A/N--Well, so the general consensus was to keep the holiday chapters but let them fall where I had orginally planned them. So, I'm keeping with my plan and the Christmas and New Year's chapters will show up when they show up. Thanks for all your input about that! Anyways, I wanted to get this chapter out while it was still in my head. It's an important chapter for the rest of the plot development so...pay attention! Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you like your present!!

BLEEDING LOVE

I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend.
I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defenses down
All those wounds that I can't get unwound
I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain, whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around

Time stand still
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away
Time stand still
"Time Stand Still" by Rush

Chapter Seven

The popcorn was made. The heat was on. The movie was already in the DVD player. The blankets were nice, warm, and waiting on the couch. The ice cold beer was already sitting out on the coffee table. All they needed to do was settle in and hit play. They would have started their night a little bit earlier but they had had a hard time deciding which movie to watch. Bella had pushed for the chick flick but Jacob, on the other hand, wasn't really feeling like a sappy, tear-inducing movie like "P.S. I Love You" or something god-awful like that. Bella had stomped her foot at that because she wanted her Gerard Butler fix but Jacob stood his ground and they compromised with a "Pirates" movie, because it had eye candy for Bella and action (and eye candy, too) for Jacob.

For once, Jacob actually had a Friday night off and Bella, who was feeling the need to have a night off from the club as well, had talked Jacob into a movie and Christmas decorating night. Since Christmas was only a few days away, they had spent the afternoon wading through brown, slowly dying Christmas trees until they had found 'the perfect one', as Bella had called it. Somehow, they had managed to find the only tree on the lot that wasn't completely hopeless. They had struggled to get the tree up the stairs of their building and when they had finally gotten inside their apartment, Bella could barely contain her excitement to decorate the tree.

"Come on, Jake! Put it over here…no…the other side of the TV, next to the window…yeah, right there." She had exclaimed exuberantly, practically hopping from foot to foot she was so excited. Jacob had just laughed and abided by her wishes.

But, he couldn't hide his groan when "All I Want for Christmas Is You" came blasting from Bella's iPod.

"Oh no…Bells! Really? Do you have to?" He grimaced as she turned the volume up a little louder just to piss him off, an evil glint in her eye.

Instead of responding, Bella just started the long process of stringing the lights around the tree, only managing to knock over the entire thing once.

Now that tree was finally up and on par with Bella's standards, it was movie time. Jacob grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave and made his way back over to the couch. He playfully tossed some warm popcorn at her as he sat down. She rested her legs across his lap and reached for the blanket above her head. She shivered for a brief second before throwing the blanket around her legs and she rubbed her hands together.

Jacob chuckled at her movements. "Geez, Bells, the heat's on…what else do you want me to do?"

She smirked and continued to rub her hands together. "I know, I know…sometimes this place feels a little like a dungeon or something…it's so big and cold…it's a good thing Carlisle doesn't charge us for heat otherwise we'd be up the ass in bills for this place."

Jacob laughed heartily and hit play on the remote. "Yeah, we definitely have a pretty good setup here, not including our little problem in the winter."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Jake. Hand over the popcorn now, the movie's starting and I wanna see Johnny."

His eyes lifted to the ceiling as he handed her the popcorn bowl. The movie began and he let out an exasperated sigh when Bella let loose a high-pitched shriek when Jack Sparrow came onto the screen.

"Oooo…he is so hot. You know, normally I wouldn't think men wearing eyeliner was hot but on him…it is soo hot. I love it!"

He threw a pillow at her to muffle her verbal drooling and she let out a sharp yelp of surprise.

"Hey! What was that about, Jake?"

He rolled his eyes and gestured toward the TV. "The movie's on Bells. I thought we agreed there would be no talking through this cinematic masterpiece. Come on…please drool in silence."

She bit back a laugh and just nodded, immediately turning her attention back to the movie.

"So," she whispered lowly. "When do you think he'll be back?"

His brow furrowed at her question. "Well, whenever the club closes. Why do you ask?"

She shrugged her shoulders and went back to watching the movie. Edward was at the club, as usual for a Friday night, and she was dreading his return, hoping that just once, he wouldn't bring home some random, stupid girl, as usual. He hadn't said much to either of them when he had left for the night, which wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary from him. Ever since Rosalie and Emmett's wedding, it seemed like he had been making a conscious effort to be nicer and less of an asshole, but she had a sinking feeling that this new change in him had more to do with her dead mother than it did her.

"Hey Bells?"

That jolted her out of her revelry and she turned her head to face him. "Yeah Jake?"

"What were you thinking about, just now?"

Her brow furrowed. "Nothing much, why?"

"I don't know…you just kind of seemed like you were off in your own little world. Were you thinking about…well, her?"

Bella huffed angrily and sat up abruptly. "Why does everything have to do with her?"

He frowned and his eyes shone down on her with a mixture of pain and regret. "Well, Christmas is only a few days away and it'll be your first Christmas without her…"

"I know that, Jake!" She yelled furiously. "I fucking know that! But that doesn't mean I want to talk about it!"

He held his hands up defensively. "I'm sorry, Bells. I just thought that's why you looked so sad all of a sudden and I knew you wouldn't bring it up on your own so…look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Come on, would you just lie back down? We were having a good time before I fucked it up."

She nodded and slid down a little on the couch. "I know, Jake. I know you didn't mean anything by it, it's just that…if I wanted to talk about it, I would. It doesn't have anything to do with you…"

"You know," he said quietly. "She was like a mother to me, too."

She inhaled sharply and in a split second, she was off the couch and walking into the kitchen. She pulled open the refrigerator door and started scrounging through it, cursing under her breath. She didn't look up when she saw Jacob slowly near her out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't want to hear it, Jake." She muttered roughly.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Truce, ok? Let's just go back to finishing the movie, I'll even let you pick the next one…you want to watch a sappy chick flick, that's fine. I just…I don't want to fight with you and I don't want to hurt your feelings either. Can we please just forget I ever said anything?"

She sighed and bit her lip in thought. She slowly lifted her head from inside the refrigerator and met his eyes.

"Fine. Let's put in a different movie, I was getting tired of "Pirates" anyway."

She started walking back to the living room, with Jacob close on her heels, and perused through their vast collection of movies. So many to choose from but which would be the best to distract her from the things she had no desire to think about? Hmmm….

"How about 'Love Actually'?" She finally announced.

"'Love Actually' it is then." He agreed.

They sat back down on the couch and Bella tried to shake that strange feeling again. Sometimes, she got the oddest vibes from Jacob and she just couldn't place it. To make matters worse, she had no idea what had possessed him to talk about the one subject he knew was off limits. Truth be told, she knew every single one of her friends were worried about her but that didn't mean she had to talk about it just to appease them. In fact, the only time she had ever really discussed it at length with anyone had been Edward at Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, which had to have surprised him just as much as it had her. Still, it was off limits and everyone knew that.

But instead of bringing the night even lower than it already was, she decided to make an attempt to lighten the mood. After all, Jacob had been right. They had been having a great time until 'she who shall not be named' was brought up.

"You know," Bella began easily. "I've always thought the little boy's story was the best part of this whole movie."

Jacob nodded carefully, surprise reigning in his eyes at the sound of her voice.

"It's so sweet," she continued, the unsteadiness now shaken from her voice. "He just does everything he can think of to win over the girl of his dreams. It doesn't matter that he's eleven or twelve, I don't know how old he's supposed to be in this, but it doesn't matter that he's just a little kid. He's convinced he's in love and that's enough. He's willing to do whatever it takes…"

Jacob nodded again, his eyes staying focused on the screen. "I know what you mean. It would be nice if everything worked out that way in real life."

"Yeah, I heard that. I mean, look what the kid does for her. He is completely and totally obsessed with her getting her to notice him that he stops caring about anything else. He learns to play the drums for her…he really pulls out all the stops, you know? Man, I wish I had the guts to do something like that."

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged and kept watching the movie as she spoke. "Just to say, to hell with it, and consequences be damned and actually take a chance on something. To have the guts to put myself out there like that…I just don't think I have it in me to do something that would make me that…vulnerable."

Jacob nodded in quiet understanding. "I know what you mean. But it's a movie, right? People don't really do things like that in real life, though."

"No, but they should. Don't you think the world would be a more interesting place if they did? If every guy would go to those lengths for every unattainable girl…to put himself out there like that even though there's a good chance he could be completely shot down. I think I would pounce on the guy that did that for me, not like that'll ever happen though."

His brow furrowed again and he frowned. "What makes you say that? You have to know that you're worth…something like that."

"That's not it…I just think that…that kind of thing doesn't really exist in the real world. Guys don't really do that, at least from what I know of guys. Girls don't either. I think it has more to do with being afraid than anything else. The fear of rejection. The fear of making a fool of yourself. The fear of having a real, full life. You name it. It's there. I just wish it wasn't. Maybe my life would be more interesting, you know what I mean? A little passion, a little effort never hurt anyone. But it actually takes some balls, though, and so far, I haven't met anyone that actually possesses the balls to do it."

Jacob chuckled and shook his head. "Wow…you really are something, you know that?"

She smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, a girl's entitled to her own opinion."

He just laughed again. "Well, maybe you'll get lucky someday…"

"You know there are just so many ways to take that…"

He tossed a pillow at her and they went back to watching the movie, her slight rant now over. A few hours later, Bella awoke on Jacob's shoulder, the TV still on and the Christmas tree lights illuminating the entire room. She gently shook his shoulders and he woke with a start.

"Come on, Jake. It's almost 3 in the morning. I'm going to bed."

He nodded sleepily and rubbed his eyes tiredly as he stumbled up from the off the couch. She laughed quietly at him but immediately froze when she saw Edward's shoes and jacket sitting near the doorway. She hadn't heard him come home and she found herself sighing with relief because, on further inspection, it looked like he had actually come home alone for once.

She quickly hugged Jacob. "Night, Jake. And thanks for hanging out with me tonight."

"No prob." He mumbled hazily as he stumbled into his room.

She smiled softly as she walked into her room and settled into her nice warm bed for the night.


Several hours later, however, she tossed the covers off of her. She had been tossing and turning since she had turned her lights out. Ironically, it was too hot in her room now and she just couldn't get comfortable. Besides, she just hadn't felt completely right since her and Jacob had set up their Christmas tree. Sighing, she jumped off her bed and padded lightly over to her closet. She started rummaging through the boxes that cluttered her closet until she finally found the one she was looking for. It was the one that held all her precious memories and the one she had subsequently placed at the furthest regions of her closet. Without hesitation, she tossed the cover off the box because she feared she would lose the nerve if she waited a moment longer. With a tightly clenched jaw, she picked through the little mementos until she found the smaller box she was looking for.

With a deep breath, she got up and left her room.

Much to her surprise though, she wasn't the only one who had been having sleeping problems. As she crept out of her room, she heard the faint whisper of guitar strings. The closer she got, the clearer the notes became and she knew instinctively that it was something he had written, even though she had never heard it before.

"Hey." She called softly as she walked into the living room, where Edward was strewn out on the couch, guitar in hand.

He looked up swiftly at the sound of her voice and smiled gently. "Hey yourself."

"What are you doing up?"

He shrugged and quickly put his guitar on the floor. "Couldn't sleep I guess."

"Was that a new song?"

He ran a hand through his hair and it took him a moment to answer. "Uh…yeah, it was."

"Oh…well, can I hear it?"

He shook his head immediately. "It's not finished yet. But…when I'm done, I'll let you know."

She just shrugged and headed for the tree.

"What's that?"

She froze and gripped the box in her hand tighter. "What?"

He frowned and motioned with his head towards the box. "That box you've got there."

She swallowed nervously and bit her lip. "It's…uh…well, just come over here."

He frowned again but swung his legs over the side of the couch to stand up. Within seconds, he was at her side by the Christmas tree. She reached around the tree to plug in the lights and lit up the room with the white glow.

"You guys did a great job." Edward said cautiously, obviously not wanting to bring up the contents of the box until she was ready.

She nodded quietly and kneeled down to the ground. Edward followed suit and rested his hands on his knees, waiting patiently for her speak.

She slowly took the cover off the box and held it up for Edward to inspect. He reached out and gingerly picked up a glittering ornament. It was a pair of rhinestone ballet slippers which were engraved with "Isabella: 1998". He bit his lip as he held it gently in his hand. He looked up at her expectantly, already seeming to know what she was going to say before she even began to speak.

"Every year, my mom gave me an ornament. She said she wanted me to have a new Christmas memory each year and that the ornament represented that. So these are all the ornaments she has ever given me, all twenty-one of them."

He nodded slowly and wordlessly held out his hand. She took the ornament from him and carefully hung it on the tree above her.

"I didn't think I would be able to do it," she continued softly. "I thought it would be too painful to put all these ornaments up this year but then today, when Jake and I were putting up the tree, it just felt wrong not to do it."

He nodded again and watched her closely, his face etched with understanding and concern. "Do you want some help?"

She smiled. "I'd love that, actually."

He grinned widely as she set the box down in between them. Several minutes of silence passed then, with both of them just mutely taking an ornament out of the box and placing it carefully on the tree. When they were finished, Bella took a step back to survey their work.

"There," she whispered. "Now it's done."

"It's looks great." Edward agreed.

She turned to him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Do you think we'll ever be able to get over it?"

He inhaled slowly and exhaled just as slowly before finally answering her. "I don't know, Bella."

"I mean," she continued. "It has to get easier, right? The pain has to go away sometime, doesn't it?"

A knot formed in his stomach as he looked at her and he reached up to brush away the stray tear that had slipped down his cheek.

"I hope so," he murmured. "I really hope so."

She sighed and looked back up at the tree, the lights reflecting onto her face.

"Sometimes, I think I hate her as much as I hate him. But then, I start to hate myself because I feel guilty for being angry with her. She wasn't well…and I can't find a reason to fault her for that. And then, I think to myself, 'if you can't hate Mom for something she couldn't help, then you can't hate Dad either', but that doesn't make anything better. It just makes it worse. So I have to hate him, Edward, I have to because being angry with someone makes it hurt a little less and I can't hate her."

He nodded. "I know what you mean."

She nodded in return and shot him a quick smile, deciding a change of subject was in order. "So, I see you came home alone tonight. That must be a first for you in…God, I don't even know."

He rolled his eyes. "What difference does it make?"

She shrugged and started fixing one of the ornaments that had gotten twisted. "It doesn't. I was just making an observation."

There was silence as he carefully watched her continue to fix the ornaments. Finally, she couldn't take the silence and decided to go fishing.

"You know, it's probably none of my business but…you should probably think twice before you have sex in a public bathroom…you never know who could be in there with you or how clean it is for that matter."

He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ, you never quit, do you? Just when I thought we were finally starting to get along again…"

She turned sharply to face him. "Hey, I'm not the one who couldn't wait until he got home."

"Well, for your information, it's none of your business."

She scoffed and raised her eyebrows. "I was subjected to hearing it. I'd say it's my business to at least give you the lecture about responsible sex."

"Responsible sex?"

"Yeah, you know that kind that doesn't involve sex with a skanky whore who could have multiple communicable diseases in a dirty public bathroom in a club."

He shook his head. "Wow…when did you become so bitter?"

"When did you become such a man-whore?" She bit back.

There was more silence now as they stared each other down. Finally, Bella sighed and looked away.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to snap at you like that…not that you didn't deserve it."

His eyes rose to the ceiling and he sighed deeply. "You're right. I am a man-whore."

She bit back a laugh and shook her head, a few giggles escaping her.

"It's fine, you can laugh, Bella."

Her shoulders started shaking her laughter and she covered her mouth to muffle some of the sound so she didn't wake Jacob.

When her laughter was finally under control, she asked: "Seriously though, why do you do it? I mean, you could date any girl in this city if you wanted to but why would you rather just bring them back here for a night instead of having a real relationship with someone?"

He shrugged and looked back up at the ceiling as he spoke. "I honestly don't know."

"God, what a pair of pathetic jerks we make…"

His eyebrows rose as she continued. "I mean, you wouldn't know a how to be in a committed relationship if it kicked you in the balls, and then there's me, who's last date in almost a year slipped her a rufie…we're both absolutely pathetic."

His mouth dropped open slightly and then he doubled over with laughter.

"Seriously," she continued. "What's wrong with us? Why can't we be normal and be in normal relationships with people?"

He shrugged. "Well, we could always blame it on our parents. That seems like a good enough excuse. It's definitely believable."

She nodded quickly. "Absolutely. You know, I've never even been able to say 'I love you' to someone, especially not since…well, you know? I think some part of me just got stunted emotionally and I just fly off the handle at every little thing. Just earlier today, I completely went off at Jake when he tried to bring up my mom…I know he had the best of intentions and was just trying to help me but that didn't stop me from biting his head off about it. Why do I do that? Is it just some weird defense mechanism or something?"

He nodded in understanding. "I know exactly what you mean."

"How so?"

"Well, for starters, half the time, I don't have any interest in any of the girls I end up bringing home. I guess it's just become a habit that I don't know how to stop. I'm almost afraid of what will happen if I do."

"You came home alone tonight."

"Yeah…weird, right?"

She laughed. "You know, I'm still pretty upset with you about the whole fucking Jessica in a bathroom thing. It wasn't something I wanted to hear."

He nodded and chewed the inside of his cheek. "Well, I'm sorry about that."

"You should be."

"I'm surprised you're not screaming at me about it."

"Well, I figure I already gave you the cold shoulder about it. I did confront you about it already, in a backwards way, but anyways, I figure I should be the bigger person and just drop it, for now at least."

He smirked. "For now?"

"Sure."

He just laughed and rolled his eyes at her. "Women. I don't think I'll ever completely understand. You know…I seem to remember you promising me a big favor a few years ago."

She groaned a little too loudly and ran a hand over her face. "Please, let's not bring that up."

"No, no, no…did you think I would forget? I distinctly remember you promising me that you owed me a big favor whenever I wanted it…so now I'm using it. You are to forget the whole bathroom thing and never mention it to me again."

She shook her head and begrudgingly stuck out her hand. He smirked slyly as he took her hand and shook it firmly.

"There," he said. "I bet you thought I forgot all about that one…"

"That's not what I meant. Let's just say that my prom date ditching me less than an hour before the dance was not one of my proudest moments. Let alone the fact that you were forced to step in and save the day."

He shrugged good-naturedly. "I wasn't forced. No one was twisting my arm."

"Yeah, but I'm sure you had better things to do that night than stand-in for my dipshit of an absentee date. Besides, I distinctly remember you swearing off the dance and turning down at least five girls. You obviously didn't want to go."

"So? I didn't mind stepping in. You know I don't like it when you're upset and you were practically bawling your eyes out. I remember Alice was practically crying too, because you were screwing up her make-up job."

Bella rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. "She was upset for me, you jerk. Anyways, I can't remember if I ever said it, but I really appreciated what you did for me that night. It could have easily been one of the worst nights of my life but it wasn't, thanks to you."

He smiled gently and nodded. "Well, you're welcome, then."

She smiled back and yawned, stretching her arms over her head.

"You tired?" He asked.

She nodded and he motioned with his head towards her bedroom before taking her by the shoulders and pushing her lightly towards her room.

"Get to bed. It's almost past 4 now."

She rolled her eyes as she started walking to her room. "Aren't you going to bed, too?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. I'll see you in the morning…night."

She nodded and waved as she walked into her room. She settled back into her bed and pulled the covers back up around her. As she drifted to sleep, the sound of the guitar strings strumming and Edward's soft voice singing words she couldn't make out echoed throughout her room. She fell asleep with a smile on her face that night for the first time in months.

A/N--R/R please!! I want a Christmas present too!!


As a side note, I'm looking for a beta-reader if anyone's interested. I already tried finding one through all the beta readers on this site, but I haven't gotten a response from anyone. Basically, I'm just looking for someone that I can bounce ideas off of about the plot. I have a general outline but now I'm starting to rethink my original plan, especially with some of the reviews I've gotten and it would be nice to have someone to chat with about it. So if you're interested, let me know if your review or send me a PM. Thanks!!