Disclaimer: I do not own deathnote, I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams.
Better Summary & WARNINGS: "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight, character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one.
A/N: This is another very short chapter, and it probably has many errors. However I would like to say thank you to everyone who reviewed. To be completely honest I forgot I even updated that story and when I read your comments I couldn't help but laugh and smile and be thrilled. Thank you, all of you for reading. I hope you like this chapter, it's not very good, not as good as the last one (in my opinion). See… I think I have a problem, after so many pages or the fifth chapter, nothing comes to me. So be happy this is only a month difference. Enjoy! – with much love and big smiles, depressedchildren
Near and Matt were gone, and he was left at the orphanage. No matter how much he pleaded and argued with the headmaster, they wouldn't let him go. Near had offered to look after, to take in Raito on his eighteenth birthday, but he didn't want to work with or under Near. And to make matters worse, they wouldn't let Raito receive any information on the Kira Case, or the proceedings of the world. Did they think he couldn't handle the information? Did they think he would race off into the night and never come back, all to solve the case?
He was eleven now, and he grew almost two feet since he was five. He could pass off as a sixteen year old, if it wasn't for he remnants of baby fat. He was about five foot and a half, well that may be stretching it, but there are teenager boys that are five foot. He had gone to high school with at least ten of them. Also, he had the equivalent of a four year university education, yet they still wouldn't let him live on his own.
Which lead to him sneaking out every night, so he found a way to hack the security cameras, and he found a way to picklock every window and door, and a way to shut off the alarms, he wasn't breaking any laws or stealing; so it made it fine right? In the dark streets of London, Raito would find anything he could on the Kira case, or the standing of Kira. And to his horror there were nightclubs and shrines all dedicated to that mass murderer. He always felt his stomach churn when he passed by a pub where that name so akin to "killer" was chanted over and over.
But with each late night excursion he learned more and more about the fanatic supporters, the people trying exploit Kira's infamy and terror. For example the Sakura TV man, that phony bastard was everywhere, trying to build temples and get money from the idiots that supported that monster. Raito would shake his head at every bitter and choice word he had for Kira, after all it was petty and hypocritical. In another life with out that backstabbing rapist friend, he would have been the mastermind behind the killings, the hand writing down the names.
He was watching one show dedicated to Kira and a face stuck out to him. It was the face of a man he had seen before, a man that had been used in that twisted line of life where he was the sole creator of Kira. This current thread would follow that one to the dot, and he knew that he would crucial all over again. He did as much research as he could on the glasses wearing man and he was still the same perfect candidate.
As months passed and the frenzy over Kira swelled Raito began to feel hopeless. Perhaps he should give Near a few hints, maybe Near wouldn't doubt him. But how could he get in touch with that stoic boy? He planned everything he would say, the perfect ways to phrase things. He tried to gather as much evidence, and clues he could to support his knowledge, his knowing of what was to come. But no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't be enough. Near would probably just doubt him like everyone else.
"I want to speak with Near" he finally got it out and the old man behind that desk looked at him over his papers with an eyebrow raised. He shrugged assuming the least and began to arrange what he could, to get in contact with near, of course that was going to take months. And as the days dwindled by in complete darkness to what was happening, and most likely happening to his family, he was beginning to go a little mad. His perfect case and examples were slipping his mind even as he went over them and over them. Finally he was brought into a room, a soundproof room with a web chat open connected to Near. A gothic N was his logo and it made Raito's eye's sting as he thought about L.
"Yes Light?" he asked in a mechanical drone, which made his chest hurt even though he tried his best to block out the past it wasn't enough. He just wanted to forget L now, but it was so difficult. Anything evolving the Kira case would force him to think of the stoic man. "Light?" came the questioning drone again and Raito flushed, had he really been spacing out as he mourned over the only person he loved? He shook his head as Near began to speak again, "Light, I'm going to go back to work unless you start speaking," his voice was strained and tired. He was speaking to a child and to be frank it pissed Raito off.
"Have you looked at the Kira support shows and stuff?" Near made a signal of confirmation, "Well there is one man, he has classes, I want to say his name is Toro; he's on everyone that's up. I did some research on him, he has OCD, well from what I can tell. He does the same things over and over, he's about doing things habitually. I'd put money on Kira for using him as a…a user of the note,"
"I'll keep note, thank you Light, was that all you wanted to talk about?" there was a brief pause while Raito bit his tongue, should he say it? Dare he ask? Would any information even be given to him?
"How is the case going? Has Mello done something irrational, murderous, or endangering of someone's well being?" His heart seemed to stop beating as he waited for Near's answer. His breath was caught in his throat and his body was warming up in fear.
"He kidnapped Yagami Sayu," he stated calmly and Raito winced, he didn't want his sister to be harmed. But he should have expected as much. "From what I understand the taskforce is in America, and the new L is an idiot. I believe Mello has a Death Note, perhaps the one the taskforce had," Raito groaned.
"The new L is going to risk my" he stopped speaking the rest of the sentence continuing in his mind my father, "He's going to risk my…family," he repeated, "the task force was always so kind to mean. But I'm afraid Chief Yagami is going to die because of the new L. Near when you were conducting and extracting information on the Kira case…did you ever run by the name Itou Hisao?" he asked with a slight waver in his voice.
"Well…yes, he was accused of raping and murdering Yagami Raito…and held in custody for the possibility of being Kira. However he doesn't have the intelligence to be Kira,"
"But the intelligence to be this new L…what if…what if Raito was the brains?" he was getting to close, and his hear to was pounding loudly in his ears. Adrenaline began to pump through his body, heating his arms and chest. "W-what if Raito wanted out but Hisao…and that was why?" his voice began to take a pleading tone.
"Light, what exactly are you trying to say, you're hiding something," he state more than asked, like he always did. It was something L would do, state what he observed but order it like a question.
"You'll doubt me like everyone else," he whispered, perhaps too softly to be picked up by the mike. There was a good silence over the web chat. He heard the buzz of Near's intercom being pressed but the male didn't say anything and the electronic buzz hung between them.
"Light what exactly are you, were you?" he felt like he was going to die, was something believing him!? "I can't deny your resemblance to Yagami Raito, and from what I've heard from a member of the taskforce…you seemed to know more about the case than anyone could have. Not to mention the name coincidence," Raito chuckled, sure Near could hear him, his mike wasn't like an intercom after all.
"L never believed me…so would you then?" it was another murmur to himself but he took a deep breath, "I was Yagami Raito…please don't doubt me," his mouth made those words but the only sound that emitted from him was on his name. The connection died and Raito slowly closed his eyes before bowing his head and letting out the first of many sobs.
It was official, everyone doubted him.
He woke up in his stiff bed; the decorations in the room became blander with the years. Brass bed, oak work table, and oak desk; there were no other fixings in the room and it was all blinding white. He felt his forehead; it was feverish, mostly due to his dreams, dreams of L. He sat up and pinched the bridge of his nose, he had such a headache. Unlike his other dreams of L, which always left him panting and feeling ashamed, this one was haunting. It started out like most of his but…it changed.
"L!" he gasped as he lay writhing on his back, longing for contact. L was over him, his deep circles under his eyes making them more shocking. He moaned at the stare. His hands, reached out for his pale chest. It was the chest he saw from the Shinigami window when he was shown the different threads of fate. It was a chest with muscles rippling beneath pale unmarred skin. It was a chest with small indentations of muscle and masculine feel despite the man's overall lithe figure.
He felt lips on his neck searching for a place that would make him arch and gasp and squirm. Of course he found it within seconds, trailing the most gentle of kisses down his jaw line and neck. There was never any hickey making kisses on his neck, just these gentle light kisses that made his crazy. His legs spread apart and like in most fantasies L was inside him without pain or hesitation. It was a bliss he never experienced…at least enjoyable and he was tumbling out of his mind. But the dream changed L was over him in his usual clothes.
"I'm here Raito…I believe you," he whispered, he was so pale and ghostly. His long fingers brushed sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes. L's obsidian eyes were shinning with something, something indescribable. "I never doubted you Raito," his whisper was right at the boy's ear and he shivered, mewling softly and reaching toward him. "I love you too," and the faintest of all kisses was planted on his lips.
Raito tried to clear his foggy mind. The last part of his dream haunted him so much, it wasn't that it was frightening but something in it terrified him.It made his chest ache more than any time before. He clenched the sheets beneath him before slowly lying back down. He couldn't sleep anymore and so lay awake just like his first night, staring at the blinding white ceiling.
All the other children were screeching and jumping about as they grabbed their coats and lined up for the outing. It was the annual outing to this park which held some sort of festival, in other words, it was when they let all the little good boys and girls out of the asylum. "Now remember to stick with your partners!" he rolled his eyes at the false cheerfulness of the poor teacher in charge of organizing the whole operation, it was clear she was itching for a smoke and some vodka (or something equally strong if not stronger).
Raito was stuck with this girl; she was nine and clearly had a little girl crush on him. He contained his sigh as she practically hung off of him. One of fourteen year olds winked at him, he was adopted by the older kids, so to speak, since Near and Mello left. It was tradition that the older ones run off from the group and explore the place on their own. He was looking forward to anything that would get the girl off of him.
It was brisk out when the reached the park, but it was bright and the park was full of color. There were vendors with their eye catching signs and stalls lined up along the walkway and stationed at strategic places. It was all the same, the same games, the same prizes. He rolled his eyes as the girl dragged him all over the place. He stood back while she tried to when a blatantly rigged game.
"Hey, how are you holding up?" Raito scoffed at the teen next to him. The teen was twitching and his fingers were tapping rapidly against his leg. The kid he was partnered up with was also playing the game Raito's partner was.
"We just got here," and the teen sighed before laughing with Raito. "Anyways, think they can be stuck together and not tear their faces off?" he whispered and the teen nodded. The two little kids came back and looked excitedly up at the two "big kids" before them. "Hey we'll be going around the stalls with James, does that sound good?" he asked calmly but enthusiastically to get the little girl to dumbly agree. "Great, now where to?" he asked as she pointed dramatically toward a little puppet show that was beginning.
After a few more hours the two left the little kids, they seemed to be taking care of themselves just fine. In fact they were just the ghosts in the background while they raced around everywhere. The teen lead Raito to some wooded area and in a small clearing fifteen other teenagers were there. A few of them were necking and other's were smoking. James sighed in relief and took a cigarette from one of his friends, and once it was lighted and he took his first puff, he was clearly in euphoria.
Raito sat down in the soft cool grass, he watched and listened. He would laugh at the jokes he found funny and just enjoyed the lack of little kids. His eye's roamed around the clearing before drifting up to look among the trees. It was all green and shaded, making the area even colder, but it was nice. In the peace his eyes became heavy, and it may have also been from the smoke.
He knew he was going to reek of nicotine but what did that matter? However something made his heart stop. He gasped and stood up, perhaps a little too quickly, for his vision spotted out before coming back in. He sighed and sat back down, it must have been his imagination…but he could have sworn L was standing somewhere between the trees. He shuddered and told the other's he was going to head back.
He detoured of course, finding wooded areas that would most definitely length his return to the madness. It was nice and quite. He closed his eyes as he stood in a patch of light, it felt so wonderful. "Raito?" his eyes snapped open, that voice sounded just like L. Was he going mad? He spun around, his eyes searching the trees in a frenzy. Nothing. He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. It was getting dark now, it was going to rain. Now which way was the madness?
He closed his eyes and listened; he strained his hearing but heard nothing. Well he figured he might go right, that was the direction he was taken to meet up with the teens. After what felt like an eternity he found the grounds and there was absolutely no one. "Fuck" he sighed and went toward one of the stall venders. They left an hour ago. If they weren't back to find him yet, then…well they didn't notice his absence. It didn't really depress him so much as make him laugh.
To add on to his misfortune the rain began. He stared up at the grey clouds and laughed again. The rain was so beautiful, even if it was chilling him to the bone. Well might as well find a pub and grab something to eat. It was mid afternoon; he skipped lunch, and a half hour's walk away from Wammy's. He was going to take his sweet time.
A/N: So…what do you think? I just really want to get over all of the middle ground, growing up stuff. And I put in a little yaoi yumminess. I hope you liked it despite the length, grammar, spelling, and over all dullness. Please review, because they do encourage me to write! - all the warmest feelings I can muster, depressedchildren
