7
'What are you doing here?' I said, staring at Wood. I was way beyond being polite.
'Well actually', he said and his eyes were hard,' responding to phone call your head-of-care gave me'.
I looked around, but Marie was already inside, out of my glare-sight.
'Well actually- we came because we thought you had been stabbed. It was a bad line'.
I very nearly shifted then. My whole body juddered, and I saw his eyes flick to mine with a look of both horror and fascination.
'What?' I yelled,' so you wouldn't've bothered moving your arses if you knew it was Mike that's been stabbed. Don't worry about Mike, oh no, Mike isn't important enough!'
'Why don't you come inside?' he said.
'EFF OFF!'
Owen appeared behind Wood and Marie behind Owen, and more kids were behind Marie and I knew that all heard my yell, and I didn't care. I. Did. Not. Care.
'I'm not coming inside, Wood, till you're outside. Oh yeah, I know what a bastard you are- I can smell it! All this hypnosis shit- I can smell a fake from a mile away!'
And I shoved past him and hared straight up the stairs because it was coming, the change, born out of anger and fear and self-loathing and guilt, and I only just managed to slam and bolt the bathroom door before it happened. And there I was. A wolf in the tiny bathroom.
What's the effing use of changing now?
Mike could be dead now.
That he wasn't, was not because of me- it was because of blind luck.
I hated myself.
After a few minutes, Marie knocked nervously on the door. I was curled up in the shower stall, the screen pulled to.
'Hello?' she said,' are you in there?'
I didn't reply. I couldn't. But if I was human I don't think I would have anyway.
Then there was silence for a while, and Owen's scent seeped under the door and he knocked gently and murmured,' have you shifted in there? Is that why you won't come out?'
I growled lowly, but I know he heard me.
'OK', he said loudly,' he needs a bit of space right now. Let him sleep there if he likes. I'm sure he'll come out in the morning'.
This last was directed at me. I curled into a tighter ball and slowly, I let myself drop into a fitful sleep.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
When I woke, I was a boy again. My face was pressed against the shower-screen, my breath was clinging to the glass. Awkwardly, I clawed my way up the smooth surface, into a vague semblance of the sitting position. I pushed away the screen and tumbled out onto the bathroom floor.
I groaned.
And slowly stood up. I caught a glimpse of myself as I rose, in the mirror hung above the sink. I stared at my reflection. In the past week that face had elongated into a wolf face and back, twice. Looking at me, you wouldn't know it. Tousled dark hair, silver-grey eyes, few smiles. I was the same person I always had been.
Or was I?
I was broken out of this reverie by a knock on the door.
An uncertain voice assailed me. It was Pete Greenly,' look-er… are you alright? You OK in there?' There was a long silence,' there's breakfast out here for you… if you want it. You don't have to eat it with the others'.
I didn't know why the carers had sent Greenly to tempt me out. Surely they knew that we didn't exactly get along? And I thought about it. They did know. So… maybe Greenly hadn't been sent, maybe he was genuinely worried.
I opened the door.
Greenly was across at the other. He looked like he was about to leave. One hand was stretched out towards the handle. When he looked round and saw me, he slowly lowered it, and put it in a pocket.
'You back?' he asked, not unkindly.
'Yeah', I said, slowly,' maybe'. I spotted a tray on my bed with a full English breakfast on it. My stomach made an involuntary leap,' that for me?'
'Yeah'.
I sat lightly on the bed and pulled it onto my lap. I expected Greenly to leave but he didn't. He sat down on the bed opposite.
As I wolfed the breakfast he stared out of the window and said,' when you're finished you can go to the hospital. Mike's out of surgery now and doing fine'.
I stuffed the rest of the food and swallowed heavily,' thanks', I said.
I got up to leave and he was silent for a moment. I had my hand on the door-handle when he said,' and I'm sorry about what happened'.
I looked back at him and he was staring at his fingernails,' I mean. Mike's a cool guy. Tell him "get well soon" from me'.
'I will', I said.
'Thanks'.
It seemed this was all Pete had to say, and I was desperate to get to the hospital.
'I'll see you later', I said.
'Yeah, seeya'.
I took the stairs three at a time. Mickey Roe was at the bottom, sucking his thumb. He took it out of his mouth long enough to say,' hello', and then started sucking again.
If a Roe was being nice to you, you were usually leaving. Or something bad had happened to you. In my case of course- both were true.
'Marie!' I said loudly. The kerfuffle in dining room told me the rest of the home was still eating breakfast. I knocked on the door to Marie's office, and she opened it.
'Oh yes', she said,' Simon's taking you. I hope you don't mind- I've just got a lot on my plate…'
'That's fine where is he?'
She blinked,' he's not taking you now. He's got a lot on his plate as well'.
I frowned at her,' I'm going now'.
'They won't let you in without adult supervision-'
'I'll find a way in', I snapped, and then a cool voice broke over our conversation.
'Don't worry, Miss Reeve', it said,' I'll take him. I was going there anyway'.
It was Owen.
'Thanks', I said, and looked back at Marie,' you'll tell Simon, yeah?'
'No!', she said,' no- this is against all regulations. You're not a carer or a parent- it's against the rules!'
'Sod that!' I said loudly.
She sighed at me,' I'm sorry but I can't just let you drive off with someone…'
'Fine', I said,' I'll walk. Coming, Mr Hind?'
It wasn't like I wanted his company. When I'd said I'd find a way in, I'd meant it. I wanted him to come so as make a point to my head carer. He understood this I knew, but it didn't stop him catching up as I stepped down onto the road and crossed it.
'You know maybe you should be more polite to your carers- they are trying to help after all'.
'Don't you start'.
We walked in silence for a bit.
'You did shift last night, didn't you?'
'Yeah. For all the good it did, hours after…'
'I was wondering why you didn't shift while the police were taking down your statement', said Owen, thoughtfully,' Wood and I panicked when we realized how long it'd been since the incident, by the time we found out about it. We usually try to keep the police out of it'.
I shrugged, but I was curious,' you're not wondering why I didn't shift and bite Bannerman's head off?' I asked.
'No. I think it just happened too quickly. And maybe subconsciously you knew it would be out of the bag if Bannerman saw you change for a second time. He certainly wouldn't be doubting any more, would he?'
'Oh'. This had not occurred to me. I realized I liked Owen. Trusted him, even. I thought for a moment about telling him about Patrick Wood. But Wood hadn't actually done anything, had he? I could hardly say the basis for my suspicions was that he smelled bad.
So I decided against it.
When we got to the hospital, Mike's mum was already there. She gave me a look that confirmed what I'd feared- she blamed me almost as much as Bannerman for what had happened to her son.
He wasn't lying down like I'd imagined- he was sitting up in the window seat. His arm was bandaged and in a sling and he looked bored.
'Hey Mike', I said.
'Took you long enough!' he said, grinning,' this is the dullest place in the world- seriously, never end up in one of these'.
'How you feeling?'
'Like shit'.
'Figures', I said, and my insides clenched nastily at the look Mike's mum shot me over the bed, but Mike laughed.
'Yep guess so. It could definitely be worse- good thing Bannerman's such a lousy aim'.
'Yeah'.
'It's really not serious, mate- I'll probably be out today- certainly tomorrow'.
'Cool'.
'Well yeah- there's nothing to do and the food's terrible'.
'Don't you have a TV?' I asked, looking at it pointedly.
'Can't get it to work. And all the nurses are busy'.
'What- healing people?'
'It's a disgrace, isn't it!'
'Pete Greenly says hi', I conveyed the message,' and get well soon'.
'Tell him thanks next time you see him'.
'Ah- well, he's out tonight and… I'm supposed to be leaving tommorow'.
'Oh right, yeah. The school'.
It was an awkward moment. I stared out of the window. It showed a view of the car park lined with drizzle, and the splotchy green of the allotments beyond. The cold sky outside was white, streaked with grey.
After a moment Mike blurted out,' you know I don't mind if you go'.
I couldn't meet his gaze. His mum was looking at me curiously. This was obviously the first she'd heard about me leaving. Mike continued quickly, 'I just wanna say I think you should. Even though… this happened. I don't want you to delay leaving cause of what happened. Cause I don't mind either way'.
It was awkward. I looked back out of the window, at the cars circling the car park for a space.
'I'll visit- soon as I've settled in. See how you're getting on'.
'Thanks'.
I stared out of the window once more. I felt my mouth forming the shapes of the words in my head. It took me a while to form the simple sentence.
'I'll… I'll really miss you, you know'.
Mike nodded, and then he grinned and the awkwardness vanished, like that.
'Well- yeah! No need to go all gay about it!'
I laughed,' you wish!'
Just then a nurse came in and said my visiting time was up.
'I'll see you later Mike. Tell you all about boarding school! Euggh!' I paused at the door,' you don't think they'll be a uniform- do you?'
Mike's laugh followed me all the way down the hall as the nurse led me back to the waiting area, where Owen was drinking take-away coffee.
He stood up as we came in,' is he alright?'
'Yeah- he's fine', I said,' his mum looked a bit pissed at me, though'.
'Well', Owen drained his coffee and chucked it into a waste paper bin next to his seat,' that's to be expected, don't you think. Now let's get back to the home before your carers call the police on me'.
That was the last time I saw Mike. Because when I got back to the kid's home, Marie was in her office on the phone. Owen walked me as far as his car, then he got in.
'I'll see you tommorow', he said, leaning out of the widow as I let myself into the home,' 9 o clock. We'll be getting the train down to Cornwall. Make sure you're packed'.
'Yeah', I said,' seeya'.
As I set off up the stairs, Marie accosted me from her office, phone still in hand.
'Change of plan', she said,'I've just got off the phone with that Mrs Sartre. Tomorrow- instead of Mr Hind picking you up- it's going to be Patrick Wood'.
