Chapter Seven
After Cath was sufficiently stuffed she and Wren huddled up together on the couch while Levi sorted through the gifts in the nursery.
"She sounds like a total bitch," Wren said after Cath finished telling her about Amber.
"She made me feel like an idiot," she said with a sigh.
"She probably doesn't have any kids of her own. The reason she's so good at everything is because she's only diapered and fed inanimate objects," Wren reasoned.
"Did you feel like…connected to Lou while you were pregnant with him?" Cath asked her sister, shifting the topic suddenly.
"What do you mean?" Wren asked.
"Do you feel like you bonded with him?" Cath clarified.
"Oh," Wren said. She paused for a moment before answering. "Yeah, I did. I felt like I already knew him when I held him the first time."
"Oh," Cath said, her face falling a little. (Of course Wren had bonded with the baby…what wasn't she better at than Cath?)
"That doesn't mean anything," Wren said quickly. "Kristen Bell said she didn't bond with her baby until she held her."
"What if that doesn't happen?" Cath asked softly. "What if I hold the baby and just want to like give it back?"
"Cath, that won't happen," Wren insisted firmly.
"It might," Cath countered.
"Then don't let it happen," Wren said to her.
Cath rolled her eyes and leaned back against the couch. "You know it's not as simple as that," she said to her.
"Have you talked to anyone about this?" Wren asked her.
"Levi's so over the moon I can't say anything," Cath said. "And besides he's already upset with me."
Wren narrowed her eyes. "I can't imagine him being upset with you," she said.
"I told him I didn't want any more kids after this," Cath said.
"And that didn't go well?" she guessed.
"I think it was that in addition to how un into this whole pregnancy I've been," Cath said with a sigh.
"Well, you haven't really had it easy," Wren said. "And 99% of this is just hormones."
"Plus he's always on the phone lately," Cath commented. "He's probably talking to lawyer about the easiest way to get a divorce or…" she trailed off.
"So…he's not allowed to be on the phone?" she asked her sister. "Wait…do you think he's seeing someone?"
"No (yes…no, not really)," Cath replied.
Wren rolled her eyes. "You're acting crazy," she said to her.
Cath felt like Wren wasn't hearing her concerns. "Are you and Jandro going to have more kids?" she asked her.
This time it was Wren's face that fell. "I don't think so," she said. "Honestly…I don't know if we'll be married much longer."
Cath sat up straighter. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"We haven't been happy for a while," Wren admitted to her. "Things are a lot different after you have a kid."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Cath asked her. (How had she not known…Wren was her twin for god sake.)
"Because I didn't want to scare you off from marrying Levi and having kids," Wren explained to her. "And Jandro and I aren't like you and Levi. You guys are…magic."
xxx
The night after Wren went home Cath lay wide awake in bed, tossing and turning. There was no way she and Levi were going to be okay after the baby came. She felt like they were on the edge now. She crawled out of bed and as quietly as she could and slipped on jeans and a t-shirt. She left a note on the table for Levi and grabbed her keys and headed out to her car.
Who says you can't go home again?
xxx
Cath spent the night in her childhood bed and slept better than she had in months. Everything at home was just comfortable. When she got up the next morning she found her father sitting at the foot of the bed.
"Good morning," he said cautiously, like she might bite.
"Hi, dad," Cath replied.
"Doing some night driving?" he asked her curiously.
"I just needed…" Cath trailed off.
"Levi already called," he said.
Cath leaned over and grabbed her phone. There were twenty missed calls and a mess of texts and voicemails. She sighed as she set the phone down and leaned back in the bed.
"Did something happen? Did you have a fight?" he asked.
"Do you want eggs? I'm hungry," Cath said instead.
"Cather," her father said with a sigh.
"I'm not made for all this," Cath said to him.
"All what? Life?" he asked her.
"A grown up life," Cath clarified.
Her father leaned back on his elbows and looked over at her. "This reminds me of a conversation we've had before," he said to her. "And do you remember what I said to you then?"
Cath knew he was referring to the talk they had before the spring semester of her freshmen year. "That I can't avoid life," she said to him.
"Honey, you've accomplished so many things and I'm so proud of you," he said gently. "I'd hate to see you backtrack now."
"It's not like I really can," she said. She rested her hand on her bump.
"What's scaring you?" he asked her.
"The baby just feels like an occupant. I don't have any feelings for it," Cath said.
"I didn't have feelings for you until I held you," her dad said.
"You didn't carry me around for nine months," she pointed out.
"So you're a late bloomer. That doesn't mean you won't get there," he said. "I bet you'll feel differently after the baby is here."
"What if things go sour with me and Levi?" she asked him. "Wren and Jandro are having problems."
"That's your sister and her husband. You have to focus on you," he said to her. "I think you need to talk to Levi."
"How are you always right?" Cath asked him.
Her dad laughed and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Okay, how about those eggs now?"
