Dear Santa, I Can Explain…

A series of Holiday stories featuring Christmas letters the characters write to Santa trying to explain themselves before they end up with a lump of coal.

Warnings: Implied Bronze shipping, implied sex minor language (I say shit once)


Chapter 7 Malik and Marik

Dear Santa,

I can explain.

All of those things that Marik, Bakura, and I do?

I'm only there to try and stop them! But they don't listen to me! Instead they drag me along!

I tried to talk Marik out of drying that gerbil off in the microwave. But would he listen?

No.

All I could do was distract him long enough for the gerbil to get away. So instead Marik started drying the silverware in it when Ishizu asked us to do the dishes.

Needless to say, we need a new microwave. But that's not what I'm asking for!

I also tried to tell Bakura that Pegasus would be mad enough that he and Marik ripped his plush apart (and then had the nerve to blame me when Ishizu asked about that pink ear Marik kept as a souvenir) and that taking the silver wasn't a good idea but he wouldn't listen to me either!

And if someone tries to tell you that the robbery at Firework Emporium and those stuffed toys at Toys R Us that were blown up by some of the missing fireworks was my fault, they're lying.

I told Rishid that I had no idea where all those bottle rockets came from, or why they were in my sock drawer…

But I've been good Santa, and for Christmas I want fireworks (especially the ones that explode), fake vomit, stink bombs, smoke bombs, some of those sugar cubes with fake bugs in them, some of those ice cubes with fake bugs in them, exploding golf balls (the fact that my science professor plays golf is a total coincidence), exploding chewing gum, those cap things that make the gum explode, laxatives that dissolve in liquids, one of those packs of gum with a mousetrap in it, shit in a can, a remote control fart machine, a sneezing powder, itching powder, fake car scratches (that has nothing to do with Kaiba's new Farrari), various fake bugs, and a rubber chicken.

Actually, forget the car scratches.

Remember I'm the innocent one.

Malik

Marik was reading over his hikari's shoulder. "Do you really think he's going to buy all of that bull, Hikari-pretty?"

"I doubt it," Malik admitted, "but I'm not so bad that I'll get nothing, he might get me some of the more harmless stuff. After all, I did save the gerbil."

Marik pouted, "But you still lied, Malik, you didn't distract me, you bribed me with sex to return that little fur ball to the neighbor kid after I decided to see if they could swim."

Malik scowled, "Well, that did distract you. And the gerbil was saved so I get points for that. And if you're so honest, let's see your letter."

Marik shrugged and handed over the paper.

Old man,

I want my own microwave, various small, furry animals, various small, metal objects, and various flammable chemicals.

Oh and for the priest to get his head out of his ass.

Marik

Malik stared, and blinked. "Well," he said at length, "at least you're blunt and to the point."


A/N I couldn't think of a seperate chapter for Marik so he's put together with Malik. But I don't think he minds.