Sorry it's been so long my life is ridiculously crazy right now with the whole about to graduate high school thing but HERE.
Chapter 7
Dean wakes up Saturday morning tangled up in Castiel. It's weird because usually by the time Dean is conscious in the morning, Castiel is already gone. He's one of those early birds that Dean simultaneously admires and can't fathom the existence of. After a look at the clock tells Dean that it's almost noon, he has to wonder whether Castiel isn't just sleeping in for his benefit. He decides that that is probably the case, and he pulls Cas even closer with a contented sigh, trying not to think about how girly this is.
"Good morning," Castiel grunts. "Or should I say afternoon?"
"Nope, still morning," Dean says, grinning into the back of Castiel's neck. "How long have you been awake?"
"A while." They lay there for a little longer, savoring the sunlight and the feel of bare skin on bare skin. It's pleasant and easy and not sexual, though it could easily take a turn in that direction. But before either of them can decide they want it to, Dean jumps out of bed, cursing loudly.
"What is it?" Castiel asks, panicked, as Dean runs around the room scooping up his garments of clothing that have somehow been distributed fucking everywhere.
"Sam, I never told him I was leaving. What if he woke up and I wasn't there? What if he freaked out? What if he snuck out? Shit," he says, pulling on the pair of boxers he had found under the bed, not bothering to give much thought as to whether they were his or not.
"Dean, I'm sure Sam is fine."
"You're probably right. Still, I should get back ASAP." Castiel nods.
"And I should go see Sister Anna for… lunch, I suppose. I missed breakfast. For the first time in, well, ever. I hope she wasn't too upset." Fully clothed, Dean walks over to where Castiel is sitting in bed and gives him a lingering kiss on the forehead.
"She's a strong woman," Dean assures him. "See you later, Cas."
"Goodbye, Dean," he replies softly, and as Dean pulls away Castiel is gazing at him so intensely that Dean feels naked all over again, his messy hair poking out at all angles in a way that should look ridiculous but is actually sexy as hell. With another short kiss and what small amount of self-restraint he has left, Dean leaves.
Sam is lying in bed playing his DS when Dean gets back. The older brother gives a silent sigh of relief, then goes over to ruffle his brother's too-long hair. He can't help himself.
Sam pouts.
"Where were you?" he asks. It's merely curious and not at all accusatory. Dean keeps counting his blessings.
"Slept over with Cas," Dean explains. He goes into the bathroom and starts brushing his teeth because he seriously has the worst morning breath ever and is surprised Castiel managed to kiss him this morning without throwing up.
He wants this conversation to be over but the kid won't give it up.
"Why?" the younger Winchester calls through the open bathroom door. Dean spits a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink as he contemplates his answer.
"We wanted to watch another movie but you were asleep. We didn't wanna wake you."
"Uh huh," Sam says, sounding unconvinced. "That why you left your laptop here?"
Shit.
"Yeah, well, by the time I realized I didn't have my laptop we were already on the senior floor and we didn't really feel like going back and getting it because of all the stairs and it's really all the school's fault for not having a goddamn elevator."
"Dean when did you get so bad at lying?" Sam says as Dean walks back into the room. He's stopped playing his DS and is now staring hard at Dean's face like he's trying to figure something out. Comprehension spreads across his face and Dean's stomach clenches. He figures it's about time to tell Sam about Castiel anyway, but his heart won't stop pounding in his chest.
"You snuck off campus, didn't you? My friend Gabriel kept talking about this party last night. You two went, didn't you? I can't believe what a hypocrite-"
"Sam, we didn't sneak out," Dean assures him sincerely. Sam merely looks confused.
"Then what… there are only two things you would lie to me about, Dean. Sex and law-breaking. So unless you and Castiel are sleeping together…"
The look on Dean's face must tell all because Sam immediately stops talking and his jaw drops.
"No way."
"Sam,"
"You and-"
"Sam shut up."
"You're having… you're,"
"Still shut up," Dean says, eyes fixated on the carpet. Sam doesn't say anything after that and when Dean looks up his brother has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. "You know if you don't stop your face might freeze like that," Dean says. Sam ignores him.
"Wow," he says, smile still intact. "So how long have you-"
"Hey, are you hungry?" Dean cuts him off abruptly. "'Cause I'm feeling some lunch right about now. Let's go get lunch."
Sam doesn't talk any more about Castiel as the brothers eat their lunches. Dean does notice, however, that every single member of the senior class avoids him like the plague on their way to the cafeteria. He also notices that, once there, the entire senior class is glaring at him in absolute hatred over their grilled cheese sandwiches. It's different from when they laughed at him for being "gay." That had been a running joke and, even though it had been meant to hurt, they never really ever thought that he was. Now they know it, they'd heard definitive proof of it in the small hours of the morning through the paper-thin walls of the senior floor. And they hate him for it, are disgusted by it. And if the way they drop their eyes the second Dean looks up at them is any indication, they think it's contagious.
Only Gordon isn't afraid to look Dean in the eye. When he walks by the table occupied by Sam and Dean, he glares at Dean with revulsion so intense that it sends shivers down his spine and he has to look away.
Dean tries not to let it bother him. He's never cared before what anyone's thought of him. He holds his head high and tries hard to be proud of his newfound identity as not-totally-straight or whatever the hell he is, but it's hard when he knows his reputation will inevitably rub off on his little brother. Sam doesn't seem bothered by it though. He eats his lunch happily and quietly, stopping every now and then to look up at Dean and grin until the older brother punches him lightly on the shoulder.
He and Castiel don't go see a movie that night. Instead they sit in Castiel's dorm and watch Brokeback Mountain on Dean's laptop. Dean had first watched the movie begrudgingly with one of the girls he'd dated briefly. When the movie was over he'd acted like it grossed him out and that he hated it, but secretly he'd been holding back tears at the end.
This time, when the movie ends, he leans over to kiss Castiel only to find that the other boy is staring rigidly at the screen as the credits roll.
"Cas? You okay?" Dean asks, placing a gentle hand on the other boy's knee.
"Why did you show me this movie?" Castiel replies, shaken.
"You didn't like it?"
"I don't understand why it had to end like that. Couldn't they have found a way to be happy together? And… are there actually people who would kill someone for being gay like that? They were just in love, Ennis and Jack, they didn't do anything wrong. Why would anyone kill someone for that?"
"Cas, calm down, it's just a movie."
"But it's not though. That actually happens, doesn't it. You've seen the way the other boys look at us. They actually hate us, Dean. They're disgusted. What if they try to hurt us?"
Dean grips Castiel's shoulders tight and makes sure he looks him straight in the eye before speaking again.
"Listen to me. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, you got that? I'll kick anyone's ass who tries. No one's gonna hurt me either. I've got too much to live for. Plus, this isn't the 1960's. Gordon and them might be homophobic shit heads but I don't think even they would murder anyone. They're way too stupid to get away with it." Castiel seems to loosen up after that. He smiles weakly and lets Dean kiss him breathless.
"So Castiel, he's still planning on being a priest, then? Sam asks, late Sunday night, when he and Dean are laying silent in bed and waiting for sleep to catch them. The subject comes out of nowhere, and Dean realizes he doesn't know exactly how to answer.
"I'm not sure anymore," he says truthfully, not wanting to give away too much. "He was so sure, when I first met him, and now…" Dean trails off and Sam waits for him to continue. "I could never really picture it, Cas as a priest. But now I definitely can't. And he said he might be reconsidering. I don't know. Why are you asking, anyway?"
"Just wondering how you feel about the situation."
"How I feel about it?" Dean asks, confused. "What makes you think I give a rat's ass whether he becomes a priest or not?"
Dean can practically hear the smug smile in his brother's voice as he says, "Oh, nothing. Just an impression I've gotten."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You care about him. Like a lot. It's not just sex for you this time, is it?"
"Sammy go the fuck to sleep," Dean says, throwing a pillow at his brother's head. Sam laughs but doesn't say anything else on the subject. He doesn't need to.
It's Monday evening, and Dean and Castiel have been studying in the library for nearly three hours. It definitely breaks Dean's record for Most Time Spent in a Library Ever, but that might have more to do with the fact that he and Castiel have been playing footsie under the table than Dean would care to admit.
Dean almost doesn't believe it when his cell phone rings and John's name appears on the screen. He answers with a wary, "Hello?" knowing immediately that something must be up.
"Dean?" the tired voice on the other line says.
"The one and only."
"How ya doin, son?"
Dean huffs into the phone, annoyed.
"Listen dad, what do you want? You don't call for two months and now you dial me up on a Tuesday afternoon to ask how I'm doing? Just cut to the chase."
"Okay, fine," John says, hurt and obviously in no mood to argue. Dean almost feels bad. Almost. "I'm passing through the area and thought maybe you and Sam would like to have dinner, go see a movie. Wednesday night. I have some exciting news to share with you, Dean." That catches Dean off-guard. Dinner and a movie? Their dad values family bonding time about as much as he values trimming his toenails.
"Uh, sounds good, I guess. Hey dad?"
"Still here."
"How sure are you? You know, that you're coming? Because I need to know if I should bother to tell Sammy." There's a deep sigh from the other end.
"Dean, could you please not do this right now? I'm coming, alright? For sure. I'll see you tomorrow night."
Dean snaps the phone shut and slams it down on the table just in time for a nun to come and kick him out of the library for talking on it.
"What was that about?" Castiel asks him as the two leave the library together. It's cloudy outside, and the snow is melted, and everything is dull and wet.
"My dad," Dean says, kicking a pile of slush with the toe of his boot. "He's coming to visit tomorrow I guess. And he's taking me and Sam out to dinner and a movie?"
"What movie?" Cas asks, genuinely interested.
"Jesus, Castiel I don't know what- that is totally not even the point right now. My dad dumps us off at this holy shit hole and then practically disappears off the face of the planet only to come back two months later expecting everything to be all fine and dandy? Something's up, Cas. I don't like it."
"You think everything is a conspiracy," Castiel says fondly. He briefly squeezes Dean's icy hand with his own. When he drops it, it's too soon, but they're walking through a crowded patio and Dean really can't blame him for not wanting to cause any more talk. "Is it that hard to believe that your father might actually want to spend time with you?"
"Yes," Dean says matter-of-factly. Then they drop the subject, and Dean does his best over the next day and a half not to silently freak out about it.
But silently freaking out is what Dean does, and by the time Wednesday night rolls around he's concocted a thousand different reasons in his head for his dad's visit. What if John's found himself a new girl and has decided to marry her? What if he got a promotion and has to move to like Narnia or some shit? But somehow, the possibility that keeps circulating through Dean's head is that for whatever reason, he's pulling them out of school and moving them somewhere else. And Dean can't really take that possibility. Not after everything he's found here, things he's never had anywhere else and probably won't ever find again in a lifetime. Dean realizes for the first time with absolute clarity that he's happy at Our Lady of the Stars. Yeah it's too cold, and yeah, the nuns mostly suck, and there aren't any girls, and he has to sit through church multiple times every week. But Dean stopped caring about girls a long time ago, and he can learn to live with everything else.
Dean knows that whatever the outcome tonight, in a few short months he'll be graduating and he and Castiel will be expected to go their separate ways. But he's starting to think that maybe, if everything works out, it won't have to happen like that. If it's meant to be they'll find a way to stay together. Dean has to believe it at least halfheartedly, because right now the thought of leaving Cas is like a punch in the stomach.
John looks good, Dean has to admit. The dark bags that normally hang beneath his eyes are absent and he's clean-shaven and Dean thinks he even got a haircut in the past couple months. Dean will never admit any of this of course. He treats his father with a calm indifference that reveals neither his happiness at Our Lady of the Stars nor his firm belief that his father's decision to send them there had been the best one he's ever made.
In fact, Sam and Dean don't say a word almost the entire ride to the restaurant. John tries several times to make conversation, he really does. But it's forced and his efforts fall flat as Dean breathes in the familiar scent of the Impala, disturbed to find that he's missed the car more than he's missed John.
They pull up in front of a pizza restaurant Dean has eaten at several times with Castiel.
"Heard anything about this place?" John asks awkwardly as they get out of the car.
"Been here a few times," Dean answers with a shrug.
"You allowed to leave campus?"
"On weekends, yeah."
"That's cool," John says. Then he looks away and Dean tries to stop himself from screaming at how ridiculous this entire situation is. He knows John is trying to connect with his sons, as bad at it as he may be. But he doesn't know why, and the anticipation is killing him.
"So dad, I hope you don't mind me asking but, why did you bring us here?" Sam finally steps in after they sit down at their table. Dean could kiss him. "Dean said you wanted to talk to us about something."
"Patience. I'll tell you after we get our food." Sam huffs in response and rolls his eyes. John smiles at him fondly, like it's his first time seeing Sam's bitchface. It might be, for all the attention he pays. "So I got a call from the school last week saying you guys switched rooms and are now in the same dorm. Wanna tell me what that's all about?"
Sam and Dean exchange glances. Finally Sam steps in.
"Well my friend Ash—that's the guy I was rooming with before—just transferred out of the school, kind of without warning. We've been texting but he hasn't really given me a straight answer as to why he left."
It's not a complete lie.
"So you boys make any friends?"
"Dean has," Sam volunteers. "His name's Castiel. He and Dean are real close."
Dean shoots Sam a look he hopes John doesn't see and Sam grins brightly.
"That's good to hear," John says, blessedly oblivious. "What about you, Sammy?"
"I did have this one friend," Sam explains. "My old roommate. But he's gone. Now I'm hanging out with this kid named Gabriel."
"Oh yeah? What's he like?"
"He's cool I guess. He's annoying sometimes but I think he does it on purpose."
It's quiet for a while, and then Sam asks, "What about you, Dad? You making any… friends?"
"No, not many. You know how the job can be. Not much room for socializing." Or parenting, Dean barely manages to stop from blurting out. The rest of the conversation is forced until the food comes and the waiter leaves and they're all uncomfortably eating pizza. Then John gets excited.
"So Dean, what I brought you here to tell you, are you ready?" When Dean makes no indication of readiness John continues anyway. "After many years of working my way up the corporate ladder and making connections with the right people, I've managed to secure a job for you. Right out of high school, as soon as you graduate. You'll start off low of course, in a cubicle, but you'll get a pretty good starting salary and since you're joining the company so early, over the years you definitely will have the opportunity to work your way up. Maybe even past me some day!"
Dean waits for the information to sink in, staring at his father in disbelief. Whatever Dean had been expecting, it hadn't been this.
His immediate thought is that he doesn't want it. He doesn't want the job, never wanted it in the first place. He's simultaneously touched that his father went through the trouble of finding a job for him and annoyed at how presumptuous he's being. "You will start low," "You will have the opportunity to work your way up." He never asked if Dean wanted the job. He's never even asked Dean what he wants to be, whether he wants to go to college. All John does is assume that what John wants to happen is what everyone wants to happen, and ignore everything that doesn't fit into his little dream world.
"Dad, I… I'll definitely consider it," Dean finally manages to say.
"Consider it?" John asks, frowning. "What's there to consider? It's a top-notch job, you'll be making the kind of money college graduates make when they first start out. Plus, what other opportunities are there like this?"
"I just don't know that sales is the right career path for me, Dad."
"Now son, you're just being silly, I mean what else could you-"
"There're a lot of things I could do, Dad. I'm actually really good in my engineering class, and I know how to work with cars. I could work in a shop, maybe even get a degree. I'm just saying there's more I could do than what you've decided you want me to do. I don't want a job that's gonna require me to move around all the time, either. What if I want a relationship? A family?"
The look in John's eyes tells Dean that this is not going the way he had planned. Well, good. Serves him right.
"A relationship? Come on, Dean, when was the last time you dated a girl for more than a month?" Dean grips the table, trying to control his anger.
"Actually, Dad, I'm in a pretty fucking great relationship right now! Not that I'd expect you to know that. Or, you know, care."
That catches John by surprise, and he stares at Dean in disbelief for a few seconds before his expression softens and he says, "We'll talk about this later."
They decide to skip the movie. The ride back to the school is silent. As soon as John puts the car in park Dean is out the door and walking back to the dorms without a word.
