I decided that this chapter will be through the eyes of Dante. I hope people can see my version of Dante and how he feels about things.
It feels really nice interacting with this little girl. She is as cute as a button and already seems to be my fan by the way Maxie rolls her eyes. If someone told me four months ago I would be in Maxie's apartment holding her child I would tell the person they were nuts. Four months ago I thought I hated Maxie but I hated what she exposed. Sometimes I want to blame Maxie but it would be fruitless and unwarranted. She didn't cause the destruction of my marriage her actions only open my eyes to my denial. Since Lulu has been back she is different. She looks at others different, acts different she's always ready to pounce. She isn't the woman I married and I don't want to be married to a shell of who my wife used to be. I refuse to settle into a life like this. Coming home to a hostile wife always ready to blame me for everything that isn't my fault. I am tired of this and I am tired of my mother trying to meddle in my marriage making excuses for Lulu.
I love my mother but she needs to butt out she isn't helping anything even if she thinks she is. It is just getting annoying and frustrating. I want no part in her love life I wish she would extend me the same courtesy. I can't believe I went up to Maxie and Dr. Westbourne ready to accuse them of verbally accosting Lulu. I should have known that Lulu exaggerated or plain lied about what happened. She is out for blood and Maxie is at the top of the list. I am lucky because I could have been given a complaint by either of them because I shouldn't be interviewing anyone since I am legally Lulu's husband. I shouldn't even answer Lulu's calls we are separated but it seems now she wants to talk to me even if it is to berate me for something I have no control over. I would rather be single then be a man who compromised his beliefs who is married.
Lulu obviously doesn't know how important my oath is and how serious perjury is. Who could she?! Her father is a serial criminal who instilled a deep distrust in her about the police. It is a wonder how Lucky was ever a cop but I guess growing up like that makes you want stability and you become the opposite of your criminal father. I don't want to stay married to someone who doesn't take my oath seriously and plays on my guilt. Lying for Sonny was my biggest regret and she knew that. She didn't care to hurt me it was her intention. I just found out about Sonny being my father and my mother always giving me side glances as if to tell me don't let him go to jail. Thinking back to that time makes me so angry.
My mom thinks she saved me by not telling me who he was when I was young I could respect that but she should have told me later when I was living in Port Charles and knew I was doing undercover work in his organization. I could have lost my job and my credibility over my mother's secret. It would have come to light somehow I am this guy's long lost son and even if I didn't know most likely I wouldn't be believed. I tell Maxie this after Sofia is done with her feeding and back to sleep. It feels good to commiserate about these things with someone who had a single parent even if it is a completely different situation. Maxie knows the ins and outs of dealing with a cop in the family. Lulu had Lucky but she still had her father in her head with the deep distrust and didn't really take our commitment to serve seriously.
"Its hard for people who are not in the life of law enforcement to grasp how important it is to their spouse. Its so easy to overlook when you don't understand. Most times who harp up and down about law enforcement or the military shut up when they need them. My biological father is a spy and Mac was a cop. Life is so complicated in their head because they have a sense to protect and serve. Its hard to balance the weight that comes from that life. Its hard for some people to grasp like Lulu because she has a father who instills in her that they are the enemy. Mac has never been an enemy and Luke always wants to go on adventures with WSB agents like my dad. Most people think I probably hate my dad but I don't because I never really had an understanding of how lives like that worked until I got older and I saw the toll of police took on Mac. I surely didn't make it any better but Georgie was always my check and balances. I finally know what a semblance of life is like for Frisco and why he stays away. He does the only thing he can to protect me and that's to stay far away from me. The danger of having a spy for a father is very real and it would be selfish of myself to say screw it all be a 'father' to me. Thinking like that can put me in a pine box. I knew what it was like for my dad when I had to leave Georgie it was the first thing that happened. I still talk to my dad albeit its always through complicated means but speaking to him and having my relationship with Mac makes me a better parent but also understand the plight they go through as being my fathers.
People wonder why I don't blame my father as much as my mother for leaving. I have a god sister Anna Donely and she tells me of the dangers that her family sometimes get into because her dad was a spy as well. Only difference is Sean tried to have it all it has its benefits and drawbacks. At first I blamed both and I wanted their heads on pikes but not for abandoning me. I was all right with that because in my head I ultimately needed only my sister. But my sister felt that abandonment and I always tried to be everything to mask it but there is only so much a sister can do to make up for two parents leaving. I understand Frisco leaving a little bit more because having any type of law enforcement career can be dangerous but more so when you are a spy in different parts of the world creating enemies. The further you stay away from your kids the better. But my mother left on her own accord. She is always trying to chase adventure and it sucks and that's why I blame her. She left us because she wanted too. That's what gripes me the most she couldn't find enough reason to stay when Frisco found enough reason to leave. Last time I saw my dad I was in Mexico and it was awesome because it was less of a chance of drawing attention. He actually stayed with me for a month helping me take care of Sofia." Its so weird and normal to hear Maxie talk about how her life is and how much she knows of the life I have as a police officer.
"Did you ever wish you could have a relatively normal life?" I don't even know what normal means anymore.
"No, I like my life like this if everything was "normal" most likely I wouldn't have any kids let alone two and I would probably be drastically different. Maybe I would say yes if it meant I could just hug my sister one last time or she could talk me down from whatever I would be raving about. Life would be too filled with happiness if my Georgie was still here with me." I see silent tears run from her eyes
but she doesn't hide them its like she wears them like a badge of honor like they show just an iota of her love for her sister. It makes me jealous to never have met her but she meant a lot to so much people.
"Tell me about your sister..." I want to know the girl from her sister's eyes.
"Well her name was Georgianna Jones born March 6th, 1990. She was the prettiest nerd you would ever meet. She was loving she closed the gap in my heart that my parents left. She was all I ever needed to feel loved and worthy. She always let me know after each day she loved me and we usually ended our days with a hug. I always planned our life. I was going to make it big in New York City and Georgie was going to go to NYU or Columbia and we would live together in the big city. We were really going to be big time. Its super weird to think about the younger sister being this beacon of reason and rationale but she was and still is. I sometimes feel her whispering cut it out in my ear. I hated everything and everyone that hurt Georgie and that included our parents and Lulu. Lulu plotted and schemed ruin the happiness my sister had with young love. My sister lost her love and she was down and out for a while. When everything started looking up again I was happy that Georgie was happy and I was dating Coop. Life felt like it was finally looking up. But the worst day of my life happened and that was when Georgie was murdered she was only 17 in less than three months she would have been 18 and I would have thrown her a party. The worst part of it all was they said my boyfriend killed her. Cooper was a good guy, a war vet and a police cadet. They tried to put that murder on him and in what world could I ever believe my kind-hearted boyfriend would murder the one person I love most?! He knew that and I know he wouldn't ever hurt Georgie they were friends. I was starting to plan a life for all of us. Coop would finish his training in Port Charles and transfer to the NYPD and Georgie would transfer to NYU after the summer and I would work in fashion.
That life was taken from me. It felt like someone kept mashing my heart with a hammer. Coop was investigating who killed my sister after I helped him escape and he got killed for getting too close. It was Diego Alcazar who killed my sister and then killed Coop to shut him up. So many times I wonder how life could be so cruel. BJ died in a bus crash, Georgie was murdered, I thought I killed Robin but thank goodness she is alive somehow. It was like my family was being taken away from me one by one." This is the most Maxie has ever shared with me and she is holding herself shaking. I do the only thing I can I come closer and giver her a shoulder to cry on. I kind of feel like a dick for asking about her sister. It really is troubling to hear they thought her boyfriend could have murdered her sister. How is that supposed to make someone feel?! I wish I had met this Diego so I could punch him in the throat.
"I'm sorry for asking about Georgie..."
"Don't be Georgie is a part of my life that I will cheer from the mountain tops. She deserves to be known and I am always ready to tell people how wonderful she was. I never really shared the other stuff its just when it gets late I think about that and sometimes envision a life of what might have been. I would probably be a cop wife with two or three kids and Georgie would be some snooty patooty professor at a school. Its so weird I always thought I would be a cop's wife because I have only had three serious relationships and two of them were cops and both were killed. My first love Jesse and I met when I was in a hospital bed looking all gross and stuff and he was framed for the murder of Carly's dad. I loved him so much I never thought I could love someone so much who wasn't Mac or Georgie but I did.
He loved me and not only told me I was important he made me feel that way. He was Lucky's partner and such a good guy. He got shot in the head on his day off. I was standing next to him one second and then he is on the floor with blood coming from his head. I can still remember it like it happened yesterday. I hate carnivals because that's the last date I had with him. I was thinking I had all the time in the world because my heart was holding up well and Jesse was going to ask my dad for his vacation days so we could do anything we wanted. We made plans for future, we were building a life with each other in mind. He was going to be the man I married. He was going to be the father of my babies. And then all I had was what could have been. I felt hollow for a long time.
I met Coop and I felt like maybe I could move on from Jesse and have some happiness because that's what he always wanted for me. I started planning for the future again and then Coop died and I was the one who found him. He died in the pursuit of justice for me. Justice for my sister and for himself. Most people didn't understand why I couldn't marry Spinelli. They probably thought I was selfish or didn't love him enough. But I couldn't marry anyone because marriage is an endeavor for the future. I couldn't plan anything about the future everytime I did they died. I lost Jesse, Georgie, and Coop it just hurt so much to plan a life and then have those people murdered. I always had a stark reminder I would never have Chicago..."
Damn this girl has been through a lot and I feel guilty for thinking she was a vapid self-absorbed woman. Its only a persona she gives to the outside world to hide the hurt the world has caused her. I just squeeze her tighter as if it could lessen the pain. I know it won't but it gives me the false sense that I can do something for her. What did she mean that she will never have Chicago? What in Chicago that you can't get here? If its pizza she can get a New York slice in the city anytime she wants. We have better pizza and hot dogs so what's so special about Chicago? I'll ask another time because she has shared a lot of her life that I am pretty sure most people don't really know about.
"Is it weird that you are probably the only one who knows that about me or rather my feelings about . I mean all of it. I hate when people try to force me to talk because it isn't a genuine conversation. It comes from force and I don't like or appreciate stuff like that. I would rather it be organic for me to spill me guts instead of someone trying to make me." I feel a little special to have something so personal about someone confided in me. I will safeguard Maxie's feelings on the subject. I could never imagine using this against her. After seeing her face in the courtroom when Alexis said she killed Robin I never again want to be involved in hurting her like that.
"It might be weird but that's okay what do we know about normal anyway?" We both start laughing. I look at the time and its really late. Thank God I have the day off today but I could still get called in so I won't hold my breath. "Maybe I should go and you get some sleep you have to wake up early and feed Sofia soon don't you?"
"Yeah I do I guess I could go to sleep. Dante I want you to know that I am thankful for being all ears and you are welcome here okay." She walks me to the door and I hug her and tell her thank you and that I just may take her up on her offer.
That is definitely not how I envisioned how my night was going to go but it is definitely welcomed and I learned a lot of new things and got to feed Sofia. She is so tiny and beautiful it never amazes the power babies can have over people. I still feel myself smiling from the little miss. I don't really feel like time has gone by. I finally get back home and I open my door. I don't realize how tired I am until I step the front door.
"Dante, where have you been? I have been waiting all night for you and you show up here at 6 in the morning. I know you weren't at work so where were you?" Before I can even close the door I am greeted to the sounds of Lulu but I don't understand why... She said she couldn't live with a coward like me so she moved out. I am not too sure where since she decided I didn't need to know.
"Excuse but its way too early to deal with you so if you need something you have my number and you can wait for the sun to actually be out to ask."
"Where do you get off speaking to me like that I am your wife!?" Now she wants to invoke the wife card. Is she kidding me or herself?
"Lulu you made it clear that you don't want to be here or with me so don't start calling yourself my wife when you were cursing the same title last week."
"I am your wife, I don't understand why you filed separation papers? Do you not want to be with me anymore?" Lulu gets in my face and she looks weird like she is trying to be sad but I can see right through it.
"I filed for separation because you left me and I don't want to be married to you it is as simple as that. I don't want to do this anymore. You complicate my life in a way that I don't want or need. You don't understand me and my oath. You thought I betrayed you Lulu so don't kid yourself into thinking I want to be you." She is getting on my last nerve. Why is she even here I should change the locks or just move somewhere else? This place is a reminder of what I don't have anyways.
"Is that why you smell like another woman hmm? I can freaking smell the perfume on you from here. Well tell that bitch she can have you because I sure as hell don't want a spineless man who can't stand up for his family."
"Is that supposed to hurt my feelings Lulu. Are your words supposed to make me try to undo what has happened in the last months. All I have to ask is are you done? I would like to get some sleep now your highness is there anything else I could help you with?" I am obviously being sarcastic.
"Well since you ask did you go tell that tramp Maxie and her bitchy doctor friend that they can't talk to me in such a manner. If they speak to me so rudely and harass me again I want to get a restraining order. She probably stole that baby she had. Who would let her take care of a baby?"
"They both had a different version of what went on and I shouldn't be interviewing any subject that you lodge a complaint against because we are legally married it shows a conflict of interest. As for the baby I don't know Lulu she wasn't hurting it and she most has documentation for said child."
"Conflict of interest?! Is that fancy cop talk for you can't be bothered. People harass me and you can't be bothered to investigate. I am so glad I left you because you are a sorry excuse for a husband. You won't even try to protect me." Lulu actually sneers at me.
"Yeah whatever I need some sleep. If you have any further complaints you can go to the police station and write a formal and official complaint and they will assign an officer or detective to investigate the matter for you. Now get the hell out or I will escort you out myself."
"Fine whatever jerk. Oh yeah I will be at Milo's that's where I have been staying he loves me you know . He would do anything for me."
"Then go ask him to investigate the matter." I open the door and Lulu looks like she is going to say something but before she can say anything I shut the door and use the deadbolt ain't no way she is getting in here in the near future. I will install new locks myself and move somewhere else today. I don't care where it is I just need to be somewhere she can't pop in anytime she wants. I know already I am going to fall asleep in the clothes I spent the whole day in because I can't find it in myself to find some pajamas to sleep in.
So that was the chapter and I hope its okay for you guys. This was my toughest chapter yet because those deaths in Maxie's life were to me the worst things possible and they happened in a relatively short span. I would be afraid of always losing someone I loved at every turn. I had a hard time writing it because of the plethora of tears. I had to calm myself down re-watching each one of those deaths. I still think all those characters close to Maxie had so much potential. Jesse and Maxie could have been a supercouple that made it and Georgie was the most senseless killing and I think they know that with bringing back Lindze Letherman so many times. Anyways I have to go now but there is more to come.
