Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey Y'all! So it took less than a week! How pleased are we?
Round of applause for the emergence of Jake who is of course nothing but a gentleman...so far...Jasper is being his usual awesome self...Carlisle is a bit of a prick (in this)...Esme seems a bit stuck up and Renee is just a bitch! Don't forget that this is all from Bella's POV so they might not be all of the above! :P
Right so there's a fair bit of hints and subtle reminders in this one, lets see if y'all find them :P
So for now...enjoy...I even put a wee bit of E/B flirting in to round it off :P
As per it's all Stephenies :)
Chapter Seven: Desperation
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore
A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anaesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore
But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut
Plumb - Cut
Bella's POV: Now
"Hey, Jake." I smiled genuinely for what felt like the first time in days as Jacob set me back on my feet.
"Bells, what's got you away down here?" As he nudged my door shut, he quirked his eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
"I thought maybe you could have a look at my truck? I was kind of hoping you could do something about my radio."
"There was me thinking it was my stellar company you were after!" He scoffed before he opened the door up again and settled himself inside the cab. It was a remarkable sight to behold; I didn't think I had ever seen someone else sit in my truck.
"Jake, did you just use the word stellar? 'Cause, if you did, then I'm definitely only here for the truck." He chuckled long and loud, and the sound brought a smile to my face. Why wasn't it always this easy with everyone else?
You mean why is it not this easy with Edward?
"Yeah, sorry. My vocabulary isn't usually that bad," he answered warmly, jumping back down. He turned and headed in the direction of his garage.
I stood awkwardly, not knowing how I should act around him. Should I make myself at home? Barge into his space without a second thought? I didn't know how comfortable he would be with me in his surroundings.
Jacob quirked his head in the same direction asking me to follow him. "In fact, wait! How about you drive up in here. I can work on it, and you can sit in out of the cold...It shouldn't take me long." I smiled at him in thanks, and headed back to my truck.
He guided me slowly, inch by inch, so that the front of the truck was sitting just at the wooden double doors of the garage. He was swallowing a swig of beer when I made my way towards him.
"You want one, Bells?" I shook my head as he set it back down and he fetched me a Coke out of the fridge instead.
"Jake, you're only eighteen. What are you doing drinking beer in the first place?
"Nineteen in, like, ten days...You disappoint me, Bells. You didn't actually forget, did you?" He chuckled, but I blushed. I guess my estimate wasn't close enough. "I'm just kidding, Bells, I wouldn't have expected you to know." He smiled warmly and reached in the cab of the truck, trying to gauge out my radio. I tried not to look as he harmed the truck. He wasn't intending to, but still, he was harming the truck.
The thought of him only being a little over a week off nineteen suddenly sank in. He was nearly two years older than Edward. Nearly three older than me, and I had made out with him on more than one occasion. I could just hear Angela squealing "You go girl" at my antics.
I smiled at that, but it didn't quench the undeniable guilt I had deep inside over Edward. Every time I thought of Jacob, I felt I was cheating on Edward. But at the same time, I wanted his companionship and company over anything. I was beginning to crave it, simply because Edward couldn't give me it.
Was that selfish? Wrong? I couldn't decide.
"So, what's life like up in busy Forks then? I'll need to go visit your parents some time. I saw them at the party, but, yeah...they were a little pre-occupied, if you know what I mean?" His voice floated out to me from the truck, and I wondered what he meant as he chuckled.
I had barely seen my parents all night. But then again, I was a little far gone myself. I was completely wrapped up in my Edward bubble - which was exactly what it was. Even when he wasn't around, my brain was focused on him. I was consumed by him constantly.
"School mostly, I don't do anything apart from hang out with Jazz," I said shrugging.
"Well, how about we remedy that?" He hauled himself out of the position he was in, and looked at me expectantly. When I didn't answer he carried on. "Come to dinner with me on Saturday night?" I felt my face flame immediately and decided to focus on my shoes.
No one had ever asked me out before. With Edward, our friendship had simply escalated into more, with no discussion on how it happened.
When I looked back up to him, he was watching me with a strange expression on his face. His ever-boyish grin lit up his face when I nodded my acquiescence.
"Great! I'll pick you up. We can go to Port Angeles for a change. Think of it as payment for me fixing your radio," he said laughing lightly. I could tell my acceptance of his date had made Jake happy, and I smiled.
Was this really what I wanted, though? I mean, I came here searching for attention, but in the end I felt even more guilty. It was a no win situation. Jake could be the perfect guise, I just never thought he would be the one to initiate it.
He worked diligently for almost an hour, while I sat quietly on a crate. Jake got up to shut the doors when the draft was getting too cold to handle, and threw his fleece at me to keep me warm. He was only wearing jeans and a tight navy tee-shirt himself, but when I confronted him he said he was hot enough. Which was true, I might be hung up on a completely different guy, but no one could deny Jake looked good.
He finished up, telling me that it only took so long because the wire he needed to reconnect was frazzled and frayed. I watched as he washed his hands thoroughly and laughed when he inspected a nail. After Jake wiped his hands he grabbed his beer and threw himself down on a similar crate beside me. I could see him observing me closely, but I kept my eyes glued to the tool tray in front of me.
"You're different, Bells." It wasn't a question, merely a statement. One I didn't want to hear.
"I grew up, Jake. I wasn't going to stay the little girl that would beg you to give her piggybacks when you grew tall enough, forever." He laughed lightly, but even though I was the one lightening the mood, I didn't laugh or smile. I had changed. I wasn't even the same girl I was six months ago.
"No, there's something else there. Something that's making you sad, I can see it in your eyes." He pointed the neck of his bottle in the general direction of my eyes before taking another swig. I felt tears sting my eyes at how right he actually was. But I wasn't going to cry in front of him. That was something he didn't need to see.
"Yeah, well, life's a bitch." I forced out a smile.
Jake nodded ruefully, and thankfully didn't question me any further. By the time he finished his beer, I was ready to go. I handed him back his fleece and stood up, immediately feeling the cold.
"I'll see you on Saturday?"
"Yeah...of course. Pick me up around seven?" When he nodded his head with a smile, I curled my arms around his neck and gave him a hug, trying my hardest to appear calm and normal. Normal was going to need a hell of a lot more work.
I climbed into my truck and flicked my radio on with a smile. It would make a difference having some background music to concentrate on. It would be less time in my day when I had to be alone in the silence with my own thoughts. I kept smiling as I backed up Jake's drive, waved one last time, and headed to the highway.
The rain was falling steadily by the time I reached the outskirts of Forks, the weather doing its typical Forks thing. One of the wettest places in the continental US. Joy.
I wondered on more than one occasion, why my parents stayed here. According to Renee, she had threatened to move us all to Phoenix, but it had never happened. I didn't understand why not. Charlie would surely get more jobs out there, and Renee could be a teacher anywhere. We would all enjoy the weather more. What had stopped us before? I guess if Renee brought it up now, I would be adamant on staying. I had always known I would move worlds to be with Edward.
Sometimes I felt that was what I really had to do. He'd always seemed smarter, funnier and more beautiful than I ever had. It always baffled me why a guy so perfect and older, was interested in little Bella Swan. It wasn't as if I could ask him either. "Remember when we first met last summer? What exactly did you see in me?" Didn't think that would go over too well to be honest.
As I passed Jasper's house, Marie waved lightly as she put the garbage out the side of the house. There were no lights on in Jasper's room, which like mine, was at the front of their house, and I wondered where he was. It was unlikely he would be in his living room watching the sport with his dad. They just weren't like that.
All three of the family cars were in when I pulled up in front of the house. As I opened the front door I was met with more noise than was usual for two people. Charlie was sitting in his usual spot in the front room, watching ESPN, and was back to his quiet self as I kissed him on the cheek. I thought about asking him about his day, but I really wasn't comfortable with having a proper conversation with either of my parents.
I wondered where Renee was, but my question was answered by the sound of laughter from the kitchen. Great, she had company. It wasn't a rare occurrence, per say, but I always liked a bit of forewarning. Enough time to make other plans, for instance.
Before I took two steps, a smiling Carlisle came out of my kitchen with two beers in his hand - one, evidently, for Charlie. The Cullens were in my home - again. I was pretty sure that it was only Esme left in the kitchen with my mom, but I still felt the panic setting in. As if sensing my newfound panic, Carlisle smiled warmly at me as he passed.
"Evening, Bella. I hope you don't mind us stopping in for dinner? Esme and I thought we'd rid ourselves of the kids for the night."
Charlie joined in his light laughter, and I felt myself calm considerably. I knew he was answering my unspoken question in the only way he could, without making it seem suspicious. I nodded at him infinitesimally before he sat himself down on the sofa. He smiled warmly again and winked before turning his attention to the TV. I was beginning to really like Carlisle. He was warm and kind. In such a way that it just radiated out of him. No one could deny he was a good man.
"Hey, Mom? Do you want me to make myself scarce for the night? I can probably find Jazz or something..." I trailed off as Esme turned to look at me.
She smiled at me gently, stopping me in my tracks. She was around the same age as my mom and looked every bit as young. She was breathtaking, and I finally got why they had such beautiful children.
My smile vanished immediately, though, as I thought that through. I wondered if any of them knew that I knew. It was unlikely that Edward would have told Alice he had confided in me, so she wouldn't have passed it on. But then she knew how close we had been over the summer, so she might have pieced it together and shared her knowledge. That meant that I knew and Edward didn't. He had forgotten after all.
Esme's face suddenly looked troubled, as if she had heard my thoughts. It was none of my business. That was what I was going to keep telling myself. They weren't my family, and it was none of my business.
"Oh, no, honey, you can join us. Invite Jasper if you want, I guess an even number would be best." She smiled sweetly, and I felt my stomach clench. I really didn't want to sit through a dinner with Edward's parents. But there was a tone in Renee's voice that told me that although she was giving me the choice, I didn't have one. Inviting Jasper it was.
I turned from the room without giving the two women another glance, hearing their conversation pick up again when I left. Would Esme tell my mom what she knew? Would she mention it in passing? Effectively dropping me in it? Would Carlisle? I had so much at stake over this dinner that I was visibly shaking as I trudged down to Jasper's. Nothing good was going to come of our planned night, and I knew it.
Marie had waved at me from the window as she watered some of her inside plants, so I went straight into their house without knocking. Peter was sitting on the end of the sofa, watching the television across the room. Jasper's dad had it on the news and was holding a conversation with Marie at the same time. It struck me, as I watched them interact, that Renee and Charlie rarely did something that simple.
"He's in his room, Bella. Just go on up." Marie smiled warmly, waving me in the direction of their stairs.
As I made my way up the wide staircase, I left behind the noises of the living room, and welcomed the sound of Jasper's guitar playing genius. While he hadn't been in his room before, the sounds were definitely coming from there.
I smiled lightly as I knocked on his door and shimmied in. I didn't wait for permission, and he didn't stop playing from his position in the chair in the corner. It was our way. I sat cross legged on the middle of his made bed and waited patiently for him to finish the familiar tune he was plucking. Not that I could name it. It was just one he always played.
"To what do I owe the pleasure, Bells?" I watched with a smile as Jasper made damn sure not to scratch the guitar as he put it back in its stand.
"Esme and Carlisle Cullen are at my house for dinner, and I need a wingman." I shrugged as if it was no big deal, but we both knew otherwise.
"Shit, do you want me to take you out instead? We could just hit the diner or something?" I shook my head slowly, grateful that he was always looking out for me, even in a situation that seemed relatively normal.
"No, Renee was pretty adamant in her subtle way that we both should be there. Sorry, I kind of dropped you in it." I bit my lip, but was glad when he shrugged it off.
Forty minutes, two equations of Jasper's math homework, and two gulps of his flask later, we were traipsing down his stairs again. I waved bye to his parents as he explained what the deal was, before we headed out into the rain. Not minding the weather, we still took our time in the short walk back to my house, and were fairly soaked as we stepped over the threshold.
We both hung our jackets up on the rack near the stairs, before Jasper grabbed my hand securely in his. I was about to question it, but he just smiled mischievously, dragging me into the living area where all four adults were sitting around talking. Well, Charlie was listening at least.
I had a fair idea what Jasper was up to, so when he announced our arrival with greeting my father from across the room, I watched Esme. I noticed how her eyes flew to our joined hands before back to our faces, and I smirked at the wall behind my father, pretending to be listening to their exchange. Jasper shook hands with Carlisle and nodded politely at Esme, before throwing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close into him.
I understood what he was doing, but I wasn't too sure of its purpose. I was pretty sure I had told Edward the night before that we weren't together. But for the time being, Edward's parents' knew of my situation with their son, and assumed I had moved on to Jasper.
"Right, well, dinner is ready, so everybody into the kitchen." Esme laughed at Renee's tone, making me squirm in discomfort. I really didn't want those four to be friends. Selfishly, it would be really bad for me. Jasper squeezed me gently, and I hugged myself to him as we headed to the kitchen.
"You gonna manage this, Bells?" I shivered as he whispered in my ear, but it was loud enough that I looked around. Renee and Charlie were already in the kitchen, but Esme and Carlisle were right behind us.
"We've been through worse." He smiled gently, a grin that didn't erase the worry from his eyes, as he sat opposite me at the dining room table. With my parents at each end, I waited to see which Cullen would sit where. Somehow, they decided that Carlisle should sit beside me and Esme beside Jasper, but I wasn't planning on being very social anyway, so what difference did it really make?
Our meal consisted of all the "adults" discussing their jobs. Esme, it turned out, had already accepted a job in Seattle at a major decorating firm as head interior designer. It was such a job that she could work from home when she wasn't on location and found that she loved being a stay at home mom. I tried desperately to disguise the snort I replied with, but everyone turned to look at me.
I hoped I managed to cover it with a fit of coughing, and my parents bought it as my face turned red, and I finally stopped choking. Esme, however, looked nothing short of heavily put out, and I realised how rude I had been. I had a description of these two from Edward, who at the time wasn't exactly on speaking terms with them. I had to make some semblance of an effort.
"Are you enjoying the hospital? I haven't been there in a while." I directed the conversation at Carlisle, catching the smile from my mom at my input. This time it was Jasper who snorted, and all eyes flew to him.
"Sorry, I'm laughing at Bells. I forgot how long it's been. She's usually there every few weeks." Everyone chuckled, and I internally thanked Jasper for voicing his reason. Insulting both the Cullens would not be a good place to be.
The rest of the conversation flowed easily around the table. I didn't say much, but it at least looked like I was interested in being there, and I smiled when Jasper charmed everyone with his usual personality. My mom was dishing up the cheesecake that she had bought - not made - when she casually mentioned we were going to Esme's for dinner on Saturday night. Jasper immediately growled and nearly choked on the water he was sipping.
"Oh, I can't," I said dismissively. Thank God for Jacob Black.
"Why not, sweetie?" Renee's voice was as sweet as sugar, but I could hear the accusatory tones in there, and so could Jasper. He turned his grimace to her as she condescendingly patted his back, making out she was concerned for his near choking to death.
"I have a date on Saturday night. I'm going to Port Angeles." I would have laughed at the way her eyebrows hit her hairline if I knew I would get away with it.
"Do we know this boy, Bells?" Charlie spoke up for the first time in a while, and I turned to look at him, noticing that he didn't seem too pleased.
"Yep, Jake is taking me for dinner." His face immediately softened, and I knew that I had won him over.
"Guess I'll be inflicting my company on someone else on Saturday night then, huh, Bells?" I laughed at Jasper, but it was cut short when Renee rested her hand on my arm.
"Jacob Black? Charlie, are you sure that's a good idea?" And we were back to being a little more than patronising. I snatched my arm away a little too forcefully, garnering the attention of Esme, and prayed that Charlie would rescue me on this one.
"Of course, he's a great boy. I actually forgot he was back in town." He nodded, as if to his own thoughts, and I jumped in, trying to make things smoother.
"Oh, I forgot! He said today he was going to try and pop up and see you." The smile that spread across my dad's face was genuine, and I smiled in return, jumping when Jasper nudged me under the table with his foot. When I looked to him he had a knowing smirk on his face, causing me to blush and inspect the plate in front of me. I was pretty sure Carlisle caught that as he reached past me for his own plate from Renee.
"He's a good lad, that one. You make sure he brings you home, Bells?" I nodded and smiled in victory, something that would have just looked like a happy daughter to him and everyone else around the table. When I looked back to my mom, though, I could tell it wasn't over. Of course, she wasn't going to make a scene in front of her new friends, though.
The plates were cleared away quietly, and Renee, Esme, and Charlie retired to the living room for a few drinks. Carlisle headed up the stairs to the bathroom while Jasper and I decided to stay at the table. We were in the middle of a childish game of snap when Carlisle popped his head back in. He about turned - to head to the others - but my voice was calling him back before I realised.
"I'm going for a smoke...Not that I smoke or anything..." Jasper stuttered as he realised what he had just said in front of Carlisle.
"Doctor-patient confidentiality, Jasper." Carlisle held his hands up with a chuckle, and Jasper ducked out the back door. "What can I do for you, Bella?" What did I want to say? I wasn't sure if I should be snooping or if I was going behind Edward's back. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know. "You have every right to know, Bella, what is it?" I smiled as he answered the questions in my head.
"How bad was he?" My voice got smaller as I thought about Edward's pain. "We're connected somehow, Bella. Don't ever forget that."
"They had to cut him out of the car, and then airlifted him to the nearest ER. He lost a dangerous amount of blood, his broken ribs punctured his lung and his left leg was shattered because the bone was broken in so many places. They thought he might never walk properly again. It's hard to think about, but he's lucky to be here at all." I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped away my tears as I took in Carlisle's appearance.
"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think you wouldn't want to talk about it." He shook his head, his demeanour lightening at the movement.
"No, I'm okay. Like I said, you have every right to know what happened," he answered softly, his eyes were full of nothing but warmth, making me feel worse.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I judged you before I met you." I watched from my perch at the sink as he pulled out a bar stool and sat himself down.
"He told you didn't he?" I nodded my head, unsure if he would be angry or not.
"That was the reason he was in New York in the first place, Carlisle. I guess it was inevitable that he tell me." I smiled at how close we had actually been. Maybe I had forgotten how good it really was.
"I'm glad you were there for him, he needed someone. You made him happy." My knees buckled and I had to hold myself up.
"When...I mean, will he...you know, remember?" Carlisle's eyes softened as he looked at me properly, trying to hold myself together. When he shook his head, I covered my face and let out a sob.
"I don't know how long it will take, Bella, but it will come back." My heart lightened a little. "It's been nearly five months, and he hasn't had anything yet, but we hoped that having you around would be better." I nodded my head.
"Carlisle, I've already told Alice and Edward that I can't help. I'm tutoring him 'cause I doubt Principal Greene will find someone else. But that's it. I can't be around, or help him out. It's not fair." This time he nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry we landed this on you, Bella, but we thought you'd want to help him." Something in me snapped as Carlisle stood up to leave.
"No! You do not get to say that to me! You have no idea what I went through in September! Don't put this on me and act all innocent! I can't put myself through that, and I won't let you guilt trip me into it."
At my sudden shouting, Jasper was in the door in a flash, gathering me up into his arms.
"Bells, don't. He's not worth it. No stress, remember?" Jasper started rocking me back and forth, talking into my ear, but for the second time that night Carlisle had heard him.
What started off as astonishment that I was shouting at him, turned into confusion and concern at Jasper's words. He was a doctor. My heart fell to the floor as I realised it wouldn't take him long to figure it out.
"I'm sorry, Bella...I guess that was out of line." I looked up from Jasper's shoulder to see Carlisle shove his hand through his hair, and I smiled at him. He raised his eyebrows in question, probably thinking I was bi-polar.
"Edward does that, I guess he got it from you." Carlisle's eyebrows rose just a little bit more at my comment as I tried to put things back together. I buried myself into Jasper, who was still subconsciously rocking us back and forward on the spot.
I didn't look up to see Carlisle leave the room, and only reluctantly headed to the front of the house when Renee told us to see our guests out. There were no hugs or cheery goodbyes from either Jasper or myself as I watched them leave. They both promised my parents would have a great time on Saturday night. The second their car peeled out of the driveway, Renee rounded on me with an expectant look on her face.
"What's all this about a date on Saturday night, Isabella? You should know better at your age than to be rude in front of guests." Oh, okay, so she thought I was lying. Well, the thought had crossed my mind. The use of my full name didn't escape me either.
"I wasn't lying, Mom. Jake asked me earlier and I said yes." I returned my attention to the sport that Jasper had flicked the television on to.
"Since when do you go on dates?" I had a feeling she wasn't going to give up her rant anytime soon, and internally thanked Charlie when he intervened again.
"Renee, just drop it. She's capable of making her own decisions. If she wants to go out on a date with Jacob, who I might remind you, has always been a good friend of this family, then she can." I battled the smirk that overtook my lips and lost, causing me to hide it in Jasper's shoulder, who in turn laughed lightly at the expression on my face.
Renee silently made her way into the kitchen and started clattering around, her only way of showing her pissed off state without causing an argument. I wasn't much interested in what the guys were watching, but I knew if I went to my room, my mom would pounce. Anywhere alone in the house for that matter, so I kept myself tucked into Jasper's nook.
The phone rang around an hour later as I was preparing to go up to bed. Renee answered it as usual, but I nearly fell over when she shouted that it was for me. Jasper was beside me, about to go for blankets and pillows for our sleepover. No-one else ever phoned for me.
I took it off Renee, who was standing holding it with a satisfied smirk, and waited until she was back in the kitchen before answering it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Bella?" My heart rate picked up immediately at the tones floating down the phone towards me.
"Edward? Why are you calling me?" Even I cringed at the shortness of my tone, and I heard him sigh quietly on the other end of the line.
"I was wondering if I could pick you up for school in the morning...I mean, that way I could bring you round for our study session and then take you home again..." His voice had an edge of nervousness around it, and I couldn't help but melt a little at the sound.
When had I ever heard Edward nervous? He had always been the big, hot-shot, cocky Edward Masen when I knew him. Nothing like this. Why not give him some extra points for trying. He sure was stubborn.
"Edward, that's really nice of you, thanks...but Jasper's taking me tomorrow 'cause he's staying the night." Shit, too much information.
"Uh, right, no bother...Well I can still take you from school, that's no problem." I smiled despite myself, knowing that I was getting into dangerous territory. Talking to Edward, and not seeing him, was mightily easier than face-to-face. My heart could actually take it for a start.
"Thanks...Will I just meet you at your car?" He chuckled a little, and I wondered why.
"Why, Miss Swan, have you been stalking me?" I blushed at the new sugar in his tone. Was he trying to flirt with me?
"Edward, you have one of the flashiest, albeit nicest cars in the lot, it's kind of hard to miss." Never mind how hard he was to miss.
"Nice? Is that all I'm getting here, Swan...I'm sure you can do better than nice!" I laughed lightly, and it sounded strange, even to my ears.
"Okay, so it's a hot car, Edward, okay? You happy yet?" My face flamed, and I once again said a thank you that we were on the phone.
"Not quite, Swan, but I'll take what I can get." He chuckled lightly, but suddenly things were a little too awkward.
"Look, Edward, we're just heading to bed, so I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I wasn't trying to make him jealous, I just seemed incapable of saying the right thing.
I wanted to spend more time with Edward, so badly. Even if it was only fifteen minutes in his car at each end of my day, I wanted it. But I was hurt, and while it wasn't Edward's fault for being in a car accident, or for anything that had happened since, my heart just wasn't ready to jump in head first.
I never imagined I would ever say it, but with Edward, I needed to take small steps. Going around to his house to tutor him was enough turmoil for me for one day. I didn't want the added strain on two car rides.
I heard the change in Edward's tone. All the happiness that had settled over me at our flirting, evaporated. It was my fault, I hadn't meant it to sound like that.
"Yeah, right, cool. Bye, Bella." Before I could answer, the line went dead, and I was left with a buzzing receiver in my hand.
"Who was that, Bella?" My mom's voice had lost all its iciness. She knew perfectly well who it was.
"Uh, you know, one of my growing fan base." Jasper chuckled as I made my way back into the living room.
"Gonna be beating them off with a stick before long, Bells" He laughed loudly as Charlie grumbled something like "over my dead body" behind him.
I pecked my dad on the cheek and said goodnight, heading up the stairs behind Jasper. I threw a wave at my mom, and continued on my way. She wanted gossip, news to spread, but I was under no illusion that she was genuinely interested in me. It was pretty self-explanatory how the Cullen's got our house number when we weren't in the book.
For some reason, I had a bad feeling about it all. Something was telling me that Renee knew more than she was letting on, and if that was the case then I was going to have to be careful. She usually has my best interests at heart, but I also knew fine well that she could hold a grudge even against her own daughter. If she had somehow found out about Edward's and my summer, all of my summer - including once I got back home - there was no doubt in my mind that she would pretend to help while making my life a living nightmare.
I felt my skin prick at the thought that I would have to start watching my back from my own mother. In my own home. That thought clouded over me as I got ready for bed and climbed in under the covers, watching Jasper get himself comfy in the Jasper sized space to the left of my bed. He had spent so much time there over the past few months, that it was now officially his spot.
He didn't stay there long. What felt like minutes after falling asleep, he was waking me gently from a nightmare. He had to climb into my bed when the shaking wouldn't stop as I tried desperately to keep my crying soft. My parents knew about the nightmares, for the first two months, after that they sent me to a shrink. I hoped they thought they were better. I had no way to know for sure, but they hadn't mentioned them in the past couple of months. That generally told me that they hadn't heard or noticed my practically non-existent sleep.
I fell asleep again in Jasper's arms. Not the arms I wanted, but definitely a close second. When Jasper rocked me to sleep in the first months, I dreamt it was Edward who was holding me, whispering quiet words in my ear, rubbing soothing circles on my stomach. But when I awoke, it never was him. It was never going to be him.
Author's Chapter End Notes:
Sooo? What do we think?
Who caught the hints? What on earth happened to little Bella Swan that had Jasper being the knight in shining armour eh?
As always please review...I love you guys who never let me down :)
Find me at LiveInDakota on twitter :)
xx
