Well, it's been a while - sorry about that! Life still isn't playing ball. Thank you for all the follows, favourites, and reviews, they've encouraged me to actually get this update done :). So hope you enjoy!


Four thirty-two AM.

Maura sighed, and rolled over in bed. The digits of the clock shone brightly in the darkness of her bedroom, and she wondered how she had never noticed before how disturbing they were. Even when she turned over, away from the nightstand, there was still a faint red glow that she could see out of the corner of her eye, and she made a mental note to get rid of that clock and buy a different one. One that wasn't as bright as a nightlight.

But perhaps, she thought as she shifted a little, trying to work out a bump in the pillow, that was unfair. She had never noticed the clock before. Her insomnia was probably down to the fact that her mind was whirring, full of questions without answers, and worries that were probably without foundation. And one person was at the centre of it all.

Jane.

It was five and a half hours since she had said goodbye to Jane after their evening ice skating. Three hundred and thirty minutes, and counting, during which she should have floated home on cloud nine and then fallen blissfully asleep. Instead, she had been wide awake and fretting, all over one tiny little word.

No.

Maura had never wanted to stop kissing Jane. She hadn't cared that they were in the middle of Boston Common on a Saturday night, but a good-natured wolf whistle from a group of passing teenagers seemed to have brought Jane back down to earth. She had gently pulled away, smiling, and taken Maura's hand to continue walking her to her car. Once again, she had refused to allow Maura to drive her home, saying that it would mean a detour of over half an hour, but Maura had insisted on at least driving her back round to the subway. It meant she had a little bit longer before she had to say goodbye - something that she really didn't want to do.

It was only when she had pulled over by the sidewalk, outside the subway station, that it had occurred to her that she might not have to. And so, with her heart pounding, words catching in her throat, she had very quietly asked if Jane wanted to just come back to hers. It was nearer, she had explained, and she had a spare bedroom. It would save Jane a trip back across town in the dark and the cold.

That hadn't fooled either of them.

Jane's answer had been no. A gentle no, but a no nonetheless. And although Maura had nodded and smiled, accepting it without question and pretending that she understood, it had sent her into a tailspin of self-doubt that had just got worse as she drove home. By the time she had pulled up outside her house, she was convinced that somehow she had messed up completely, and that their kiss had changed Jane's mind about her. Maybe, she thought, Jane had decided that it wasn't for her. That Maura wasn't for her. Maybe she hadn't felt the same spark that Maura had when their lips met.

Maybe Jane hadn't felt like she had just kissed her soulmate.

Or maybe Maura had just been a rubbish kisser.

Those thoughts had stayed with her through the small hours of the morning, keeping her awake and tossing and turning. She had got up around two to make herself a cup of soothing camomile tea, but it hadn't helped. She had even taken an opthalmic journal back to bed, figuring that if she was awake anyway she might as well try and catch up on some reading, but she couldn't concentrate. All she could think of was Jane, and what she might have done wrong that had scared her off. Eventually, she had given up on the journal and turned out the light, but now, an hour or so later, the darkness seemed to envelope her, magnifying all her negative thoughts until she couldn't stand it any longer. Turning back over, she stared for a long moment at the clock before turning the bedside light back on.

Four fifty-three.

Glaring at the remains of the camomile tea, Maura pushed back the covers and got up, her bare feet padding on the thick carpet as she made her way over to the en suite bathroom. She had no chance of getting to sleep now, so, she thought, she might as well head into work. No one would be there to disturb her, but being alone in her office was better than being alone in her bedroom, where the empty side of the bed just served as a constant, cold reminder that fuelled all her worries and fears. At least in her office she would have a change of scene, a different atmosphere. And the security guard had seen plenty of strange things in his time. The Chief Medical Examiner arriving at her office at six in the morning of Thanksgiving Sunday wouldn't even warrant a bat of the eyes.

As she turned on the shower and waited for the water to run hot, she decided that she didn't really care if it did.


By ten thirty, Maura was just about ready to give up. She had arrived at work at seven minutes past six, after treating herself to an extra-long shower and a cinnamon bagel that had been salvaged from the depths of her freezer. As predicted, the security guard hadn't remarked on her being in so early - in fact, he had barely spoken at all, and Maura guessed that he was a little pissed off at having to work the holiday weekend. At six-fifteen, she had been settled in her office and had opened the first of three reports that she wanted to finish, but four hours later she was still working on the same one. Her mind kept wandering back to Jane. And, this time, it wasn't just the doubt and the anxiety that plagued her.

It was a feeling that she could only describe as sexual frustration.

Kissing Jane had been like nothing else she had ever experienced. It had been warm, comfortable, somehow completely right in a way that nothing had ever been before. To Maura, kissing had always been something to get through before the main event, which in turn had usually been a purely physical act to meet a purely physical need. At least, she had always thought of it that way. There had never been any emotion involved, and she had always been quite happy to say goodbye in the morning. And on those occasions when she couldn't be bothered with company, she hadn't missed the foreplay.

It was only now that she realised she had, perhaps subconsciously, been looking for something different.

But besides that, it had turned her on in a way that she hadn't been expecting. The rush of heat through her body as Jane's lips moved against hers had taken her by surprise, and she had wanted more. Much more. And try as she might to ignore it, or deny it, or both, she knew that she still did. The faint heat in her cheeks, and the slight throbbing in between her legs when she thought about what might have happened had Jane agreed to come home with her was proof of that.

She wasn't sure what was worse - this, or the constant self-doubt and gnawing fear of earlier.

In an effort to shake herself out of it and, ironically, to get herself in a frame of mind to actually work, Maura clicked onto the internet. A bit of online shopping usually did wonders for her mood, which could only help her concentration and ability to focus on work rather than Jane. Telling herself that if it worked, and if she subsequently managed to get all her reports finished, she would treat herself to a Chinese takeaway for dinner later.

She might even get up the courage to phone Jane.

She did genuinely need some new jeans, and, clicking onto various websites that she had bought from in the past, she began to compare prices and colours and fitting guidelines. It didn't take her too long to find a pair that she liked, but she couldn't face the thought of the reports just yet. And so it wasn't jeans that she was browsing when she had heard a familiar voice behind her.

'Nice'.

Maura spun around in her chair, her eyes wide as she looked up at Jane. The brunette was peering appreciatively over her shoulder at the pale lilac bra and panty set that was filling the computer screen, and Maura suddenly felt hot with embarrassment.

'It's not...I mean, I'm not...how did you...'

She gave up trying to form a sentence, and simply gazed at the take-out cup that Jane was putting down on the corner of her desk.

'Well', the brunette drawled as she perched next to the cup, 'you said you'd be working today. And I wanted to see you. So I thought I'd bring you a coffee and maybe drag you out for something to eat. The security guard recognised me from the other day, and let me in'.

Maura blinked a couple of times, struggling to take it all in. Jane was here, in her office, completely unexpectedly. Jane had brought her coffee, and wanted to take her for something to eat.

Jane had wanted to see her.

After a night of no sleep, after worrying and fretting and becoming convinced that Jane was no longer interested...Jane wanted to see her.

'I like the colour'.

'What?' For a few seconds, Maura had no idea what Jane was talking about. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up with her, and she was feeling slow, and a bit sluggish. It was only when Jane smirked at the computer screen that she remembered.

'Oh'. She hadn't thought it was possible for her cheeks to get any redder...but, it seemed, she had been wrong. 'It's...uh...'

She moved to close the screen, but Jane's hand on top of hers stopped her.

'You should get them'.

Maura had to swallow hard to keep from gasping. Quite apart from the sensations that Jane's touch was sending through her, she couldn't quite believe that Jane was looking at lingerie with her in mind.

'They'd look gorgeous'.

Maura steeled herself, and looked up. Those dark brown eyes were fixed on her, and a hint of amusement at Maura's reaction was playing about her lips. But that quickly faded as she saw the expression on Maura's face.

'You okay?'

Maura gave herself a mental shake, and nodded as she reached for the coffee cup with her free hand. She really had to get it together.

'Fine. Just...' She fiddled with the lid, lifting it off and releasing the aroma of freshly ground coffee. Two shots mixed with skim milk, just the way she liked it. Jane had remembered. 'I didn't sleep very well, that's all'.

Jane raised one eyebrow.

'You didn't sleep very well?'

Maura shrugged slightly, and took a mouthful of the coffee. It was good. Really good.

'I didn't sleep at all'.

'Hmm'. Jane lifted her hand from Maura's, and Maura felt her trail a thumb down Maura's cheek. The tender, warm touch was almost too much, and Maura closed her eyes, concentrating on the coffee and the warm buzz it was creating in her stomach. Anything to stop her thinking about Jane's fingers, Jane's touch on her skin, that thumb running along other places on her body...

'Why was that?'

Maura's eyes snapped open, and her hand tightened involuntarily around the coffee cup. She knew that Jane noticed. Jane, it seemed, noticed everything.

She took a deep breath, and responded with a question of her own.

'Why didn't you come back last night?'

Jane's brow wrinkled in confusion, and then, slowly, her eyes widened as realisation dawned. She seemed to struggle with her words for a moment, not quite knowing what to say or how to answer, and Maura just waited, quietly sipping her coffee. Her heart was pounding, and her palms felt a bit clammy. But she had asked the question now, and there was no taking it back.

She certainly had not expected the answer that she finally got.

'Because I didn't want to...' A pause, before Jane tried again. 'Because I care about you. A lot'. Another pause. 'Too much to rush things'.

The feeling that flooded through Maura was indescribable. Pure relief, mostly. Disbelief, elation, and a warmth that she had never known before. She almost laughed out loud, even as she saw the incredulous look on Jane's face.

'You mean you've been up all night worrying that I didn't...'

'That you didn't find me attractive after all? Yes, I guess I have'. As soon as she admitted it out loud, Maura realised how absurd it sounded, and when she raised her eyes it was to see Jane shaking her head, looking as if she couldn't decide between laughing and crying herself.

'Idiot'.

'Excuse me?'

'For someone with so many letters after their name, you're an idiot'. Jane reached out and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind Maura's ear, her soft touch at odds with the frustration and disbelief in her voice. 'Don't you know how amazingly beautiful you are?'

The look on Maura's face must have told Jane everything she needed to know.

'Apparently not. But didn't you get how I feel about you - when we kissed?'

This time, it was Maura who struggled to answer. She had 'got' how Jane felt about her - or thought she had. And then she thought she must have got it wrong. It genuinely hadn't crossed her mind that Jane hadn't wanted to sleep with her last night because she cared too much. But she was saved from having to force out a reply by Jane leaning forward, and Maura closed her eyes as their lips met.

Everything that she couldn't say was in that kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Jane gestured ruefully to the computer screen.

'Course, going slow always seems like a good idea, but...'

'Slowly'. The correction was automatic, but Maura couldn't help a smile at the look on Jane's face. 'The correct grammar is 'going slowly'. Not 'slow''.

'Whatever. It's gonna be harder than I thought it would be'. Jane returned Maura's smile in an effort to take the serious edge off her words. 'Especially if you buy that'.

Maura raised her eyebrows. Jane's sincerity was not lost on her, but neither was the flirtatiousness in the other woman's tone. Suddenly, she felt a bit lightheaded from lack of sleep and from the caffeine kick that was starting to hit, and, after another kiss like that, she didn't have many inhibitions left.

'And what makes you think you would see them if I did?'

'Well, I was wondering whether you would maybe like to come down and see the delights of Highland Falls one weekend'. Jane looked and sounded confident, but her fingers gave her away, nervously fiddling with Maura's coffee cup. 'I have an apartment off West Point, in the town. There's not much there apart from the military stuff, but even that's worth a look if you've never been - they do tours round the Academy. And it's good for hiking round there if the weather's good, and...'

But Maura didn't give her a chance to finish, cutting her off mid-flow with another kiss that was even more passionate than before. Her tiredness forgotten, she stood up and wrapped her arms around Jane's neck, revelling in the brunette's response and wondering, at the back of her mind, how she could ever have doubted anything.

And it was far too long since she had been to New York.