A/N: So, the coolest thing happened to me yesterday! I am on Facebook and PM the actor who plays Mateo Cruz (Esai Morales) and got an almost immediate response back from him! How dang cool is that?!

Just so you know, PLEASE keep in mind that I have stated this is a very dark story and this chapter might be the darkest. If you or anyone you love is considering suicide, please reach out to someone, anyone. You do not need to suffer and there is help. PTSD is HARD, I live with it on a daily basis, but slowly, everyday I am getting better. Depression is hard and some days it may seem as if even taken a shower is a monumental task. Take it day by day, if you cannot do that, try hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. You are someone's hero, don't forget that:

It has been two weeks since you sobbed into your bosses' arms, and the darkest hole you ever thought imaginable, has gotten deeper and darker. Nothing is helping, nothing is working. At the time, you were sure it couldn't get any worse, now you know it could.

You gave up long ago, it just took you this long to see that. You feel nothing anymore; no anger or resentment, no hope or fear. Come to think of it, you really don't even feel alive anymore, the hunger pains you used to experince have long since gone numb, the absolute physical pain caused by depression and PTSD has faded away. There is nothing.

And you don't feel anything about not being able to feel anything. It just simply is. It is what it is.

"JJ?" You look up to see Garcia walk into your bedroom, a cup of coffee in her hands. You can see the worry on her face but that's all you see, nothing else. She comes and sits down next to you as you lay curled into the fetal position. "JJ, we need you to eat." She whispers and you feel her reach over and brush the hair from your eyes. "You've lost too much weight, pumpkin. You cannot afford to lose anymore." Her voice is soft, yet full of concern and you can see tears in her eyes. "Please, JJ. Say something." She begs you. You hear her but do not answer. You do not remember the last time you spoke, it's been a long while.

You do not make eye contact, or even reach for the coffee she brought you, instead you lay there, unwilling to move, to do anything. You just want to die and you cannot understand what the hell is taking so long. Why can't this end, why can't your torment end already?

You tried the other night, you were ready to pull the trigger again, but quickly found the only thing that would accomplish is getting you an immediate admission to the psyche unit. Your gun was gone and you still had Rossi there. Even if you had given any suspicion that you were looking for a gun, he would have the paramedics there in an instant.

That was day ago, and you were ready to try again. You just have to think how. You have to make it look as inconspicuous as possible and as your eyes dart to the bathroom, you know what to do.

Without saying a word to Garcia, you slowly unravel yourself from your ball and sit up, swaying back and forth for moment at the position change.

"Sugarplum, you okay?" Garcia asks and you simply look down. "Okay. I'm going to go call bossman." She forces a smile at you as you stand up and walk to the bathroom. You lock the door behind you and briefly wonder how a group of profilers missed a lock on a bathroom door- so much could go wrong in the room. Oh well, they missed it.

You start digging in the cabinets and are shocked to find that all of your razors are gone, damn them! And as you sink to the ground you remember one thing. Your pain pills from the hospital visit, the doctor had prescribed them to you to help with the injuries! You had hidden them, not wanting to think about taking them and had forgotten all about them. You stand back up and hope that your babysitters hadn't searched everywhere.

And when your fingers grace the bottle, you smile They had missed it. You immediately pop open the bottle and look inside. Twenty four pills stare back at you- your escape is right here. Without thinking about it, you tip a handful into your hands and shove them in your mouth, swallowing, before you repeat the process.

Not even a minute later, an empty pill bottle falls to the ground and you collapse next to it, awaiting for your mind to beg for sleep. Its just when your cheek rests against the cool title that you hear Hotch's voice followed by Garcia's concerned one.

"We can't do this anymore." Hotch says and a knock startles you. "JJ, open the door." He commands and you shake your head, knowing he cannot see you.

"Sir?"

"JJ, open the door or I am kicking it in." You are getting tired, nauseated, and suddenly you are scared. Its the first thing you have felt in a long time, fear, and you are glad for it. Oh, so soon you will be reunited with your beautiful son and loving husband. And as you even think about them, you close your eyes,the panicked voices of your colleagues slowly fading away.

You hear Garcia calling someone, requesting an ambulance, you hear Hotch kicking at the door. It doesn't matter, they are too late. You have said your goodbyes to them, they are all in a long note that is on your bed, they will find it. You've apologized to them for this, for everything, you thanked them and told everyone how much you love them. But you need this and the best thing they can do for you is to let you die.

"JJ." The last thing you see is Hotch running in and dropping down beside you, his hands reaching for your neck and him yelling at you as he grabs the bottle. After that, there is nothing. You are finally free.