AN: Thanks H. N. Kelford!

Confession I

"Okay, so what are these furry little bastards?" Lila growled.

"Er, Nubbins," Nikola said. "Say, Lila, if you've never heard of them before maybe you should go back to the library or something, they haven't gotten there yet." He really didn't need Lila around right now, not when he was having enough trouble keeping his emotions straight as it was.

She shrugged. "Whatever. Don't get bitten."

"I won't," he promised as she left the room.

Once she was gone, his thoughts cleared a little. He advanced through the door, stunner in hand. And ran right into Helen.

*.*

Lila was her fingers against the table, twiddling her thumbs, and leafing through books was all very well - if you were a brainless idiot with nothing else to do, Lila thought. Plus, she was starting to annoy Henry, who was tapping away at his tablet.

"Sorry," she muttered after a particularly pained glance had been directed at her. Lila figured she could leave it at that, or try to engage the only other person nearby in a conversation. Usually it would have been a quick choice for silence. But she guessed things had changed. Lila figured, too, they could talk about labs or something. Though the lab she'd been in the majority of the time had been mainly corpse-centric.

"Somehow I just can't seem to dig into..." she flipped the cover of the book back. "The making of wax candles in the 1800s. Why does she have a book on that?"

Henry sat down. "She says they smell better than the modern ones."

Lila shrugged. "Everybody has their own cup of coffee."

Henry laughed. "The Doc would pretty much have a heart attack if she heard that expression used."

"She's one of those tea-die-hards?" Lila guessed.

"Yep."

"Well, speaking of that it's time I have take my triple-maximum-dose of caffeine." Lila reached for a cup across the table.

Henry's expression registered shock for a minute. That was a lot of caffeine.

She saw his expression. "Hey, it's really addictive, but compare it to injecting pure adrenaline every morning and it's a lot better, trust me."

His mouth was wide open. "Motivation problems?" He managed, but it sounded just as weak as it was.

Lila just nodded and smiled. Somehow that only made it worse - left him to imagine how desperate someone would have to be. "Why do you love him?" the question slipped out.

Lila studied him for a long moment, drained the rest of her coffee, then answered. "He must seem like a self centred, selfish, arrogant, backstabbing jerk to you. To tell the truth, he is."

Henry frowned.

"He's also more. He's brave, he's clever - though it might be better for the world if he didn't know it quite so much - and he does care about people. He doesn't show it, and he probably doesn't care about you, but he does care about people. And he'd do anything for those he loves." She paused, and looked at the empty cup.

Henry winced as she poured more - some questions were best left unasked.

"I just don't know if I'm one of the people he loves," she said softly, half to herself. Once the second cup was gone, she said, "Hey, let's go check on them."

Henry quietly agreed.

*.*

They couldn't find them anywhere. Finally, they knocked on the door of Helen's office. There was no answer.

"Helen?" Lila opened the door.

What she saw nearly took her breath away. It wasn't the nubbin sitting on the table, or that she was unaware of what the nubbin did - it was that, sitting in front of her were Nikola and Helen. Making out right in front of her.

Lila wanted to break down and cry. But she didn't; couldn't.

At that moment, when the door slammed against the window as Lila threw it open, when Nikola's eyes met hers and suddenly knew what was happening, when the cup smashed against the floor - she felt incapable of emotion.

Then she was tearing away, away from Nikola begging her to stay. There were no conscious thoughts, only the need to get away, then to the lab, then to her room, then... then it would be alright. Lila pushed open the doors, opened the cabinets, and found a syringe of adrenaline and a bottle of pills. I'm pathetic, was her only conscious thought.

Then she was in her room. She injected the adrenaline, feeling the world jolt into startling clarity. She would have to talk to Nikola soon.

When he got to her room, he found her sitting calmly on her bed. "Lila, listen to me. I can explain everything."

"I don't care," she answered. He noticed she was calm, but starting to fidget as if worried about something. It reminded him a lot of a reaction to adrenaline, but it couldn't be. He couldn't see the syringe in her hand.

"You don't understand, please Lila, just let me tell you, let me explain." he begged.

"See me in 10 minutes?" Lila's voice sounded weak now - like she couldn't quite make up her mind whether to break down or be strong.

"Okay." he stepped out of the room.

Anything. Just let me explain.

*.*

He only lasted seven minutes, staring at his watch. Then he went to the door and to his slight surprise discovered it unlocked. It swung open too easily. Too quietly.

As his steps quickened, anxiety began to build until...

Until he saw her.

Pale. Still. Not breathing. Black hair tucked behind an ear, on the other side forming a curtain of softness on the pillow.

Dead.

"No!" the sob came. Then another. This couldn't be happening. Wasn't happening. Lila couldn't be dead - she would never commit suicide. No, no, no.

Suddenly he remembered her saying those words over and over again. Breaking. Never? If there was nothing left to live for...

"No!" it all came crashing down. Nothing was going to change, never, except that she'd be gone. Forever. Gone because of him - because of a mistake.

Beside her there was a note.

Dearest Nikola,

I think I have a confession to make.

AN: Cliffie! Oh gosh, this chapter makes me want to cry. And I wrote it. 80 Poor Lila and Nikola. They would be so much happier if someone else was writing it. And there were no nubbins. 80 But I'm wicked and enjoy writing angst so here you are...

"Dearest Nikola,

I think I have a confession to make."