First of all, thank you for the reviews and alerts. It really helps knowing that people are reading.
Secondly, I know that Kurt might be acting a little OCC but he's still trying to understand that what he thought was true for seven years was not really true. This chapter might shed a little light on Kurt's feelings about himself after Blaine had told him he cheated...
Thirdly, I hate to say it but Kurt might still do a few things in this story that might seem a little off but happy endings guys, happy endings. I'm forever and always a Klainer! :)
Disclaimer: I dont own anything - unfortunately. :(
CHAPTER SEVEN
Blaine wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep. He was slightly confused when he woke up and found himself on the living room floor. The sun was just beginning to set so he knew it was late afternoon or early evening – no later than 6pm. When he felt the stiffness in his cheeks from the dried tear tracks, his memory rushed back in like a dam breaking. He and Kurt had made love. Sweet glorious love. But Kurt didn't view it as love making. He had seen it as simply fucking, nothing more. That broke Blaine's heart. Yes, during the course of their relationship they had fucked many times but there was always love attached. Always. Not anymore according to Kurt. Then Blaine remembered their fight and Kurt storming out.
Blaine's ringing cell phone pulled him out of his head. He really didn't want to talk to anyone. He wanted to crawl up in his bed and pull the covers over his head and stay there forever. But he knew he had to answer it. What if it was about Burt's case? What if it was Kurt? He practically lunged himself to the counter where his cell phone sat ringing. Nope, not Kurt. Trevor's name appeared on the caller ID.
"Hey Trevor. What's up?"
"Hey Blaine. Listen, I'm babysitting Carly this afternoon and she just adores you. How would you like to meet us at the Lima Bean for some coffee?"
"Trevor, you're bringing your three year old niece for coffee?" Blaine chuckled at this despite his mood.
"No, Blaine. I'm bringing myself for coffee and hopefully you. I'll get Carly a muffin or cookie and some milk. Come on Blaine. We haven't had a chance to catch up for a bit."
Blaine didn't take much time to decide. He really was grateful that he and Trevor had remained friends and he adored Carly just as much as Carly seemed to adore him. In fact, she was the catalyst to their discussion of starting a family. He didn't see it as anything negative though. He really believed that he and Trevor were best off as friends and Trevor agreed. Besides, how could he truly love anyone else when he never stopped loving Kurt? "Sure, I'll meet you guys there. Give me 20 minutes."
Blaine pulled up to the Lima Bean right at 6:30pm and saw that Trevor's car was already vacant in the parking lot. He was actually feeling better. Not necessarily about Kurt but he knew that staying holed up in his house was not a solution. And maybe he could pick Trevor's brain. Kurt said that if he had truly loved him then he would have fought for him. He didn't do that seven years ago but he was going to now. Just how he was going to go about doing that was the million dollar question.
Blaine had barely entered the coffee shop when a little girl had grabbed a hold of his leg joyfully screaming with excitement. Blaine bent down and picked her up into his arms. "Hello Carly! It is so good to see you! Quick, I need hugs!" Carly wrapped her little arms around his neck and squeezed as hard as a three year old could. "Uncle Blaine! Yay! You're finally here!" Although Blaine was not technically her uncle and he had split with Trevor several months ago, his heart filled hearing Carly refer to him as her uncle.
Blaine looked up and saw Trevor sitting at a table near the back of the Lima Bean, two cups of coffee sitting on the table as well as a glass of milk and three chocolate chip cookies, one of which was half eaten. As Blaine approached the table Trevor spoke up. "I went ahead and ordered for you. I assume that you still drink a medium drip. Oh, and sorry for the corner table. I didn't want the other customers annoyed with Carly's excitement. I knew she'd be a little loud when you showed up."
Blaine adjusted Carly from his hip to his lap as he sat down. "Yes, still same coffee order. Thanks." They sat listening to Carly go on and on about her pre-school, telling Blaine all about her friends. The entire time she sat nestled in Blaine's lap, even asking Trevor to hand her cookies to her as her little arms could not reach the other side of the table. Eventually one of the baristas came over and offered Carly a coloring book and some crayons and her attention was diverted enough to sit in her own seat and color for a bit. Allowing Blaine and Trevor a chance to talk.
"So Trevor…" Blaine began. "What's going on with you?" Blaine was anxious to get his opinion on the Kurt situation before but now, sitting in front of Trevor, he was having reservations. Was it wise to discuss the love of your life with your ex-boyfriend? Sure, he and Trevor ended their relationship on great terms and they were friends. But Blaine was so grateful for his friendship with Trevor that he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
Trevor was a mortgage broker. He and Blaine had met four years ago when Blaine was looking to buy a house. Blaine was still in law school at the time and really wasn't in the best position to buy a house but it was something that his father thought would make him look more mature. Mitchell Anderson was all about "keeping up with the Joneses" so he didn't want the community to think that his son was anything less so Blaine being a homeowner was a goal of his. It was not one of Blaine's goals at the time so he did not end up using Trevor to secure a mortgage. However, after a few months Trevor asked Blaine on a date. Blaine secretly reveled in his father's frustration that the man that was supposed to help Blaine buy a house had become his boyfriend. He and Trevor had shared many laughs over that. It was a little upsetting to Trevor at first when Mr. Anderson went from being so friendly to looking at him like he was something vile. "He obviously didn't know I was gay when he introduced us" Trevor used to say.
Trevor was going on about the economy causing quite a slow down on home purchases when he looked over and saw the blank expression on Blaine's face. "So after that, a big, green alien came into my office and asked about buying a townhouse for his alien babies."
"Oh, that's great Trevor."
"Blaine! I just told you that an alien wanted to buy a house. You are here in body but clearly not in mind. What the hell has you so distracted?"
"You're right. I'm sorry Trevor. It's just that…well…I guess I should start at the beginning." Blaine began to tell Trevor the entire story beginning with Burt hiring him and ending with Kurt's visit earlier that afternoon. He even included the real reason Kurt was mad at him. Blaine had told Trevor that he and Kurt had simply grown apart during Kurt's first year in New York. He never mentioned that he had lied to Kurt about sleeping with another man. They were interrupted several times by Carly's need for attention. Blaine was exhausted emotionally by the time he finished his story.
Trevor had never commented, just listened while Blaine spoke. Now that it was his turn to speak, he found himself speechless. He fumbled for a bit before Blaine broke the silence. "Oh God Trevor! I can only imagine what you must think of me. Yes, we're friends now but you're also my ex-boyfriend. I should never have unburdened myself on you. I am so grateful for our friendship and do not want to harm it in any way. I'm sorry, please forget I said anything."
"Blaine listen. Yes, we are ex-boyfriends but we are also friends. And I happen to think we work much better as friends so I am absolutely the person you should unburden yourself on. I am just a little shocked with you lying to Kurt. You're not a liar Blaine. But let's not dwell on that." Trevor saw Blaine's face fall and wanted to focus on the future, not the past. "I can tell that seeing him again has made you realize how deep your feelings for him really are."
"I still love him Trevor. I don't want to hurt you but I don't think I ever stopped loving him."
"You're gonna fight for him right?"
"I want to Trevor, I really do but…"
"But nothing Blaine. Kurt told you he wished you had fought for him back then right?" Blaine nodded. "Well then you need to fight for him now. Despite your hesitation I think Kurt told you that because subconsciously he wants you to fight for him now. His pride just won't allow him to admit that to you."
Blaine sighed. "Maybe you're right Trevor. This has been so hard for me. I never thought I'd ever see him again. Let alone have a glimmer of hope, even if it is the tiniest glimmer of hope ever! And thank you. Thank you for pointing out that our friendship is strong – and you're right. We are better off as friends."
Trevor reached across the table and grabbed Blaine's hands in his and said, "Blaine, we will always be friends. And if you need my help in anyway don't hesitate to ask me. Ever."
Blaine and Trevor were too caught up in their own conversation that they did not see Kurt enter the Lima Bean. But something pulled Kurt's eyes to the tiny table in the back corner. He was shocked beyond belief when he saw Blaine holding hands with another man. Just then a little girl, Kurt guessed was no more than three, snuggled up in Blaine's lap and grabbed his face with her tiny hands and planted a kiss square on his lips. Blaine laughed and kissed the little girl back on her forehead. At that point she obviously said something funny because the little group of three began laughing hysterically.
Kurt knew he should turn around and walk away. His day had already been crazy to say the least. Fucking Blaine had not been on his list of things to do today and after all was said and done he had walked out of his house determined to never lay eyes on him ever again. Apparently fate had other plans. Even though everything in Kurt screamed for him to walk out of the Lima Bean, his feet managed to drag him over to the table currently occupied by Blaine and another man and little girl that Blaine was clearly very comfortable with. Really though, was it any of Kurt's business who this man was? Kurt and Blaine had not been a couple for seven years. Blaine was free to date whoever he wanted. But Blaine had let Kurt fuck him just a few hours ago. Why would he do that if he had a boyfriend? Was Blaine really a cheater after all? No, that can't be true. Despite everything that Kurt and Blaine had gone through and all of the confusion there was not a single doubt in Kurt's mind that Blaine was not a cheater. Not now and not seven years ago. So who was this mystery man with the little girl?
Before he knew it, Kurt was standing next to Blaine's table. Before Blaine could notice Kurt's presence, Carly spoke up. "You're pretty" was all she said but was obviously enough for Blaine and Trevor to take notice of Kurt standing there. Having never met Kurt before Trevor began to apologize to the stranger for Carly's outspokenness. However before he could get the words out of his mouth, Blaine spoke up. "Kurt! Uh, what are you doing here?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing Blaine. Interesting that you seem to be enjoying a coffee date with your boyfriend and his daughter even though you let me fuck you hard into your mattress just a few hours ago." Kurt knew that was petty and low but it came out of his mouth before he could stop himself. And even though deep down Kurt knew Blaine was not a cheater he reasoned in his own head that on the off chance this was Blaine's boyfriend he deserved to know the truth before Blaine managed to shatter another heart.
Blaine was a little shell shocked for the moment so Trevor decided to speak. "You're obviously Kurt. My name is Trevor. I am not Blaine's boyfriend and this is not my daughter. This is my niece Carly. Blaine and I are friends." Trevor's tone was a little short. "I would appreciate you not using such foul language in front of my niece. She is only three years old and tends to repeat things."
Kurt blushed at his own behavior. "You are right. I apologize. I just saw you holding hands when I walked in and jumped to conclusions and assumed that you were gay. Again, I'm sorry."
"Oh I am gay" Trevor responded. "I'm just not Blaine's boyfriend." Trevor decided not to mention that he was Blaine's ex-boyfriend. He would leave that conversation to Blaine. "Anyway, I've got to get Carly home. Blaine, thanks for meeting us for coffee. Call me later, yeah?" Blaine nodded. "Kurt, you can take my seat. You and Blaine seem to have some things to discuss. Carly, say bye to Blaine." Carly's face scrunched up at the thought of saying goodbye to Blaine. She scrambled into his lap once more and snuggled her head under his chin. At that moment Kurt had a quick flash of Blaine as a father. He had no idea of the extent of his relationship with this little girl but clearly she loved him and Blaine obviously returned those feelings.
"Blainey Bear I don't want to say goodbye!" Carly's cute nickname for Blaine pulled Kurt from his thoughts. "Me either sweetie but how about this? How about I call your Uncle Trevor tomorrow and see if it would be ok for me to take you to lunch? Just you and me?" Blaine was pretending to whisper in Carly's ear but was speaking loud enough for Trevor to hear so he could secure permission from her parents tonight. Carly began bouncing in Blaine's lap with excitement. "Oh yes Blainey Bear! I would love that!" Kurt's heart swelled at this adorable interaction between this little girl and Blaine. Yes, Blaine would make an excellent father one day.
Trevor said a polite goodbye to Kurt and then left with Carly trailing behind him. Kurt stood there awkwardly for a moment before Blaine asked him to join him. Kurt realized that he had never bought his coffee and excused himself telling Blaine he'd be right back. Although not long ago Kurt had not wanted to see Blaine ever again, his heart was telling him to just have this one cup of coffee with him. Besides, Kurt always seemed to be storming out. Wasn't it better to end things on a good note rather than him storming out of Blaine's house?
While Kurt was ordering his coffee Blaine decided it would be best to be honest with Kurt. To tell him who Trevor was and what they had been discussing. Blaine had been honest with Kurt since his return to Lima a few days ago. He was not turning back now.
Kurt returned to the seat across from Blaine a few moments later. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Kurt had no idea what to say. The only reason he was even sitting at this table was because he saw Blaine holding hands with this mystery man Trevor. Kurt decided to start there. "So, your friend Trevor. He seems nice. Carly seems adorable and she is really quite smitten with you."
Blaine decided to be honest with Kurt about the extent of his relationship with Trevor and why Carly loved him so much. "Listen Kurt, your visit back to Lima has seemed to turn into the honesty tour for me so I'm going to continue on that path." Kurt simply stared at Blaine so he took that as his cue to continue. "Trevor is actually my ex-boyfriend." There was a small shift in Kurt's eyes but he still said nothing. "What Trevor said was true though. We are just friends. And I mean that. There is absolutely zero romantic interest between us anymore. On either side, not from me and not from him."
Kurt processed this for a moment and then asked "So how long have you been broken up?"
"Uh about six months." Blaine responded.
"So how long were you together then?"
Blaine knew this would be a little more difficult to take. In reality he and Trevor had been together for three years while he and Kurt had only been together for a year and a half. But honesty right? "We were together for three years."
"Wow, three years huh? That's twice as long as you and I were together." Kurt was a little shocked. Here Blaine was, confessing he still loved him mere hours ago while they have been apart for seven years. Seven years! Yet he is just six months out of a three year relationship with someone else.
"Kurt, I know what you're thinking. But my relationship with Trevor was mainly out of convenience. Yes, we were attracted to each other when we first met, and yes, the first year or so was really good but then things began to shift in our relationship. I think we were mainly staying together because neither one of us wanted to be alone. Our relationship began to feel more like a friendship than anything else. Then Carly came along. Kurt, you can see how adorable she is. She's Trevor's sister Anna's daughter."
Kurt found himself wondering what Carly had to do with his. Yes, she was absolutely adorable. In fact, she was one of the most adorable little girls that Kurt had ever seen. He hoped that one day if he ever had a daughter that she would be just as cute. Although he always pictured a little girl with Blaine's curls. Blaine's curls? No! He could not be thinking about that. Focus Kurt he told himself.
Blaine continued speaking despite the unfamiliar look on Kurt's face. "Trevor obviously fell in love with his niece immediately. I did too. She is the cutest kid and she was always so well behaved as a baby too. Trevor and I used to babysit a lot for Carly. Naturally, one thing lead to another and the discussion of family came up. We quickly realized that we could not picture starting a family together even though we both wanted one. One night we took a long hard look at our relationship and decided that we should part. And so we did. Because our breakup was so amicable we have been able to remain friends. I am so grateful for our friendship so I am not going to apologize for it."
Kurt was silent for a moment. "Blaine I'm not going to ask you to apologize for your friends. You're entitled to be friends with whomever you wish but how could you stand there earlier today and tell me you still love me when you haven't even seen me in seven years? Your ex-boyfriend, who, I assume, you see quite often is someone you were with for three years. Three years Blaine! And you're only six months removed from that. Were weren't even together for two years and we are seven years removed. Seven years."
"It's not hard for me to hear my heart Kurt. It might be heard to listen to it but it's not hard to hear it. It was always telling me that what I did was wrong but my head, and my father, was telling me that I was doing what was best for you. Again, it was hard to listen to my heart. But when I tell you that I never stopped loving you I mean it. My discussion with Trevor was very eye-opening for me. I always found myself picturing little girls with your bright blue eyes…"
"I'd want her to have your beautiful curls." The words were out of Kurt's mouth before he could take them back.
Blaine stared at Kurt for a moment before very carefully saying "You've thought about us having a child together?"
Kurt cleared his throat. "I used to. I haven't had that dream for a very long time, Blaine."
They were both quiet for a while. Finally Blaine broke the silence. "Look Kurt. I know you don't trust me. I get it that it's hard for you to believe me when I say I still love you. I think deep down I knew it would never work with Trevor and I because of my never ending love for you. I was settling for Trevor and I think he was settling for me. That great epic love was never there for us. You and I had that epic love and I want to get that back. We're bent but not broken. We can learn to love again.
"That's where you're wrong Blaine. We are broken. You did that to us when you lied to me about something so huge. I still have a hard time processing that you never cheated on me. The funny thing is, I should be happy about the fact that you're not a cheater but that doesn't erase the past seven years of me thinking you were someone that was vile. Someone that was this horrible person. Do you realize what that did to me? You left me thinking that I was someone not worthy of love, someone that was not sexy, or attractive, someone that was destined to be alone forever because I'm so unlovable. Because you'd rather be with someone else. You crushed my self esteem, Blaine. Crushed it."
"Kurt, I'm so sorry that I ever made you feel that way. You are so lovable. You are funny and smart and witty and clever and beautiful and, God Kurt, you are so sexy. So unbelievably sexy. I don't want you to ever again think that you are unlovable. I do love you. I always have. I just wish I could take everything back and it breaks my heart that I can't and that you don't believe me."
Kurt stood up. "I'm glad your heart is broken. After what you put me through you deserve it. Look, I can't do this with you anymore. I've got to go. I've got to be away from you. I'm heading back to New York. Good luck with my dad's case. I really hope you win it for him and then we can cut the Hummel/Anderson ties for good."
Blaine stood up quickly. "I know you still have feelings for me Kurt. I feel it in my bones and I felt it this afternoon while we were together. I'm not giving up. You told me you wished I had fought for you, for us, back then. Well I'm fighting now. And I think deep down you want me to."
Kurt turned back to face him. "Don't." With that single word, he walked out door.
Kurt drove back to his father's house in silence, without even the radio to calm his thoughts. Was Blaine right? Did he really want Blaine fighting for him deep down? Kurt realized one thing though…his feelings for Blaine were starting to resurface. Somewhere there had been a shift and Kurt found himself not hating Blaine quite as much anymore. When did that shift occur? When Rachel told him Burt had hired Blaine? When Kurt first heard Blaine's voice on the telephone? When Kurt laid eyes on him for the first time in seven years? Or was it when Kurt felt Blaine's lips against his, when Kurt felt their bodies coming together? Maybe it had been when Blaine confessed he still loved him. The truth is, Kurt didn't know when that shift began but it had and it scared the shit out of him. He could not let Blaine back in. He still couldn't trust Blaine and trust was vital to any form of relationship, romantic or platonic. Huh, platonic. Did Kurt want a platonic relationship with Blaine? Could they be friends? No, Kurt realized. It would only lead to heartbreak. Despite all of the good times they shared before Kurt moved to New York, the majority of the time Kurt knew that Blaine existed had left Kurt heartbroken over Blaine. Kurt refused to let that happen. Besides, even though Blaine said he was going to fight for him it didn't matter. Kurt lived in New York and Blaine lived in Ohio. Nothing would ever work for them again. Game, set, match in Kurt's favor.
Kurt pulled into the driveway realizing that he'd been gone for most of the day. He knew his dad would ask where he'd been. He had no intention of telling him that he'd spent part of the afternoon fucking Blaine. Nope, not a detail that Burt needed to hear.
"What's up kiddo? Where have you been all day?" Burt was sitting in his recliner reading the paper.
"Hey dad. Um, actually I spent some time with Blaine."
"Really? So, how'd that go?" Burt wasn't sure what he hoped for. He knew Blaine had turned out to be a pretty decent young man. Re-sparking their relationship seemed unlikely with where they lived and all but maybe a friendship could be born. Truth was, Burt kind of missed having Blaine around despite all of the years that had passed. Knowing that Blaine had not cheated on Kurt made it easier. Sure, Blaine broke Kurt's heart and Burt hated that but there was a part of him that could understand what an immature 18 year old Blaine was thinking back then. He even understood it more once Burt had spoken with Blaine's father and got a sense of who he was. Burt felt bad that Blaine's father was so unsupportive despite all that Blaine had done to try to prove himself. Just because the kid was gay. Burt sighed internally.
"Uh, well it was hard, Dad. Hard. I know I should be happy that he never cheated on me but that trust is gone. I don't trust him. And I just can't have any kind of relationship, platonic or otherwise, with someone that I don't trust. Besides, what does it matter? I live in New York and he lives here so that's that. I'm glad he's helping you with this lawsuit, Dad. I really am but I need to cut myself off."
"Cut yourself off? What does that mean exactly Kurt?"
"Just what it sounds like Dad. Coming here for you was the right thing to do but I should never have met with Blaine. I was doing fine before this and I'll do fine once I get back to New York. Which, by the way, I've decided to head back in the morning."
"You think you've been doing fine Kurt? You haven't had a relationship that lasted more than a year since you and Blaine broke up. Look, it's not my place to tell you who to love but you can't continue to cut yourself off from loving someone. If you continue to live your life alone you'll end up alone. Not that this is any comparison but when I lost your mother I wanted to cut myself off from the world but if I'd done that I would never have met Carole and I am so grateful for her."
"You're right Dad. You losing mom is nothing like what happened between me and Blaine. Besides, I'm not going to crawl into a hole. I'm going back to New York and I'm going to finish my portfolio and meet with Ms. Spenser and achieve my dream of being a designer in one of the top fashion houses in the world."
Burt looked at his son and sighed. "I really hope you make it Kurt. I really hope that you're right. But I'm afraid that famous people wearing your clothes will not keep you warm at night. I just don't want you to wake up one day, finding yourself my age and realizing what a mistake you've made. I don't want you to have any regrets."
"Right now, my only regret is seeing Blaine again. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some packing to do. I'm going to call the airline and get a morning flight. I'm sorry I'm leaving a few days early but I miss Rachel and I'm gaining some inspiration so the sooner I get back to my apartment, the better."
Kurt hated lying to his father. Well, mostly lying. He did miss Rachel…including her crazy. But his designer's block had not gone away and he needed to get away from the same zip code as Blaine. He really did not want to admit it to himself but he did feel a pull towards Blaine. And he hated that. Kurt ran upstairs and called the airline to change his flight. He was not happy to hear that there were not any seats available on any flights to New York tomorrow. Ok, the day after tomorrow would work he supposed. What's one more day in Ohio?
So maybe we're understanding Kurt a little more, maybe? As someone who's been cheated on, your self-esteem really does take a hit. You think that you've done something wrong, that the relationship wasn't enough for the other person because you weren't enough. Kurt felt that way for seven years. And to suddenly find out that what you thought was true really wasn't...well it's hard to come to terms with that. So yes, Kurt is angry and he's directing that anger at Blaine.
Again, thank you to everyone that has reviewed and alerted...they make me smile. Although don't review if you're gonna be mean...constructive critism I can take but name calling is just plain mean. This is my first attempt at writing fanfic so reviews make me happy and want to continue. :)
Next chapter should be up tomorrow morning. It's written...just gotta proof read it. :)
