly…
"Because of you… because of you I'm like this! Because of you big brother had to take care of me all by himself! Because of you he wouldn't smile at me anymore!"
To the girl I wanted to protect; from liars, cheaters, from people who wanted to hurt her, thugs, traitors, bad vampires, from the truth about the world, and most of all… from herself.
"I just wanted to make everyone happy! Why can't I even do that?"
I just wanted her to have a happy ending…
"You know mama, I stopped smiling too."
But look what I've done to her...
"Just once... please... just once would be fine."
To the girl I loved so dearly…
"Answer me damn it! Please… I don't know what to do anymore."
For that…
"Mama, I need you to tell me everything's alright. I need you told hold me."
For everything…
"Please… I'm afraid… I need you."
Sora, my beautiful daughter, for that I am sorry.
"Mama, guess what? I met a boy who made me smile today."
Ah, that was such a depressing chapter, forgive me. Just to clear things up, Sora doesn't really remember much of any of her dreams. I hope you enjoyed this chapter~
